As of today, I hereby relinquish any claims I had of being a strong woman. I used to think I could take most things. I believed my pain tolerance to be high, and my sleep deprivation tolerance to be moderate. I thought I could handle most anything thrown my way. But I now realize I’m just a wimp.

This pregnancy is kicking my ass.

I don’t remember it being this hard last time. The fatigue is overwhelming, and I can’t quite figure out the right balance to keep my body happy. It could be that I have more going on this time – class, work, a toddler, etc. Last pregnancy, I worked from home, and I was able to follow my body’s lead. I could nap when I wanted, eat when I wanted, etc. I still had a lot of work to do, but I did everything on my own schedule.

With my current schedule, I often am forced to put off eating when I have a lot of appointments close together. I get more sleep than most people, but it is often interrupted several times a night by a certain Siamese cat who chooses to walk around the house yowling for no reason. Seriously, cat, it’s getting old.

And then there’s the issue of the sacroiliac joint pain. These two joints are still wobbly and as a result, cause some intense pain throughout the day. Last week, while grocery shopping, the pain reached an unbearable point as I pushed my cart through the aisles, and I did something I rarely do: I cried in public. I actually leaned on the cart and shed tears in the soup aisle of Kroger’s. A stock boy asked me if I was OK, and I explained everything to him. This poor teen, who probably wasn’t expecting to deal with a crying pregnant woman as part of his duties, took pity on me and fetched the two remaining items from my grocery list, because I couldn’t keep wandering around anymore looking for the ziplock bags and pickles.

I’m still thankful that he helped me, although it left me feeling embarrassed and ashamed of myself, too. Aren’t I supposed to handle anything thrown at me? I recovered from a c-section with little more than a bottle of ibuprofen, refusing the stronger drugs almost entirely and rushing the nurses to let me get out of bed, push past the pain and get moving. But now I’m convinced it was only a fluke, and when I experience labor for the first time with this pregnancy, I worry I won’t be able to cope at all.

There are people going through issues far worse than a little joint pain, nausea, and fatigue – moms raising kids on their own, people with serious, painful, life-threatening diseases – how can I even think I could be resilient like them? Instead, under this little bit of pressure, I crumble and fall to pieces, feeling like each day is a mountain to climb. How can I think I’ll be able to handle two children if I can’t handle a second pregnancy?

And I can’t blame anyone but myself for this feeling of helplessness. My husband has been doing as much as possible around the house, taking Cordy in the mornings on weekends to let me sleep, and trying to be sympathetic to my complaints. But I’m sure he’s wondering what happened to the woman who breezed through her first pregnancy. I remember, when he was asked at one point how he was dealing with a crazy pregnant woman for a wife, he told his friend that I had few cravings, few demands, and basically little had changed. I made it look easy the first time around. But this time, add in only a few more responsibilities and one complication of pregnancy, and I’m a mess who gets up each day longing to crawl back in bed again.

So yeah, forget any image you may have had of me as a strong woman. (If you even thought that at all, of course. It’s quite possible you’ve always thought me whiny.) Because the truth is, I’m a wimp. A sissy. A weakling. And I’m certainly no role model to other moms out there, at least not until I can pull myself back together and get past this insane weakness that has taken me over.

It’s a linking kind of day. Check out what a few others have shared with me.

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First up, the serious link. I found this link over at The Home Daily News. If you heard a loud *ka-thunk* sound this morning, that was my jaw hitting the ground so hard I bruised my chin.

I knew that there were small groups of evangelicals having six or more children, but I had no idea that it was an organized movement. To be honest, if someone wants to have as many children as God gives them, that’s their choice. But when they want to ban birth control for everyone, saying that the pill is the equivalent of “murder by prevention” of 3,000 children a day, then I get angry.

They also claim that feminism is what has caused most of the “ills” of society, including divorce, declining birth rates (which I don’t see as a bad thing), abortion, children born out of wedlock, and even homosexuality. They believe in patriarchy, where the husband is the one to control the family, and the wife does her duty to bring forth as many of God’s little soldiers as possible.

While I certainly don’t like their way of life (but support their rights to do as they please, as long as they don’t try to force me to be like them), I also don’t like the ideas put forth by some on the other side. There are those who believe that liberals need to combat this growing trend by having more children of their own. Squeezing out kids as a political statement is not something I’m into. Last I checked, I thought that we had children to love them, not to train them to be political warriors.

Anyway, read the article. At the very least, it’s enlightening.

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OK, after that dark and gloomy article, time for a few palate cleansers. First up, a link sent to me by Karen at Troll Baby. Remember my post on Justin Timberlake’s Sexyback? Well, Karen found this beautiful parody of the song. With all of the moms on antidepressants, this song is perfect for us.

And finally: sick of the TMX Elmo craze? Want him to just go away? Fantasize setting that little red whiny monster on fire sometime? Well, these people were thinking of you. Be sure to watch parts 2 & 3 also.

I never turn down a test, it seems. My OB had recommended an Ultrascreen, a genetic screening that combines an ultrasound with a blood test at 11-12 weeks, and I quickly said I’d like to do it. The test checks for genetic abnormalities, including Down’s Syndrome. No, we have no risk factors to worry about, but some of these require no family link. Plus, it gave me the chance to see the fetus again.

