Hi Santa. I know you get a lot of requests this time of year, and many of them come from those far more in need than me. While my own two children are busy thinking up all of the toys and books they want you to bring them, I thought I might go ahead and put in a few requests of my own.

Santa, for Christmas this year I’d like the gift of time. As a busy mom of two who also works full-time, this seems to be the one thing I’m lacking the most in my life. I want more time to give my daughters the attention they so desperately need, and time to give my husband the attention he deserves. Too often I look back on a day and wonder why I didn’t get a single moment to focus all of my attention on each family member individually. It wouldn’t have to be a lot of time – just enough so that each of them knows how much they mean to me.

With more time I could also once again find joy in hobbies I’ve left behind, take better care of myself, and visit with friends I so rarely see. I’d use some of that time towards my work, too, thinking up new ways to make my job more efficient and more valuable.

I could even write more.

The next thing on my wish-list would be patience. You see, I’ve been good this year, Santa, but I’ll admit I’m far from perfect. Not having enough time has resulted in more stress, which too often manifests in a lack of patience towards everyone around me. I don’t want my daughters to have another year remembering their mother as that woman who looks over her laptop monitor at them and continues to work as they talk to her, or answers every question with, “Can you just wait a minute? Mommy’s busy,” or who won’t wait for them to do things that kids naturally take more time doing, like getting dressed or eating. I want to yell less and say “yes” more, allowing myself to move at their pace instead of my own hurried pace.

And Santa, if I can squeeze in one more gift I’d like for Christmas, it would be a two-fer gift. You know I hate feeling insecure – a need for security has been such a strong influence in my life – so I’d love to feel more financially secure in the next year. A permanent position with my job, health insurance, a permanent job for Aaron – that would be an awesome gift. But to go with that gift, I’d hope to receive a hefty dose of gratitude as well, so that I may appreciate what I’ve been given and be presented with opportunities to use those gifts to help others as well.

I know moms probably aren’t on the top of your list, Santa, but I hope you’ll consider my requests. If you can’t find such rare gifts, I’ll understand – after all, I do have a lot of good things in my life right now that are gifts I get to experience everyday. These wishes, however, would be totally better than any pony I might have wished for in years past. (Ahem…or every year from 5-10 years old.)

Thanks for your time, Santa. We’ll leave cookies and milk out for you as always.

Love,
Christina

PS – Just to be clear, Santa, I’d never turn down gift cards or a spa treatment, too, in case you were wondering.

Another year, another decade, gone. Seems a lot of people are really glad to see 2009 on its last few hours. Me? Eh, I could take it or leave it. No matter how I look at it, it didn’t suck as much as 2008 did.

Sure, Aaron was still mostly unemployed for all of 2009. And the first half of the year was quite a struggle for us financially. Cordy had a roller-coaster of a summer with camp, and then broke a tooth and had to endure general anesthesia to fix it.

But there were several good things that happened this year, too.

I graduated from nursing school. I got a job. And health insurance for the family again. Our cars continued to function. (Knocking on wood furiously at this point.) Cordy started full-day pre-K and is making a lot of progress. I ran/walked my first 5K and lost 20 lb. with the Shredheads. I got to travel to Blissdom and BlogHer and roomed with some fabulous women. And right before Christmas, Aaron was offered a job that we hope will be an amazing opportunity for him.

Yeah, 2009 wasn’t too bad. But I’d like to think it was a transition year between the suck of 2008 and my wish for a lot of good in 2010.

Resolutions generally aren’t my thing, but if I had to pick one for next year, it would be to find more happiness and balance in my life. While I’m glad that I found a job after graduation and have been able to keep our finances afloat as a result, I’m finding that going back to work hasn’t given me all of the satisfaction I was hoping for. I mean, I like what I do, but my work/life balance is utterly screwed up right now.

I miss my girls fiercely, wanting to be more directly involved in their care like I used to be, yet too tired to be a fully-functioning parent. I’m a zombie on my days off, going through the motions despite my best attempts to wake up. Cordy could use more assistance reinforcing her therapy from school, and Mira needs more help from me with her speech. I used to do those things. I hate not being the mom that my two daughters deserve.

I also want to be better to myself, too. I’m doing far less of the stuff I like, and more of the stuff I have to do. Now, I know that no one can escape the boring responsibilities of adult life, but it shouldn’t completely take over my life, either. I haven’t been blogging as much, I haven’t kept in touch with friends as well as I should, I haven’t given Aaron as much attention as he deserves, and I rarely get to enjoy hobbies I used to love. I’m a shell of my former self.

So 2010 is my journey back to balance. I want to reach the end of 2010 and find myself satisfied with where I am at that point in my life. I have no idea how I’ll get there – whether it be a mental adjustment or more drastic actions – but I will find balance again and find my way back to happy. I’ll have more quality time with my family, I’ll do more I enjoy, my family will be happy as well, and strangely enough, it all turns out well.

How?

I don’t know. It’s a mystery.

Here’s to a fabulous 2010 that will put all previous years to shame for prosperity, joy and greatness.