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Jun 23, 2011

Birthday Introspection

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I’m now 35 years old.

Sure, that may not be a big deal to some of you, but it’s going to take some getting used to for me. I can now no longer claim to be in my “early 30’s.” Should I ever consider having another baby, I’d be given the label “advanced maternal age.” And I’m even in a new consumer demographic for all of those marketing surveys: just call me a member of the 35-44 radio button.

Age is just a number – that’s true. Well, sort of true. Each half decade I hit is just another reminder that I need to take better care of myself. We feel invincible in our teens and early twenties because we partially are. While no one is immune to cancer, heart disease or other health problems, they’re less likely when we’re young. As we get older, our chances of being affected by chronic health problems only increase.

So with each birthday, I’m reminded that I can’t be as carefree with my health as I used to be. I worry more about my future. I want to be a healthy old woman someday. I want to see my kids grow up and have children of their own. I don’t want to die.

The good news is I’m probably in the best shape of my life. I’m still hovering at my lowest adult weight, I have muscle tone that I’ve never had before, and I’m making efforts to eat healthier foods. Compared to bad habits from my past, I’m in fantastic shape and my risks for common health issues are shrinking with my waistline.

But I still have plenty of work to do. Losing weight is still a priority, both for vanity and for health reasons. I’ve got at least another 10 pounds to go to even make the upper limits of a “healthy” BMI. Eating more nutritious, less processed foods and trying to work more exercise into my life are neverending goals that I have to keep focused on as well. Taking more time to relax, rest, and reduce my stress level couldn’t hurt, either.

I hope that when I turn 36 I can look back over this past year and again proclaim to be in the best shape of my life. If I continue getting healthier with each year, then maybe birthdays will still be something to get excited about!

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Jun 6, 2011

Plateau, For Better Or Worse

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I had planned to write a post about how much I hate this plateau I’m stuck on. I spend each week putting so much effort into losing weight – tracking calories, staying under a set amount, exercising with a mix of strength training and cardio – that it’s really frustrating to step on the scale at the end of that week and see no change.

I’m so close to a goal weight and yet so far from it. Plateau must be French for torturous insanity.

Then I went shopping this weekend for a new pair of dress pants and a few new shirts. I still had my usual experience of hating nearly everything I tried on myself. But I also discovered I was comfortably wearing a size 10 in my pants. Not skin-tight, suck-in-to-button, but slightly snug with some room for movement.

There, in the dressing room at Kohl’s, I suddenly came to two realizations. First, that just because I’m not losing weight doesn’t mean my body isn’t changing. And second, when I look in the mirror, I still see the fat girl who used to be me.

The last time I was at 169 pounds, I didn’t comfortably fit in a size 10. I was usually a size 12, and occasionally a size 14 to some cruel-hearted designers.

So either Lee is trying to make me feel better about my weight through some generous vanity sizing, or these legs and hips are part of a 169 pound body that has more muscle than before.

Yes, I still have tree-trunk legs, they’re just firmer tree trunks.

Which brings me to my second realization. Losing weight doesn’t mean you automatically lose the self-loathing that can continue to weigh down the perception of how you see yourself.

In my case, my brain has turned the mirror into a funhouse mirror – I look into it and where I should see myself smaller and healthier, I instead only see fat and imperfection. I feel heavy. (Which of course begs the question: how in the world did I manage to move around when I was 50 pounds heavier? Or 80 pounds heavier?)

The most frustrating part is that I KNOW I’m smaller! I see the numbers on the scale, I can wrap the measuring tape around me and see inches gone, I can put on jeans that used to be tight but now fall off of me without unbuttoning…all of these are indisputable evidence of losing weight. So why do I still see the fat girl looking back at me?

Maybe a plateau isn’t such a bad thing. Maybe my body is giving my brain a chance to catch up and realize all I’ve accomplished?

Working on shedding the heavy self-image may be even harder than losing the physical weight, though. You don’t find nearly as many guides for that sort of thing – is there a diet for losing a negative self-image?  

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Apr 28, 2011

Is The Night Shift Keeping Me Fat?

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Overall I’ve been pleased with the progress I’ve made in losing weight and improving my health. But this recent plateau has forced me to look at every aspect of what I’m doing and figure out what’s holding me back.

I’m working out and pushing myself hard each week with a combination of cardio and strength training. I’m tracking my calories and remaining under my allotment each week. I’m trying to eat more vegetables, more protein, drink more water, and take my vitamins.

