Cordy Archives - Page 54 of 56

Jun 29, 2007

My Toddler and Her Diapers

Thank you all for your advice on my last post. I’ve got several new brands to try now, and hopefully one will work.

Some of you asked why Cordy is not potty trained yet, or why we aren’t actively trying to potty train her if she’s wetting through diapers. I can’t tell you how many times I get variations of those questions from friends, family, and complete strangers based on her age and her size. (Let’s forget for a moment that I have a newborn, making it nearly impossible to give her the attention she needs for potty training.)

I jokingly tell people she’s just stubborn, or that she likes having servants clean up after her. She’s a real go-getter who doesn’t have time to stop for a potty break. She hopes to be an astronaut and wear those astronaut diapers all the time.

But the real truth is she simply isn’t physically ready yet. Yes, she’ll be three years old in September, and everyone I talk to has a story of how their kids were potty trained by two. Even I was potty trained by two. However, most experts say you won’t have any luck with potty training if the kid isn’t physically ready. Meaning they have to be aware of the pressure in their bladder, understand this means they need to go, and then have the physical control over the nerves and muscles needed to hold and then release urine. They should ideally be able to stay dry for three hours, and sometimes overnight. Plus a child must also be able to undress and sit on the potty.

Cordy meets very few of those physical readiness signs. She is never dry for three hours, and has never been dry overnight. She doesn’t realize when she’s peeing or pooping, and having a full diaper doesn’t bother her. I don’t think she realizes when she needs to go, either. A pediatrician once told me that kids who are big for their age (and she’s certainly tall and big) sometimes take longer to reach these physical milestones, simply because they are so big.

It’s not that we haven’t tried to get her interested in the potty. She is interested – to a point. I received a DVD called Go Potty Go to review, and it is now a favorite of hers. She watches us use the bathroom and we explain to her what is happening. (In fact, after watching Go Potty Go she now likes to walk in on me in the bathroom and remind me “wipe your bottom” – like I’d forget.) She has a potty chair and she is comfortable with it, although she likes to pull it out of the bathroom and watch TV while sitting on it. Oh, and she won’t sit on it bare-bottomed, either.

So while she has some interest, the physical readiness is not there, and that has made any tries at potty training complete failures. A few times before her bath, I’ve stripped her naked while I ran the water, and she peed while walking around, completely unaware of what she was doing. I’m still keeping an eye on her for any signs that she’s ready, and once she reaches those physical signs I’ll be ready to try again.

For now, we’ll stick to the diapers and only having juice and mashed up cheerios in our carpets. I’m not worried about her potty training by a certain age. She won’t leave for college with a stash of Huggies, I promise.

Filed Under: Cordy, growing up ·

Jun 25, 2007

This Wasn’t Exactly What I Was Asking For

By Christina ·

When Cordy was a newborn, she was a royal pain. She cried all the time from colic and reflux. She slept poorly. She didn’t seem to like being held unless in the sling. She refused to breastfeed, forcing us to give up and go to formula exclusively.

As we got to know her personality, we realized that Cordy was an independent soul. She liked being left alone, and loved her bouncy seat as long as we kept the entertainment going (music, lights, vibration). She hated co-sleeping – in fact, the first night we put her in her crib, she slept most of the night without waking. It was the longest she had ever slept. Apparently we were bothering her sleep by being in bed with her.

I firmly believe she was such an unhappy baby because she was pissed that she couldn’t do what she wanted. As a newborn, she couldn’t control her head or limbs, and that pissed her off. When she learned to hold her head up, she was little happier. Then when she could sit up on her own, she was again a little more pleasant to be around. Once she learned to crawl, her disposition improved greatly, second only to when she learned to walk. As a toddler, a new child emerged, and she went about doing things her own way. It’s like infancy was one big frustration to her: she knew she had to get through it, but she didn’t have to show any appreciation for our efforts.

When I became pregnant with Mira, I remember wishing that I wouldn’t have another child like Cordy. I love Cordy very much, independence and all, but I hoped for a child who would be a little less rushed to get away from us; a little more calm about her current developmental state, and hopefully a little more willing to try breastfeeding.

Clearly you need to be more specific when asking the universe for these things.

Mira is perhaps the neediest baby I’ve ever come across. While she doesn’t have reflux, she does have colic, combined with a frantic desire to be held at any given moment. I don’t think I can fully describe the frustration of rocking, bouncing, dancing and nursing a baby for over an hour to get her to finally drift off into a deep sleep, then slowly, gently, carefully setting her down in her bouncy seat (vibration already on), only to have her eyes pop open and the screaming start as soon as you turn your back.

