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Aug 12, 2011

Fashion: When Are You Too Old?

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So after returning from BlogHer, where I spent five days with 3000+ women who were all looking fantastic in their own ways, I found out yesterday that an article I was interviewed for was published at CNN. The topic revolved around moms dressing like their teenagers, or in my case, older women who shop in the Juniors’ department of a store.

It’s a quick read – go check it out, I’ll wait.

I think the article does a great job of explaining why it’s OK to shop in the same place as a teenager as long as you’re dressing in a flattering way for your body type. Just because you’re in Hollister doesn’t mean you can’t find a simple, well-fitting t-shirt that doesn’t reveal too much. Of course, I’m writing that sentence as if I have any idea what kind of clothing Hollister carries.

There’s so much I can say on this topic beyond my quotes in the article. Do I think any teen fashion can be adopted by a 30- or 40-something mom? No way. But depending on your body type you can find cute clothing in a store focused on a younger population, or even the Juniors’ section at Kohl’s, that is still appropriate and tasteful for an older woman.

(Gah. I just lumped myself in as older. ‘Scuse me while I go take my fiber pill now…)

When I was younger and in that “appropriate” age range for these stores, I didn’t fit the clothing. I was heavier, I had self-esteem issues, and so I was far more comfortable hiding myself in baggy jeans and loose sweatshirts. I’m still a big fan of casual clothing, but having dropped some weight – both in pounds and in psychological baggage – I can appreciate clothing that’s a little more flattering to my shape. There’s no chance I’ll be sporting a mini skirt and crop top anytime soon, of course; I know my limits. I shop now for clothing that is comfortable and makes me happy when I wear it, no matter where it came from.
It’s always interesting to read the negative comments in the article, too: moms who wear teen clothing must be slutty. If you’re a mom, you shouldn’t care what you look like anymore. If you want to look nice, you’re just shallow and self-absorbed. *eyeroll*

Let’s play a little game: here are some of the outfits I wore at BlogHer this year. I’ll state up-front that I have no intentions of winning a fashion award anytime soon. Guess which one came from the Juniors’ department:

Thursday in the Expo hall

Thursday night: strapless dress & crochet cardigan

Friday night: lavender lace dress (sorry, can’t find a photo in color)

Saturday morning: brown ruffled, layered top and jeans

Saturday – another view of the same outfit, with Elmo totally checking me out

OK, so what’s your guess? Which one was designed for a teenager and not a 35 year old mom?

…

insert Jeopardy music here …

…

SURPRISE! It’s the brown layered-look shirt. Yep, this beauty of full-coverage-yet-fashionable ruffles and layers comes from the Juniors’ section of Kohl’s. The other outfits? Lee jeans, H&M top, JC Penney dress from the women’s section, and Ruche lace dress.

I found similar tops to the Kohl’s layered top in the women’s section, too, but they didn’t fit me as well. They were too boxy and made me look completely shapeless. The teen version is better fitted through the midsection and I received several compliments while wearing it. The jeans aren’t from the teen section, of course – no teen jeans would ever fit my hips.

My final thoughts: I’m no fashion plate. I can count dozens more who are more fashionable than me. But I do like to dress in a way that makes me feel pretty. Clothing is both a shallow topic and a subject that we wrap up in our self-worth. It can be a form of expression and a signal of our inner feelings. It can be a tool to empower us or a weapon to tear us down. While I don’t think women should invest so much of our self-worth into a piece of fabric, I do consider it reasonable that we can enjoy what we wear.

My belief is that we’re all smart women – we know what is appropriate for us. Wear what makes you look and feel your best no matter where it came from, whether it be Forever 21 or Forever 65. Because if you feel good about yourself, it’ll be reflected in everything you do, including the all-important task of building self-esteem in your children. It doesn’t matter if you’re raising your kids in a sweatshirt or a pair of pink heels as long as you’re confident in yourself.

What do you think? Are there certain stores that we shouldn’t shop in? Should women who reach a certain age be shunned from the Juniors’ section completely? Is it possible to follow fashion and not be accused of dressing like a teen or being a bad mom (unless you’re Jennifer Lopez)?

Filed Under: being a mom, BlogHer11, me me me, more than parents, pop culture, shameless bragging ·


Aug 1, 2011

Double Agent

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As I prepare for BlogHer this week, I’ve been bubbling over with excitement about seeing old friends and immersing myself in 5 days of IRL blogging heaven. This has occasionally resulted in my having to explain my excitement to those around me, followed by not taking their strange looks personally.

It’s hard to be a blogger, yo.

I often feel like I’m living two lives. One life is a nurse, working a steady full-time job, going to the grocery, picking my kids up from summer camp, sitting through business meetings at work, doing laundry, keeping strong opinions to myself, occasionally meeting up with friends, and watching TV with my husband in the evenings.

But then there’s my other life. In that life I write about my inner thoughts on the internet, converse with friends I know in person and those I’ve never met across the globe, share openly my struggles with ADD and my daughter’s autism, attend conferences of like-minded geeky people who like to talk with each other on the internet, leverage my virtual soapbox to give my opinion on products and services and provide feedback directly to big companies that otherwise wouldn’t notice me, occasionally discuss money, politics, religion or some other topic we’re not supposed to discuss in polite company, and freely dance my way across social media platforms, interacting with those who cross my path.

My other life sure seems like a lot more fun sometimes.

I often look at my two separate-but-not-equal lives and wonder which one is the real me? Or are they both different parts of me, like the Freudian id and ego?

My daily life requires me to constantly censor myself to fit in, molding every action and word to fit in with what is expected of me. Some of it is the real me, but parts are an act, an elaborate character I play when the need arises. Stick to the superficial when interacting with others in public, bury deep your true feelings so as not to offend anyone, try to blend with the crowd. And for goodness sakes, don’t talk about your blog or anything geeky, lest you be branded a complete weirdo!

In college, I was praised by my sorority (wha? yes, I was in a sorority – stop laughing) for being great at the small-talk required during rush. But small talk was easy; scripted conversation starters with a mental list of how to respond to various answers made it a game. Ask me to have more in-depth conversations, though, and the conversations quickly deteriorated as I lost my ability to be chatty and instead panicked.

Online I still must censor myself, but in a different way. Here I hide specifics of the superficial details: my daily schedule, where my children attend school, details about my job, etc. Yet here my inner soul is on display, and writing serves as an outlet for that part of me that is kept bottled up every day. My interactions here are with people who I share something in common with on a more personal level, instead of the superficial level of proximity. On my blog, I don’t feel the need to hold back on my opinions – anyone who reads them is here in my space and free to leave if they disagree.

So which is the real me? Blogging conferences always put this to the test. My online self is on display in person, interacting real-time with those I enjoy talking to online. Only without the luxury of taking the time to craft a thought-provoking or witty response. (There’s no backspace key in real life.) I always worry I’m going to disappoint people who know my online persona once they meet the physical person. Depending on what point of the day you meet me, I could be shy or very outgoing – it all depends on how overwhelmed I am at the moment.

But thankfully, most people attending BlogHer will be feeling the same way. From past experience, I know that once the initial nervous jitters pass, I find it very freeing to let my two halves loose at the same time. BlogHer makes it possible to be yourself – whichever blend of “you” is the one you feel most comfortable with.

Hopefully I’ll be seeing some of you there this week. If we haven’t met yet, I hope we’ll find the chance to say hello at some point.

Filed Under: BlogHer11, me me me · Tagged:


Jul 6, 2011

Not The Kind Of Dreams I Want

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I came home from work yesterday morning to find a small swarm of ants had invaded our kitchen floor, conquering the chunk of bread crust they had found. As I wiped out the enemy forces, I made a mental note to give the kitchen floor a good scrub down as soon as possible to dissuade the little trespassers from coming back.

As I drifted off to sleep, I continued to worry about the ants coming back and how I needed to clean the floor soon.

Next thing I know, it’s late afternoon. I looked at the floor and decided that I had time to get it done before the rest of the family got home. I grabbed a bucket with soapy water, pulled out a sponge, and got to work cleaning the floor on my hands and knees. It felt like it took forever, but every nook and corner were cleaned and I felt satisfied that the ants would have to look elsewhere for any food.

And then I woke up.

I dreamed the entire thing.

Coming downstairs, I walked past the kitchen and thought, no way am I cleaning that floor. I’m already exhausted from scrubbing it in my dream!

If only I could have been sleepwalking (sleepcleaning?) while dreaming it.

Filed Under: daily life, me me me, random ·


Jun 21, 2011

It Only Took 35 Years To Realize This

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As much as I’ve tried to be everything to everyone for years, I’ve finally reached the point where I’m mostly comfortable with who I am. No longer embarrassed by the parts of me that don’t fit the status quo, or apologetic for being unable to live up to someone’s expectations, but instead accepting of all my quirks and the experiences (both good and bad) that have shaped me into who I am.

Still not feeling grown up yet, but definitely feeling more comfortable in my own skin.

Happy birthday to me. If I could pick a gift for myself, I’d wish for at least another 35 years to enjoy who I am.

Filed Under: me me me ·


May 13, 2011

Wishing for Boredom

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I’ve had a lot on my plate lately, so rather than explain in long narrative, I’ll give it to you in bullet points to save you the time:

  • Two weeks ago, we got the note home from school that no parent ever wants: head lice. Mira had been exposed to lice in her classroom, and they found nits on her. (Itchy yet? I am.) I had been a lice virgin until now (thank you, Cordy, for never wearing another kid’s hat!), so I bought all the lice remedies, we did the treatment on Mira, cleaned all the linens and stuffed animals, combed and looked through her hair carefully, etc. No one else had been exposed – yay!
  • Same week, after having the brakes replaced on the car, the battery decided to die. The car now has another month added on to how long it must keep running as penance for the money we spent on the new battery.
  • I also got a note from my agency (I’m a contractor) telling me they accidentally forgot to take city taxes out of my paycheck all of last year. Oops! And so they need to take a year’s worth out now. Like all in one month. I bargained them down to splitting it across 4 paychecks over 2 months, but it’s still going to hurt.
  • Last week, Mira had nits again. Noooooooooo! (Seriously, click the link – it’s exactly how I felt.) Lather, rinse, comb, laundry, vacuum, repeat.
  • Thanks to a combination of factors, last week was also the first week where I’ve ever slept less than 5 hours every single day. It sucked, but I’m trying to look at it as a badge of honor – I survived!
  • I also had my first experience at ever totally losing my cool at a customer service rep on the phone. (Maybe due to the lack of sleep and stress, perhaps?) We thought switching cable providers would give us better service. But after placing the order and spending 2+ hours on the phone across different days trying to sort it all out before it had even been installed, I was losing hope that this was a better option. When they then gave me a different – higher – price than I was originally given, saying it could all be worked out after installation, I lost it and demanded they cancel the entire order. It wasn’t the rep’s fault, and I try to never take it out on them, but the poor guy must have thought I was bipolar by the way I turned on him.
  • A week later, I still haven’t been refunded the first month’s payment they charged me. And they sent me a “Your installation is complete! Welcome to our service!” e-mail today, too. More yelling may be coming soon.
  • Then the kitchen sink faucet broke. Water goes everywhere if you turn it on.
  • The garbage disposal followed shortly after that. Looking into plumbing recommendations now.
  • On Monday I developed strep throat, although I didn’t know that’s what it was until the next day. Swallowing still hurts. Ordered to stay home for 24 hours until the antibiotics kicked in. Enjoyed the sleep, but didn’t enjoy missing a night of work and falling behind.
  • And Mira was sent home with lice nits again yesterday. Dammit. Treat, comb, laundry, vacuum…. if it doesn’t work this time, I’m shaving her head and burning down the house.

To sum up: it’s been a busy few weeks. I don’t remember my fortune cookie cursing me with “May you live in interesting times” the last time I had Chinese for dinner.

It’s been said that bloggers hate when they have nothing going on, and therefore have nothing to write about. I’ve actually got too much happening to write about all of it, and most of it is stuff no one wants to hear the long version of.

I’d be happy to have a little boredom around here for once.

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Filed Under: clearly insane, fate laughing at me, me me me ·