The Mid-August Meltdown (of mine)

While I’m spending the week trying to balance having two young girls home with me and somehow sleeping during the day (thanks mom and Aaron for the help!), I’m also keenly aware that the school year begins again starting next week.

I’m always on the verge of a panic attack before the first day of school. Last year, it was due to my disappointment that Cordy wouldn’t be in a mainstream kindergarten class, wondering if she’d miss out and never get the chance to prove she could hold her own with typical peers. It wasn’t a plan I was happy with, but it turned out very well thanks to a teacher who immediately saw Cordy’s potential and a school that is apparently completely caught up in Cordy’s charm. She was gradually introduced to the mainstream class during the year until she was spending nearly half of her day with them.

This year, my sweet Cordelia gets her chance. She will begin homeroom each day by checking in with her special needs teacher, but will then spend (hopefully) all of her school day in a mainstream classroom. This school has never had a split first/second grade classroom (a mix of both grades in one class, with the teacher teaching to individual levels), but this year Cordy will be a part of this special class, and I can’t help but wonder if this class was designed with her in mind.

In our meetings last year, there was a lot of uncertainty about what to do with our smart but socially limited child. If she remained in the special needs class, she’d get individualized academic instruction, but would lack the challenge of learning to survive in a neurotypical world.

If she went to a mainstream first grade, we’d be faced with two options: let her follow the first grade curriculum – a curriculum that her teacher tells us she’s already mastered in kindergarten – or send her to a second grade class for the subjects she’s strongest in: math and reading. The first of those options would leave her bored and therefore prone to act out, and the second option would involve so many transitions from classroom to classroom during her day that we’d be setting her up for failure.

It was during all of these discussions that Aaron and I were strongly considering pulling her out of public school and exploring the idea of a Montessori school. Sure, we’d have to sell a kidney to pay for it, but at least then she’d have an option that had the best chance for success on both the academic and social/emotional fronts.

And then at the end of the year Cordy’s teacher offered up the solution of the split class. She’ll be able to work at a second grade level academically if she’s ready for it, but socially she will have first grade level expectations placed on her. The teacher for this class is well regarded and is already familiar with Cordy. (Her son was a typical peer in Cordy’s preschool class.)

Like I said, it’s as if they designed this class for my daughter.

I took Cordy to the school last week to visit with her special needs teacher, and she discussed this year’s plan with Cordy. I can already tell Cordy is nervous about the change; it’ll likely take a few weeks for her to adjust to this new routine. The teacher walked her to her new classroom, showing Cordy that the two classrooms are just a few doors away from each other and reminding her that she can come visit her special class if she needs a break.

Still…I’m nervous. I want this to work. My heart aches at the thought of Cordy struggling with the social norms of a typical class (what if the kids don’t like her, or worse, what if they tease her?), but I know it’s what she needs to do. Every day I want to wrap her up and hide her away from everything that frightens and upsets her, but I have to draw on my own strength to reassure her and then send her out to face her fears, repeating the process whether she succeeds or fails, over and over again.

Ever since we received the autism diagnosis, I’ve hoped that Cordy could have as normal of a childhood as possible, including an education in a mainstream classroom. She’ll always be eccentric – I wouldn’t expect anything less from my child – and it’s likely she’ll have trouble fitting in. Even if she can’t blend in with the crowd, I want her to better understand how that crowd works and how to work around it.

So I’ll likely be an anxious mess for the next few weeks as we see how well Cordy adapts to her new class. We’re lucky that she has a lot of people interested in seeing her succeed, including those directly involved with her education. It also helps that the kid has a track record for rising to the occasion when needed, and we’re hoping this experience is no different.



Fun in the Sun

Cordy and Mira demonstrate proper head and eye protection in the sun.  Too bad Cordy already scorched her shoulders in a sunscreen mishap earlier last week.

sunglasses

(Yes, this is totally a shameless photo filler post. But hey, look at the cute kids!)

(No, really, my review of the Ford Fusion is coming soon. Although I nearly typed Ford Fission when I wrote that, which would be an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT kind of car, wouldn’t it?)

(And did I mention the cute kids on this little mommyblog?)



Picky Eater

Going out in public with my children can sometimes be a challenge. Especially if going out involves eating, and that eating is taking place either in someone else’s home or at a restaurant my girls aren’t familiar with. Far too often I deal with someone looking at my children at one point and sighing, “So what WILL they eat?”

I have picky eaters.

