The Journey To Sisterhood

Yesterday I read a post by Liz at Mom101 that made me think back to the early days of when Mira was a newborn and Cordy was a wild, intense, temperamental 2.75 year old. Those first weeks were a complete blur of emotion and sleeplessness for me as I tried to adjust to meeting the needs of a new little person and her big sister, who was needy in different ways.

The thing that broke my heart when Mira was little was Cordy’s complete lack of acknowledgment of her new sister. It was like Mira didn’t exist to her. Of course, this was also pre-evaluation when Cordy didn’t notice other kids most of the time either. I would sit on the couch, holding Mira and asking Cordy to come say hi to her new sister, only to have Cordy come say hi to me, not understanding this little wrapped up bundle in my arms was another human being.

Completely unaware of the other human being right next to her

It took months for Cordy to notice Mira, and all progress was tied directly to her progress in therapy in her preschool. As she ventured out of her internal world, the external world came into focus, and with that world her little sister, who desperately wanted the attention of this big kid in her space.

I remember when Cordy would run laps in the living room while Mira was in her exersaucer – as Cordy would come closer, Mira’s face would brighten with a smile and her arms would wave wildly to get Cordy’s attention. As Cordy ran past, Mira’s smile would fade to a slightly confused, slightly down expression, realizing she hadn’t been noticed. Repeat x 100.

I would cry at night, thinking this distance between my two girls would be permanent and Cordy’s emotional distance would prevent them from ever being close.

If we don’t make eye contact, she doesn’t exist.

Ever so slowly, though, Cordy recognized Mira. She would hear Mira cry and say, “Mira’s hungry!” Or hold Mira’s hands and move her arms back and forth like she was a toy. I then caught her hugging Mira once. Then instead of eating Mira’s snacks, she would feed one to Mira. For her part, Mira never gave up on Cordy, always initiating contact with the older girl who seemed unreachable at times.

But now. I can only say we’ve come a long, long way. Cordy still doesn’t always understand that Mira has feelings too, but she recognizes Mira as her little sister and as a fellow person. I’ll credit part of that to Cordy’s therapy, part of it to typical kid behaviors and maturation, and part of it to Mira’s insistence that Cordy WILL pay attention to her, dammit, even if she has to sit on her. They occasionally play together, and even if it is (usually) too rough, they both giggle until someone inevitably cries, and then they go back to wrestling and giggling again.

They are now sisters.



Middle-of-the-Night Ghostly Visits

When it comes to bedtime, we’ve been fairly lucky. As a toddler, Cordy went to bed without complaint each night, happily chattering away to her stuffed animals in her crib until she fell asleep. Even now she rarely protests much.

When she does object to bedtime, it’s usually expressed as some reason why she can’t go to her bed. Now that the switch has been made to daylight savings time, the sun is still up when she goes to bed at 7pm, leading to protests of, “I can’t go to bed – the sun is still awake!”

But really, going to bed is a minor problem. The real problem is keeping her in bed in the middle of the night. Her sleep pattern is very odd – she usually wants to go to bed around 7pm, then wakes around 11pm for a couple of hours. Around 1am she’s snoozing again until 3 or 4am, when she’s awake for another hour or so before dozing off and on until 7am or so.

The second wake-up is often the hardest, as it is close enough to morning that she sometimes wants to be up for the day, and will wander into our room. Cordy then stands right next to the bed and stares at me until I wake up.

Does anyone else have a child stare them awake? Is it not the creepiest thing you’ve ever experienced?

At this point Cordy will tell me “Mommy, it’s a beautiful day!” with her biggest electric smile, as if that will somehow convince me to get out of bed at 4am. When Aaron and I try to explain that it’s still night and she needs to go back to sleep, we can usually expect to hear “But I can’t – my eyes are open!” or “I can’t – I’m afraid of the dark!” She keeps her overhead light on half the night, so it’s not like her room is dark.

Last night I groggily opened my eyes to see her running up to the bed, eyes wide and with a worried expression. I glanced at the clock, and still remember the glowing green light said 4:24 am.

“Mommy, I saw a ghost.”

“Cordy, there are no ghosts. Go back to bed, it’s still too early.”

“I saw a ghost, mommy. I’m scared – can I get in bed with you?”

That was a first. She’s never claimed to see a ghost before. I asked Aaron what he thought. Usually anytime she wants to get into bed with us, it involves a lot of kicking, squirming, and talking to herself. She never goes to sleep. We decided to let her into bed and see what happened.

For the first time, she actually fell asleep in our bed. And I’m not sure if that was better than the squirming and kicking, because while Aaron still had his entire side of the bed, Cordy pushed me to the edge, giving me about two inches of space. And she snored loudly.

At least one of us got some sleep.

Parent Bloggers and Sylvania are collecting stories of your kids’ best excuses to avoid bedtime this weekend. If you share your story, you could win one of two Sylvania light packages!



Because Children Will Never Let You Be Complacent

Potty training for Cordy has been an incredible success thus far. (Please, ye gods of fate, don’t strike me down for that statement!) She’s wearing underwear all day now, with only a pull-up for overnight. And we’re only baking every 2-3 days now, although I’m slowly becoming immune to the siren song of fresh cupcakes in the kitchen. There have been zero accidents since I last posted.

Which of course means that it’s Mira’s turn to annoy the hell out of us in the bodily functions department.

Mira loves to undress. Save the jokes about her being popular when she’s older – I’ve already heard them. And I really don’t mind when she pulls her pants or top off at home – it’s cute in that learning about dressing herself kinda way. (It took Cordy until four to figure out dressing herself!)

The big problem for us is that she now takes off her diaper, too, especially at night when she’s in bed.

You can imagine the mess. Every. single. morning.

