photographic evidence Archives - Page 2 of 2

Aug 12, 2011

BlogHer Recap: The Good, The Bad and The Bob

So I’m back from BlogHer. It was a crazy whirlwind of five days, and during that time I can admit to a lot of eating and drinking. I never eat a lot at individual meals at BlogHer, but I do snack and drink my way through the entire conference. I mean, who can resist this:

Yum. Hershey’s s’mores. I could have spent all day in there.

As for drinking, I scaled it way back this year. I mean, I did have several alcoholic drinks, but at the end of the weekend I’d only used three of my drink tickets, and one of those was for a Diet Coke. San Diego is very fond of the margarita, but tequila is not my alcohol of choice. It wasn’t until the CheeseburgHer party that I found someone who could make a good vodka mixed drink.

Yet for all of my “sinful” eating, when I stepped on the scale the morning after arriving home, I was greeted with the same number that I left with: 167.

While I missed out on the workouts at BlogHer, I did get more than enough walking in. The blister band aids on my feet will attest to that. And I tore up the dance floor at the CheeseburgHer party – that had to be enough exercise to counter the McDonald’s cheeseburger and small fries that I inhaled.

But the best moment of the weekend for my little fitness heart came from having breakfast with Bob Harper. (If you’re drawing a blank, he’s one of the trainers from The Biggest Loser.) He had a workout earlier in the morning that filled up before I could claim a spot, but I did get registered for the breakfast Q&A session.

Kari, Laura and I got there early and quickly scoped out the best seats. We claimed the center front table, making sure we had prime position to see Bob and hopefully get noticed when it came time for questions. After a quick intro speech from Bob, he sat down in a chair less than five feet away and was ready to answer some of our questions.

Laura went first and asked about how to time your eating when you have a third shift schedule. (It’s like she read my mind!) He discussed making sure you eat regularly with a solid mix of carbs, protein and fat.

As soon as he started to wrap up his answer, my hand shot up again. Normally I’m shy about asking questions in a session, but when I’ve got an expert like Bob in front of me, I’m not going to miss my chance!

Kari was far smarter than me and recorded the entire thing (you may need to crank your volume way up to hear it):

OK, so he berated me for my choice of words. For the record, YES, I’m happy that I’ve lost 80 pounds. When I think about how much I used to weigh, and how heavy and weak I felt all the time, I’m thrilled that I will never have to endure that again.

However, my goal weight is so close I can nearly touch it. No longer a vague number way out on the edge of the horizon, it now has shape and substance to it. I can imagine what I’ll look like at my goal weight, and I like the idea. So yeah, I’m happy with 80 pounds lost. But I’ll be even happier when I reach my goal weight.

Sadly, I didn’t take many full-length photos of myself during my time at BlogHer, and I don’t remember finding myself in front of many camera lenses, either. I did receive lots of compliments on how good I looked and – being completely honest and vain at the moment – I ate those comments up like fine chocolates. It felt good to receive that outside validation of my hard work.

Fine lookin’ group here (photo courtesy of Melisa)

I think Elmo is checking me out…

I’m 80 pounds away from the time I stepped on the scale after graduating college and saw myself at nearly 250 pounds. I like the course I’m on, even if I’m not getting there as quickly as I’d like.

I remarked to a friend that I’ve been one dress size smaller at each BlogHer since my first in 2006. She joked that the trend can’t continue or I’ll disappear. True, but I’m hoping that next year will be my triumph, when I declare my weight loss complete at BlogHer 12.

And then will begin what Bob told us was the hardest part of the journey: maintaining the loss.

Filed Under: motivation, photographic evidence, success · Tagged: goals

Jun 28, 2011

Looking In The Mirror

By Christina ·

When I weighed 40+ pounds more than I do now, fashion usually meant disguising my body to hide all of the lumps and bumps. I didn’t like how I looked and so I never put a lot of thought into what I wore, other than does this hide as much as possible? Loose clothing, baggy t-shirts, stretch denim – the less skin visible, the better.

