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Aug 25, 2011

Be Proud!

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Yesterday was Cordy’s first day of first grade. We visited her school the day before that to help prepare her for what was to come. She saw her special needs teacher and reacquainted herself with the classroom. Then we went down the hall to meet her first grade teacher and tour the room.

Cordy was shown where her desk is in her new classroom, as well as where to hang her bag and where the computers were located. (The computers were of highest importance to her, of course.) She noticed her name was left off of a list of names on the chalkboard, and promptly asked her teacher to correct the error.

Then yesterday came, and Cordy picked up her loaded backpack for her first bus ride of the year. There were no tears or hesitation – she happily jumped on the bus and kissed Aaron and I goodbye.

And then I waited, hoping for no call from the school.

To my relief, the phone remained silent. Cordy arrived home in the late afternoon, looking far less put together than she did that morning, and clearly tired from a busy first day.

Beautifully disheveled

I tried to get information out of her about how her day went, but of course she refused to cooperate, only stating that it was “some good, some not so good” and ignoring my more detailed questions. Not knowing the real story, I could only hope that the day went well for her.

After dinner, I then saw an email from her special needs teacher, with the subject of “Be Proud!!!” The detailed story of the day was that Cordy did very well in her first grade classroom. She had an aide with her for most of the day, and required some prompting to get started with tasks, but she completed all of her work and remained in the class all day. Even when the aide wasn’t in the classroom, she held her own.

I’m incredibly proud of her, of course. I’m thrilled she had a great first day and hope she continues to impress and amaze her teachers throughout the year. I may never know what’s fully going on in her mind, but I’m so thankful she’s coming out of her little world to share her bright personality with all of us.

Filed Under: Autism, Cordy, love, school ·


Aug 17, 2011

The Mid-August Meltdown (of mine)

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While I’m spending the week trying to balance having two young girls home with me and somehow sleeping during the day (thanks mom and Aaron for the help!), I’m also keenly aware that the school year begins again starting next week.

I’m always on the verge of a panic attack before the first day of school. Last year, it was due to my disappointment that Cordy wouldn’t be in a mainstream kindergarten class, wondering if she’d miss out and never get the chance to prove she could hold her own with typical peers. It wasn’t a plan I was happy with, but it turned out very well thanks to a teacher who immediately saw Cordy’s potential and a school that is apparently completely caught up in Cordy’s charm. She was gradually introduced to the mainstream class during the year until she was spending nearly half of her day with them.

This year, my sweet Cordelia gets her chance. She will begin homeroom each day by checking in with her special needs teacher, but will then spend (hopefully) all of her school day in a mainstream classroom. This school has never had a split first/second grade classroom (a mix of both grades in one class, with the teacher teaching to individual levels), but this year Cordy will be a part of this special class, and I can’t help but wonder if this class was designed with her in mind.

In our meetings last year, there was a lot of uncertainty about what to do with our smart but socially limited child. If she remained in the special needs class, she’d get individualized academic instruction, but would lack the challenge of learning to survive in a neurotypical world.

If she went to a mainstream first grade, we’d be faced with two options: let her follow the first grade curriculum – a curriculum that her teacher tells us she’s already mastered in kindergarten – or send her to a second grade class for the subjects she’s strongest in: math and reading. The first of those options would leave her bored and therefore prone to act out, and the second option would involve so many transitions from classroom to classroom during her day that we’d be setting her up for failure.

It was during all of these discussions that Aaron and I were strongly considering pulling her out of public school and exploring the idea of a Montessori school. Sure, we’d have to sell a kidney to pay for it, but at least then she’d have an option that had the best chance for success on both the academic and social/emotional fronts.

And then at the end of the year Cordy’s teacher offered up the solution of the split class. She’ll be able to work at a second grade level academically if she’s ready for it, but socially she will have first grade level expectations placed on her. The teacher for this class is well regarded and is already familiar with Cordy. (Her son was a typical peer in Cordy’s preschool class.)

Like I said, it’s as if they designed this class for my daughter.

I took Cordy to the school last week to visit with her special needs teacher, and she discussed this year’s plan with Cordy. I can already tell Cordy is nervous about the change; it’ll likely take a few weeks for her to adjust to this new routine. The teacher walked her to her new classroom, showing Cordy that the two classrooms are just a few doors away from each other and reminding her that she can come visit her special class if she needs a break.

Still…I’m nervous. I want this to work. My heart aches at the thought of Cordy struggling with the social norms of a typical class (what if the kids don’t like her, or worse, what if they tease her?), but I know it’s what she needs to do. Every day I want to wrap her up and hide her away from everything that frightens and upsets her, but I have to draw on my own strength to reassure her and then send her out to face her fears, repeating the process whether she succeeds or fails, over and over again.