I’m well aware that my kids have a small list of foods they will eat, and I’ve probably already heard every criticism and judgment someone could think to throw at me. I didn’t expose them to a wide enough variety of foods when they were younger. I didn’t expect them to eat a bite of everything placed in front of them. I gave in to their demands for the same meals over and over. I’m raising children who will have a limited experience with food and force others to bow to their whims.

Yep, I’ve heard it all, and honestly? I don’t care. I know I’m doing the best I can to give them healthy foods to eat. I still make the effort to have them try new foods, even while I give them the foods they like most of the time. And if anyone claims to know anything about dealing with a picky eater, it should be me – I was one of the worst picky eaters as a child, and now I love trying new foods.

Mira is the more adventurous one when it comes to food, but even she can be picky. Occasionally, she’ll try something new, but only if we make it seem like we want it all and really don’t want to share it with her. If we’re asking her to try a bite, then clearly it’s poison and must be avoided at all costs.

(Although it’s hilarious when she does beg to try something and doesn’t like it. She’ll take one tiny bite, force a smile and say “Yum! I like it!” just because she doesn’t want to admit that she begged for something yucky. Ask her if she wants a second bite, though, and she’ll suddenly become generous and say, “No, I just wanted one bite.” Sure you did, kid. Wish you only ever wanted ONE bite of my garlic bread.)

Cordy is far more cautious with food. Her autism and sensory issues make food a very touchy subject. She likes mac and cheese, but at home it has to be in an easy mac bowl. (And she really likes it to be neon yellow, which she can’t have due to her sensitivity to dyes. It’s been a long journey to get her to eat the white cheddar mac and cheese.) Milk has to be white – no flavored milks for her! Applesauce must be unflavored.

She refuses to drink water and will let herself get dehydrated rather than drink it – a splash of 100% juice makes it acceptable to drink. Any foods she normally eats that are presented in an unfamiliar way (like potato wedges vs. french fries) are usually rejected.

But even with her picky eating, Cordy’s short list of acceptable foods includes several healthy options. She loves salad, as long as it is lettuce and dressing only. She’ll eat apple slices and sometimes bananas, although all other fruit is unacceptable. And while she certainly likes cookies, crackers and gummy treats, I try to only buy organic and dye-free varieties for her.

It took some effort to convince her the cheese wasn’t carrots because carrots cannot exist in salad. 

I know it frustrates my family that Cordy and Mira often refuse the foods they made for all of us to share. My mom has commented on more than one occasion that they’ll never eat healthy by being this picky. However, I think that the years have clouded her recollection of my youth.

Here’s what I remember from my childhood. For main dishes, I ate only a handful of foods: mac and cheese, spaghetti, pizza, ham sandwiches, or fast food. I gagged at the very sight of rice. (Thanks a lot, Lost Boys – it took me years to overcome that aversion to rice.) The only vegetables I would even allow on my plate were green beans and occasionally carrots. My mom would beg me to try new foods and I’d turn my nose up at everything. She never forced the issue, though, and more often than not she would give in to my demands for a familiar food.

From that history, you might assume I grew up to have a limited palate. But instead, my tastes matured as I moved into my twenties, and I sought out new foods. I ate new vegetables. I actively tried new foods at parties. Chinese food became a favorite – yes, even the rice! As I matured, my food interests matured with me.

Now? I love food. There are only a handful of foods that I’d politely refuse to taste. And most of those are due to being forced to eat them at some point as a child, creating an aversion so strong that I don’t even like the smell of those foods.

I have faith that no matter how picky my daughters are now, they will not remain this way forever. I refuse to start a negative relationship with food by forcing strange foods on them. So we are short order cooks in our house. Aaron and I have our dinner, we invite the kids to join in on those foods, and if they don’t want to, we make them something else. Occasionally they eat the same thing we do, and we heap praise on them for trying something new.

Out in public, both Mira and Cordy understand that if there’s nothing they’re willing to eat, they may go hungry. I usually have snacks available if I know we’ll be gone for more than one meal, but otherwise I leave them at the mercy of their picky natures. If they’re really hungry, they’ll eat something, even if it is just a hamburger bun.

Someday they’ll be ready to try new foods, but it will happen at their own pace. And when they’re ready, I’ll be waiting to introduce them to all of the delicious foods I’ve discovered after my days of picky eating.



And Exhale

Yesterday was the first day of summer camp for Cordy and Mira. I worried Mira would have trouble adjusting to a new location that wasn’t her normal preschool. I worried that Cordy wouldn’t be able to cope with the demands of being in the older kid class this year, and that her teachers wouldn’t know how to handle her or wouldn’t like her.

Thankfully, most of that worry is now gone.