I’ve tried putting her in two piece outfits – she takes them off. I tried sleepers – she can work zippers. I tried one-piece outfits that snap between the legs – she figured out how to pop open the snaps. I tried pull-ups instead of diapers – she either figured out the “easy open sides” or pulled them down.

I can also stretch out necklines to escape

In other words, I have a non-potty trained nudist.

Short of sewing her into her clothing for bed each night, I’m at a loss as to how to keep her diaper on, and I’m tired of doing laundry quickly every morning before it’s time for her nap.

Cordy was never interested in disrobing. Actually, she didn’t care about clothing at all as a toddler – she wore whatever we put her in, and wore it until we chose to take it off. Finding myself facing off against a toddler who can master any clothing fastener is a new challenge for me.

I know I can’t be alone in this – several of you probably have kids who are or were diapered nudists. How did you keep that diaper on, short of duct tape?

Bringing a whole new meaning to naked blogging.


Bribes, Baking and Potty Training

Cordy is nearly four and half years old, and is still not potty trained. Yes, throw all your tsk-tsks at me, I’ve heard them a hundred times already. We’re not committed enough, we’re not doing it right, we’re letting her control the situation, we’re lazy – those are the primary reasons stated by complete strangers for why our daughter insists on remaining in diapers. As if it really impacts their lives if my kid is wearing a diaper.

But we have been trying, ever since she turned three years old. Many adjectives can be used to describe Cordy, but “compliant” is not one of them. Our long journey through potty training has included several types of potty chairs and seats, pull-ups, plastic pants, training underwear, reward stickers and candy, schedules, potty DVDs and books, potty songs, and many wet spots to clean up. By Christmas I was resigned to the fact that Cordy was likely to be in pull-ups for Pre-K next year.

Part of the problem at first was her fear of the bathroom. It was too noisy, it echoed too much. The toilet and faucet had running water, and she was always scared of getting wet. She didn’t like the feel of her bare bottom on cold plastic, and we’re not wealthy enough for heated toilet seats. Her sensory issues are not nearly as severe now, though – one hurdle down.

However, she also has a hard time knowing when she has to go. Of course, many kids often do this – how often have you seen a kid wet themselves because they were playing too intensely to notice? But she could be doing nothing and still pee without understanding what happened.

They have been working with her at school, and I’m incredibly grateful to her teacher for helping her get over her fear of the bathroom. At first she had to stand by the entrance, then she had to stand inside while other kids were using the bathroom. Then eventually they made her try sitting on the potty. We’d do the same thing at home, and it slowly started to sink in little by little, but she wasn’t consistent enough to try underwear, and she would scream and cry at the mere suggestion of underwear.

Over the past two months, she’s made a lot of progress. And then, a few weeks ago, everything clicked. She suddenly wanted to wear underwear instead of insisting on a pullup, and she made every effort to keep her underwear dry for an entire day.

What’s our secret? We finally found a reward that means enough to her to guarantee her effort in this task:


Baking.

Turns out, Cordy was switched at birth. Or at least she forgot to pick up the part of my DNA having to do with my lack of domestic skill. While I avoid the kitchen at the request of the Columbus Division of Fire, she wants nothing more than to pour, mix, and stir. She even likes cracking eggs! Given the choice of any reward, she would choose baking over anything else.

All photos are of food half-eaten. Sorry, she’s a pretty good baker.

So our new deal with Cordy is that if she can keep her underwear dry until dinnertime each day, she’s allowed to bake something for dessert. We’ve Daddy and Cordy have made cookies, brownies, muffins and cupcakes in celebration of dry underwear days. Cordy says she’s the “Little Chef” and Aaron is the “Big Chef.”

Mira, when she’s allowed to participate, is the “Littlest Chef of All” but most of the time Mira is serving in the role of “Biggest Pain in the Ass Who Tries to Wreck Everything.” That one is my kid for sure.

I can’t explain why it is suddenly working, but Cordy has more dry days than wet days in just two short weeks. She still needs an overnight diaper for bedtime, she still has to be prompted to go to the bathroom, and any chance of #2 in the potty is still far off, but I’m no longer as concerned that Mira would be out of diapers before Cordy.

Baking – who knew? It’s a good thing Aaron suggested baking cookies, because I never would have thought of it. And then Cordy might have remained in diapers until her first home ec class. Of course, I’d probably be skinnier, too – if she keeps baking, I’ll keep gaining weight.



I’m Not Ready For This

Yesterday, while volunteering at Cordy’s preschool, her teacher let me in on a little tidbit of Cordy’s school life.

“She’s got a boyfriend now, you know.”

“WHA?”

“Yep, she and [boy’s name] have been really sweet on each other.”

At that point my head exploded.

Apparently over the past two weeks she and this boy have suddenly become a couple. They sit next to each other during circle time, arms around each other. He insists on being right next to her at the table and in line. He asks for the same snack she likes to eat, even though he then won’t eat it because he doesn’t like it. If someone sits next to her he will get very upset.

Maybe he’s not so much a boyfriend as a stalker?

Even worse, he’s the “bad boy” of the class. He has massive tantrums, stubbornly refuses to do things, and I once watched him throw his shoe at an adult’s head. Why couldn’t she go for one of the gentle, quiet boys in her class?

I wasn’t expecting to deal with boys for quite some time. Like, say, 30 years from now. Of course, she doesn’t even mention him at home. When asked who her friends are at school, his name doesn’t come up. So while she willingly participates in the love-fest at school, she’s either not that interested in him or is choosing not to tell us. I’m really hoping it’s the former.

At least her first boyfriend is likely to be short-lived. We don’t know his family, and she’ll be at a different school next year. That gives me all summer to teach her how to go for the sweet, quiet guys instead. Or that boys have cooties and she should avoid them at all costs.

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