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Apr 20, 2012

Geeky Pursuits

By ·

It’s no secret that we’re a family of geeks. Aaron and I met many years ago when performing at the Ohio Renaissance Festival. At our wedding, the music we used for the entrance to our reception was the Throne Room music from Star Wars. Aaron still reads comics. A lot. We love Doctor Who and several other sci-fi dramas. Our daughters have dressed up as superheroes more than once and can recognize many of the great figures in nerddom.

You get the point.

Lately, my darling husband has developed a new hobby: superhero costuming. As in, he is making costumes so he can dress up like superheroes at sci-fi or comic conventions. 

 this is him as Spiderman
featured on MTV’s website from C2E2 this past weekend (he’s the Batman on the left)
posing with a kid as Superman

I said we were a geeky family, folks. You’re suddenly viewing us in a WHOLE new light now, aren’t you?

When I say hobby, what I really mean is obsession. For the past six months, this subject has consumed him more than any other. He’s spent much of his free time on costuming websites, message boards, and now Facebook groups. His Facebook friends have grown dramatically, and suddenly his friends list contains more strangers to me than people I know. He’s even working to form a local chapter of a non-profit group that sends out members dressed as superheros to visit sick kids in hospitals, participate in charity events, etc.

There are some upsides. His costumes look very good, and it’s motivated him to work out more to look good in them, too. Spandex is unforgiving. He gets lots of praise and attention for the costumes, which I’m sure is a self-esteem boost. Choosing to do charity events to bring a smile to sick kids makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and love him even more for his generous heart.

So what in the world am I getting at in this post?

As geeky as we are as a family, this costuming thing is driving me nuts.

I fully supported him when he started it. He’s always been a comic fan, so it was a natural extension of his interests. But as it developed into an obsession, well, I’ve felt left behind. As he sits on the couch each night, his eyes are glued to message board and his costuming Facebook groups. His Facebook page is almost entirely about costuming now.

When he’s working on a new costume, he’s consumed with wanting to get it done and anything that gets in the way leaves him grumpy and irritable. And then there are the women who are really into costuming, too, who get a little too touchy, close or clingy with him at conventions. I try not to get jealous, however I’d be lying if I didn’t admit it puts a stress on our relationship.

But there’s also this: he wants me to join in and dress up with him.

Many years ago, I used to design and make costumes. I used much of my graduation money from college to purchase a very fancy computerized sewing machine that can do everything except make you coffee and sew the damn thing for you. I made renaissance costumes for friends and for myself. I was good enough that people even bough some from me. At one time I was working on a Master’s degree in costume design.

(Another surprise for you? Yeah, this onion has LOTS of layers. It’s like you never knew me, right? And hey, I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up!)

After having kids, though, sewing dropped off the radar. It was a hobby I no longer had time for and since we no longer performed at the renaissance festival, there wasn’t a need to make new costumes. Work and a screaming, colicky baby who turned into a grumpy, tantrum-prone toddler kept me away from scissors, needles and thread. Probably good to keep me away from pointy things, considering my mood at the time.

I haven’t used that fancy sewing machine in six years. So when Aaron asked me to help in making his costumes, I resisted due to forgetting many skills. Also: I’m busy. Work, kids, getting this house decluttered – when do I have time for sewing?

But asking me to dress up, too? I’m just not sure what to do. I know he really, really wants me to do it. He thinks it would be a fun hobby to do together (he’d love to get the kids dressed up, too) and continually suggests characters I could become. He’s even enlisted the help of his Facebook friends to brainstorm ideas for me of characters I’ve never even heard of.

I feel pressured, though. I’m not nearly as into this idea as him, and I’m already annoyed at how much time (and money) he sinks into it. As it is, we have so many other things that need to get done first that I don’t have time to think about hobbies. And I don’t want to spend all of my free time going to conventions in costumes – I want us to do a lot of different activities as a family. Maybe even see the sunshine once in awhile. I also am a little more shy and don’t necessarily like everyone looking at me.

We’ve discussed the issue already, and Aaron concedes he’s been a little obsessed and needs to cut back on his hobby. It can’t take up all of his spare time, and beyond hobbies there are still a lot more responsibilities we need to devote more time to as well. He’s agreed to cut back and try to give more focus to the home and other family activities.

