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Feb 28, 2009

Not Everyone Has An Easy Start

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I have to admit that both of my girls had a fairly easy time with birth. Cordy was a scheduled c-section during the 38th week because she was determined to never come out and had arranged herself in such a way to guarantee that. She was unaware that doctors could forcibly remove her by surgery. I still remember how pissed off she was at being dragged out into the cold air, and I’m not sure she’s ever completely forgiven us for that.

Mira was an extremely uncomplicated birth, other than the fact that she waited a full week past the due date to make her appearance.

I’m lucky that both of my girls were born healthy, requiring no assistance in breathing or feeding. Some aren’t so lucky, though, and have to fight much harder for their place in this world.

If you haven’t met Mama Spohr (Heather) yet, you should really take the time to go read her blog. She has a beautiful little girl named Maddie who had a very rough start to life. Maddie was born at 28 weeks after Heather had been on bedrest for 19 weeks because of pregnancy complications.

Heather had PPROM, which is an acronym for Preterm Premature Rupture of Membranes, which is medical-speak for premature baby coming now – NOT GOOD. Maddie was rushed to the NICU when she was born, where the medical team fought to keep her alive. At times her lungs would rupture with tiny holes, forcing air into her chest cavity. The slightest touch could overstimulate her and send her heart rate plummeting downward. (Note: I’ve seen this happen in the NICU – it’s amazing how strong yet delicate preemies are!)

More than once Heather was told her daughter would not survive. But thanks to a well-trained team, a state-of-the-art NICU, and of course Maddie’s strong-willed spirit, she’s here today.

One reason I agreed to be a March of Dimes Mom is that I stand firmly behind the research and advances they have helped make happen. There was a time when nothing could be done to save a baby when the mom suffered a PPROM, and preemies under 32 weeks had a small chance at survival. Now NICU doctors and nurses are saving babies born at 23 weeks gestation. As the technology improves, outcomes will improve also, and hopefully fewer babies will be born too soon.

Heather is participating in the March of Dimes March for Babies on April 25 in Los Angeles. She’s already done an amazing amount of fundraising, and at this very moment is only $140 away from her $2000 goal. To help get more donations, she’s giving away an all-in-one printer and Kodak digital camera – every dollar donated counts as one entry. Her contest ends tonight, but you can still donate beyond today, too.

I want to see her surpass her goal. This money goes directly to help fund research so children like Maddie get that help they need to survive. And even if you don’t have the money to spare, check out her blog and cheer her on, OK?

Filed Under: big issues, love, mom blogs, people who don't suck ·


Dec 24, 2008

Giving and Getting

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Today I loaded up the back of our Hyundai with several items for the Columbus YWCA family shelter. My goal was to pay forward some of the generosity that an anonymous friend had passed on to me, and so with a handful of $20’s in hand, I went to Target yesterday and bought as much as I could.

diapers and formula = expensive

I also added a Mrs. Goodbee dollhouse. When I did a review for this dollhouse, I was sent two of them, with the intention that I would give the second away to an organization that can use it. The YWCA has an on-site childcare center and the dollhouse will be a perfect addition there.

Finally, knowing they were in need of all baby items, including basics like baby shampoo and lotion, I thought I’d send a quick request to Johnson & Johnson to ask if they would like to donate anything. When I went to their Camp Baby event in April, I was impressed by their presentation about J&J’s involvement in community projects and charity works. Asking for a donation was worth a shot, right?

Totally worth trying.

And they didn’t disappoint – despite the distribution center being in a blackout period, Lori and Alex put together a box full of J&J baby products and sent it out quickly so I could add it to the donation. They have my gratitude for taking the time to support this family shelter, all at the request of a B-minus-at-best blogger. (BTW, J&J has a blog, too.)

When I brought everything to the shelter today, it was full of residents spending time in the community area. Kids aren’t in school right now, so several kids were trying to run off their energy as best they could indoors. I heard babies crying from all corners of the room.

As one of the shelter workers helped me bring everything inside, a few boys caught sight of the dollhouse and came running, their mouths and eyes open wide in amazement. Several people gave soft cheers as the diapers and formula wheeled past them. Each person I saw met my gaze with one of equal kindness and warmth.

The staff were thrilled to see the J&J box and told me the diapers were needed right away. They were very busy, so I quickly filled out the necessary paperwork, shyly accepted one more round of thanks, and left. Had I the time, I think I would be content to spend an hour or two there chatting with the residents, but sadly my day was far too busy to stay today.

I think the YWCA family shelter will be seeing more of me – I’m adopting it as my charity for the next year, and will do what I can to help provide supplies.

Thanks again to J&J and to my anonymous giver – you helped me make this cold month a little better for so many others, which is one of the best gifts I could give – and get.

(And that feeling of goodwill helped dull the blow that came later in the day when I found out our girls are losing their health insurance. Aaron’s contract job makes more than the monthly limit to qualify for the state’s children’s health insurance, even though it’s only a 2-3 month contract and if you look at our yearly income we’ll more than qualify. Once the contract ends we can go through the reapplication process. Bureaucracy can #suckit.)

Filed Under: big issues, people who don't suck ·


Dec 11, 2008

What Would You Do If $100 Fell Into Your Lap?

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When I sorted through the mail this afternoon, I was struck by a small card addressed to me. Ah, the first Christmas card of the season! I thought. I looked it over, not finding a return address. Strange.

The real surprise came when I opened the envelope. (Actually, it had been opened already on the side – not sure if some postal worker carefully ripped it open or our moist weather split the seam. I’m guessing the latter.) Inside was a simple holiday wishes card, and 5 $20 bills. Wait, what? $100! I quickly scanned the inside of the card to see who sent this, but there was no name.

I was completely confused for a moment. Who sent us a card and forgot to sign it? It was then that Aaron pointed out that it was only addressed to me and it was from Chattanooga, TN. It was most likely not from any family.

An anonymous gift of $100. Wow.

So, in the very likely case that my secret Santa reads this blog, I’d like to say thank you. Your gift was amazing and generous and worthy of the tears that came to my eyes.

And with practically no hesitation, I decided I’m planning to use part of the money to pass on your random act of kindness to others. 2008 has quite possibly been the suckiest year I’ve ever had, but I think we can agree this has been a disastrous year for many. Yet we’ve kept our house thus far, and while we still have no long-term employment or health insurance (except for the kids, thanks to SCHIP), Aaron has a contract job that is providing a decent income for last month and this month, and we have great family and friends who are incredibly supportive. Looking at all of that, we’re wealthy compared to many.

I’m planning to invest at least half of this gift into formula and diapers for my local YWCA. They are one of the few family shelters in Columbus, where entire families can remain together while they try to get back on their feet. I first learned about their services last month while in my nursing school clinical. At the hospital I cared for a woman who told me she was living at the YWCA shelter with her husband and kids. I asked a few questions and found out they both had good full time jobs, but then both were laid off, and soon after their house was foreclosed on when they couldn’t find new jobs. It spiraled down until they found themselves at a shelter so they weren’t sleeping in their car.

In different circumstances, my family could be that family. The YWCA provides so many services for these families with nowhere else to go, including childcare, in-house tutors and after-school programs for older kids, meals, and employment assistance. Right now on their website, they are asking for diapers and other baby supplies, as their current demand is outpacing their supply. They received 2000 diapers last month, but needed over 2500.

I also want to help them because of an article I read recently about mothers watering down formula to make it last longer, often leading to infant malnutrition and life-threatening conditions as a result. Many moms don’t realize that cutting formula with more water is dangerous. But due to the economic conditions, formula is hard to buy, hard to keep in stock at food banks, and is now such a prized possession that it’s being stolen in record numbers. I can’t imagine stealing anything, but were I desperate and had an infant who needed food, I would probably steal formula to make sure she could eat.

While my girls have lots of “wants” (Cordy’s change daily, it seems), I know their needs are met. Using a large portion of this gifted money to help other children’s needs seems like the right thing to do. I hope you’re OK with that, anonymous gifter. I promise I’ll use a little bit of it for something for myself, and the girls will each get a small gift, too. But I’d like to use most of it to continue the spirit of giving. I’ve been wishing I could do more to help those who are so desperate for the basic necessities, and your gift is helping make that possible for me.

Thanks again. I’m genuinely touched by this random act of kindness and humbled that someone thought I deserved this. Whoever you are, you rock.

(And yes, I’ll admit I’m really curious who this is from, mostly because I’m wondering who has my address?)

(And to everyone else – have you practiced a random act of kindness lately?)

(One more parentheses and I’m done, I swear: visit Her Bad Mother to see how she’s giving back to those more needy, including offering up an iPod to her readers. Plus there’s a great Charlie Brown clip.)

Filed Under: holidays, people who don't suck ·


Oct 27, 2008

Amazed At Democracy In Action

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While I filled out my absentee ballot last week, Aaron still had not received his, so on Saturday we decided to go to the county Board of Elections so that he could cast his ballot early.

I’m impressed at how flexible the county is for early voting. Here in Columbus, you can vote any of the seven days of the week, with morning, afternoon and evening hours available. Since early voting has been open for three weeks, we didn’t expect it to be very busy late on a Saturday afternoon.

Ha.

Here was the parking lot we encountered (sorry for the fuzzy camera phone pics):

At times they were directing traffic

And here was what we found at the top of the stairs:

That’s a line wound around a rope guide four times, and it still continued around the curtains

There were hundreds of people in line, with new people steadily streaming in as others walked out after voting. The Democrats were out in the parking lot, politely inquiring if we would like to have a Democrat sample ballot. (It basically shows you who all of the Dems are in the county elections.) Many people accepted the small piece of paper with thanks, while a few said no thank you and continued on, and the volunteers thanked them in return. There were no Republican volunteers there, but I would think everyone would be just as polite if they were there, also.

There’s no way I could say for sure which way people would vote just by looking at them, but based on the number of people who happily accepted Democrat ballots, or those who specifically aimed themselves towards a volunteer, I’d guess that more than 50% were voting Democrat. (And that’s with me being cynical and assuming 30% of the people took one of the handouts just to be polite – in total, I saw roughly 80% of people taking the sample ballots as I looked out the window.)

While I waited for Aaron to wind his way through the line, I watched the people coming in and out. The mood was energetic and in some cases, downright jubilant. A television crew was wandering the waiting area, looking for first time voters to interview. They found young college students, often voting together in packs, who said they understood the importance of this election and want to make sure their voices are heard. The crew also found immigrants of all ages who were voting for the first time, either because they had recently become citizens, or because they felt like they had something to vote for this time.

The crowd was a very diverse mix, with people of all ages and ethnicities there. I saw many families with young children in line, and I saw families assisting their very old relatives. The line was long, but no one seemed to mind that much. 20-somethings high-fived each other as they emerged from the voting area, and I saw one elderly African-American woman walking slowly with a cane towards the stairs with a big smile on her face, telling those with her, “That was worth the wait! Oh yes it was!”

After an hour, Aaron finally emerged and we left. There was still another 15 minutes before early voting closed for the day, and the line had already been cut off, so there were not quite as many people there. I was stunned by the number of people at early voting. While I had hoped that people would take advantage of early voting, I never thought I’d see so many people so interested in the democratic process. And so many young people, too – who says that America’s youth aren’t interested in their government?

It really felt good.

Filed Under: people who don't suck, politics ·


Oct 23, 2008

Visiting The World Of What Could Have Been

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Cordy had her annual check-up with her pediatrician two days ago, and this time it was with the ped that saw her during her entire first year of life. OK, she’s actually a pediatric nurse practitioner, but typing that out every single time will cramp my fingers, so let’s just call her the ped, OK? This particular ped left the practice due to family issues when Cordy was a little over a year old, and just recently came back to work again. I was thrilled to see she was back, so I made sure to schedule Cordy with her.

(I’ll also add how thankful I am that we have a great pediatric group. They’re not covered by the state insurance that the girls now have, but the office worked out a reduced cost visits deal with us so we wouldn’t have to change peds until we have better insurance again.)

Cordy always has a problem with the doctor’s office. But she has matured a little, so I hoped it wouldn’t be as bad this year. When we were called back, things started off very well – she actually took off her shoes and stepped on the scale to get height/weight measurements with only a little prodding. We once again confirmed that she is maintaining her Amazon status: 43 inches tall, 45 pounds. She’s only 5 inches away from riding most adult roller coasters and sitting in the front seat of a car – and she just turned 4!

But when the nurse led us into the tiny examining room, Cordy’s discomfort with the situation began to get to her. The nurse tried to take her blood pressure, but only got as far as wrapping the cuff around her arm before Cordy started to squirm and beg to take it off. The nurse tried to calm her down, but she only got more upset. At this point, the nurse turned to me and asked rather sharply, “Is there some behavioral issue or condition I should know about?”

I was a little taken aback by the wording, and stuttered out, “Well, yeah…uh…she has autism,” and then quickly added, “but is high-functioning and has made a lot of progress.” Like I needed to justify it or something.

The nurse stepped back and took off the blood pressure cuff. “Ah, well, then I won’t bother with this. Did they take her blood pressure last year?”

“Well, no. They were kind of afraid of her at her appointment last year. But you can see she’s doing much better now.”

The nurse nodded, asked a few more questions and then left. Cordy started to get manic in response to the situation, climbing on the exam table, spinning around to rip the paper, and standing up on the table. The minutes it took for the ped to come in felt like days.

It was great to see this ped again. She is gentle spoken and approaches children slowly with an air of friendliness. I absolutely love how she interacts with children. Cordy didn’t appear threatened as she looked at the ped and said, “Hi doctor, I have a boo-boo on my leg. Can you fix it?” (She has a scratch on her leg.)

As the ped looked through Cordy’s records, she asked us questions about Cordy’s autism, when and where we had evaluations done, and what therapy she currently receives. She paused when she got to Cordy’s growth charts, looking carefully at the head circumference chart and flipping back through various doctors’ notes at the same time.

“Were you aware of how big her head was when she was two?” she asked us. “I mean, her head size was already off the charts at 15 and 18 months, but look here.” She showed us the growth chart, which I already knew by heart. “At two years old, her head size makes a dramatic jump, way off the charts. Did the doctor bring it up at that visit?”

“No.” I replied. The truth is, after this ped left, we saw several different doctors and nurse practitioners after her. It seems like every time I tried to schedule a new appointment for Cordy, I was told that her previous doctor was no longer there, so I’d have to see a new one. I didn’t like the lack of a consistent pediatrician, but most of them seemed nice enough.

“And she wasn’t evaulated until she was nearly three?”

“That’s right. I decided to have her evaluated after Aaron and I became concerned with her behavior.”

She shook her head. “They really dropped the ball on this. If I had seen her head size at two years old, I would have immediately looked into screening for autism and ordered a CT scan to make sure everything was OK. A head circumference that large at that age is always seen as a concern. There is a correlation between larger heads and higher intelligence, but children with autism tend to have larger head sizes – and many have high IQs – and it can be an early indicator that can lead to earlier diagnosis and treatment.”

This bit of news only confirmed what I already knew. I remember Cordy’s well-checks when she was younger, and I remember watching her head circumference continue rising further and further away from that 100th percentile line. I was concerned, and I expressed my concerns, but I was waved off with a laugh and a “big head equals big brains, right?” from the peds at that time. No one seemed concerned, and so I continued to believe that her behavior was a result of inheriting her parents’ stubborn and strong-willed natures. Hindsight is 20/20, of course, but I wish one of her doctors would have noticed or said something.

Cordy resisted for much of the physical exam, as expected. We measured her head circumference again, just to see how much it had changed from her two year measurement. They don’t have growth charts that track head size past three years old, but her measurement was very close to her two year measurement. The ped told us that since it’s been two years without much of a change in circumference, and since Cordy has shown progress at school in her behavior, she wouldn’t recommend a CT scan now. But she added that she’s really disappointed that no one else paid attention to the signs earlier.

I’m thankful that Cordy is a healthy child who rarely gets sick. And Mira is much the same way. They both have the occasional cold or stomach bug, but it doesn’t slow them down much. And I’m glad to have Cordy’s old ped back, and I think Mira will start seeing her too. I couldn’t help but notice at Mira’s 15 month well-check that her head circumference has gone up and is now hovering just under the 100th percentile mark, taunting us with the possibility of jumping over that line at the next visit.

I don’t see any signs of autism in Mira, though, and I hope none will develop. However, she is being evaluated in two weeks for a possible speech delay – at nearly 17 months, she still can’t fully say a single word. She tries hard, but words come out as a strange warped version of what she’s trying to say. The musicality of a word is there, but few of the sounds come close to matching. I probably wouldn’t be concerned if it wasn’t for the fact that I remember Cordy talking up a storm and starting to count at this age. I brought up the issue at her last well-check and her ped recommended an evaluation after hearing my worries.

I guess the lesson from all of this is that even pediatricians are fallible. The best advocate for your child is yourself – you know your child better than anyone else. Ask lots of questions, and don’t be afraid to push an issue. If I had pushed the issue two years ago, it’s possible Cordy could have started therapy sooner and be at a higher level of progress than she currently is.

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Filed Under: Autism, being a mom, big issues, Cordy, Mira, people who don't suck ·