They both had a great first day. Mira’s teachers said she’s a ball of energy and fun to be around. Although she started the summer by putting a few well-placed gashes and scrapes into her leg on the playground that morning, she still kept a smile on her face throughout the day. Seeing how she’s such a social butterfly, I have no doubt that she’ll be running her class before the week is over.

At the end of the day, I found Cordy on the playground away from the other kids, laying on a bench and holding a ball. Her teachers reported that she was great all morning, and then a little difficult to deal with in the afternoon. She looked tired, they said, and I can believe she was. A new environment is very stressful on Cordy, so it’s likely she hit her sensory threshold by midday. But they handled her the best way possible – they gave her some space and let her rest for a little while.

She was also very thirsty, probably from not drinking any of her water in the water bottle we’re required to send each day. While I understand their reasoning for asking that kids only bring water (other than lunch), we’ve had this battle of wills with Cordy in the past and she will pass out from dehydration before drinking water. We may have to start spiking her water with a splash of juice to convince her to drink it. I’d rather she drink an ounce of juice in 10 ounces of water rather than drink nothing at all.

But the artwork in her backpack proved that Cordy didn’t mope all day. There were beautiful, full-color drawings of people and animals, and she made a series of flags with each one containing a drawing of one member of our family. (OK, the cats all had to share a flag.) I’m not sure how well she interacted with the other kids, but at least she enjoyed expressing herself artistically.

As we drove away from camp, I asked the girls if they had fun. They both said yes. And then I asked if they wanted to go back tomorrow. They again both answered yes. (Which is a rare moment for Cordy! She generally never wants to repeat something that is new to her.)

I am now cautiously optimistic that they’re going to have a great summer.



School’s Out For Summer! Everyone Panic!

The school year was officially over last week, leaving me to explain the concept of summer break to Cordy and Mira. Neither of them really understands why they have to take three months off of school – I assured them that someday they might be more in favor of the idea, and that if I had it my way they’d be in school year-round.

In the meantime, summer camp is often the solution to the “what do I do with these kids when I still have to work?” problem, and both will be attending a day camp for most of the summer. This year we decided to be smart and send them both to the same summer camp, saving us from having to drive all over half of Columbus to take them each to camp every day.

Cordy and Mira will be in different age groups, and will likely not see much of each other during the day. This is a blessing for their teachers – no one wants to listen to those two bicker and tease each other all day. I have no doubt that Mira will march into her summer classroom and take command of it. When she’s not pretending to be shy, she’s a very outgoing little girl – she’s not the kid who cries at drop-off, but rather the one shoving us out the door. I never worry about that kid in new situations. I could drop her off in a biker bar and she’d be running the place by the end of the day, sporting a pretty new spiked collar she convinced some guy named Pitbull to give her.

On the other hand, I’m preparing for a lot of anxiety with Cordy. She’ll be in the older kids class this year, and will be required to do more on her own. For example, in the pre-camp letter, they explained that kids in her class will need to reapply their own sunscreen during the day. Reading that set off red-alarm sounds in my head. Cordy hates having sunscreen put on to begin with – whether it’s lotion or spray, the feel of it is a major sensory trigger. Having to actually touch it with her hands? That might send her over the edge. I’m already preparing an e-mail to the camp director to address these issues upfront so we can find a solution that won’t stress this kid out.

I fully expect it to be a good summer, though. I only wish camp would have started this week. Instead, it seems all camp programs in our area start next week, leaving a one week gap for parents to scramble for back-up babysitting. Or, if you’re me, selling your kids on the idea of a “movie day” where they can watch every Disney movie with bowls of plentiful snacks around them as long as they’re quiet and let mommy get some sleep on the couch after working the previous night.

(Before you call me out as a bad mom, it was just one day, and it wasn’t the most well-thought-out plan when it came to me getting any rest. Aaron took yesterday off so I could sleep, and my mom is keeping them entertained for the next two days. Sadly, I am not a supermom who can stay awake for 48 hours at a time – although it would be an awesome superpower to have.)

I don’t know how other working parents manage the gap. Do they have backup babysitters on speed-dial? Burn precious vacation days to stay home? Call in the extended family? Turn on PBS, leave out some Goldfish crackers and juice and set up a nanny cam to watch them from work? (Kidding on the last one. Think of all the calls you’d have to make to the answering machine when you see the kids getting into things they shouldn’t.)

By the end of this week Cordy and Mira will be begging to go to camp. And we’ll be happy to take them.

And then all will be right with the world again.

At least until August, when camp ends and there will be a two and a half week gap before school starts.

Better start looking for babysitters now.

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