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Jan 29, 2013

Twice Execeptional: Twice the Fun, Twice the Challenge

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I generally get nervous when I see the elementary school’s phone number appear on our caller ID. In the past two years, I’m pretty sure they’ve only called with something positive once or twice. Generally the call is either from the school nurse, letting me know one of my children displayed her superhuman ability to be clumsy and injured herself, or Cordy’s teacher letting me know about some incident where she got in trouble or had a panic attack.

So when I received a phone call from the school recently, I didn’t answer it because I was already on the phone trying to make an appointment for Cordy with an occupational therapist. After the trouble she had earlier this school year with her anxiety at school, we set up an appointment with her pediatrician to discuss what to do. He recommended an OT he knows to help Cordy get through her anxiety. We agreed we don’t want to consider medication yet, so this is our first step towards helping her cope with her constant anxious state.

The school left a message, so I knew it had to be something important, but at least a voicemail gave me time to react and process whatever they said before I had to call them back. I played the message, and it was from the school psychologist.

He mentioned that Cordy had been doing some testing with him as part of her three-year evaluation (all kids with special needs services are evaluated every three years to make sure they still qualify) and he wanted me to call him back to set up a time to go over all of the cognitive testing he did with her. He also mentioned what an interesting and delightful child she was, so I at least knew the testing couldn’t have been a complete disaster.

I didn’t know that he had been testing Cordy. Two weeks before that, a woman from the gifted and talented department came to the school to evaluate Cordy, and days before the psychologist called we had received her results. Cordy had an impressive score on a cognitive abilities test, earning her the label “superior cognitive” on her school record. It’ll help provide more gifted ed services for her, and I was proud of the score, but it was only one test and she had a particularly good day that day.

I wondered if the psychologist’s evaluation would match up with her recent testing? We didn’t know he was testing her, so we had no way to prep her like we did for the gifted ed department’s testing.

There was no hesitation in calling him back. As soon as I said my name, the school secretary knew why I was calling and transferred me to the school psychologist. He was only supposed to set up a time to go over the results in person, but he was bursting with excitement to give me the highlights of what happened from testing her that morning.

The good news: she still qualifies for special needs services. She meets the criteria for autism (no surprise there), although he said the only presenting issues at the moment are her anxiety and her deficit in social skills. Again, no surprise.

But then came the even better news. He used multiple testing methods for her, and said she’s one of the smartest eight year olds he’s ever seen. Her IQ testing resulted in a 139, with a verbal score of 143. On one verbal abilities test, she had a perfect score. I was stunned into silence as he explained that he’s been working in elementary schools for eleven years and Cordy had the highest scores he’s ever seen.

One example he gave was in analogies: he said to her “flour is to bread like…” and she answered back with “like hydrogen is to water!” Her science vocabulary was especially impressive. (Thanks to Netflix and the full series of the quirky Beakman’s World on instant streaming – our #1 source for science lessons!)

We met yesterday and went over the full results. I’m so proud of Cordelia. He said she was enthusiastic about the testing, as if she really liked the challenge to prove what she knows, and was incredibly sweet and charming. He also started the thought in my mind that the public school may not have enough resources to fully provide for her education at the level she’s at. We’ll need to consider supplemental resources to keep her engaged and wanting to learn.

I’m trying not to brag, but it’s so fantastic for a parent to get good news about their child. And honestly, the confirmation of her cognitive skills creates several issues for me. We always knew Cordy was bright, but to get confirmation that she’s highly gifted means I need to pay closer attention to making sure she’s challenged and getting material at her level. At the same time, her anxiety really needs attention now, since it tends to flare up when she feels something is too hard. It’s a delicate balance.

Technically this makes Cordy “twice-exceptional” (also called “2e”), meaning she’s both gifted and special needs. I have a child who still can’t wear jeans because she can’t reliably work a button but can explain the meaning of the word dehydration. I found this chart on the wiki page for twice exceptional, and aside from a couple of items, it’s an eerily accurate description of my daughter.