She’s certainly not independent. We have to trick her into the bouncy seat by putting her there asleep, then dealing with the angry baby when she figures out what we did. The swing is a total no-go. Cordy hated co-sleeping, but Mira will settle for nothing less. If she isn’t spending her nights pressed up against me in bed with a nipple in her mouth, she won’t sleep. Now that I think of it, she isn’t happy while awake unless there is a nipple in her mouth, either.

And forget bottles, pacifiers, or any other substitute for a warm breast. She’s totally a pro-breast girl, and is offended if we offer her anything else. It’s made it impossible for me to pump and store milk because she always wants to be on the boob. I have no idea what we’ll do on the first day I have to be away from her for more than 2 hours. Which is coming up soon – I have a summer class with a four hour lab starting this week.

So I’ve gone from an independent fussy baby to a dependent fussy baby. Woo-hoo. And yet, even though I’m so weary from constantly holding her, sleeping in one position all night for her, and going deaf from her screaming, I can’t fault her for simply wanting to be close to someone. I’m sure it’s hard when you’ve gone from a warm, dark, safe environment, surrounded entirely by mama, to a bright, harsh, unpredictable world where your immature digestive system is constantly producing painful gas as it tries to adjust.

As the weeks go on, I hope Mira will want to explore more of her world, and perhaps enjoy a little time on her own. (Oh please, oh please, oh please…) Until then, I’ll keep doing what I can to keep her happy, while also seeking out ways to find a little down time for myself as well. For example, we learned last night that the sound of running water helps to relax her, often to the point of sleep. It’s because of this new trick that I was able to get the 30 min. needed to blog today:

Someone’s in the kitchen with mommy…

Filed Under: Cordy, fate laughing at me, Mira ·

Jun 23, 2007

Being A Big Kid Is Too Hard

By Christina ·

I think she’s done with this “big kid” stuff and ready to go back to being a baby. It’s too bad she doesn’t exactly fit in the baby car seat anymore.

(And please excuse the disaster behind her in the picture.)

Filed Under: Cordy ·

Jun 20, 2007

First Day

By Christina ·

I haven’t mentioned it much here, but a few weeks ago we enrolled Cordy in a daycare/preschool program for the summer. It’ll be good for her, and I need the time with only one child around. Today was her first day of school.

Cordy needed this, too. While she is an intelligent little girl, perhaps even advanced for her age, she is lacking in social skills and emotional maturity. I put some of the blame on myself for not taking more initiative in getting her out to play with other kids more often. But it’s more than that – she’s always been a loner, interested in her own world more than getting to know others.

I have actually considered having Cordy evaluated for developmental delays, but haven’t been able to fully commit to that decision. Every time I start to think she may have something wrong, she will suddenly prove me wrong. At the very least, she needs to improve in a few areas. She has trouble following another child’s suggestion of play. She lacks some basic skills, like using eating utensils or drinking out of a cup. Her speech is very good, but much of the time she’s only parroting back things she’s heard on TV. She can carry on both sides of a conversation between Dora and Boots, but can’t answer you if you ask her if she had fun today. (She will often answer any question by repeating the last word you said.)

This particular preschool has Aaron’s aunt as one of the administrators, so we know Cordy will be closely watched. And his aunt has told me that she will let us know if she thinks Cordy might have any developmental problems needing intervention. Cordy will be attending two days a week in the 2 year old room.

Today being her first day, we tried to explain what fun she was going to have, but she didn’t seem to comprehend what was coming. Here she was before we left:

We were dreading the drop-off, thinking that Cordy would freak out when we tried to leave. She was hesitant to come into the room, but the teachers took the other kids outside so she could adjust to the room on her own, and she was soon exploring the layout. Then she saw the classroom fish tank, and suddenly she was right at home. “Fish!” she exclaimed. The remaining teacher offered to let her feed the fish, and she was in heaven.

I gave her a hug, telling her I was leaving, and fully expected her to cry. But instead she hugged me and said, “Look! Fish!” “Yes, I see the fish. I’m leaving now, enjoy the fish.” And she didn’t care at all that I left.

“That was too easy,” I told Aaron as we left.

I knew it couldn’t stay that easy. You know how many people give teachers a gift at the end of the year? I wondered if we should have brought gifts for the teachers today. A gift for you, for the enormous task you are about to undertake…

I called later in the day to find out how she was doing. The teacher started out by saying, “She’s a child who prefers to do things her own way, isn’t she?” Oh hell. “Yes, yes she is,” I replied.

Turns out it was a rough morning. Cordy did very well playing outside on the playground and during swimtime, but transitions were tough. She also had trouble staying in her seat at snacktime, but then again, she’s never had to do that before. She refused to eat because she wouldn’t use a spoon or fork – they did give in and feed her a little to make sure she ate a little. She also refused to drink from her sippy at snacktime because it had water in it. Lunchtime was better, though, so hopefully she will learn quickly.

