Today marks the one year anniversary of when I first got up the guts to sign up for Blogger, pick the first blog name that came to mind (well, fourth actually – the others were already taken), and take the plunge into blogging.

Before that, I had been reading a few blogs for a little over a month, thanks to stumbling upon Blogging Baby earlier in the fall and clicking over to read the personal blogs of the writers there. I had a LiveJournal at the time, but it was for friends-only, and there was little more than a bunch of personality tests and a few random updates on my life here and there.

It’s hard to believe it has only been a year – I feel like I’ve been doing this for such a long time. In that year, I’ve written 315 posts, and who knows how many words. I’ve met some amazing people (both virtually and in person), and I am so thankful to have them in my life. Yes, I’ve met some trolls, too, but I’ve learned there really are nice people on the internet, and many people who have been through or are going through many of the issues I have had to deal with. It’s nice to not feel alone in battling those issues.

Looking back over the year, I can now safely say that I think I’m an OK writer. Not someone who can regularly bring people to tears or belly laughs, but I can get a story across decently without boring many readers. I see plenty of room for improvement, but hey, I have my own space to write here, so I have an endless supply of time and computer memory to work on my writing.

What a year it’s been. It all started just before Thanksgiving last year, when Cordy was 14 months old and still not walking yet. She had far less hair back then, and drove me insane with her refusal to take naps. When she did fall asleep, she did so with stealth, or just an inattentive parent. She got to play in the snow for the first time, and as Christmas drew near, we decided she was buying for all of us this year. We made it through the Christmas marathon, and I introduced you all to my crazy great Aunt Dot and her bad gifts. Just before the new year, Cordy made some big developmental leaps that made my life a hell of a lot easier.

The new year had a bite to it – well, actually, the new year started off with Cordy biting, and I shared with you how not to travel with a toddler. I also made a big decision around that same time that my life clearly wasn’t busy enough, so I went back to school. My blog became my confessional as I told you about my toddler who wouldn’t hold her own sippy cup, my struggle with depression, and the fact that Cordy is a TV junkie.

I’ve given my thoughts on mommyblogging, as well as on the stupid debate between stay-at-home and working moms, and wondered why there isn’t more part-time work. I’ve ranted about Babycenter, ranted about women peeing on the seat in the bathroom, pondered how we lived without cell phones, and shown you that when compared to kids 300 years ago, we’re easy on our kids. You also read of the disappointment I felt regarding having a c-section with Cordy, and why I don’t understand how women could willingly choose to go this route.

In the spring, you got front-row seats for the wrestling match of the century, and held my hand through a breast lump scare. You shared my fears of being stalked by the Avon lady, and gave me advice on what it was like to be a sibling or have more than one child. You learned I am a natural worrier, especially as a mother, and that I have a secret obsession with Maury Povich. I’ve also proven that I am now starting to look old.

I’ve dealt with parents treating my daughter like a freak because she’s big, store employees telling me my child is a pain, and dealing with the fallout of my daughter frightening other children. At the same time, I’ve also felt helpless to step in when someone else is treating a child badly. I also risked the ire of some bloggers to confess I gave Cordy scotch to help her teething pain.

July was a month of ups and down. You witnessed my first ever offline blogging post, written during a boring Chemistry class. I got a mid-month BlogHer test run by meeting a group of local bloggers, which has now turned into a monthly event I always look forward to. Then, two days before getting on that plane for BlogHer, I had the shock of coming home to find our house had been broken into and robbed in the middle of the day. I considered canceling the trip to BlogHer at that point because I was so upset, but in the end I decided I needed to get away. And thank goodness I did! BlogHer was so much fun!

In September, we experienced two happy events. First, I found out I was pregnant (and later reminded myself to never do this again), and then later in the month we celebrated Cordy’s second birthday. I also gave my tips on Halloween costumes and toddler clothing to avoid, and asked all of you to reflect on if you’re really happy.

It’s been a busy year here. Cordy has gone from crawling to walking, and from wisps of hair to a full head of curls. I started as a lonely mom, working part-time to make ends meet, blogging to get thoughts out of my head and hopefully find other moms to commiserate with, and now I’m back in school for a new career, expecting a second child with my loving husband (who graciously puts up with all I do), and I’ve found a wonderful, supportive community of moms, dads, and friends thanks to blogging.

Thank you for reading what I have to say, and thanks for those times when you leave a comment. Without people reading this and responding to my thoughts, I probably would have shut this personal project down long ago.