My sleep? Well, that’s not so great. I work an overnight shift, so when most people are happily asleep in their beds, I’m hard at work at my desk. In exchange, I sleep during the day, although that sleep is never as restful as it is at night, even with room darkening curtains. Obligations always pop up, too – always during my sleep time, of course, since the rest of the world is on a day schedule.

At night, there’s no cafeteria open to serve fresh food. Pizza is available for delivery early on, and there is one 24-hour McDonald’s. Our food is whatever we bring in to eat, which often consists of snack foods and frozen meals. My frozen meals are often low-cal choices, but when I’m tired, snacking helps wake me up.

I know there are plenty of studies linking night shift work to poor health conditions. We’re more likely to be sleep deprived, have a higher risk of heart attacks, have weaker immune systems to fight off illness, and more likely to be overweight. Just the hours of my work make it harder for me to lose weight.

Is my unusual schedule playing some part in my plateau? Possibly. But this is one factor I can’t change. While working third shift isn’t ideal, I really like my job so I have no plans to give it up.

So if I can’t change it, I’ll have to find some way to counter this disadvantage. Finding new ways to get more sleep would be nice, as well as making better choices at which snacks I choose to indulge in at work. Maybe I can even go for a walk around the building on my lunch break to squeeze in a little more exercise?

Working night shift may make it harder for me to reach my goals, but it doesn’t have to stop it entirely.

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Apr 25, 2011

I’m A Guest Writer at Diets In Review!

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Hey everyone, I’m branching out a little and sharing what fitness and health knowledge I’ve picked up with an even larger audience. Shocking, right? Despite still being overweight, I have learned a few things about losing weight and getting healthy through the years, even beyond my nursing degree.

So when Carmen from DietsInReview.com (you may also know her as Mom to the Screaming Masses) asked if I’d like to write up a little guest post, of course I couldn’t say no!

(No really, I couldn’t say no to her. Have you seen what she does to stay in shape? Muay Thai. No way I’d refuse an offer from someone who looks that amazing. She could take me down blindfolded and with one arm tied behind her back.)

So if you have a moment, do me a favor and go check out my article on reasons to consider joining a group fitness class. It’ll make me feel all warm and fuzzy that people wanted to read my article, and maybe they’ll ask me to write another.

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Mar 18, 2011

Nobody Ever Said Life, Or Weight Loss, Was Fair

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First, I had that Shamrock Shake yesterday. The only one I was allowing myself for the entire year. And it tasted…eh.

Either the memory was too grand in my mind, or they’ve changed the recipe, but it really wasn’t all I was hoping for, and afterward left a rock-like feeling in my stomach. Good thing I only planned on having one this year!

Weight loss can be so unfair at times. I’m kicking butt, working out, counting calories, choosing whole, nutritious foods over junk, and yet my weight loss has been only inching downward ever so slowly. Since January I’ve lost about 8 pounds.

My husband, on the other hand, has been working out just as hard and watching his foods just as closely and in the same amount of time has lost nearly 20 pounds.

That’s just not fair.

Now, I’m in no way trying to say he is undeserving of his accomplishment, because he’s really done a lot of work to get to where he is and deserves all of the praise he can get. I just wish I could see such a dramatic improvement in the same amount of time.

He points out that he had more weight to lose, which is technically true. But I’ve been tracking my calories and workouts very closely, and according to the science of it all, I should have lost more weight by now.

I love science, but I have to admit: when it comes to weight loss, science can’t be trusted.

There just seems to be an unknown factor with our bodies to ensure that just when you think you’ve got it figured out, you find you were completely wrong and still know nothing. Calories in, calories out is only one factor. Metabolism, gender, hormones, the number of fat cells you have, the type of foods you eat, your body structure, the way your body has reacted to dieting in the past, the daily wind speed and phase of the moon – there are so many unknowns with weight loss that it’s impossible to predict what the scale might display each week.

(OK, the last two may not be factors in weight loss. But then again, scientists might someday find they are, and I’ll then proclaim you heard it here first.)

I’m trying hard to not let it get me down. The scale is still moving in a downward trend – slooooooowly – and I’m making an effort to focus on the bigger picture instead of the number itself. So what if it takes me longer than I planned to get to my goal weight, as long as I do get there, right?

Still…sometimes I wish it was faster.

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