But he’d still like me to join him when he does dress up. I don’t know what to do at this point. My irrational mind worries that if I don’t meet him halfway and participate that he’ll continue down that path without me and eventually we’ll be two people with drastically different interests who have nothing in common. (Can I follow an idea to the dramatic, extreme end or what?)

I’m not against the idea…I’m just not excited about it, probably because I already resent how much time and energy this hobby has absorbed. I’m not going to ask him to stop entirely, either – that’s just silly, and I do support the charity work he wants to do with it. There just needs to be balance. And boundaries.

I don’t know if participating only to support my husband and his interests would possibly lead to having a lot of fun in the process, or if my lack of passion would only make me resent it?

They don’t cover these kinds of issues in the imaginary marriage handbook. If your spouse has a hobby he’s passionate about and wants you to get involved so you can share it together, do you go along with it even if you’re not as interested? What do you think?

Filed Under: Aaron, clearly insane, daily life, more than parents, pop culture, TMI ·


Nov 21, 2011

Head & Shoulders Eucalyptus Itchy Scalp Care To The Rescue! (Review & Giveaway)

By ·

No one likes to admit they have dandruff. Avoiding dark colored shirts so no one sees the flakes settling on your shoulders, instinctively leaning away when that special someone wants to run their hands through your hair, trying to look as if you’re just lost in thought as you sneak in a quick scratch of your scalp…some of us will try anything to hide the secret in our hair.

I’ve suffered from occasional dandruff and an itchy scalp, a problem I’ve had since I was a kid. I have very sensitive skin, and nearly any hair product I try results in a reaction, leading to more dandruff and itching. I was mortified with this as a teen, and I did anything in my power to keep others from finding out. I was the queen of white t-shirts and sweaters.

Over time, I found I could minimize the problem by regularly switching up my shampoos and conditioners. If I use one product for more than a few shampoos, the dandruff flares up quickly, so I started a routine of rotating 3-4 shampoos each week, with at least one of those being designed to remove build-up or work directly on dandruff. But even the dandruff shampoos didn’t help much, and I didn’t like the strong smell from them or how they made my hair feel afterward.

I was recently asked to try the new Head & Shoulders Eucalyptus Itchy Scalp Care products to see if they would make a difference on my sensitive head. I’ve heard good things about eucalyptus being used in beauty products to calm sensitive skin, so I thought it was worth a try.

How does it work? According to Head & Shoulders, dandruff is caused by a combination of factors, namely the presence of scalp oils, the fungus Malassezia globosa (lovely, right?), and what scientists call a susceptibility to skin irritation (or a reaction to the presence of the fungus). The Eucalyptus Itchy Scalp Care products have combined the effectiveness of their HydraZinc formula with fresh, naturally inspired fragrances, including almond oil, eucalyptus and aloe vera to alleviate dryness, itchiness and sensitivity, leaving your hair beautifully flake free.

For my test, I made the choice to use only the new products for an entire week. No switching between shampoos – I wanted to get the best idea of how well it works on my long, fine hair and itchy scalp. Would it weigh down my hair and leave it limp? Would it stop the itch?

When I first poured the shampoo into my hand, I recognized the thick white consistency of a Head & Shoulders product. I wondered how well it would lather, but surprisingly it produced plenty of lather with little effort. The smell was pleasant and the eucalyptus produced a slightly cool, tingling feeling across my scalp. (Not bad at all-actually kinda nice!) It rinsed out easily. The conditioner was slightly thicker, although the smell wasn’t as nice as the shampoo. I followed the directions on the bottle and then rinsed my hair.

The result? After the first wash, I styled my hair as normal. I was wowed at how soft and silky my hair felt! The weather is just starting to get cold here in Ohio, which usually means static-filled hair for me, but my hair was incredibly soft with no hint of static. At the same time, it felt light and had plenty of volume – no heavy coating at all.

As for relieving the itch? Yep, it did the job. No itch at all that day, or the next. Along with no itch, I also didn’t notice any flakes on my shoulders-probably helped by the fact that I wasn’t scratching my head all day long!

