Last week I covered the first two chapters of this book. Now let’s look at rules for home and at the table. This makes even the strictest parenting book out there today look soft.

Chapter III: Of Behaviour at Home.

1. Always bow at coming Home; and be immediatly uncovered.
2. Be never covered at home, especially before thy Parents or Strangers.
3. Never sit in the presence of thy Parents without bidding, though no Strangers be present.
4. If thou pass by thy Parents, or by any place where thou seest them, either by themselves, or with Company, bow towards them.
5. If thou be going to speak to thy Parents, and see them engaged in Discourse or Company, draw back, and leave thy business thil afterward; but if thou must speak be sure to whisper.
6. Never speak to thy Parents, without some Title of Respect, viz. Sir, Madam, Forsooth; &c. according to their quality.
7. Approach near thy Parents at no time without a Bow.
8. Dispute not, nor delay to do thy Parents Commands.
9. Go not forth of doors without thy parents leave, and return within the time by them limited.
10. Come not into the room where thy Parents are with strangers unless thou be called, and then decently; and at bidding, go out; or if strangers come in while thou art with them, it is mannerly with a bow to withdraw.

11. Use respectful and courteous, not insulting or domineering carriage or language towards the Servants.
12. Quarrel not, nor contend with thy Brethren or Sisters, but live in Love, Peace and Unity.
13. Grumble not, nor be discontented at any thing, thy Parents appoint, speak or do.
14. Bear with Meekness and Patience, and without murmering or sullenness, thy Parents Reproofs or Corrections, nay, though it should so happen that they be causeless or undeserved.

Chapter IV: Of Behavior at the Table. (this one is long, folks)

1. Come not to the table unwash’d or not comb’d.
2. Sit not down till thou art bidden by thy Parents or Superiors.
3. Be sure thou never sit till Grace be said, and then in thy due place.
4. Offer not to carve for thy self, or to take any thing, though it be what thou ever so much desirest.
5. Ask not for any thing, but tarry till it be offered thee.
6. Find not fault with any thing that is given thee.
7. When thou hast meat given thee, be not the first to begin to eat.
8. Feed thy self with thy two Fingers, and the Thumb of the left hand.
9. Speak not at the Table; if thy Superiors be discoursing, meddle not with the matter.
10. If thou want any thing from the Servants, call to them softly.

11. Eat not too fast, or greedily.
12. Eat not too much, but moderatly.
13. Eat not so slow as to make others wait for thee.
14. Make not a noise with thy tongue, mouth, lips, or breath, either in eating or drinking.
15. Stare not in the face of any one (especially thy Superior) at the Table.
16. Grease not thy Fingers or Napkin, more than necessity requires.
17. Bite not thy bread, but break it, but not with slovenly Fingers, not with the same where-with thou takest up thy meat.
18. Dip not thy Meat in the Sawce.
19. Take not salt with a greazy Knife.
20. Spit not, cough not, nor blow thy Nose at Table if it may be avoided; but if there be necessity, do it aside, and without much noise.

21. Lean not thy Elbow on the Table, or on the back of thy Chair.
22. Stuff not thy mouth so as to fill thy Cheeks; be content with smaller Mouthfuls.
23. Blow not thy Meat, but with Patience wait till it be cool.
24. Sup not Broth at the Table, but eat it with a Spoon.
25. Smell not to thy Meat, nor move it to thy Nose; turn it not the other side upward to view it upon the Plate.
26. Throw not any thing under the Table.
27. Hold not thy Knife upright in thy hand, but lay it down at thy right hand with the Blade upon thy plate or trencher.
28. Spit not forth any thing that is not convenient to be swallowed, as the Stones of Plums, Cherries, or such like; but with thy left hand neatly move them to the side of thy plate or trencher.
29. Fix not thine eyes upon the plate or trencher of another, or upon the meat on the Table.
30. Lift not up thine eyes, nor roll them about, while thou art drinking.

