Celebrating With A Run (& A Giveaway!)

Since walking the runway in the BlogHer fashion show, I’ve been feeling pretty good about myself. I did gain a little bit of weight back while in NYC, but most of it was water weight and returning to the Slim-Fast plan helped it disappear just as fast.

Last week my family had the chance to take a mini-vacation, and so we spent two days at Lake Erie, with one day at Cedar Point and the other at Put-in-Bay. During that time I ate freely and enjoyed all of the fun of carnival food and fine island seafood. And yes, I even wore a bathing suit at one point! It felt great to walk around in a (non-skirted) bathing suit without feeling the need to keep a towel wrapped around me.

On Saturday we were home again (and exhausted!) and my eating habits dropped into lazy teenager: fast food and sweets. I knew it was going to be temporary, though, and by Sunday morning I was ready to jump right back into the Slim-Fast plan again. It’s really true: eating excessive amounts of junk after eating well for a long period of time does make you feel awful.

Sunday was also the day Aaron and I had signed up for the Color Me Rad 5K. If you’ve never done one of these 5K races, allow me to explain. This is a “fun run” and while everyone gets a race bib, it’s not timed and there are no prizes for coming in first. You start the run in a plain white t-shirt, and along the way you get color bombed. There are color stations set up along the route, where volunteers throw brightly dyed cornstarch at you. By the end of the run, you look like you were hit by a rainbow tornado!

It’s been months since I trained for a 5K, but I was still excited to do this run. I knew that I wasn’t going to run the entire distance, but I also knew I was going to try my hardest. This was also the lowest weight I’ve ever been at to run a race, so I expected the pride of my accomplishment to carry me through to the end.

I started the morning off with a Slim-Fast Chocolate Royale to fuel up before the race. It was just enough to give me plenty of energy without sitting heavy in my stomach. As we ran, I thought of how far I’ve come, and how much harder this would have been when I weighed 245 lbs.

Reaching each color station, I laughed and threw my arms in the air as volunteers tossed colored powder on me and I ran through the brightly dyed clouds, knowing there was a time when I may not have even reached those points in the race.

 I’m on the left wearing black capris in the front line

And at the end, I was a sweaty mess. A brightly colored, sweaty mess. It was totally worth it.

Did I run the whole thing? Nope. Did I run more than I walked? Yes. Am I proud that I did it? Absolutely. It was another reminder of how far I’ve come, and how even as I hover at my goal weight I can’t stop the fight. One or two days of unrestrained eating probably won’t do a lot of harm, but I have to always be careful that those one or two days don’t become four or five days or more.

I’m sticking with Slim-Fast for now because it’s a tasty way to remind me about portion control and keep my calories in check. The shakes and meal bars are filling, high in protein, and there are SO many different flavors to keep you happy!

Even maintaining a certain weight takes work, and Slim-Fast can help me with that, too. Once I decide I’m done with losing weight, I’ll likely continue to have a Slim-Fast shake in the morning (because it’s an easy breakfast when I’m frantically getting the kids ready and out the door) and then rely on the Slim-Fast snack bars for the occasional on-the-go snack. Having filling, lower-calorie options available to me in the fridge and in my purse will be the best defense against weight creeping back on.

Giveaway!

Ready for your own WOW moment? Enter to win one of THREE Slim-Fast “Summer of WOW!” Swag Bags. The bags have everything you’ll need to turn heads on the beach, including a $20 gift card to a top department store to add to your WOW! wardrobe, a bright beach tote, a premium infuser water bottle and a sampling of Slim-Fast products designed to help you look your best before you hit the beach.

No, really, WOW!

To enter, just follow the Rafflecopter instructions below. Two winners will be chosen after the giveaway closes on Wednesday, August 29.

Good luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Disclosure: This post was created in connection with my appointment as an Ambassador in the Slim-Fast® Summer Slim-Down Challenge. Visit www.facebook.com/slimfast to join the conversation.



Strutting My Stuff In NYC

Last week I spent four fantastic days in New York City for BlogHer ’12. I was completely thrilled to go, looking forward to visiting with old friends, meeting new ones, and participating in the first BlogHer Fashion Show.

This is quite possibly the first conference I’ve been to where I was excited about every outfit in my suitcase. I had a dress for every night, and cute tops with Lee jeans for the day. Lee sent me a pair of the newest Fall denim to wear to BlogHer before it was available for purchase. (Ivy Slender Secret bootcut, in case you’re curious. I haven’t seen them on the Lee website yet, but trust me, they’re gorgeous. You’ll want to check out these jeans and see if they make your butt look as good as they did mine.)

And? I rocked those jeans.

Mirror shot while waiting for the elevator.

It sounds shallow, I know, but it felt like such a victory when anyone told me how good I looked. The self-esteem boost was tremendous. I felt more confident and happy, which in turn probably helped me look even better. It’s the vicious circle in reverse: feel good, project happiness, glow with beauty, which then makes you feel good. Much better than the hate yourself, project negativity, mask any inner beauty, which then makes you hate yourself even more.