The next shampooing had the same result, as did the one after that. I’m still impressed at how soft my hair is, and my scalp feels revived and fresh. I still have the occasional itch, but it’s much, much better than I’d normally be after a week of the same shampoo. And the dandruff is about 90% less as well. It hasn’t cured everything, but it’s certainly made my hair and scalp a lot easier to deal with!

I’m hoping Head & Shoulders Eucalyptus Itchy Scalp Care will be The One for me, and I can ditch my carousel of revolving shampoos and conditioners for a single set of products. So far I’m thrilled with the results and feel confident about the upcoming holiday season – maybe I’ll even wear my cute black dress without fear of flakes falling on it?

Giveaway!

How do you change your beauty routine in the colder winter season from the warmer seasons? Leave me a comment to be entered for a chance to win a $50 Visa gift card from BlogHer.

Rules:

No duplicate comments.

You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods:

a) Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post
b) Tweet about this promotion and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post
c) Blog about this promotion and leave the URL to that post in a comment on this post
d) For those with no Twitter or blog, read the official rules to learn about an alternate form of entry.

This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older.

Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. You have 72 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected.

The Official Rules are available here.

  • This sweepstakes runs from 11/21/11 – 12/22/11.
  • Be sure to visit the Promotions & Prizes page on BlogHer.com where you can read other bloggers’ reviews and find additional chances to win!
  • Want more great tips for winter hair care? Check out the newest “Looking Your Best” post in the Life Well Lived section of BlogHer.com.
Filed Under: BlogHer, reviews, TMI · Tagged:


Nov 18, 2008

Catharsis

By ·

While talking with two friends over ice cream the other night, one said, “You’re like an open book, so when you didn’t talk about what was bothering you on your blog, I knew it had to be bad.” I think the only way I’m going to get past this mental block in my writing is by confronting the issue that’s bugging me so much. And so I’m going to put it out there, or at least as much as I feel comfortable sharing.

As you may know, this has so far been kind of a sucky year for us. Aaron was laid off in June, and had trouble finding employment until just recently, and this job is only a limited-time contract job. We had to go on food stamps for awhile, and drained our savings. I had a relapse of depression. When the job went away, so did health insurance, which means of course we all got sick as soon as our insurance ended. Aaron and I still don’t have insurance. We have one daughter on the autism spectrum who is often difficult to handle, and another with a possible speech delay.

You can imagine how all of this is affecting Aaron and I. We’re stressed, and as a result we’re often short with each other, acting out against each other, and simply disconnected. Most nights were spent sitting on opposite ends of the living room, each lost in a laptop until bedtime. It’s put a strain on our marriage to the point that we nearly lost everything. Details aren’t important, but a lot of hurt has been hurled and the emotional cuts are deep. After the blow up, the big D word has been hanging over our heads for the past couple of weeks.

I don’t think either of us wants a divorce. We both remember why we married in the first place: we’re good together. We compliment each other well – his weaknesses are my strengths, and vice versa. We’ve been together for over ten years now and have weathered a lot of ups and downs. We also both realize that we’re holding onto a lot of bad behavior patterns that probably date back to childhood experiences. (Freud, anyone?)

We’ve discussed these issues with close friends and family – people who know us well and can provide the support we need. We’ve made the decision that we want to keep our marriage, and we’ll enlist the help of a therapist to guide us back to open communication and help us heal our wounds. There’s still a lot of hurt to work through – I know I occasionally feel the urge to throw something at his head – but we both are committed to working on it. It’s not just for the kids, either. While our daughters certainly forced me to think harder about everything, it’s still my decision, and I am considering my own feelings in this decision.

I can’t predict what the future holds for us. I hope he’ll fix whatever it is that has screwed him up, I’ll address my issues, and together we’ll mend the rift in our relationship. It’ll be a long road ahead to regain trust and I can only hope we’re both up for that journey.

This isn’t eloquent at all, and someday I’ll probably look back at this and cringe, but I wanted to get it out in the open. And while I may sound all strong and brave about this, I can tell you I’ve been angry and scared and sad and revengeful, too, along with 1,000 other variants of negative emotions. But around my children and in public I’ve tried to hold it together, telling myself that I’m better than some of those dark emotions and therefore won’t let them get to me.