31. Foul not thy Napkin all over, but at one corner only.
32. Bend thy Body a little downwards to thy plate, when thou movest any thing that is sauced, to thy mouth.
33. Look not earnestly on any one that is eating.
34. Foul not the Table-Cloth.
35. Gnaw not Bones at the Table, but clean them with thy knife (unless they be very small ones) and hold them not with a whole hand, but with two fingers.
36. Drink not, nor speak with any thing in thy mouth.
37. Put not a bit into thy mouth, till the former be swallowed.
38. Before and after thou drinkest, wipe thy lips with thy Napkin.
39. Pick not thy Teeth at the Table, unless holding up thy Napkin before thy mouth with thine other Hand.
40. Drink not till thou have quite emptied thy Mouth, nor drink often.

41. Frown not, nor murmur if there be any thing at the Table which thy Parents or Strangers with them eat of, while thou thy self hast none given thee.
42. As soon as thou shalt be moderately satisfied, or whensoever thy Parents think meet to bid thee, rise up from the Table, though others thy Superiors sit still.
43. When thou riseth from Table, take away thy Plate, and having made a bow at the side of the Table where thou satest, withdraw, removing also thy Seat.
44. When Thanks are to be returned after eating, return to thy place, and stand reverently till it be done, then with a bow withdraw out of the Room, leaving thy Superiors to themselves, unless thou be bidden to stay.

(This post was so inspired by Kristen’s post about Aidan at Motherhood Uncensored. Nothing like spending the day thinking of hot guys. Thanks for making my day go faster, Kristen!)

Does anyone else out there have a List of 5 with their significant other?

What is this List of 5 you speak of?

The List of 5 is your personal list of celebrities that, if given the chance, you’d have sex with without a second thought. Even though you’re married or partnered, if one of these people happened to be in the same place as you, and they were totally into you, you’d have complete and total permission from your S.O. to stray for just that one night.

The rules are simple. The List of 5 may be anyone that you don’t know. Naturally, celebrities, musicians, and sports stars tend to be the picks. The guy down the street is right out. Your S.O. has to be OK with everyone on the list – no wanting to get down and dirty with KFed (as if) if your S.O. can’t stand him.

The list can also evolve and change as your tastes change. Sure, Billy Joel was a good lookin’ guy when he was younger, but now? Eh, I’ll pass.

My current List of 5? Here’s the guys I was pondering this afternoon, in reverse order:

5. Heath Ledger – Oh yeah, he’s a cutie. I don’t care that he has put on a little sympathetic weight gain from his girlfriend’s pregnancy. He’s still a hottie, and has been ever since I first saw him in a little-known TV series called Roar. Back then the hair was more blonde and he was young and skinny. Just my type at the time.

Since then, he’s evolved and changed quite a bit, and lucky for me, he’s changed right along with my tastes. Yeah, he’s a stay at home dad now, so if you’re feeling bored, Heath, look me up!

4. Cillian Murphy – This guy is fairly new to me. I first saw him in Batman Begins. Dark hair, pale skin, and those eyes. Oh, those eyes! It’s like he can see right through me, right into me.

With the right stare from him, I’d give in and do anything he asked as I melted into a pool at his feet. Slightly creepy goth guys are so cute to me. Sure, go ahead and call me weird, but if I wasn’t ever into slightly goth guys, I probably never would have married my husband.

3. Johnny Depp – Quirky, shy, and such a bad boy. I can’t decide if I love his movies because I find him so good looking or if I find him so good looking because I love his movies. Either way, he’s smack in the middle at #3.

I prefer him when his hair is grown out a bit, and without a mustache. Although even his Jack Sparrow character has some charm to him.

I don’t think Aaron would ever have to worry about me running away with Johnny. He’s just a little too strange at times for me. But a one night stand? Hell yeah!

2. Colin Firth – Mr. Darcy himself is near the top of my list. Again, it’s all in the eyes. His aren’t creepy and piercing like Mr. Murphy’s up there, but more smoldering and wistful. And then there’s that softly curled, gently tousled hair that I want to run my fingers through.

I’m pretty sure he’s one of the major reasons I love Pride & Prejudice so much, and why I will drag anyone who even mentions a passing interest in the story over to watch the entire 6 hour series. Colin taught me what it means to swoon.