Ever since we received the autism diagnosis, I’ve hoped that Cordy could have as normal of a childhood as possible, including an education in a mainstream classroom. She’ll always be eccentric – I wouldn’t expect anything less from my child – and it’s likely she’ll have trouble fitting in. Even if she can’t blend in with the crowd, I want her to better understand how that crowd works and how to work around it.

So I’ll likely be an anxious mess for the next few weeks as we see how well Cordy adapts to her new class. We’re lucky that she has a lot of people interested in seeing her succeed, including those directly involved with her education. It also helps that the kid has a track record for rising to the occasion when needed, and we’re hoping this experience is no different.

Filed Under: Autism, Cordy, growing up, love, school ·


Jun 8, 2011

School’s Out For Summer! Everyone Panic!

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The school year was officially over last week, leaving me to explain the concept of summer break to Cordy and Mira. Neither of them really understands why they have to take three months off of school – I assured them that someday they might be more in favor of the idea, and that if I had it my way they’d be in school year-round.

In the meantime, summer camp is often the solution to the “what do I do with these kids when I still have to work?” problem, and both will be attending a day camp for most of the summer. This year we decided to be smart and send them both to the same summer camp, saving us from having to drive all over half of Columbus to take them each to camp every day.

Cordy and Mira will be in different age groups, and will likely not see much of each other during the day. This is a blessing for their teachers – no one wants to listen to those two bicker and tease each other all day. I have no doubt that Mira will march into her summer classroom and take command of it. When she’s not pretending to be shy, she’s a very outgoing little girl – she’s not the kid who cries at drop-off, but rather the one shoving us out the door. I never worry about that kid in new situations. I could drop her off in a biker bar and she’d be running the place by the end of the day, sporting a pretty new spiked collar she convinced some guy named Pitbull to give her.

On the other hand, I’m preparing for a lot of anxiety with Cordy. She’ll be in the older kids class this year, and will be required to do more on her own. For example, in the pre-camp letter, they explained that kids in her class will need to reapply their own sunscreen during the day. Reading that set off red-alarm sounds in my head. Cordy hates having sunscreen put on to begin with – whether it’s lotion or spray, the feel of it is a major sensory trigger. Having to actually touch it with her hands? That might send her over the edge. I’m already preparing an e-mail to the camp director to address these issues upfront so we can find a solution that won’t stress this kid out.

I fully expect it to be a good summer, though. I only wish camp would have started this week. Instead, it seems all camp programs in our area start next week, leaving a one week gap for parents to scramble for back-up babysitting. Or, if you’re me, selling your kids on the idea of a “movie day” where they can watch every Disney movie with bowls of plentiful snacks around them as long as they’re quiet and let mommy get some sleep on the couch after working the previous night.

(Before you call me out as a bad mom, it was just one day, and it wasn’t the most well-thought-out plan when it came to me getting any rest. Aaron took yesterday off so I could sleep, and my mom is keeping them entertained for the next two days. Sadly, I am not a supermom who can stay awake for 48 hours at a time – although it would be an awesome superpower to have.)

I don’t know how other working parents manage the gap. Do they have backup babysitters on speed-dial? Burn precious vacation days to stay home? Call in the extended family? Turn on PBS, leave out some Goldfish crackers and juice and set up a nanny cam to watch them from work? (Kidding on the last one. Think of all the calls you’d have to make to the answering machine when you see the kids getting into things they shouldn’t.)

By the end of this week Cordy and Mira will be begging to go to camp. And we’ll be happy to take them.

And then all will be right with the world again.

At least until August, when camp ends and there will be a two and a half week gap before school starts.

Better start looking for babysitters now.

Filed Under: being a mom, Cordy, Mira, school, the J-O-B ·


May 20, 2011

Looking Ahead To Back-To-School

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We’re less than two weeks away from the end of the school year in our district. While I should probably be focused on what on earth I plan to do with my children during the summer months (answer: summer camp for most days), I’m actually already looking ahead to the next school year.

Cordy started kindergarten in a way that I wasn’t all that happy with. I had big hopes that she would be deemed “ready” to be placed in a mainstream kindergarten class, having conquered the difficulties brought on from autism.

I occasionally have to remind myself that autism is for life, and many of the challenges it can cause don’t vanish into the mist with a little therapy.

So I grudgingly agreed with the school assessment that she should be placed in a special-needs classroom and given some “inclusion” time with the typical kids. I feared it would mean that she wouldn’t get much time in the other class and would only drive her further away from normal.

I’ll admit I was wrong. Cordy has done very well in her class this year. Her teacher has put in a tremendous amount of work to help her cope with social situations, coach her through her anxieties, and encourage her to spend time in the typical kindergarten class. She’s coaxed Cordy into showing what she knows academically (Cordy is very shy about demonstrating any talent), sharing that she can read at a second grade level and will likely qualify for the gifted education program. And Cordy now spends up to half the school day in the mainstream classroom with few problems.

Why am I concerned with next year then? Easy – I’ve been anxious over determining where she belongs next year.

Cordy is academically advanced for most first grade subjects. Letting her go to a mainstream first grade class would challenge her socially, but would mean she didn’t get the academic challenge she needs. On the other hand, keeping her in a special-needs class would guarantee more specialized academic education, but she wouldn’t get the social challenge she needs.

It’s a dilemma.

Luckily, Cordy’s amazing kindergarten teacher may have come through for us again. She told us that one teacher will have a “split” class next year, meaning it will be made up of a mix of first and second grade kids. Her suggestion is to have Cordy attend that class, while still staying on the homeroom roster for the special-needs classroom.

Here’s how it would work: Cordy would check in with her special needs teacher each morning, then go to class in the mixed grade classroom, where she’d get both the social challenge of being with typical peers and the academic challenge of being in a class that also has second graders. She would be a member of that class, but if she had any problems she could go back to the special-needs class for however long was needed to address the issue that day.

On paper…err, e-mail…it appears to be a fantastic option. I’ve asked to meet the new teacher and hope to do so in the next week to finalize the details of this plan. To say that I’m thrilled that a split class has been formed would be an understatement. A mixed age group is exactly what Cordy needs – ideally, we would have sent her to a Montessori school, but private schools are outside of our budget.

Of course, a lot of the credit for getting this plan in place has to go to my sweet, hard working, preternaturally charming Cordelia. It helps that she has the entire school enchanted with her, from the principal who made an exception to keep her at that school, to other teachers who have declared they want her in their classes when she’s older. Not only has she put forth a lot of effort this year to practice the bizarre (to her) social requirements of society, she’s also fought back some of her stubbornness to allow herself to be taught, all while keeping up her aura of charisma.

For being socially awkward, she sure knows how to reel them in to get what she needs.

Did I mention goofy? That too.

I’m hopeful for the next school year – more hopeful than I’ve ever been, I think.

Filed Under: Autism, Cordy, school ·


Apr 21, 2011

Spring Break is Breaking Me

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I remember when I was in high school and saw a report on the news about the concept of year-round schooling instead of the traditional school year with a long summer break. I was horrified at the idea of having to go to school all year long! I needed that long break from the classroom. Winter break hardly was long enough. Even that one little week of spring break felt like an insult to me.

And now, as a parent with two young children on spring break? Year round school sounds pretty sweet to me. In fact, let’s get rid of spring break, too.

We’re only halfway through spring break and I’m ready to send them back. It doesn’t help that I work an overnight shift, requiring me to either find a babysitter or remain on the couch in a sleepy, hazy fog as I let them destroy the living room and watch far too many episodes of Go, Diego, Go while I try to nap in-between arguments over who gets to sit in the purple chair or who gets to play on the iPad next.

Beyond that, both of my children are creatures of habit who do not like their routines disrupted. Mira isn’t too bad, but Cordy needs her routine. She knows that she has five days of school, followed by two days that are more unstructured. So when Monday arrived and she was on day three of no school routine, she quickly became irritable, hyperactive and whiny. The most exciting thing we did that day was go to the grocery, and even that was a quick trip for fear of child meltdown. The cashier didn’t even card me when I bought wine. He knew.

My mom came over yesterday to spend the day with the girls, and of course the weather was wet and cold, so they stayed in and colored eggs for Easter. If it wasn’t for my earplugs, I probably wouldn’t have had any sleep.

The weather is better today and my mom is coming again (hooray!!) to take them to the zoo. (Double hooray!!) I’m looking forward to sleeping six hours.

Friday, however, will be devoted to my girls. Whatever they want to do, we’ll do. (Within reason, of course.) I feel bad that I’m so tired most of the time and can’t give them the attention they deserve. My mom worked full time, also, and I remember always wanting more time from her than she could give me. When I lose my temper with Cordy or Mira just because I’m tired, I get angry with myself as well because I know that they only want my time. Time is so hard to come by, though.

But I don’t work on Friday night, so I’ll fight the exhaustion to have a fantastic day with my daughters and remember why I love having them around so much.

And then I’ll sign them up for summer camp on Monday.

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Filed Under: being a mom, daily life, family time, school ·