Haiku Friday: Fractured

Some days I feel like
I am living several lives
all at the same time

At times I am a
blogger, writing about the
minutiae of life

Other times I am
a nursing student, tending
to the sick, learning

On rare occasions
I’m a seamstress, sewing a
dress for my daughter

But always I’m a
mother, on top of all the
other hats I wear

I feel fragmented
at times – pieces of me are
scattered everywhere

But my reasons for
all I do can be found in
two little faces

Occasionally my different lives come crashing together due to poor scheduling. Like this past week, where the overload of midterm paperwork forced me to cut back on blogging for a time. And Cordy has been, well, let’s just say not herself. I’ve got an enormous backlog of posts to read in Bloglines. And those I have read I haven’t had time to comment on.

So if you happen to be missing me at your blog, know that I’m missing you, too. And know that midterms are now finished, and I’ll start working on my backlog of reading this weekend. I’m far too neurotic to hit that “Mark all read” button – can’t chance missing something important. Or you can let me know if anything important has happened to you in this past week.

To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:

1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What’s a haiku, you ask? Click here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky below or at Jennifer’s blog with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your generic blog URL). DON’T sign unless you have a haiku this week. If you need help with this, contact Jennifer or myself.

3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button at the top.

REMEMBER: Do not post your link unless you have a haiku this week! We will delete any links without haiku!



You Leave Them Alone For Two Minutes…

There are times when I wonder how my two daughters can possibly be related. They do have some similar features, but while Cordelia is pale, blonde and curly-headed, Miranda is olive-skinned, brunette, and so far has straight hair. While Cordy always respected boundaries as a baby, Mira is the jailbreaker. Cordy was an early talker, and late walker. Mira is an early walker, and not interested in talking much. The slightest hint of my disapproval would send Cordy into tears, but Mira laughs at my attempts to correct her. Two girls could not be more different.

And then there are times when I see a hint of baby Cordy in Mira. Like today.

Cordy, 2005 – 13 months old

Mira, 2008 (this morning) – 11 months old


This is what they both choose to do when I walk out of the room for two minutes.

They’re clearly sisters.



I Wish Some Gifts Came With Receipts

As much as I wanted my girls to not be themselves for Mother’s Day, I have to say that it wasn’t as bad as I expected. My husband – always the bright one – caught on when I said I only wanted a card for Mother’s Day, and nothing more. He recognized that this meant I have no idea what to ask for, so make it good, buddy and took the appropriate action.

Well, sort of. On Saturday he did misinterpret my go buy my gift and enjoy spending some time alone, and hey, maybe you could bring home some ice cream as a message that said go buy my gift quickly and spend the rest of the evening at a gaming store until midnight, because I didn’t want to spend any time at all with you, and oh, I wasn’t serious about asking you to bring me home ice cream or asking you to call if you were going to be late. I can see how that mistake could be made.

The girls, too young to drive themselves to Target to pick out a pretty gift, instead showered me with gifts that were, shall we say, more intangible and less wanted. A quick round-up of the gifts that were bestowed on me this weekend:

From Aaron: Two martini glasses, a cosmo shaker kit, and a box of Choxie dark chocolate truffles. Hmmm…you think he knows me? It was a nice gift, and nearly made up for me going to bed alone the night before.

From Cordy: Blow-out diapers all weekend long. I still haven’t figured out if it was some kind of gastrointestinal virus or a reaction to something she ate on Friday, but either way I didn’t expect to spend the weekend wondering if it was worth the risk of a toxic spill in public to leave the house.

Sick girl

From Mira: Attitude. I can already see this child will somehow be involved in my demise. She’s doing a great job at making me feel like a first-time mother again. This is the age we’re supposed to be setting limits, right? She should get upset when I use a firm, strong NO, right? So why when I give that firm no in my best mean mommy voice, I now get this in return?

Scary (drooly) evil grin

Teaching her new friend Evan all her tricks

Razzing me

Oh yeah, attitude galore. And as soon as I tell her no and pull her away from what I don’t want her to do, she goes right back to it, giving me that impish, scrunchy-face grin as if to say Oh, you’re in for it, lady. Is she my Stewie?

From three random little girls: A pretty carnation. We went out to dinner on Sunday night because I wanted a nice dinner and decided any risk of toxic spill was an acceptable trade-off. The restaurant had been giving carnations out to each mom, but they ran out about twenty minutes before we arrived. No big deal. Sitting across from us was a family who had three girls. They were cute and funny and clearly having a great time together.

Shortly after we ordered, they finished and gathered their things to leave. I saw the youngest (maybe 4 years old?) lean over and whisper something to her mother, and her mother replied, “I think that’s a great idea.” They walked away, and less than a minute later, the manager came to our table and handed me a carnation. He explained that the girls said they were planting a flower garden and didn’t need the flower, so they wanted to give it to me, since I was a mommy and didn’t get a flower. Awwww….

Overall, not a bad day. But maybe my daughters can take a lesson from the little girls in the restaurant and just give me flowers next year?

**************
Another cool gift I got this weekend was my first monthly delivery of photos from Kinzin. Check out my review of this photo sharing and printing service.



Haiku Friday: A Feminine Topic

“You’ll feel a small pinch”
said the doctor. Liar. More
like a stabbing pain.

But in a flash it
was over. And now I’m not
fertile (for a time)

A temporary
solution before we make
a permanent choice.

Do I want more kids?
I thought no way, but I can’t
commit to that thought

We now have five years
to decide if there will be
more diapers to change

Sorry to any guys reading this today. I’m sure the last thing you want to read about is birth control.

This week I decided to get an IUD. Partially because I’m sick of condoms and never want to take birth control pills ever again. (Can you say psycho mood swings?) Did it hurt? Well, I’ll say it’s amazing how pain from one small area can radiate up your spine and into your teeth.

This wasn’t exactly the plan we had set up before Mira. Originally, after Mira was born, we were going to wait about six months, and then Aaron was meeting up with a doctor to discuss severing certain cords to prevent any more little people. And after Mira was born – after 21 long hours of labor – I was still committed to that plan.

But as we drew closer to our V-Day, doubts started to creep in. Are we sure we never want another baby? Truth is, we’re not 100% sure. Probably 95% sure, but that lingering 5% still nags me every time I see a fresh new baby, all red, wrinkly and squishy. I think Aaron still wishes for a son, too. We’re not in a position (financially or mentally) to have a third child at the moment, but in a year or two our situation may be different.

So nature and her biological drive to procreate have won this battle for now. Our fertility is halted, but not eliminated. We’ve got up to five years to decide if we want another baby before this IUD has to be removed. If we don’t want another baby by five years, then the vasectomy will be a reality.

(And yes, I know the the IUD has the risk of a surprise pregnancy, too.)

To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:

1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What’s a haiku, you ask? Click here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky below or at Jennifer’s blog with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your generic blog URL). DON’T sign unless you have a haiku this week. If you need help with this, contact Jennifer or myself.

3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button at the top.

REMEMBER: Do not post your link unless you have a haiku this week! We will delete any links without haiku!



Did You See The "Mommy Bloggers" On The Today Show?

Yes, with air quotes.

If you haven’t seen the video yet, go watch it before reading further.

So what are my thoughts on it? Well, it was OK. The taped segment with Mir, Kristen and Jill was a good segment, although I felt like something was missing. In talking with Mir and Kristen on Twitter, I learned that the topic of community was brought up more in that interview, but was edited out, along with the sentiment that much of what we blog can be seen as a love letter to our children. It seems that Today wanted to focus more on the financial and moral aspects of being a mommyblogger this time.

Each of these issues has been featured on mainstream media before. Good Morning America spoke with Susan Wagner about making money online, and who can forget the Today Show feature on cocktail playdates. This time, questions seemed to be focused on the effect of corporate America’s new attention towards mom bloggers and issues of privacy in blogging about our children and families.

Mir, Kristen and Jill couldn’t have done a better job with the questions they were given. Kristen’s infamous duck came back to haunt her, but at no point in the interview did any of them look uncomfortable with the discussion.

Following that taped segment, Kathie Lee Gifford then did a live interview with Heather Armstrong (aka Dooce). Again, Heather did a great job with the questions she was given, but I felt the interview was doomed from the start when Kathie Lee said that she didn’t understand computers. Soon it was clear that Heather was being put on the defensive because she writes about personal issues in a forum where anyone can read.

At one point Kathie Lee said, “You seem like a lovely lady….BUT…” and while the “but” was sugar coated, the underlying message was that she disapproved of Heather posting intimate details and pictures of her daughter on the internet. Before Heather had a chance to answer, she was cut off for an introduction to the next segment. (And let’s not even get started on how Kathie Lee talked about her kids on TV on a near daily basis when she was with Regis. How is that different?)

I wondered what the Today Show expected its viewers to take away from this segment. Did they want them all to rush out and start mommy blogs, because clearly there was money to be made from it? Or were they trying to caution moms against exploiting their children and opening them up to stalkers by blogging about them? The messages seemed contradictory to me, not unlike the old dichotomy of “Women should have equal rights! Get out there and work! Oh wait, you’re going to be a mom? How can you abandon your child by working? You should be at home!”

I’m already tired of the privacy concerns thrown at mom bloggers. Do you seriously think that we didn’t consider privacy when we first blogged about our children? Yes, anyone can come by and see pictures of my daughters. But any stranger could also see them (live! and in person!) if we were walking down the street, shopping at the grocery store, visiting an amusement park, etc. Stalkers aren’t exclusive to the internet – they live in communities, too. And it’s not like all of the internet comes past my blog daily. The handful of visitors I get here each week is less than the number of people who would see them if we went to a concert.

As for the issue of future embarrassment over what I write about them, I also have thought about that topic. As the girls get older, I will give them more privacy, and stop the minute they ask me to. I already blog less about Cordy’s daily life than when she was younger. I have limits on what topics I’ll blog about – for example, I’ve said Cordy is not potty trained, but you won’t be reading the finer details of how potty training is going. And really, they’re going to be embarrassed by me for far more relevant reasons when they’re teens – this is minor compared to your average teenage angst topics.

There will always be aspects of my daughters that readers will never know about. Some of it I can’t find words for, and other parts I selfishly hold close. I love sharing my story – and as a result, their stories – with those who come into my blogosphere, but some of their unique characteristics are just for me and those who are close to us to share. No matter how much you read about them, I guarantee you that you would still be surprised about aspects of their personalities were you to meet them in person. The same could be said about me, or most any other blogger, I’d imagine.

While the entire segment wasn’t a train wreck, it still lacked a lot of information. I’m saddened that the entire aspect of community was glossed over. Listen, I doubt there are many moms out there who start blogging because they want to make a ton of money, gain power with corporations, or find new ways to exploit their kids and guarantee future embarrassment. Most of us do it for the community. We seek out other moms who we can identify with, sharing our stories, gaining knowledge from those who have been through what we’re going through, or just providing support for others when they need it.

There aren’t a lot of new moms in my neighborhood. And most people here keep to themselves, so making mom friends isn’t easy. But I can count several moms that I met online as friends. We may not live in the same state, and we may have never met in person, but we have a common experience that ties us together.

I wrote in the comments of another blog yesterday that if I was forced to give up blogging tomorrow – completely quit posting, reading, commenting, everything – I might miss the product promotions and giveaways, and I might miss the little bit of ad revenue I make each month. But not being able to participate in the community, to laugh and cry and commiserate along with friends – friends I made not because we live in the same area, are in the same socioeconomic group, or look similar, but friends I made because of our words alone – would be devastating to me.

You’re all my people. My community. That’s why I keep doing this. And I hope that my daughters will someday read these ramblings and have a new appreciation and understanding of their mother, along with an account of days they can’t remember. The money, the trips? All icing on an already tasty cake. Yummy, but superfluous.

Kathie Lee? You don’t know what you’re missing.

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