Naptime was also a little difficult because she won’t nap if others are in the room with her. Keeping her on her cot was a challenge at first, but they said she eventually complied, although she talked to herself the entire time, sometimes too loudly.

They said during free play in the classroom, she chose not to play with the other kids, but instead roam the room on her own. They’ll keep an eye on this to see if it continues, or if she’ll eventually want to play with the other kids.

There was good news, too. In the afternoon she listened to her teachers better than the morning. She handled diaper changes well. They also said she’s very smart, identifying colors and numbers and some letters. The teacher I spoke with said that for a first day, she did pretty well.

Aaron and I picked her up around 4pm. When she saw me, she jumped up out of her chair, saying “Mommy! You found me!” Then she saw Aaron and went back and forth between us, saying “Mommy! Daddy! Mommy! Daddy!” She quickly walked over to her backpack, indicating that she wanted us to get her out of there as fast as possible.

She looked a little rougher at the end of the day. More bruises on her legs, a scrape on her knee, and red, tired looking eyes. But she was happy.

Friday will probably be tougher for her. She’ll know we’re leaving her again, so drop-off may involve tears that the fish tank can’t prevent. But I think this will be a good experience for her, learning to interact in a group setting, being around kids her own age, and learning to follow rules other than our own. I hope that her social skills will blossom and any fears I have of something being wrong will vanish. And if that’s not possible, I hope this will be a good first step towards getting her what she needs to catch up to her peers.

Filed Under: Cordy, growing up · Tagged: childcare

Jun 2, 2007

More Thoughts On The Past Week

By Christina ·

I have no idea what day it is right now. I think someone told me it’s now June. Wow, that came faster than I thought.

We’re still in survival mode here, trying to get used to life with two children. Yesterday, Aaron took Cordy out for a few hours, leaving me only Mira to care for. I ate lunch, decluttered the living room a little bit, and fed Mira. As I sat there nursing her, I laughed to myself, thinking: I used to think this was hard? Taking care of one is a breeze!

Cordy is handling the new addition with the grace we expected – which is none at all. She’s doing her best to ignore the baby, and acting out in new and exciting ways, mostly directing her anger towards Aaron and I. She’s hitting, she’s screaming, she’s doing things she already knows aren’t allowed, and she’s physically hurting herself. Today, during a time out, she repeatedly bashed her head on a wall until she slightly bloodied her nose. Fun times, people. It makes my heart ache to see her hurting so much.

So far the post-partum hormone dump is only affecting me minimally, but I’m still waiting for the fallout. I had one sobbing fit on Monday night in the hospital, when Cordy came to visit for the first time. Aaron brought her in and said, “Look, there’s mommy!” She walked right up to me, looked at me, and then replied, “That’s not mommy!” Ouch. She eventually warmed up to me, but then when it was time for her to leave, I had to endure seeing her realize that I wasn’t coming with her, and see all hell break loose. Strapped in her stroller, with large tears streaming down her face, she cried out “No! Mommy! Mommy!” and tried to reach for me as Aaron took her out of the room. I could hear her screams all the way until they reached the elevators.

Physically, I’m still down and out. It isn’t as bad as a c-section recovery, but I wasn’t quite prepared for this. My nether-regions are unrecognizable, with the swelling, the stitches from the giant tear, and the hemorrhoids. Pooping is an ordeal that requires mental preparation. And I’ve already warned Aaron that sex is unlikely for a long, long time. Are there any good remedies for healing my girl parts? While I love the Dermoplast numbing spray the hospital gave me, it only masks the pain, and the Tucks pads aren’t that helpful. Things will go back to normal down there, right?

Mira is so far very different from Cordy. From the beginning, Cordy seemed to be angry at the world for being pulled out of her warm home in my uterus. She wanted nothing to do with nursing, and spent a lot of time crying. Mira took to breastfeeding like a pro from the very beginning, and so far (knock on wood, or well, wood laminate for me) she’s generally not too fussy. We had some issues the first two nights at home, when she would only sleep up against me in bed, but last night she slept in a sleep positioner and managed a 4 hour stretch. She also went out with us for the first time today, and slept for most of the trip. I keep hoping that she will be different from Cordy entirely, and we might just skip that whole colic phase.

Having Aaron home for two weeks full time, and then four weeks part time makes me want to send flowers to the State of Ohio as thanks for their parental leave policy. With Cordy, Aaron only had a couple of days off, but now he’s here for two full weeks to help make that adjustment. I honestly don’t know how I would manage without him right now.

So, we’re doing our best to find normal in our lives again. At the moment everything feels so overwhelming, but I know that eventually we’ll fall into a routine and I won’t feel so out of control. Until then, I have to struggle to find ways to make room for two needy little girls on my lap.