And (drumroll please)….my number one pick is:

1. Gerard Butler – Dear GOD, this man is hot! I first fell for him when I happened to pass by the TV series Attila. As I was flipping channels, I saw him, and stopped to marvel. At that point, I watched the entire series. Twice. At least. And not because I’m a history buff.

The funny thing is that people have told me that Gerard Butler as Attila and Aaron share a bit of a resemblance. Both have the very dark brown hair, the beard, the dark skin, and the pale eyes. So maybe Aaron should consider that I’m only lusting after a slightly more famous version of himself?

After Attila, I found out that I had seen this gorgeous man in other movies and just not known it. Reign of Fire. Timeline. Dracula 2000 (shut up, I liked it). Tomb Raider 2 (oh wait, I never saw that one).

And then he was cast in Phantom of the Opera. He’s sexy, has a Scottish accent, and he can sing? Ding ding ding! We have a winner! I love my husband with all of my heart, but if given the opportunity to shack up with Gerard for a night, you’d better believe I will.

OK, I’ve listed my 5. Now it’s your turn. Who’s on your List of 5?

PS – Since I’m sure my husband is reading this post and rolling his eyes, I’ll help him out a little. I’d like to take this opportunity to also mention that I have sucked Aaron into blogging, and invite those of you (or, more likely, your husbands) who like comic books and superheroes to check out Underneath the Mask.

Yesterday was my day off. Last month on our anniversary, my dear husband gave me one of the best gifts ever: gift cards to get my hair cut, get a spa treatment, and get something to make me feel like my “old self” from Hot Topic.

So yesterday Aaron kept Cordy for the day. I got to sleep in, and then I went to the mall for my day off. Four hours later, my hair was styled, and my eyebrows waxed. I had a massage and a facial, too. I felt five years younger.

Oh yeah, I love my husband. I made the hairdresser jealous when I told her why the day was so special, and the lady who did my facial said she hopes her fiance will do that for her after they’re married. Aaron may not have known it, but I’ll bet he was glowing all day from everyone thinking so well of him.

And damn was that day off needed! Why you ask? What stress has entered my life that could warrant an entire day of pampering and rest? I’ll tell you:

Cordelia has not napped for the past week.

The week before, she resisted her naps but gave in most days. But the past seven days, any time she’s been put in her crib for a nap, she has sat there the entire time, playing with her blanket and talking to her feet.

No sleep. You can see the fatigue in her eyes, but her will is stronger. Near the end of the day, she sways back and forth as she walks, occasionally stumbling and falling over as if drunk. She’s tired, she’s grumpy, but she won’t give in.

The only time she gives in to sleep is when she’s in the car. While she’s never been good at napping in the car, she will now nod off for a few minutes – just long enough to keep from taking a proper nap.

She’s 18 months old. She dropped her second nap around 12 months, which is early but entirely in the “average” range. All of the “experts” say a toddler will continue with one nap at least until two years old, if not longer. Those filthy liars. It’s no wonder I cancelled my BabyCenter e-mail updates.

Truthfully, no one I know has a child who didn’t nap at this age. I’ve asked for advice, but our local friends and our relatives have never encountered this situation. She has to stay in her crib for a minimum of 45 min., even if she doesn’t sleep, so she is getting some down-time, but it’s obvious she needs the sleep.

This afternoon we went to an 80th birthday party for Aaron’s step-grandmother. She asked why Cordy was acting so cranky, and I told her it was because Cordy was trying to drop her nap. She looked at me, shocked, and said, “Well, you can’t let her do that.” I can’t let her do that? OK, short of drugging her, how can I keep her from it?

So now I turn to you, oh wise and knowing blogosphere. Has anyone encountered a child younger than two who has given up the last nap? Is there anything I can do? Will she go back to napping again, or is that golden time in the afternoon gone forever?

Sigh…of all of the developmental milestones for Cordy to be ahead of the curve on, why did it have to be napping?

You would think we never buy toys for this child.

No one is drinking any of those for at least 24 hours. And yeah, we’re making a stop at Toys ‘R Us tomorrow to get her some proper blocks.

Mrs. Fortune asked to see video of Cordelia throwing one of her “fake” tantrums that I wrote about yesterday. Well, we caught a mini-tantrum on video last night.

I now present to you the proof of Cordelia’s acting talents: