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Jan 16, 2012

Not So Funny?

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I was reading through Facebook updates last week and came across an image shared by a friend of mine. Like so many of the word images shared on Facebook, I immediately laughed when I read it.

The image?

But more interesting was the commentary beneath it. My friend also found this funny, saying this was so like her. Another of her friends, however, replied that as a mother of a child with ADD, she didn’t find it funny at all.

Hmmm. It make me wonder if I should feel guilty for laughing?

Would this be considered making fun of a disability? I don’t know. I mean, for many types of humor, there is often a nugget of truth that is exaggerated for comedic effect, or a stereotype stretched to a ridiculous extent. If I was to be offended by any exaggeration of a personality trait, physical trait or behavior, I’d pretty much have to avoid every comedy club and never watch The Daily Show ever again. I’d really miss Jon Stewart.

But I don’t know if laughing at something like the image above is equal to teasing the kid who is different on the playground. My take on the image is also a little different because I actually have ADD. I read that statement and think, “Hell yeah, I’ve had days not too different from that!” Days when I’m in a full contact wrestling match with my mind to pin down a little focus – on any topic, I don’t even care which one – just for a few minutes.

So I read that and see the nugget of truth. It IS hard to focus with ADD. I’ve had moments where friends stare at me strangely because I’ve jumped topics in such a way that they don’t see the connection.

On the other hand, I can understand her friend not finding it funny. We all have our trigger issues that we don’t see any humor in. I’m certain her friend does have rough days caring for a child with ADD. As a mom of a daughter with autism, I get it. Years ago, when Cordy was newly diagnosed, I wouldn’t have found any jokes about autism funny, either. I can respect her view, because no one can tell someone else what is or isn’t funny to them.

For me, however, I do appreciate the humor. As long as it isn’t intended in a harmful or mean-spirited nature or intended to tease one person, poking fun at ADD, or any other condition, in a gentle way is fine with me. I even appreciate a good autism joke – Cordy and I have learned to laugh at some of the more silly aspects of autism, of which there are MANY if you look closely enough.

It also boils down to a simple mantra for me: laugh or cry. There are moments when I need, need, NEED to pay attention, to focus, to not screw up some important task that I must stay on track to complete. Sometimes I win out; other times I fail. I can either choose to cry in frustration at my limitations, or I can laugh at them and move on. One way is certainly less depressing than the other.

So I apologize if you read the above joke on ADD and are offended, because no offense was intended. (Whoa, that rhymed. Sorry, I tried writing that sentence another way and it didn’t sound nearly as good.)

I also don’t know if it’s more acceptable to laugh at an ADD joke posted by someone who has ADD, but if so, laugh away. I certainly did.


(PS – It took me a week and about a dozen starts and stops to write this post. Can you tell it’s been a rough week? See? This is me choosing to laugh.)

Filed Under: big issues, me me me, random ·


Jan 9, 2012

Short Hair

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Cordy is a child that prefers everything exactly the way it has always been. She has a routine she likes to follow, and any deviation generally results in drama. Her meals are from a short list of acceptable foods and have to be served in the right order; for example, macaroni and cheese is appropriate for lunch if we’re out at a restaurant, but at home it can only be a dinner, and a sandwich is the obvious lunch choice.

So when it comes to Cordy’s hair, she’s resistant to change. She’s always had long hair, mostly due to fear of cutting it. In the past, I’ve had to sneak in at-home trimming sessions when she was distracted just to keep that thick head of hair under some pretense of control. It knots up with just a gentle breeze passing by, and attempts to comb her hair are met with screams and tears.

I’ve tried to find out why she doesn’t want her hair cut when it clearly bothers her so much to care for it when it’s long. She’s told me everything from it keeps her warm to she’s afraid people will think she’s a boy if it’s short.

In the fall we had luck with getting Cordy’s first professional haircut, although she refused to let us cut off much of it. The appointment was still full of some drama, with Cordy occasionally crying and begging the stylist to stop, but we survived.

The problem with hair is that it keeps growing. And so this weekend, as I ripped through masses of knots in her hair, I decided it was time for another haircut.

But this time was different. “I want a haircut,” Cordy told me. What? Who is this kid?

“And I want it short, mommy.”

Wait…did I hear that right? The girl who has insisted she’ll never have short hair now wants it short?

Cordy held her hand up to the top of her ear. “I want to cut it up to here!” she proclaimed. I then explained just how short that was and asked if we could not go quite that extreme and maybe aim for a cute bob instead? She agreed, but I wasn’t sure she’d go through with it.

Saturday afternoon we took both girls to the salon for their haircuts. Mira, who had no issues last time, happily sat for her trim to get her curly bob bouncy again.

My change-phobic Cordy completely surprised me. She was upbeat, she held still for the stylist, she didn’t cry or scream when she was combing through her thick hair, and she got it all cut off.

You could make another kid from all that hair.

When she was done, I barely recognized my own child.

Excuse me, kid, have you seen a mop-headed little gir…oh. Wait…

As for Cordy? She loves her new haircut! She immediately grinned and said she can’t wait to “trick all the boys” because they won’t know it’s her. (I’d like to think it’s because they like her, but she then said they won’t tease her if they don’t know it’s her. Hmmm…must follow up on that, pronto.)

Now that she’s got the short hair, I’m kinda missing her wild mane. Sure, we fought constantly over it, but it was gorgeous despite the knots. Her new cut is really cute, though. Washing and combing it will be very easy to get used to.

I now understand why my mom insisted I have short hair all through elementary school. Eeeeaaassy.

 I was kind enough to avoid bangs for Cordy, however. 
(Yes, that’s me. Age 8.)
Filed Under: Cordy, daily life, growing up, kid logic ·


Jan 2, 2012

Another Year, Another Chance To Do More

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Well, hello there 2012. Pleased to meet you.

With 2011 officially in the history books, I can now reflect back on the year that has passed. I didn’t have a lot of lofty goals for the year, but I’m happy to say that many good things I wanted to see happen did materialize in 2011.

Aaron finding a permanent job? Yep, that happened in the fall, and he loves his job.

Me getting a permanent position and health insurance? Well, no on the first, but we did get health insurance through Aaron’s job, so that’s a win.

Lose another 20 pounds? Not quite. I did finish the year 12 pounds lighter than the end of 2010 (and lost 12 pounds the year before that, too), so I’m quite content with the trend.

More time with the kids? On a daily basis, I’m still disappointed with how little quality time I get with Cordy and Mira. But we did have some fantastic family experiences this year, including a trip to Cedar Point and Lake Erie and our annual vacation to Great Wolf Lodge. Aaron and I agreed that we need to do more small vacations like these in the future, because the memories stick with us far longer than any toy or game we could give the kids.

I still spent 2011 carrying a lot of stress and feeling very uninteresting. But I did get away to two fantastic blogging conferences and felt inspired to start shaping a plan of how I intend to find myself and my happiness again in 2012.

2011 ended better than 2010 (which was better than 2009, etc…) and I’m incredibly grateful for such a strong end to the year. We’re still fighting our way back from the low point in 2008, but we’re determined to keep making each year better than the last.

So then…what’s on the menu for 2012?

First up: FIND MYSELF. I can’t stress this one enough. Through the past few years, I feel like my inner self, my soul, has been washed away in a tide of stress, responsibilities and duty to conform. If I were to be handed a blank piece of paper today and asked to write a short description of who I am – leaving out physical descriptions, job and relationship titles, and medical conditions – I’d be at a loss to come up with little more than I like blue and Lady Gaga, and chocolate chip cookies are my favorite cookie. I guess it’s a start, right? Time to fill up that blank paper with a little more substance by rediscovering myself.

Health and wellness continue to be important for me this year, too. I’ve lost 12 pounds for each of the past two years, so another 12 this year would have me right on the edge of a “healthy” weight. I’ve done it the past two years; I can do it this year as well. I’ve also got a great blogging opportunity coming up soon to help me with this goal. (More on that as soon as I can share it!)

Other than that, I’m not setting any additional expectations on the year. Better to keep my wishes open ended rather than get smacked down by the universe for being greedy in expecting too much. I’m ready to actively find and embrace some good, in whatever form of good the year chooses to reveal to me.

So let’s make it a damn fine year, 2012. Because if, in the first early minutes of 2013, I can reflect back and declare 2012 to be even better than 2011, I’ll consider it another winning year and be so very thankful for the continuing upward trend.

Couldn’t we all use a lengthy streak of good luck?

Filed Under: daily life, family time, me me me, memories ·


Dec 28, 2011

Cosmo the Wonder Pup

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As if my house wasn’t already enough of a zoo, we added a new species to the mix just before Christmas.

Meet Cosmo:

Cosmo is a 5 month mixed breed (mutt) we met through a rescue group. He was found nearly starved to death on the street at 3 months old, and was nursed back to health by the rescue group.

We’ve been considering getting a dog for quite a while. Some of Cordy’s doctors and therapists had suggested that a dog could be beneficial for her. She’s often shy to demonstrate anything new to other people, but she might be more willing to practice new skills with only the dog to witness. (And unlike people, the dog can’t judge her ability.) Cordy also is very interested in animals, so a dog would hopefully serve as a good companion for her as well.

Aaron also grew up with a dog, and has always enjoyed dogs. I’ve always been a cat person myself, but can certainly see the appeal of a canine companion. We’ve had the dog discussion several times for over a year. We have a fenced yard, our work schedules are compatible with the needs of a dog, and our kids are old enough to help with the care of a dog.

Last month we finally agreed it might be time to consider adding a new pet to our family. So at the beginning of December we went to Mingle With The Mutts, a monthly event held by our county animal shelter that encourages other rescue groups to bring adoptable dogs in for people to come meet. It was there we met Cosmo, and Cordy immediately fell for him. (OK…we all did.)

 Beginning of Dec, only 25 lbs. Did I mention he gained 15lbs in 3 weeks?

 I still went back and forth on the idea of a dog. Change is hard for me, and this kind of life change is a huge decision to make. I’m already the one who takes care of the cats 99% of the time – I refused to be the one mostly caring for a dog as well. And how much of a disruption would a dog be in my life?

We addressed my serious concerns and Aaron talked me down from any freak outs, pointing out that people far less responsible than us have successfully kept dogs.

So last Friday we welcomed Cosmo into our home. The benefit of adopting an older puppy is that he’s already house trained, crate trained, and knows some basic commands. He still tries to eat anything small – including a few crayon bits that were quickly swallowed – so we’re constantly reminding Cordy and Mira to keep their toys upstairs. (Cosmo is limited to the downstairs only.) I guess in one way he’s helping me keep our downstairs clutter free!

Have teeth, will chew.

He’s still a puppy, though, and needs to go outside every few hours, but can go as long as 6-7 hours if required. Seeing how no adult in this house sleeps more than 6-7 hours anyway, that’s not a problem at all.

And even though he knows some commands, we’re still signing up for basic training classes. A couple of episodes of the Dog Whisperer have taught me that I know very little about dog psychology and need to learn how to properly assert alpha status over our new pack member.

Here? I’m failing at being alpha.

So for now I’m happy to have our new pup, and terrified at how we’ll all adjust. Most of that fear is just my fear of the unknown. Truthfully, Cosmo’s addition to the family has added about 10-15 minutes of additional work to my schedule each day; not a big deal at all, really. The cats are the most traumatized – one of them hasn’t come downstairs since Friday. Good thing their food, water, and litterboxes are upstairs.

Cosmo is a new adventure for us, and despite my worries, I’m looking forward to the joy he’ll add to the family.

Filed Under: clearly insane, Cosmo, daily life ·


Dec 23, 2011

And A Pinkie Pie On Every Tree

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One of the things I love about blogging and social media is the ability to have a direct line to the people who can help you out.

For example, Cordy and Mira love My Little Pony.

Wait…I don’t think that’s quite strong enough.

What I meant to say was: Cordy and Mira LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! My Little Pony. They can’t get enough of the new show on the Hub network, and our house is now filled with ponies and accessories. It’s nearly the only TV they watch.

Each year we let the girls pick a new ornament to add to the Christmas tree. It’s fun to see how their interests change each year by looking back at the ornaments they choose. So of course when it came time to select this year’s ornament (and knowing that this is the year of My Little Pony for both kids), I did a little internet searching and discovered that American Greetings made a 2011 My Little Pony Pinkie Pie Christmas ornament.

Perfect!

One problem, though. The ornament was sold out everywhere. It seems My Little Pony has an enormous adult fan following, and once word got out about the ornaments, they were quickly bought up. Sold out online. Sold out in our local stores, too.

I looked at resellers to buy one, but I refused to get into a bidding war on eBay and spend $30+ on a $7.99 ornament. I didn’t want to reward someone for buying up all the ornaments to turn a profit with the collector crowd.

So I did what any desperate blogger might think to do – I reached out via Twitter, asking American Greetings for their help in tracking down an ornament. I explained that my two daughters are fans of the show and really wanted this ornament for our Christmas tree this year.

I was hoping they might be able to tell me if there was somewhere online to buy one, or if they planned to send out another shipment soon. I was happy to pay for one, I just needed an actual ornament to buy. They quickly responded that they would look into it for me.

I waited for days and didn’t hear anything further. I wasn’t sure how much they could help – if it’s sold out, it’s sold out, right? So I was completely unprepared for them to go above and beyond and respond with this:

And then yesterday, a perfect Pinkie Pie ornament showed up in the mail. Two little girls cheered with joy and Cordy declared the @amgreetings Twitter maven “the nicest person in the world!”

The dreary, rainy day yesterday suddenly got A LOT brighter for these two.

So now Pinkie Pie has joined the cast of animated characters on our tree. As befitting her importance at this moment, she’s front and center:

with Batman climbing up for a visit on the lower right

Have I mentioned social media is awesome? Thank you, American Greetings, for helping this mom get the perfect 2011 ornament for my daughters!

(And just because this is the new era of full disclosure: yes, American Greetings did send it to us for free, unexpectedly. There was no agreed on review or anything like that – I just wanted to share my joy at a company doing something really, really nice for my family.)

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Filed Under: Cordy, holidays, Mira, people who don't suck, pop culture · Tagged: ,