I apparently suck when it comes to taking photos of myself in my clothing, so I can’t show off all the dresses I wore. Here’s me in Times Square one evening. This dress is a size eight, and was almost too big in the top.

I need to track down photos from others that I might be in. And then of course there was the BlogHer Fashion Show. I can’t fully describe how awesome of an experience it was. Well, I guess I took a stab at describing it over here. It was the cherry on the top of hitting my goal weight!

Soaking in the moment, blogger style: taking a photo on the runway!
Photo credit: Leslie Fandrich

I was still trying to make good choices food-wise, but of course I was in New York and had a world of food in front of me. On Wednesday I wished I had brought some Slim-Fast snack bars with me, just to have a good snack around when I needed it.

Slim-Fast answered my wishes, however, by sending me a large box of snack and meal bars (plus coupons) to hand out to friends on Friday. I kept one box of Chocolate Nougat Gone Nuts and one Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough bar for myself (and oh how I needed those at the airport on Sunday!) but shared the other boxes and coupons with friends and other bloggers.

Otherwise, I ate a little bit of conference food here and there, pizza and Chinese food for a couple of dinners, and of course had to have a cheeseburger at the CheeseburgHer party on Saturday night.

I didn’t drink enough water, and by the time I arrived home on Sunday, it was obvious. My pants were tight and I felt uncomfortable. So for the past week I avoided the scale, focused on drinking plenty of water and went right back to the Slim-Fast plan. It took about five days to reverse the bloat, but now my pants are already loose again and this weekend’s scale check has me at 159.2. Slightly higher than before BlogHer, but within a margin of error for weight fluctuation.

I should also add that one of the things I love about BlogHer is that there are so many women of all types represented. While losing weight and getting healthier is important to me, I wouldn’t have been treated any differently had I weighed 50 pounds more. Or 100 pounds more.

Some of the folks who hugged and chatted with me this year at BlogHer 2012 are the same folks who welcomed and befriended me at BlogHer 2006, when I weighed over 60 pounds more than I do now. They don’t care what I look like – they care that I am healthy and happy. We value each other for our thoughts, not our looks. But they know that losing weight has been important to me, and they’ve been supportive during the journey.

BlogHer ’12 will have a special place in my heart with a lot of positive memories of laughing with friends, meeting other friends in person for the first time, and once-in-a-lifetime opportunities. I can’t wait to see what BlogHer ’13 in Chicago will hold!

Full disclosure: This post was created in connection with my appointment as an Ambassador in the Slim-Fast® Summer Slim-Down Challenge. Visit www.facebook.com/slimfast to join the conversation. 

Also, the Lee jeans I mentioned were a complimentary pair provided by Lee, although being free doesn’t change how well they fit. All opinions are my own.



GOOOOOOOOOOAAAALLL!

(Just say the title in your best Spanish soccer announcer voice for maximum effect.)

So you know how I’ve said from the very beginning that I’d just like to see 158 lbs, which is the very top of the “healthy” weight range for the BMI charts? And that number has always seemed SO far away?

Well, sometimes it’s just better to let the photo tell the story:

OK, so technically I’m 0.6 lbs from my goal, but that’s still in the 158 lb range so I’m willing to count it.

158. One hundred fifty-eight. I can’t believe I finally get to say this, but I made it!

And just in time, too. BlogHer is this week, the conference that helped me jump start my weight loss efforts many years ago through my “Hot by BlogHer” motivation. And this year I’ll be strutting my stuff on the runway during the BlogHer Fashion Show.

I practiced walking in wedges & a dress at the BBSummit last week.

It’s taken so much work to get here. Lots of counting calories and exercise. Actively making the choice to eat better foods and pack as much nutrition into each bite. Even more rewiring of my brain to not seek out foods to pair with every strong emotion.

Most recently, Slim-Fast has been helping me get these last 15 pounds off, and it’s been a huge help. This year has probably been my busiest year on record, leaving me with little time to plan meals or even eat at home. The shakes have been a life saver for these busy mornings – I drink one shake in the morning and I then have the energy to keep going until lunch.

The snack bars have been great, too. I keep snack bars in my purse so if I’m out of the house and suddenly feel the urge to snack, I can have a 100 calorie Chocolate Nougat Gone Nuts bar instead of a 200+ calorie candy bar. Same taste without going overboard on calories.

Seeing 158 has left me with a big question, though: what next? Wow…I don’t know! Being focused on reaching this goal for so long has me feeling conflicted about my next steps. I’m thrilled to be here, and if I had to stay at this weight forever I think I could even accept it. But I’ll admit it’s still not the body I was expecting. Oh, let’s be honest, I’m never going to have that body after two kids.

Maybe at this point my focus will turn to getting stronger and replacing some of the fat on me with muscle. If that results in a little more weight loss, awesome. If not, I’ll measure progress in how well my clothing fits and how I feel. Feeling healthy and strong is far better than a smaller jeans size. I wouldn’t mind giving myself a five pound cushion for the inevitable fluctuations that happen, but I’m not going to hate myself if it doesn’t happen.