There’s no shame in admitting a marriage isn’t perfect, and in talking with several friends, both online and in person, I’ve found that I’m certainly not the first person to endure these kinds of problems, and many shared that they have repaired the damage and moved past these bumps in the road. I can only hope for the same results.

But I will now confirm that this has been in many ways the suckiest year yet for me. I hate sounding all “poor me” because I know that there are those going through so much more, and honestly, the martyr role just doesn’t suit me. But this is probably the worst I’ve gone through yet. I’m hoping I’m at my personal rock bottom – can only go up from there, right?

Filed Under: Aaron, big issues, TMI ·


Oct 21, 2008

There’s No Reason Not To Do It

By ·

It’s OK to be nervous if it’s your first time.

If you’re not sure how to do it, there are guides you can read.

You can tell everyone all about doing it, or you can keep it to yourself.

You can do it at night, or you can do it during the day if you don’t have to work.

You could do it at work, too, as long as no one catches you.

You can do it in private or out in public, although people might stare.

You can do it with your clothes off or you can do it with your clothes on.

You might choose to sit your older kids down and explain what it is and why adults do it.

If you’re rushed you can make it a quickie, or you can take it slow and savor each moment.

If you’re not in the mood, you can try again tomorrow.

If the kids are home, you can put on a video for them while you sneak away to do it.

You can invite your friends over to do it together as a group, if you’re into that sort of thing.

Other people may try to tell you the right way to do it, but only you know what works for you.

After you finish, you can have a glass of wine and bask in the glow of what you just did.

*************

What about you?

Yeah, you.

Have you done it?

I’ll confess: I just did it, and it felt great.

Click to enlarge

Wait, what did you think I was talking about?

Ohio’s early voting is currently in progress. You can vote by absentee ballot, or go to any country election office to vote in person. In Franklin County, you can do it in the evening and even on Saturday and Sunday.

Does your state have early voting? Have you voted yet?

Filed Under: politics, pop culture, TMI ·


May 9, 2008

Haiku Friday: A Feminine Topic

By ·

“You’ll feel a small pinch”
said the doctor. Liar. More
like a stabbing pain.

But in a flash it
was over. And now I’m not
fertile (for a time)

A temporary
solution before we make
a permanent choice.

Do I want more kids?
I thought no way, but I can’t
commit to that thought

We now have five years
to decide if there will be
more diapers to change

Sorry to any guys reading this today. I’m sure the last thing you want to read about is birth control.

This week I decided to get an IUD. Partially because I’m sick of condoms and never want to take birth control pills ever again. (Can you say psycho mood swings?) Did it hurt? Well, I’ll say it’s amazing how pain from one small area can radiate up your spine and into your teeth.

This wasn’t exactly the plan we had set up before Mira. Originally, after Mira was born, we were going to wait about six months, and then Aaron was meeting up with a doctor to discuss severing certain cords to prevent any more little people. And after Mira was born – after 21 long hours of labor – I was still committed to that plan.

But as we drew closer to our V-Day, doubts started to creep in. Are we sure we never want another baby? Truth is, we’re not 100% sure. Probably 95% sure, but that lingering 5% still nags me every time I see a fresh new baby, all red, wrinkly and squishy. I think Aaron still wishes for a son, too. We’re not in a position (financially or mentally) to have a third child at the moment, but in a year or two our situation may be different.

So nature and her biological drive to procreate have won this battle for now. Our fertility is halted, but not eliminated. We’ve got up to five years to decide if we want another baby before this IUD has to be removed. If we don’t want another baby by five years, then the vasectomy will be a reality.

(And yes, I know the the IUD has the risk of a surprise pregnancy, too.)

To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:

1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What’s a haiku, you ask? Click here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky below or at Jennifer’s blog with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your generic blog URL). DON’T sign unless you have a haiku this week. If you need help with this, contact Jennifer or myself.

3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button at the top.

REMEMBER: Do not post your link unless you have a haiku this week! We will delete any links without haiku!

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Filed Under: Haiku Fridays, me me me, TMI ·