Stubborn? Imaginative? Sensitive? Yes. Perhaps not the sophisticated sense of humor…

So now that I’m armed with this knowledge…I have no idea what to do next. She’s doing well in school, but nothing particularly outstanding. I know she’s bored on some level, but also resistant to being pushed to learn new things faster. We’re moving forward with occupational therapy in the hopes it can help her developing coping mechanisms to deal with anxiety.

She’ll be eligible for the school’s gifted classroom in fourth and fifth grades, and will continue to have limited gifted instruction until then. We can’t really consider the possibility of private school because they’re just too expensive around here. There is financial aid, but we’re in that boggy middle ground where we make too much to qualify for aid, but would be on a ramen noodle budget to pay for private school.

I’m sure there have to be resources out there for twice exceptional kids, possibly even in our community. It may be time to spend a day with Google to see what’s out there, either in enrichment activities or parent groups or any other kind of support. I was a gifted student myself, so I have some idea of how to help Cordy with that. It’s incorporating it with the autism that makes it a little harder.

All of this, of course, is nothing more than labels and changes nothing about the cheerful, quirky, loveable little girl we have. But those labels do give us more insight into why she does what she does, and can help provide the justification for arranging educational experiences that will provide the most benefit for her.

Gifted or not, autism or not, she’s still our Cordy, and we have the responsibility to do what’s best for her (and Mira), just as any parent does. But hopefully we have a better map to guide us towards what she needs going forward.

I love that kid and her sister so much. They’re exceptionally sweet and quirky, and I wouldn’t have them any other way.

Filed Under: Autism, Cordy, school, shameless bragging ·


Jan 22, 2013

Faking It

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Last summer we signed Mira up for gymnastics after she expressed an interest in finding an activity for herself. Mira had tried ballet before that, but we decided she just wasn’t right for ballet. No matter how hard the instructor tried to calm the kid down, it all moved too slowly for her. We hoped gymnastics, with the ability to jump, tumble, and flip, might be more her style.

One week into it, Cordy decided she wanted to be a part of it, too. We never thought Cordy would like gymnastics, but she really wanted to join in. We signed her up as well in the hopes that she might gain some confidence and improve her coordination.

Since then, Mira continues to love gymnastics and while not even close to the most coordinated kid in her class, she’s making progress. Mira insists she’ll be in the Olympics someday. Considering she’s an entire head taller than every other kid in the class of five year olds and trips over air, I doubt it, but I’m thrilled she has goals and works hard at improving.

Cordy, though, is not making any progress and instead is showing signs of being uninterested. She insists she likes going, but once there she’s usually too distracted by what the other classes are doing and then doesn’t want to try anything new or push herself outside of her comfort zone. Her teacher has been incredibly kind and patient with her, but I can tell even she is getting discouraged with Cordy’s unwillingness to put any confidence in herself.

She enjoys gymnastics and comes out with a smile on her face, but she’s made practically no progress with her skills and is becoming more and more distracted during class. We haven’t told Cordy yet, but this is her last session of gymnastics and we’ll encourage her to try another activity she might like more.

Last week, both girls appeared happy to go to gymnastics. After dinner, they put on their leotards and were all ready to go. Once there, they went to the benches to wait for their class to start, but then Cordy looked around for a minute and then went to the bathroom. Several minutes later, she came out frowning and sat back on the bench, clutching her stomach and looking miserable as she looked at me.

I waved Cordy to come talk to me, and she said she felt sick. I put my hand on her forehead (classic mom first move for a sick kid, right?) and she wasn’t warm. “My stomach really hurts, mom. I feel like I’m going to be sick,” she continued.

“Can you get through gymnastics?” I asked.

She sighed and clutched her stomach again. “I don’t know. I don’t think I can tonight because I don’t feel good.”

Her class was gathering to begin, so I had to make a quick judgement call. She was completely fine before we got there, but this is also my child who is honest to a fault at times. Her fear of missing out on something she’s supposed to do and disappointing a teacher generally pushes her to keep going even when she shouldn’t. Maybe she really was sick?

I texted Aaron, who was on his way from work, and let him know that Cordy was sick and needed to go home as soon as he got there. Cordy then came to sit in the parents’ waiting area with me. She walked there hunched over, looking miserable, but as soon as we reached the bleachers, she perked up as she climbed to the top row.

“Wow, mommy, these are fun! Look how high I can sit!”

I frowned. “I thought you didn’t feel good? Maybe you could join your class if you’re feeling better.”

Her eyes widened, and then her bright mood disappeared again. “Oh! Oh, I really don’t feel good. I just thought these seats were interesting.” She resumed crossing her arms over her stomach again.

Mira and her class were soon in front of us starting their first activities. And within minutes, Cordy was once again distracted. “Look, mommy, there’s Mira! Let’s wave to Mira!”

Again I asked, “Cordy, I thought you were sick?”

“Um, I can still cheer for my sister even when I’m sick, right?”

“Not with that much energy,” I responded.

She continued to go back and forth between looking ill and being distracted by something until Aaron got there. I realized by then that she had faked the whole thing. She wasn’t sick at all, she just didn’t want to do gymnastics that night. It’s the first time Cordy has ever lied about being sick to get out of doing something, and I totally fell for it. What’s worse – she had a good idea that I’d fall for it or she wouldn’t have done it.

In some ways, I’m proud of her for faking it. It’s often believed that kids on the autism spectrum have a hard time with lying, or can’t do it at all. She’s made up creative stories about why something didn’t get done before, or used the convenient “I forgot” excuse a few times (which in her case is often true), but she’s never out-and-out lied about being sick to avoid a task, complete with acting the part. True, she wasn’t very good at continuing the act, but she managed to keep it up long enough to fool me. So really, this is Cordy portraying very typical kid behavior, which is progress for her.

But on the other hand, I don’t want to celebrate a child who lies, either. When Aaron arrived, I specifically mentioned to him that I was certain she was faking it, and so he took her home to finish her homework and go to bed, since sick children don’t get to do anything fun like watch TV. She wasn’t so happy about that part, and I hope that will keep her from trying it again. He told me she seemed totally fine at home, too, further confirming my suspicions that she was never sick to begin with.

Even if she’s losing interest in gymnastics, I’m not letting her quit until this session is over. Both kids were asked if they wanted to sign up for the winter session and both said they wanted to, so I expect her to finish out what she agreed to. After that, Cordy is free to choose another activity to try.

I only hope she won’t try repeating her “sick day” again this week. I don’t like having to play both mom and talent scout to determine if she really is sick or is trying another performance piece in the hopes of winning the award of getting-out-of-work.

Filed Under: Autism, being a mom, Cordy, growing up, kid logic ·


Jan 7, 2013

Snow Days

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This winter has already proven to be far better than last winter. The day after Christmas, the snow started, and kept coming in intervals of every couple of days until the new year, leaving us with a lovely blanket of the white stuff.

With the past few winters being fairly dry and lacking in snow, Mira hasn’t had a lot of experience with it, and Cordy’s experiences are vague at best. Once they saw it on the ground, it didn’t take long before they were asking to go play in it. I bought them snowsuits and new boots and decided that since it was winter break, we’d make the most of our time with the snow.

This was also Cosmo’s first experience with anything more than a dusting of snow. He nervously pawed at the snow at first, but seeing the kids run out into it helped him get over any fear.

About to be knocked over by a dog running full force.

The next day, we decided to take the kids sledding. There’s a local sledding hill that apparently a large percentage of Columbus decided to visit with this new-found snow. During the drive, we created an image of how awesome sledding was for the kids, and how much they would love it.

At the hill, Aaron took them both up the hill to wait in line while I stood near the bottom to meet them when they came down. Mira was the first one down the hill – it’s hard to see, but she’s the one in the middle of the screen after a few seconds on the pink circle sled. Also? You can watch with the sound off so you don’t hear the people beside me yelling to their friends across the hill:

She was a little scared after clipping a few people at the end, but wanted to try one more time. Cordy had a harder crash on her first trip down, colliding with another sled on the way down. She was also shaken and scared to try again, but she also agreed to give it another try.

Parents, a helpful tip: if you must wait for your children at the bottom of the hill, stand to the side or far enough back that you don’t serve as an obstacle for the uncontrolled projectiles coming down the hill. I can’t count the number of adults who served as an abrupt stopping point for random kids, and many of the adults were then upset that the kid crashed into them. If you do choose to stand in their way, pay attention to the hill and move if someone is coming your way.

Mira’s second attempt ended poorly. Two other kids had collided and stopped halfway down the hill. Mira’s round sled hit another little girl just as she stood up, taking her off of her legs again and landing on top of Mira’s head. But Mira kept going, finally ending her rough journey by slamming into a group of adults and a sled they were holding. (No photos of that because I saw the crash coming and put the phone away!)

I was still comforting Mira and wiping away her tears when Aaron got Cordy into position. I tried to wave to Aaron that maybe we needed a break, but I was lost in the crowd and Cordy came down the hill again.

Thanks to all of the snow being packed, she picked up speed quickly. I was trying to run to her to help stop her, as well as yell to a group of people to watch out, but they didn’t move. Cordy hit them but had enough momentum to keep going. I jumped right into another group of people and grabbed Cordy’s coat just as she hit me and bumped the people next to me.

At that point I felt like an awful parent as both kids told us they hated sledding and wanted to go home. We had been there for less than half an hour, and they were now hurting and traumatized by sledding. So much for that awesomely fun experience, eh?

My mom came to the rescue a few days later, suggesting they go to my aunt’s new house and try sledding on the little hills around her house. There were no obstacles, no crowds of people – they could even have their own hills! (Why didn’t we think to do that in the first place?)

It took a lot of coaxing, but they now like sledding again. Cordy won’t try anything larger than a speed bump, but at least she’s willing to try the sled again.

This weekend we all went back to my aunt’s for a little more quality time with the snow, bringing Cosmo with us as well. Squeals of joy and laughter were heard all morning.

I’m so happy to have the snow back this winter.

Filed Under: Cordy, Cosmo, daily life, family time, memories, Mira, snow ·


Dec 28, 2012

The Last Week In Photos (and A Little Text)

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Whoa, hey, how’s it going? Amazing how fast December can fly by when your to-do list is a mile long, right?

We’re in the first week of winter break here, which in our house results in two kids who are really hyper, with one of them having a very hard time being off of her usual routine. I’m doing my best to control the chaos, which would be a lot easier if I could remember where I stored their snow boots from last year so they could go play in the snow.

I’m a little short on words, so here’s a photo journal of the last week.

We went to the zoo for Wild Lights and of course had to see the polar bears:

Unfortunately, we learned that the excitement of zoo lights can sometimes be too much for a five year old. She hasn’t had a potty accident for a year and a half, but she was so excited she forgot to tell us she needed to pee until it was too late. So I spent half an hour in a cold bathroom with her while Aaron ran to the gift shop to spend way too much money on sweat pants and socks.

We didn’t get to see as many of the lights as we had planned.

Next, Cosmo got a check-up at the vet, and we celebrated having him with us for one year.

He’s quite dashing in his sweater. He may weigh 95+ pounds, but he has little fur and gets cold easily.
I then had an experiment in baking and made candied almonds. Amazingly, it turned out delicious:

Recipe can be found here.

Mira watched The Wizard of Oz for the first time over the weekend. Other than the wicked witch, she liked it.

She liked cuddling on the couch with Cosmo, too.

Christmas Eve was spent with extended family at my cousin’s house. We enjoyed catching up with everyone and Cordy and Mira had fun playing with the other kids.

Getting them to hold still for a photo was tough, though.

Christmas Day was filled with the tearing of wrapping paper and squeals of joy.

Unwrapping their Furby toys.

Cuddleuppet, Tooth Fairy pillow, and a very happy Mira.

Also on Christmas Day, Aaron and I slipped away to go see the movie Les Miserables. Amazing movie. I loved it, even if I sobbed through a large part of it. It’s very similar to the stage musical, only now the actors are up close and the emotion is super intense.

I’ve seen the musical a few times and know it by heart, so I also had to resist the urge to criticize any cuts to the score or changing of lyrics.

And then, the day after Christmas, the snow came.

Now if only I could find our snow boots.

How has your week been?

Filed Under: Cordy, Cosmo, family time, holidays, Mira, snow ·


Nov 26, 2012

What A Week

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Last week at this time, I was expecting to have a relaxing Thanksgiving week. My only concern was for Wednesday, when the kids would be home from school while I was still working. I had an enormous to-do list with confidence that I would get it all done.

So then Cordy, who wasn’t feeling well Sunday night, woke up Monday morning with a high fever, cough, and headache. That meant she was home with me all day, on the couch with her Nintendo DS and watching numerous episodes of Beakman’s World on Netflix. I didn’t get as much done as I had planned because I was caring for her, too, but she clearly had the flu, so keeping her home was the right idea.

Cosmo kept watch, too.

That evening, right as she was fighting sleep on the couch, finally breaking a sweat after a 103.5 F fever, the cable/internet went out. As I tried to reset the cable box, my computer prompted me to restart for a Windows Update. I let the computer restart, hoping I could get my internet back again so that I could continue working.

But then the computer wouldn’t start again. It would try to restart, get to the point of loading Windows, hang, and then reboot. Safe Mode didn’t work, running diagnostics didn’t work…after fighting with it all night, I was computerless and lost an entire night of getting anything done.

Cordy was better on Tuesday, but still not well enough to go to school. Aaron took her with him to work, where she could hang out in his office with her games and books away from everyone else, while I figured out if my computer was dead or not. Aaron’s brother saved all of the data from the hard drive (YAY!), but the diagnosis was that the hard drive was dead.

The afternoon was spent researching new computers and working out how in the world we were going to afford a new laptop. I had been planning to buy a new laptop in a month or so, but this was just a little too early for me to be ready. Tuesday evening, I went computer shopping while Aaron entertained the kids, and by 9pm I finally had a new computer to resume my online life. The kids had no school the next day, but I hoped that at least most of my plan for the rest of the week would be back on.

I wish I could have got it without Windows 8.

And then Wednesday morning came and Aaron had been gifted with Cordy’s flu. Well…damn. To make it worse, we had my family coming over for Thanksgiving dinner the next day, and we had yet to finish cleaning the downstairs to prepare for the event.

I cranked through as much work as I could while tending to the chaos around me during the day on Wednesday. By 6pm, Aaron voluntarily went to bed feverish and achy after shivering on the couch all day. After I put the kids to bed, I dumped as much clutter as I could into boxes and hid it in the garage. (The perfect hiding place when you need a house de-cluttered quickly.)

Then I pulled out the Lysol wipes and Febreeze antimicrobial fabric spray, and completely wiped down the entire first floor of the house. No fabric or hard surface that anyone might possibly touch was forgotten. None of our visitors were going to leave with the flu. I finished this task (and a lot of internet surfing) around 3am and slept on the couch.

Thanksgiving went smoothly. Aaron was still too sick to come downstairs, so Mira and I ran care packages of food up to him while we feasted downstairs. It was great to spend time with family, although I felt bad that Aaron couldn’t join us.

I did participate in Black Friday shopping. I don’t really like the craziness or the crowds, but it does allow us to get great deals on things we need and gifts for others. Luckily, I got most of our shopping done online this year, but did have to go to the stores to get a few items for family members.

By Friday I was completely drained from the week. I had barely slept for days, I was mentally worn down from the stress of losing my computer and having my plans upended, and all I wanted to do was shut down. And for the most part I did.

It’s now Sunday night. I’m still playing catch up, but feel a little better. Everyone in the house is almost well again, and Mira and I escaped the flu. I hate having my plans changed – I can handle the little stuff, but with so many large roadblocks thrown at me this week, I wanted to scream.

Tomorrow morning the kids go back to school, Aaron and I go back to work, and everything goes back to normal. At least that’s the plan.

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