Dear Crappy State Community College,

The snowstorm came in Sunday morning, and was over by Sunday early afternoon. Coming out of my class on Sunday the sidewalks were very, very icy. I slipped several times trying to walk to my car, but luckily I didn’t fall. I can understand not having the sidewalks cleared then. It was Sunday, and you probably didn’t have many staff available to clear the sidewalks and put down salt. Besides, there were only a few classes that day, so not that many students to inconvenience.

But Monday evening, things should be all clear, right? I mean, you had the remainder of Sunday, plus all of Monday to do a little clearing. And sure enough, the snow had been pushed aside. But you still didn’t bother to do anything about the ice. I would far rather trudge through slushy snow than walk on a thin layer of very slippery ice.

The parking lot? One big sheet of ice. The sidewalk? More ice. As I walked from my car to the testing center to take an exam, I couldn’t see the threat under my feet in the dark. I figured the pavement was only wet, just like the grocery store parking lot, just like my work’s sidewalk, and just like every other stretch of pavement I had walked today. And you can’t say I was wearing inappropriate footwear – I was wearing my trusty Land’s End mocs, with plenty of traction.

So I was surprised when I lost my footing and found myself flailing wildly for balance. Thankfully, I didn’t fall, although I’m still not sure what contortions I performed to manage that. After regaining my balance, I slowly continued walking to the sidewalk, losing my footing every few steps and slipping one way or the other.

Is a bag of salt so hard to obtain and spread? I know you’re one of the least expensive colleges in the state, but I would be happy to add the $6 to my tuition to help you pay for some rock salt to guarantee that when the weather turns foul, I can stay on my feet when walking on your sidewalks.

Because, while I generally disapprove of frivolous lawsuits, if this pregnant woman falls on the ice because you can’t bother to take care of your college campus, and anything happens to me or my child, I will sue your asses.

Sincerely,
An angry student

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Dear Mail-order Prescription Refill Company,

I get only ONE friggin’ incorrect password attempt before you lock my account? And because of this, now I must fill out an online page that includes my membership number, the ID # of my last prescription filled, questions about my family, and an entire life’s history, just to prove who I am. With all of that information required, I may never regain access to my account.

I keep several passwords in use, and had I been given one more try, I probably could have figured out which one was the correct one. Three tries is the norm for most high-security web sites.

Seriously, WTF?

Sincerely,
Someone who wants her refill

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To my pregnancy hormones,

Did you miss the memo about how you are supposed to behave? When going through the review of all of the effects you have on my body, did you somehow skip the entire section about benefits and instead focus only on the negative effects you have control over?

Oh sure, you clearly demonstrate that you can do parts of your job. I’ve got my fill of swollen ankles, food cravings, heightened sense of smell, and the ever-popular slowed digestion. But I do remember reading in several places that you have the power to provide some perks to this whole pregnancy gig, too, like a heightened mood, greater sex drive, and let’s not forget those erotic dreams featuring hunky movie stars, dreamy TV stars, or just your run-of-the-mill, shirtless fantasy men.

Instead, my nights are filled with rolling from side to side every hour when my hip falls asleep, and very vivid nightmares about being chased, being murdered, or having someone kidnap or hurt Cordy. My mood is certainly not one that could be described as “glowing”, probably due to my restless, nightmare-filled nights. And my sex drive? Let’s not even go down that unpleasant avenue of discussion, for that is one area where by cutting me off, you’ve denied my husband as well, resulting in two disgruntled parents.

If you expect us to give you another chance, you’re clearly mistaken. We are 99% sure we won’t need your services after this pregnancy, and I’m glad, because you clearly wield your power without any thought to your host. As soon as this child is born, I hope to never see you and your screwed up hormonal changes again.

Sincerely,
The person in this body

(Note: My apologies to Bloglines readers for the ginormous pictures you’re about to see. They resize better in Blogger when they’re in the original size, rather than scaling them down first in Flickr, then in Blogger’s format.)

Yesterday morning, I got up at 6am and peeked out the window to see if the snow that was forecasted had begun. Nothing. So I went back to bed for a little bit.

Then, I woke up around 9:30am, looked outside, and was greeted with a winter wonderland of snow. Everything had a thick white blanket of snow on it, and the snow was still coming down heavy.

Seeing that this was the first significant snow of the season, I would have enjoyed spending the day taking Cordy out to play in the snow. But Sunday is when I must go to class for my Microbiology lab. So, while I spent the afternoon knee-deep in live bacteria (fun, eh?), Aaron and Cordy spent the afternoon ankle-deep in snow.

At least Aaron took pictures so I could see how the afternoon went:

I’m usually the one behind the camera, so I was impressed with some of the pictures Aaron took, especially that last one with the glint of the freezing rain on her hair and coat. (I’m not saying he’s a bad photographer – he just doesn’t get as much practice as I do. And I’m certainly no professional!) Of course, there were some not so good shots as well, but hey, no one’s perfect.

I’m glad they got the chance to have some daddy-daughter fun time. It makes it all the more special to come home and see both of them happy and exhausted from playing together.

While talking with a workshop participant last weekend about our kids.

Him: So Cordy will have to get used to not being carried as much when the new baby gets here.

Me: Well, Cordy’s big for her age. She’s getting tough for me to carry already.

Him: Really? How big is she?

Me: I’m not exactly sure at the moment, but she’s not yet two and a half, and she’s over 36″ tall and weighs at least 34 pounds.

Him: Wow! She is a big girl! My eight year old only weighs 45 pounds.

Me: Yeah, well, give her a few more years and she’ll be a real contender for the NFL draft. We’re thinking linebacker.

Even though I love to shout my opinions far and wide, it may come as a surprise to some of you that I can be a pretty serious lurker as well. I lurk on some blogs, but more likely I’m lurking on message boards for a wide variety of topics. I enjoy message boards, but with keeping up with so many blogs, I don’t feel I have the time to invest in getting to know everyone on a message board. So I read, occasionally feel the urge to post but suppress it, and enjoy my little one-sided glimpse into the world of others while I keep to the shadows.

Lately I’ve found myself lurking on a pregnancy message board, and a topic that came up over the past few weeks really surprised me. Someone asked the group how long each of them would be taking off for maternity leave. I expected to read that most of these women, well, the ones living in the US, at least (lucky Canadians and your year of paid leave!), would be taking as close to 12 weeks off as possible, per FMLA guidelines. However, my jaw hit the keyboard when I realized what the most common answer was:

2-4 weeks.

At first I thought, are they serious? You can’t possibly be healed and ready to go back to life as normal at 2 weeks postpartum. But many of them were serious – unhappily serious. I don’t think a single woman said she wanted to return to work that early, and if given the choice would stay home longer. The primary reasons for returning so early: money and job loss.

For those not in the US, the Family & Medical Leave Act (FMLA) guarantees the American worker 12 weeks of unpaid leave per year to care for a family member or for your own medical condition, without fear of losing your job. Except that it’s not quite that simple. Your job as it stands before you leave is not guaranteed – your employer must simply provide you with an equal job when you return. And if you have worked at a company for less than a year, worked less than 1,250 hours that year, or your company has less than 50 employees, the law does not apply to you, and you have no legal right to time off, unless your employer is kind enough to offer it. If you are not covered under FMLA, an employer has the ability to fire you for missing even a week of work, if you do not have the paid time off available to cover it.

Then there is the money issue. FMLA is unpaid leave, and aside from California, there is no guaranteed short term disability provided by the government. Also, while your employer is legally required to continue paying for your health insurance while you are on leave, if you had to pay a regular premium for it each month (which is common), you are still responsible for paying that premium while on leave.

Some employers do offer short-term disability insurance, which generally provides 6 weeks of paid leave (as long as your doctor thinks it is medically necessary for you to be off work), although the pay is generally at 50-65% of your regular income. And there is still the rare employer out there who offers fully-paid leave, although again generally for only 6 weeks.

So it is easy to see how some of these women are forced into situations where they cannot afford to take the time off for maternity leave, and must return to work as soon as their vacation/sick time runs out for fear of losing their jobs, or being unable to pay their bills. And to add to their stress, many childcare centers in the US refuse to accept children under 6 weeks old, leaving them stuck to find childcare until their baby is old enough to meet the requirements. Many find unlicensed in-home caregivers to fill that void, and simply hope for the best.

With Cordelia, I worked for a company that was large enough to give me FMLA time off. I opted into the short-term disability plan, and paid my $32 a month long before I had Cordy to provide me with paid time off at 60% of my salary, should I decide to have a baby. When it came time for my maternity leave, I took 11 weeks off. The first 2 weeks were the “waiting period” required for my short-term disability before it would kick in, which I filled with sick and vacation time that I had been saving up. The next 8 weeks were paid at 60% of my salary per my short-term disability insurance. (Due to a c-section, I had 8 weeks paid. If I had a vaginal delivery, it would have only been 6 weeks.) The final week was unpaid, and by that point, our finances were slowly crumbling from the loss of income, and I needed to get back to work.

And don’t even get me started on paternity leave. Aaron got 4 days off.

It amazes me that the US can spend hundreds of billions of dollars on an unnecessary war, yet we can’t provide simple social services to give our children the best start in their lives. We clearly are one of the most backwards countries in the world. Isn’t it better for a newborn – who is just learning how to regulate its temperature, how to breathe, how to eat, and how to survive – to be with its mother and father for those precious first months, than to be with someone who may enjoy the baby, but in the end is only paid to care for it? Studies have shown that infant mortality decreases when women are given more paid maternity leave. Are we really so callous as to prefer to deal with the problems of higher infant mortality rather than try to prevent problems from happening in the first place?

And I have to applaud California for taking the step to provide paid family leave to its residents. Everyone in CA has a small deduction from their paycheck (Average of $46 annually per worker) to fund the program, so it isn’t costing the government or the employers anything. Some may argue that they don’t plan to have children, and don’t like subsidizing the maternity leave of others, but this is not just for maternity leave – it is for anyone who needs to care for an ill family member, and could benefit any person. Besides, we already pay for other social services that many of us may never use: unemployment, Medicare, etc. But if you suddenly find yourself in hardship, those services are a blessing.