Now that I’m within 10 pounds of the “normal” BMI range (wow, does THAT feel weird to say!), I’m trying to re-evaluate what I wear. I know I need to dress better, in both home and work settings.

When I come to work during the day for meetings, I’m expected to wear business wear. I see my peers dressed in beautiful tops and either fitted pants or skirts, and I envy them for looking so good. I have yet to purchase a button-down top because I worry that when I sit down the buttons will bulge from my belly sticking out. And skirts are completely a no-go – I can’t imagine letting my coworkers see my bare tree-trunk legs.

Here’s the real problem: I still have a disconnect between my eyes and my brain. I look in the mirror and all I see is fat. A lifetime of criticism from those close to me has left me incapable of seeing myself as anything other than a fat girl. I keep telling myself that it’s not so bad and I used to be so much heavier, but my brain still interprets it as jiggly upper arms, big belly and thunder thighs.

I still feel my 5th grade teacher poking my belly and saying I’d better have a growth spurt soon with a belly that big. I still remember kids teasing me for my large thighs at the 8th grade pool party. I remember a family member telling me I should focus on losing weight rather than going to grad school, as losing weight was more likely to help me find a spouse someday.

I’m haunted by even darker moments from earlier in childhood, moments that remain buried deep in my memory, but I now realize were likely contributors to my desire to hide myself from the world with a layer of fat.

I’m working against a lifetime of psychological abuse. I’ve distanced myself from the worst offenders, but it was too late – my subconscious adopted the worst of their weapons and wages war on my psyche daily. I didn’t get fat because I lost track of how many doughnuts I was eating – I mean, I DO love food, but food addiction alone can’t explain why I’m unable to visualize myself at a healthy weight.

But progress comes in small doses, and I’ve already shown a lot of progress to lose nearly 50 pounds in a few years. The internal sabotage clearly isn’t as strong as it used to be, and while I may never be able to completely silence the negative self-talk, I can work on tuning it out.

Last weekend we attended ComFest, and while there I suddenly felt the urge to buy one of the dresses I saw so many others wearing. Aaron encouraged me, and so I did buy it and wear it around the festival all day. (Although with denim capris – I didn’t have any shorts with me, and it was too short to wear without something underneath.)

I still don’t like what I see, but I’m willing to concede that it’s getting better. After all, I spent an entire day wearing a dress with my full arms and shoulders bared, no support garments underneath, and didn’t feel all that awkward.

Filed Under: photographic evidence · Tagged: goals, mountains to conquer

May 9, 2011

In the Details

By Christina ·

OK, so it’s obvious that my plateau has me feeling a little down lately. More than a little down, really. I step on the scale and curse the number. I look in the mirror and wonder why my stomach isn’t flatter, why my hips are still so large, and why I still have the lumpy saddlebags hanging off the sides of my legs.

I know the self-hate does me no good. It provides no motivation. It zaps my energy. It only tears me down when I should be working towards building my self-esteem up.

So I take a deep breath. And then I look a little closer in the mirror.

My upper arms have definition when I flex them now. I can see the smooth contour of my bicep forming a small hill along my upper arm. And even with the floppy skin underneath, it’s obvious that my arms are smaller than they once were.

I need to have my wedding ring re-sized because it’s now loose enough that I worry about it slipping off when I’m not noticing.

My face looks thinner compared to the photo on my work ID badge. That photo was taken a year ago.

I’m wearing one size smaller in my favorite Lee jeans. My old “tight” jeans have become my “loose” jeans. XL shirts now look ridiculous on me.

I no longer have those bulges above or right below my bra strap. (You know, that icky back fat.)

I can go up a few flights of stairs without getting winded.

There are so many positive changes happening in me. Sometimes I need to remember to look beyond the total image and instead focus on the small details.

And if I still need something more dramatic, there’s always this: