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Mar 8, 2013

Ten Years

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It was on this day, ten years ago, that I stood in front of our friends and family and said “I do” to joining in marriage with Aaron.

Ten years. Wow.

Some things have changed since that time, while others stay the same. We have a house now, and a dog, although two of our cats have been with us all along. The only blogging I did at the time was on LiveJournal, but now blogging is a much bigger deal. Aaron still makes his weekly pilgrimage to the comic book store, and ten years of added comics makes me glad we bought a house larger than needed at the time.

And of course we are now parents to two beautiful daughters. That’s a big change.

 (They can be a little silly, too.)

The past ten years have been…interesting. I can’t say they’ve been totally awesome, because there have been a lot of painful moments mixed in with the happy ones. Our life together was nearly ripped apart at one point. But that’s real life, isn’t it? The vows say “for better or worse” but many people don’t think about the “worse” that could come their way, because it’s a happy day full of promise for the future.

The biggest myth about marriage is expecting it to be effortless like the media prefers to portray it. It’s not. It takes effort and determination and work, the levels of which can vary from day to day. You occasionally have to be utterly selfless, painfully swallowing your ego and setting aside your wants for the sake of the other person and for the sake of your partnership. However, it IS a partnership, and your partner will (should?) do the same for you when needed as well. And the rewards from each person making those small sacrifices are exponentially greater than what was given up.

(Kinda like a rehearsal for parenting, eh?)

We’ve been through ten years of absolute joy and plenty of struggle, and we’re still together. We learned how to be partners, how to work through our problems, and how to keep love going even when the newness starts to fade. It hasn’t always been easy, but it’s not always hard either.

I can look back at our first ten years of marriage and say we’ve learned a great deal about how to make a life together. I doubt we’ve figured it all out, but I don’t think that happens for a long, long time. If ever! But that’s OK, it gives us something to work towards.

Today on our tenth anniversary, I hope for many more years together for Aaron and I, and I hope our family will prosper in the years ahead. As cliche as it sounds, I’m so thankful to have married my best friend. I love you, dear, and I love our geeky little family.

Ready to take on the world together. (Yes, I had to throw another Disney picture in.)
Filed Under: Aaron, daily life, love, me me me, memories, more than parents ·


Apr 20, 2012

Geeky Pursuits

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It’s no secret that we’re a family of geeks. Aaron and I met many years ago when performing at the Ohio Renaissance Festival. At our wedding, the music we used for the entrance to our reception was the Throne Room music from Star Wars. Aaron still reads comics. A lot. We love Doctor Who and several other sci-fi dramas. Our daughters have dressed up as superheroes more than once and can recognize many of the great figures in nerddom.

You get the point.

Lately, my darling husband has developed a new hobby: superhero costuming. As in, he is making costumes so he can dress up like superheroes at sci-fi or comic conventions. 

 this is him as Spiderman
featured on MTV’s website from C2E2 this past weekend (he’s the Batman on the left)
posing with a kid as Superman

I said we were a geeky family, folks. You’re suddenly viewing us in a WHOLE new light now, aren’t you?

When I say hobby, what I really mean is obsession. For the past six months, this subject has consumed him more than any other. He’s spent much of his free time on costuming websites, message boards, and now Facebook groups. His Facebook friends have grown dramatically, and suddenly his friends list contains more strangers to me than people I know. He’s even working to form a local chapter of a non-profit group that sends out members dressed as superheros to visit sick kids in hospitals, participate in charity events, etc.

There are some upsides. His costumes look very good, and it’s motivated him to work out more to look good in them, too. Spandex is unforgiving. He gets lots of praise and attention for the costumes, which I’m sure is a self-esteem boost. Choosing to do charity events to bring a smile to sick kids makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and love him even more for his generous heart.

So what in the world am I getting at in this post?

As geeky as we are as a family, this costuming thing is driving me nuts.

I fully supported him when he started it. He’s always been a comic fan, so it was a natural extension of his interests. But as it developed into an obsession, well, I’ve felt left behind. As he sits on the couch each night, his eyes are glued to message board and his costuming Facebook groups. His Facebook page is almost entirely about costuming now.

When he’s working on a new costume, he’s consumed with wanting to get it done and anything that gets in the way leaves him grumpy and irritable. And then there are the women who are really into costuming, too, who get a little too touchy, close or clingy with him at conventions. I try not to get jealous, however I’d be lying if I didn’t admit it puts a stress on our relationship.

But there’s also this: he wants me to join in and dress up with him.

Many years ago, I used to design and make costumes. I used much of my graduation money from college to purchase a very fancy computerized sewing machine that can do everything except make you coffee and sew the damn thing for you. I made renaissance costumes for friends and for myself. I was good enough that people even bough some from me. At one time I was working on a Master’s degree in costume design.

(Another surprise for you? Yeah, this onion has LOTS of layers. It’s like you never knew me, right? And hey, I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up!)

After having kids, though, sewing dropped off the radar. It was a hobby I no longer had time for and since we no longer performed at the renaissance festival, there wasn’t a need to make new costumes. Work and a screaming, colicky baby who turned into a grumpy, tantrum-prone toddler kept me away from scissors, needles and thread. Probably good to keep me away from pointy things, considering my mood at the time.

I haven’t used that fancy sewing machine in six years. So when Aaron asked me to help in making his costumes, I resisted due to forgetting many skills. Also: I’m busy. Work, kids, getting this house decluttered – when do I have time for sewing?

But asking me to dress up, too? I’m just not sure what to do. I know he really, really wants me to do it. He thinks it would be a fun hobby to do together (he’d love to get the kids dressed up, too) and continually suggests characters I could become. He’s even enlisted the help of his Facebook friends to brainstorm ideas for me of characters I’ve never even heard of.

I feel pressured, though. I’m not nearly as into this idea as him, and I’m already annoyed at how much time (and money) he sinks into it. As it is, we have so many other things that need to get done first that I don’t have time to think about hobbies. And I don’t want to spend all of my free time going to conventions in costumes – I want us to do a lot of different activities as a family. Maybe even see the sunshine once in awhile. I also am a little more shy and don’t necessarily like everyone looking at me.

We’ve discussed the issue already, and Aaron concedes he’s been a little obsessed and needs to cut back on his hobby. It can’t take up all of his spare time, and beyond hobbies there are still a lot more responsibilities we need to devote more time to as well. He’s agreed to cut back and try to give more focus to the home and other family activities.

But he’d still like me to join him when he does dress up. I don’t know what to do at this point. My irrational mind worries that if I don’t meet him halfway and participate that he’ll continue down that path without me and eventually we’ll be two people with drastically different interests who have nothing in common. (Can I follow an idea to the dramatic, extreme end or what?)

I’m not against the idea…I’m just not excited about it, probably because I already resent how much time and energy this hobby has absorbed. I’m not going to ask him to stop entirely, either – that’s just silly, and I do support the charity work he wants to do with it. There just needs to be balance. And boundaries.

I don’t know if participating only to support my husband and his interests would possibly lead to having a lot of fun in the process, or if my lack of passion would only make me resent it?

They don’t cover these kinds of issues in the imaginary marriage handbook. If your spouse has a hobby he’s passionate about and wants you to get involved so you can share it together, do you go along with it even if you’re not as interested? What do you think?

Filed Under: Aaron, clearly insane, daily life, more than parents, pop culture, TMI ·


Mar 13, 2012

Two Nights In The Woods – Internet Isolation

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Aaron and I celebrated our nine year anniversary by visiting the scenic Hocking Hills for three days last week. I found a great deal for the Inn at Cedar Falls (not a review thing at all – bought and paid for and well worth the money) and so we left our city and drove to the hills to stay at our own little cottage in the woods.

Yes, a small cottage in the woods. Although not a very rustic cottage, however:

King-size bed, gas fireplace, indoor plumbing with hot tub – I loved it so much.

But in some ways, it was very rustic. As in, no phone in the cottage, no TV, no internet, and no cell phone service. We were completely cut off from the rest of the world. A chance to get away from technology and simply focus on each other, right?

So we must have looked insane as we sat in the inn’s restaurant with our iPhones, connecting to the restaurant’s wifi and desperately trying to angle our phones just right to get a cell signal to send out a text.

We might have an itty-bitty internet addiction problem.

OK, so that wasn’t all of our weekend. We did enjoy a (fantastic, incredible, amazing) dinner at the restaurant that night (in-between checking Facebook), and back in the cottage we played card games, watched The Muppets on DVD (what? No one said we couldn’t bring our laptops if there was no TV!), took full advantage of the hot tub, and enjoyed being together without the kids.

And then on our second day there, the weather switched from pouring rain to brilliant sunshine. So we went hiking. We didn’t plan on doing more than the easy trail at one park. Instead, we did the difficult trail at that one, and then went hiking in two other parks as well. Total hiking time was over four hours in the day!We had so much fun, and were in awe of the beauty of nature around us.

Waterfall at Ash Cave – tallest waterfall in Ohio
Hanging out in Old Man’s Cave.
More from the trail near Old Man’s Cave

Cedar Falls (one of the side waterfalls)

When we got home, we felt out-of-place surrounded by all of our technology again. It was good to be home, but it was an odd transition.

I highly recommend taking your significant other into the woods away from all technology. Well, keep the indoor plumbing and heat, of course, but no connection to the outside world. It’s a great way to reconnect, to discover new aspects to your partner, and to laugh at each other as you climb over your partner holding your phone just so pointing out a window to try for that one bar of cell signal.

Totally worth it.

Filed Under: Aaron, clearly insane, love, me me me, memories, more than parents ·


Aug 12, 2011

Fashion: When Are You Too Old?

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So after returning from BlogHer, where I spent five days with 3000+ women who were all looking fantastic in their own ways, I found out yesterday that an article I was interviewed for was published at CNN. The topic revolved around moms dressing like their teenagers, or in my case, older women who shop in the Juniors’ department of a store.

It’s a quick read – go check it out, I’ll wait.

I think the article does a great job of explaining why it’s OK to shop in the same place as a teenager as long as you’re dressing in a flattering way for your body type. Just because you’re in Hollister doesn’t mean you can’t find a simple, well-fitting t-shirt that doesn’t reveal too much. Of course, I’m writing that sentence as if I have any idea what kind of clothing Hollister carries.

There’s so much I can say on this topic beyond my quotes in the article. Do I think any teen fashion can be adopted by a 30- or 40-something mom? No way. But depending on your body type you can find cute clothing in a store focused on a younger population, or even the Juniors’ section at Kohl’s, that is still appropriate and tasteful for an older woman.

(Gah. I just lumped myself in as older. ‘Scuse me while I go take my fiber pill now…)

When I was younger and in that “appropriate” age range for these stores, I didn’t fit the clothing. I was heavier, I had self-esteem issues, and so I was far more comfortable hiding myself in baggy jeans and loose sweatshirts. I’m still a big fan of casual clothing, but having dropped some weight – both in pounds and in psychological baggage – I can appreciate clothing that’s a little more flattering to my shape. There’s no chance I’ll be sporting a mini skirt and crop top anytime soon, of course; I know my limits. I shop now for clothing that is comfortable and makes me happy when I wear it, no matter where it came from.
It’s always interesting to read the negative comments in the article, too: moms who wear teen clothing must be slutty. If you’re a mom, you shouldn’t care what you look like anymore. If you want to look nice, you’re just shallow and self-absorbed. *eyeroll*

Let’s play a little game: here are some of the outfits I wore at BlogHer this year. I’ll state up-front that I have no intentions of winning a fashion award anytime soon. Guess which one came from the Juniors’ department:

Thursday in the Expo hall

Thursday night: strapless dress & crochet cardigan

Friday night: lavender lace dress (sorry, can’t find a photo in color)

Saturday morning: brown ruffled, layered top and jeans

Saturday – another view of the same outfit, with Elmo totally checking me out

OK, so what’s your guess? Which one was designed for a teenager and not a 35 year old mom?

…

insert Jeopardy music here …

…

SURPRISE! It’s the brown layered-look shirt. Yep, this beauty of full-coverage-yet-fashionable ruffles and layers comes from the Juniors’ section of Kohl’s. The other outfits? Lee jeans, H&M top, JC Penney dress from the women’s section, and Ruche lace dress.

I found similar tops to the Kohl’s layered top in the women’s section, too, but they didn’t fit me as well. They were too boxy and made me look completely shapeless. The teen version is better fitted through the midsection and I received several compliments while wearing it. The jeans aren’t from the teen section, of course – no teen jeans would ever fit my hips.

My final thoughts: I’m no fashion plate. I can count dozens more who are more fashionable than me. But I do like to dress in a way that makes me feel pretty. Clothing is both a shallow topic and a subject that we wrap up in our self-worth. It can be a form of expression and a signal of our inner feelings. It can be a tool to empower us or a weapon to tear us down. While I don’t think women should invest so much of our self-worth into a piece of fabric, I do consider it reasonable that we can enjoy what we wear.

My belief is that we’re all smart women – we know what is appropriate for us. Wear what makes you look and feel your best no matter where it came from, whether it be Forever 21 or Forever 65. Because if you feel good about yourself, it’ll be reflected in everything you do, including the all-important task of building self-esteem in your children. It doesn’t matter if you’re raising your kids in a sweatshirt or a pair of pink heels as long as you’re confident in yourself.

What do you think? Are there certain stores that we shouldn’t shop in? Should women who reach a certain age be shunned from the Juniors’ section completely? Is it possible to follow fashion and not be accused of dressing like a teen or being a bad mom (unless you’re Jennifer Lopez)?

Filed Under: being a mom, BlogHer11, me me me, more than parents, pop culture, shameless bragging ·


Nov 3, 2009

Perspective

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When I was a teen, growing up in a small Ohio town that I considered (back then) to be backwards, small-minded, and too confining for me, I dreamed of getting out of there and living a grand life. I had no idea what I wanted to do, but whatever it was, it was going to be exciting, it was going to open my world to new ideas and cultures, and I would never look back. Life would be one new experience after another.

It was also during that time in my life that I never planned to grow old. (I also was in my “Kids? NEVER!” phase of life.) No, I didn’t mean I was going to find some fountain of youth – I actually thought that I would die before I ever had the chance to crack a wrinkle on my face. Growing old seemed uninteresting, and losing my vitality and my ability to keep up with the world was my greatest fear. Instead, going out in a blaze of glory while I was still young was far more appealing.

Let’s not forget that, as a teen, 30 seemed old.

After I graduated high school, I didn’t have quite the exciting life I dreamed up in my room at night. But I did do some cool things in my late teens and early 20’s. I went to a university where I met people who were vastly different than those from my small hometown, and I did open my mind to new thoughts and ideas. I dyed my hair every shade of red imaginable. I spent a summer in England, almost refusing to go back home at the end.

I drove really, really fast. I conquered my fear of heights and did a bungee cord free-fall. I became a modern-day pseudo-hippie and joined the cast of a renaissance festival for nearly 10 years. I still had the motto that life was short and I wasn’t planning on seeing old age.

And then I found a man I loved, and we married and had children.

The teen me never expected that part.

Now I’m in my thirties, with two young daughters, and I can’t imagine that life I dreamed up when I was younger. I’m more cautious now. I still drive fast, but only a little over the speed limit, and less so when the kids are in the car. I care about things like nutrition and I see my doctor regularly. I stopped dying my hair when I was pregnant and haven’t really gone back since. Surprisingly, I think I like the somewhat-routine life I’ve shaped in Columbus, Ohio, even if it is a little boring at times.

But I’m still struggling with the idea of aging. Part of the problem is I still feel like a teen at times. I’m still (mostly) in touch with pop culture: I listen to pop music, I love The Vampire Diaries, and I think I’m a pretty good texter. When someone looks to me as a voice of experience, I’m always surprised because I feel like I’m still the inexperienced one in all things. It amazes me to realize that teens now are closer to Cordy in age than they are to me. High school was half a lifetime ago. Wow. It doesn’t seem that long. I can’t really be in my thirties, can I?

As for dying young – are you kidding me? I have a family who needs me! I have two little girls to raise! At this point I’m trying to live to at least 100, if not 150!

This morning I opened a box from the mail and found a sample of anti-aging face cream. As I examined my face in the mirror, I knew I’d passed the imaginary “old” line that I drew in the sands of time as a teen. I have small wrinkles around my eyes now, probably from excessive laughing and never wearing my sunglasses. My skin is beginning to sag at my jawline, excess from my years of never turning down a pizza party or going to get ice cream with friends. My tweezers can no longer fight back the white hairs sprouting from my temples. (OK, those I blame entirely on my children.) And let’s not forget those damn dark hairs I have to pluck from my chin and neck – where did those even COME FROM?

Truth is, I am the person anti-aging creams are aimed at. Not my grandmother, or my mom – ME. And it means I’m growing old. Those who know me in person know I’m not exactly vain – I’m about as low-maintenance as they come. I rarely wear make-up and I don’t spend a lot of time on my appearance. However, I now understand why these creams and potions are so popular. I don’t want to wrinkle, I don’t want to slow down, but most of all, I don’t want to acknowledge in any way that I’m creeping ever closer to old age and the end of my days. (Even if that time is a LONG, LONG, LONG way away.)

While I dislike getting older, the thought of not being here at all scares me far more. At this point in my life, I’ll do whatever it takes to live longer and be healthy enough to be here for my family. Forget exciting and adventurous – watching my children grow and learn is far more fulfilling. I’ll take reading books to my kids over backpacking in the Scottish highlands (nearly) any day now. I expect to be there for them through all of the challenges life throws their way. My family has given me an entirely new direction in my life.

I’m glad the life plans I drew up as a teen never materialized. I like being a mom and I appreciate my normal, often-not-exciting life. And while I may not like the wrinkles and what they remind me of, there will always be anti-wrinkle cream for that, right?

Edited to add: Now that I’ve written about how I always feel like the inexperienced one, David Wescott tries to prove me wrong honors me by naming me as one of his female role models. Considering the amazing women I’m listed with, I can only say thank you and I hope I’ll continue to prove that I deserve to be among that group.

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Filed Under: me me me, memories, more than parents ·