Here’s hoping for an even better second year.

We have entered a new phase in Cordy’s development: the “no” phase.

She has known of the word no for quite some time now. Surprisingly, it wasn’t one of the first words she picked up, but the meaning was always clear to her. When she was just a year old, a stern “no” from me when she was getting into something she shouldn’t would lead to a moment of surprise, then the puckered up face, and then tears and disheartening cries. It was as if that simple word had caused grave injury to her soul, and for the next five minutes, nothing was right with the world.

Once she learned to say no, she was so gentle in saying it that I thought she clearly didn’t understand its power. If offered something she did not want, she would give a polite “nooooo”, the tone of which carried the message (in a proper British accent, of course): “Oh mother, tisk, tisk…were you unaware that I am currently not interested in that piece of food? How silly, mother!”

During the past few weeks, however, she seems to have learned the true force behind the word. Now, offering her something she doesn’t want is met with a loud, rude “NO!” as if she is completely insulted and disgusted that we would think to offer that thing to her.

However, the power of the word has now gone to her head, and it has become the knee-jerk response to anything asked or offered to her. She says no without thinking it through, when often she means yes. It’s almost funny to ask her, “Cordy, would you like some milk?” and have her answer “No!” as she takes the sippy cup from your hands and guzzles the contents.

She may soon regret always saying no, when someone who doesn’t understand her “no means yes” philosophy denies her a toy or treat due to her insistence that she didn’t want it. Of course, that would require her to actually look at someone other than Aaron or I.

Yes, Cordy has picked up another new toddler habit: she now closes her eyes when strangers, or sometimes even people she knows, try to talk to her. If she doesn’t want to interact, she pinches those eyelids shut and holds them tightly closed, still facing the person attempting to make contact. The message is clear: I don’t want to deal with you. If I close my eyes, then you don’t exist.

Most people are generally good-natured about this, thank goodness. And I have to laugh every time she does it, because if you were to look back through my childhood photo album, there are several pictures of me with my eyes closed. No, it wasn’t an accident – if I didn’t want to have my picture taken, I simply shut my eyes and smiled. That was when I was 5, however; Cordy seems to be a fast learner with her genetic personality traits.

Cordy has also learned to use this trick when being punished. If we tell her no, she’ll often close her eyes to us, shutting us out of her little world. After we’re quiet for a moment, she’ll open her eyes and go right back to what she was doing.

It’s fun to see her growing and learning new ways to deal with the world around her, although sometimes her methods of coping are getting a little frustrating for us. I can only hope these are short-lived stages, and soon Cordy will progress on to bigger and better ways to ignore and dismiss us.

It was a close game, but OSU proved they’re still #1. (And Michigan showed that they deserved their high #2 ranking as well.)

Cordy was dressed for the day, and enjoyed staying with my aunt to watch the game.

My aunt told me that she even cheered with everyone when OSU scored. It was certainly a lot of excitement for her, because she fell asleep in the car on the way home.

I’m glad Ohio State got the win. After all, if there’s going to be rioting anyway, I’d far rather have happy drunks than bitter drunks taking over campus.

Did you know there’s this little college football game in Columbus this weekend? OK, maybe if you’re from Canada or the UK, you might not know. But I think most of the US is aware of the famous OSU-Michigan rivalry, and this year it is even more heated due to the #1 and #2 rankings of the teams.

Oh yes, I know there’s a game this weekend. After all, I live in Columbus. And should I not know, there are plenty of signs in this city to clue me in:

– Beer is running in short supply at grocery and convenience stores. Same goes for meat and cheese party trays, mixed nuts, chips and dip.

– The radio stations are running nothing but songs about the big game. Although I have to admit, Saving Jane did a new cover of Hang On Sloopy, and it rocks.

– At my organic chemistry lab today, it was hard to miss that everyone in the class was dressed in either scarlet or grey. Thank goodness I wore a plain grey sweatshirt today, or I really would have felt out of place.

– Down the street, one house has got a jump on setting up the Christmas lights, only for now they have used the lights to spell out “Go Bucks” on the roof.

– Tailgating started late last night if you are a student. If you’re not a student, or didn’t take the day off work, the festivities began shortly after 5pm today.

– My stepfather, a crazed sports fan, had trouble sleeping last night, and will likely not sleep at all tonight before going to the game tomorrow. (To be fair, he has an anxiety disorder, and exciting events like this really set him off.)