The United States needs a national paid maternity leave plan, and clearly FMLA is not doing enough to help families get the time off they need with their newborns. I would happily pay a small deduction from my paycheck to fund this program, even knowing that I would probably never benefit from it, since baby #2 is likely my last child. Saving other women from having to push themselves back to work before their bodies have healed, and letting them spend a little more time at home with their newborn children is worth it. Having to go back to work 2 weeks postpartum is criminal.

As for me, our finances are a little tighter this time around, so we’re still not sure how much time off I’ll be able to take. It all depends on when I have this baby. Our short-term disability payments are determined by years of service. If I have this baby before May 23 (my due date is May 21), I will get 6 weeks, part paid at 100%, and the remainder at 66%. If I have the baby after May 23, I will again have 6 weeks, but all of it will be paid at 100%. I can then take another 6 weeks unpaid if I want, but most likely I’ll be unable to take the full 6 weeks.

Did you know the Department of Labor is launching a study about whether or not to scale back FMLA? MomsRising.org is asking for your FMLA stories and will send them on to the Dept. of Labor to urge them to expand FMLA, not scale it back.

First off, thank you so much to everyone for posting a comment on my last post. It was wonderful to “see” so many new visitors, as well as those I see occasionally, and my regulars. I’ve got a ton of new blogs to visit now, so expect to see me stopping by in the next week or two. And even if you don’t have a blog, thanks for letting me know you’re reading. Blog writers are attention-whores, and it feels good to know people enjoy our writing.

We arrived home from Chicago this morning a little after 3am, so I’m still trying to adjust to being home again. The drive back was horrible – rain, heavy rain, and torrential rain, but we were determined to get out of Chicago before the rain switched over to ice and snow up there.

Aaron’s workshop was held in a different location this year. While I enjoyed staying in downtown Chicago for the past four years, right across the street from Grant Park and in easy walking distance of the Art Institute, Field Museum, and Shedd Aquarium, this year the need for additional space moved the workshop out to Elgin, IL. Elgin is on the outskirts of Chicago, and about the only attractions near it are riverboat casinos, and lots of shopping in nearby Schaumburg.

So this year I did not get to visit any cultural sites. But I did do a lot of shopping – although most of it window shopping – at Woodfield Mall, and at my personal consumer mecca of Ikea. Cordy got a few new items from Ikea, including the easel I’ve been trying to buy her for two years. (It’s usually not in stock.)

The best moments of the weekend were getting to visit with old and new friends. The old friends were my college roommate and her husband, and Aaron and I met them for a wonderful dinner at a microbrewery in the area on Saturday night. The men were pleasantly surprised to find this restaurant/microbrewery offered a sampler of all the specialty beers they offered, and they spent a good deal of the evening comparing the different beers while Shannon and I enjoyed our root beer.

On Friday, I was lucky enough to meet up with Mrs. Fortune, and had the pleasure of doing lunch with her and baby Jacob at The Cheesecake Factory. Good food and good company!

We had a wonderful time chatting, and I can’t wait until the chaos of moving is over for her, and she can resume writing again. Jacob is simply adorable, and did a perfect Hollywood celebrity job of flirting with and charming everyone who came within ten feet.

I also greatly enjoyed sleeping in, taking full advantage of the king size bed and wishing we had one of those at home. The hotel was much nicer than the one we have stayed in during past years, and so I didn’t mind spending a little time relaxing there, even if I did forget that they had an indoor pool and left my bathing suit at home.

We also felt baby #2’s first kicks on Sunday. She was particularly smart to time it well, performing in the morning before Aaron left for the day, giving him the chance to feel it as well. After that, she again went quiet for the remainder of the trip.

Thankfully, Cordy barely noticed we were gone. She asked about us once or twice during the weekend, according to my mom, but otherwise went about her normal routine of quoting episodes of Dora and throwing her beach balls. When I would talk to my mom, I asked to talk to Cordy each time, but each time she laughed and pushed the phone away when my mom offered it to her.

However, she was happy to see us today. When I came downstairs this morning, I was greeting by a smiling little face as she climbed into my lap and hugged me. She seems no worse for us being gone for several days, although she has picked up a few new bad habits while we were gone. It seems our easy bedtime toddler is gone, as Cordy is learning the stall techniques other kids employ. She now wants to read her books more than once, and spends a lot of time trying to decide which toys she wants to take to bed. This is prolonging the bedtime routine by at least a half hour now.

And she looked at Aaron and I today, and started singing, “I wuv youuuu, youuuu wuv meeee!” I looked at Aaron and said, “She didn’t just say what I think she said.” I don’t know how she learned it, but the damn purple dinosaur seems to have infiltrated our toddler’s mind while we were gone. I don’t know if it was my mom who let her see it, or if it was Aaron’s dad when he watched her on Sunday. But a bounty will soon be offered to find the person responsible for inviting this menace into our home, after we worked so hard to pretend it didn’t exist for over two years.