This is a test that has to be performed by a specialist, so I had another appt. set up. Luckily, the nurse was gentle and managed to draw my blood on the first try, although she did have to dig a little for the vein. (I have, quite possibly, the worst veins ever.) Then it was on to the ultrasound.

The tech was very nice, and she even warmed up the ultrasound gel and placed towels down to protect my clothing. It felt like a spa service at that point. Then we got to see the baby. We got some great pictures out of it, because for the purposes of the test, they have to get the fetus into a perfect profile in order to measure the length of the back of the neck.

It’s very early of course, the poor kid looks like it has my nose. As you can see, there’s a very nice profile there, but the nose does look a little, uh, prominent (it’s easier to see in the other pics). The heartbeat was strong at 160 beats per minute. We could make out fingers and toes, too, although right now the legs look more like frog legs than baby legs.

As we’ve noticed before, this kid still seems to be laid back. When we saw Cordy at 11 weeks, she was a hyper little thing, bouncing around all over the place as if she was dancing. This one just hung out, occasionally kicking his/her legs once or twice to push off and then slowly float back down again. The tech and I got a laugh out of that – all I could think of at that point was Squirt, the sea turtle, from Finding Nemo. Putting out a little effort just to ride the wave back down. Dude, how cool.

Everything looked good on the ultrasound, and we’ll have the complete results sometime next week.

Well, the election is now over, and the results are (mostly) in. I’m fairly happy with most of the results, I think. It should be exciting to see what gets done in government in the next two years with a changing of the guard. And Rumsfeld resigning? I didn’t see that coming, but I can’t say I’m sad to see him go. It was a nice added surprise, like putting on an old pair of jeans and finding a $10 in the pocket.

Here in Ohio, even though the weather was awful, turnout seemed to be good. We now have a new governor that I like (which hasn’t happened in awhile here). But for me, even though the political office races were interesting to watch, I was more interested in the issues we voted on.

Issue 2 passed, meaning we’re going to see a significant raise in the minimum wage here in Ohio. I see this as a very good thing, considering that the current minimum wage is not a living wage, even if both adults in the family are working. Did you ever watch 30 Days? The very first episode featured Morgan and his girlfriend coming to Columbus, OH to try living on minimum wage for 30 days. The result was a disaster, and not only did they leave town at the end of the month in debt, but they also were suffering from health problems they couldn’t afford to fix.

Issue 3 failed, and I saw that coming. While it would have been nice to have state scholarships available to help offset the costs of college, funding it through slot machines at race tracks probably wasn’t the best way to accomplish it. I’m curious to see the fate of the racetracks now – they were hoping this issue would bail them out of the financial troubles they’re currently in. My hometown has one of the largest racing horse farms in the state (not racing on horseback – buggy racing), and the farm may be selling more horses for dog food than for racing soon.

But most important to me were issue 4 and issue 5. Issue 4 was known as the “smoke less” issue, and tried to bring a constitutional amendment banning smoking in public buildings, unless they are on the enormous list of exceptions, like restaurants, bars, clubs, bowling alleys, etc. Basically I think it was pretty much limited to government buildings. Also, it was designed to trump all other smoking bans, so if it had passed, Columbus would once again have smoking allowed in restaurants. Had it passed, it also would have trumped issue 5.

Issue 5, known as “smoke free” was a flat out statewide ban on smoking in public areas, including restaurants, bars, and clubs. There are few exceptions to this issue, with those exceptions being private clubs (membership only) and private homes.

It should come as no surprise that the backers of issue 4 were bar owners and tobacco companies, while the backers of issue 5 were waitresses and health care companies. Thankfully, issue 4 failed by a large margin, and issue 5 passed.

I should explain why this makes me so happy: I’m allergic to smoke. Not the anaphylactic shock kind of allergic – more like the swollen eyes, scratchy throat, stuffy nose, worst-cold-ever type of allergic. Being around smoke in an enclosed area for even thirty minutes will have me feeling miserable the next day. And smoking areas don’t help, since we all know the smoke always migrates to the non-smoking section. As I’m sure you can guess, I was a lousy club-goer as a college student.

As a child, with two aunts who smoked and thought I was “faking it”, family gatherings were torture. I’d wheeze and cough around them, begging to be allowed to go elsewhere, and they’d tell me to stop being so dramatic. Thankfully, one of my aunts has quit smoking after developing one too many serious lung infections as a result of her smoking. She now understands how I felt.

I don’t think smokers are bad people, but I think smoking is a bad habit. Most habits don’t hurt other people, but this one can drastically affect the health of those around you. If you want to do that to yourself, fine. But I don’t deserve to suffer in public, or be unable to go out to normal places, like a restaurant, because of your bad habit. And should my children inherit my allergy, I want them to be able to go out in public without worrying if they will be spending the next day in bed from an allergic reaction to smoke.

So yeah, I’m a little happy about issue 5 passing.

How were the issues where you live?

Go vote today. Even if the weather is crappy. Even if you are stuck with the kids. Even if it means stopping by a drive-thru for dinner instead of taking the time to make something.

If you want to see better lives for your kids, vote. Otherwise, you’re leaving the fate of the country up to other people. People you may hate, like your neighbor with the Hummer who thinks poor people deserve what they get. People you may think are idiots, like Scientologists or the kooky old lady at work who thinks her dog is Ghandi reborn.

And we don’t want that, right? There’s still time to vote.