– While walking through the grocery tonight, I witnessed many shoppers wearing football jerseys, several with their faces painted, and one girl with bright red streaks painted in her hair.

– Also while at the grocery, I witnessed a woman wearing a Michigan pullover be booed by a group of other shoppers.

– There are currently more OSU flags flying on flagpoles and on cars than there are American flags.

– Apparently there is no other news to report other than the game. Even those who were standing in line for days, waiting for a Playstation 3, don’t matter to reporters. Yesterday on the news, a reporter was out at a Best Buy talking to the people in line. Her question to the gamer geeks: Were they going to watch the big game?

So yeah, it’s hard to miss the fact that the OSU-Michigan football game is tomorrow. Those who live in Columbus know the rules of the day: unless you have tickets to the game, or want to be a part of the action, avoid the campus area and High Street at all costs. Also avoid 315 and 71 just before and after the game. If you are going near campus, and value your car, don’t park it on High Street or any street with a frat house.

And whether OSU wins or loses (and we do hope for a win), you can be certain that mayhem will break out. Oh yes, dumpsters and hapless couches will burn in the streets.

For those of you watching the game from a different city, enjoy the game! As for me, we’re dropping Cordy off at my aunt’s football party, and then Aaron and I are catching a movie with friends, knowing the theatre will be empty during the game. We can watch the game on Tivo later in the evening, safe in our house while the campus area goes crazy.

Go Bucks!

Thank you all for the virtual kick in the pants after my last post. I think I had hit a new low in self-loathing, but you all helped me put it in perspective. Pregnancy is a tough gig, and I don’t know how women who have many children do it. Being pregnant with this one has only made me more certain that this will be our last.

(And I hope that all of you who are considering baby #2 weren’t completely swayed against the idea by that post. Seriously, you could have an easy-breezy second pregnancy and no problems at all. You never know.)

I think I also had some kind of bug earlier this week, too. I wasn’t full-out sick, but it was enough to run me down even more than I was before, leaving me in a zombie-like state for several days. Each day I felt a little better, so there’s a good chance that I’m finally getting over it. Although this is a reminder to myself to go get a flu shot. Must get that done soon.

Your words of encouragement really helped me feel better. Before, I felt like no other pregnant woman complained as much as me, but then after reading your comments, I didn’t feel so alone anymore, knowing others have felt the same way, and it’s OK to admit it’s tough. It’s always better to know you’re not the only one.

My next doctor’s appt. is in two weeks, and I will probably start the conversation again about depression. We discussed it at my first appt., and my doctor told me to be aware of my feelings and let her know if I was starting to feel depressed again. While pregnant with Cordy, I was hit with a major bout of depression early in the second trimester. It came out of nowhere, and even though I was so ecstatic about being pregnant, I couldn’t shake off that dark cloud hanging over my head. When my doctor had suggested I was depressed then, I remember feeling so confused. Pregnancy is supposed to be a happy time, right? Depression wasn’t supposed to hit until post-partum, right?

Truth is, I’m one of those people who is susceptible to depression when under the influence of pregnancy hormones. It sucks, and having to make the decision to go on medication while growing a baby is probably one of the hardest things to do. The risks of antidepressants on a baby in utero are small, but small amounts of the drugs do cross the placenta. I made the decision to do it last time, and I’m not against doing it again this time, although I would prefer to hold off as long as possible.

I can’t tell for sure if depression is slowly sneaking back into my head, but after this week I am more aware of the possibility again, and I plan to keep re-evaluating it.

But I also have an amazing support network, too, which helps a lot. I have a loving husband, a family who understands what I’m going through, friends who care (including bloggy friends who give me a useful combo of loving support and stern advice to pull it together), and a child who always seems to know when I’m feeling down and takes that time to be as goofy as possible.

Today Cordy’s tactic was to tell me knock knock jokes. But not in the normal way, for she doesn’t need participation – she does the entire joke herself, pausing dramatically after each part as if to switch characters in her head, although the punchline always fades away into gibberish.

Knock, knock.
Whoz a there?
Owange
Owange who?
Owange-u gwad a benaheuskfkdaj……

Seriously, who can feel down when your toddler is doing a comedy routine for you?

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Something else that lifts the spirits? A month long, prize-a-day giveaway by a cool blogger! Check out my post on Mommy’s Must Haves for the details.