For this week, however, I’m celebrating my accomplishment and having a blast at BlogHer. Next week, I can think more about my next steps and decide the next goal I set for myself.

(Oh…and…WOOOOHOOOOO!)

Disclosure: This post was created in connection with my appointment as an Ambassador in the Slim-Fast® Summer Slim-Down Challenge. Visit www.facebook.com/slimfast to join the conversation.



Scale Happiness

So this happened over the weekend:

Yikes, my scale looks filthy on camera!

Excitement? Yep, I was pretty damn happy. The first time in my adult life being under 160lbs – probably the first time I’ve been under 160 since I was 15 years old. A mere 1.8lbs away from the goal weight I set for myself when I weighed 212lbs and more.

However, I know my body too well. It couldn’t last, and two days later I was back to 161. Still…I saw it. I have proof it happened. Which means I can make it happen again.

If I charted out daily weights for myself, you’d see a lot of little ups and downs. Of course, the valleys have been greater than the peaks, leading to the overall downward trend, but I never let a single weigh-in be the concrete number that I’ll believe in.

I’m frustrated that my weight popped right back up after that short, celebratory scale reading. (I stepped on the scale three times that morning to make sure it wasn’t an error on the scale.) That frustration has turned into determination to see this through to the end and reach my goal.

So yeah, I’m thrilled at seeing 159.8. And I’m looking forward to seeing it again – and numbers lower than it – very soon.



Perception vs Reality

(Note: this post includes photos of me in a sports bra.  Just giving fair warning.)

Last week, while at dinner with extended family, one family member who hadn’t seen me in awhile remarked on how good I looked. Well, specifically she said, “Are you still trying to lose weight? You need to stop that, you don’t need to lose any more weight.” (Jewish grandmothers for the win.)

At first I convinced myself that she was just trying to be nice, but I also know her well enough to understand that she rarely hides what she’s really thinking. Beyond the Jewish grandmother desire to make sure kids and grandkids (and in my case, the wife of a step-grandson) are eating well, she really thought I looked good and didn’t need to lose any more weight.

Of course, I immediately wrote off her comments in my head and told myself, it’s just the outfit making me look slimmer, ’cause there’s NO WAY I look like someone who doesn’t need to lose weight. I’m still overweight, I’m still huge!

And then the logical part of my brain gave me a swift kick and said I needed a perception check.

It’s no wonder that some people who lose a large amount of weight have trouble with body image. I was obese for so long that when I look in the mirror I still see myself at my largest. I occasionally notice some positive changes, but much of the time I still see myself as large.

Before I started actively trying to lose weight, I looked like this:

Not sure of the weight, but it wasn’t my highest. Few photos exist of my highest weight.

This was me when I started blogging about my weight loss efforts:

I was 212 lbs here.

And this was me this weekend:

This is 163 lbs.

Yes, obviously there are some differences, but when I look at the two photos I don’t see much of a difference. I stare at the new photo and have trouble looking beyond the continuation of flaws. Some parts may be smaller, but they’re still large.

Losing weight is hard enough, but the mental game that goes with it makes it even more difficult. I don’t want to think of myself as fat. I’d rather be proud of all I’ve accomplished. But instead the little voice in my head looks at photos and whispers So much for all that work – you don’t look any different. Your belly still hangs over your waistband, your thighs still rub together, your hips are huge. Why keep going through all that pain?

I hate that little voice. I hate how it tears me down and makes me doubt everything. It strips me of any self-esteem. I wear a medium shirt size now, and still find myself baffled every time I put one on. Why is this fitting me? Are they vanity sizing shirts now? I can’t even believe that this body could possibly wear a medium, when I’m sure I’m still an XL.

I’m five pounds from the goal I set for myself years ago, and now I’m already doubting that it will be enough. How much more will I need to lose to feel fit and healthy? Will I set a new goal and then continue to feel fat if I reach that new goal? I worry that I may never be happy with my weight, but have no idea how to find that happiness.

This post is full of questions with few answers. I know it’s my own mind blocking me from seeing the changes to myself, but I don’t know how to change that. There are diets and exercises to change the body, but now I need to find the right program to change the mind. Otherwise any transformation I make will never be complete, because while I may eventually be seen as fit by those looking from the outside, I will still be fat when looking from the inside.

I never intended this post to be such a downer. It’s a shame that so often we condition ourselves to see only the fat, the wrinkles, the imperfections in ourselves. Photoshop and the worship of the impossibly “perfect” (and too-thin) body probably doesn’t help with this. The media promotes the impossible body, and we are constantly bombarded with the message that the polished, re-touched images we see are what we should strive to be, while advertisers also encourage us to eat high-calorie junk food with abandon.

There are women out there doing fantastic work in the area of body acceptance, and I probably should be paying more attention to them. This isn’t how I feel all the time – just some of the time. I considered not posting this at all, but I also want to be completely honest. Not discussing the mental battle would give only a partial image of what it’s like to lose weight, and I know I’m not the only one who has looked in the mirror and felt like I’ve accomplished so little.

So yeah, here I am. I feel fat. And I know I shouldn’t.

My brain needs new glasses, because the current ones are out of focus.

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