Cordy’s Thank You Note

It’s been a busy week at work. We’ve been temporarily understaffed, and as a result I feel like my days have been spent either sleeping or working.

But!

Remember when I begged you all for votes for the Columbus Parent Magazine cover contest? It all paid off! Thanks to your votes, Cordy made it into the top five finalists out of nearly 400 entries!

As promised, here’s your thank you note:

Now we have to wait to see if Cordy is selected as the winner. A panel made up of magazine editors and professional photographers will choose the winner by this Friday. (Tomorrow!)

I have no idea what goes into making a decision like that – how do you look at five kids and decide which one will be the cuter kid on the cover just by seeing one photo and no other information? I can’t imagine it would be easy – even Miss America has a question and answer portion to the competition. There’s no chance to find out what each child is like, what story they all have to go with those smiling faces…just a photo.

Cross your fingers and hope they can see Cordy’s story in her blue eyes. And if she wins…well, she’ll have to work on an even bigger thank you note.

Cordy plans to use this photo for all holiday and birthday gifts going forward as well. She’s a time saver like me. Or lazy. Like me. 
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Edited to add: Cordy didn’t win the big prize of being on the magazine cover, but her photo will be featured in the December 2011 issue.


The Annual IEP Review

Last week was the annual review of Cordy’s IEP, an event I both look forward to and have extreme anxiety about each year. Since Cordy spends nearly her entire day in a mainstream classroom, I looked forward to speaking with her teachers about how she was doing and find solutions to deal with any issues they were having.

The meeting involved the usual suspects gathered around the table: her special needs teacher, her mainstream teacher, the physical therapist, the principal, and Aaron and I. We began with a review of last year’s IEP and the progress she’s made.

Good stuff:

Based on testing and observation, Cordy no longer qualifies for physical therapy. She was only deficient in one area – running speed and agility – and it was made clear that it wasn’t her running speed keeping her score down. (The kid is FAST.)

Cordy also no longer needs occupational therapy. Her handwriting is still sloppy, but is considered no worse than the average first grader. Or her mother. Maybe she’ll be a doctor?

Academically, she’s at or above her grade level in all areas. She’s already been moved to second grade reading after demonstrating (over and over) her proficiency in reading to her mainstream teacher. It’s possible she’ll be moved to second grade math as well. They’re impressed that not only is she reading at a second grade level, her reading comprehension is strong, too.

Not so good:

The real issue with writing is Cordy’s resistance to doing it at all. She has a hard time translating her thoughts onto paper and often gives up before even trying. We’re going to try teaching her typing as well as handwriting to see if that helps overcome some of her anxiety. When you’re a perfectionist like Cordy, being able to backspace and delete mistakes might make all the difference to her.

At this point, her primary support needs are with social/emotional issues. She still reacts strongly when transitioning from one activity to another – especially if her current activity involves the computer. She’ll whine and throw a fit and the other kids look at her funny when she overreacts like this. Same goes for a change in schedule – indoor recess due to rain can sour the whole day for her.

She also doesn’t handle correction well. When she’s told she did something wrong, she usually has a verbal outburst (often along the lines of “You should just kill me then!” or “I’m just going to throw this away!”), occasionally hides under a desk and refuses to come out, or sometimes runs out of the classroom. Thankfully, when she does run out of the class, she is running to her special needs teacher’s class – the last thing I want to deal with is hearing she ran away from school.

The social issues do bother me. I know she gets overwhelmed and frustrated easily and she takes any slight correction as as condemnation of her entire existence. Her classmates probably think she’s a weirdo as a result. But I still think it’s beneficial for her to be in the mainstream classroom.

I agree with the concept of accepting kids with autism for who they are, but no matter how perfect I wish the world to be, I know Cordy will likely face years of bullying and teasing. It will be important for her to compromise and learn what’s expected in a classroom, scripting her behavior if necessary to “fit in” as much as possible so that she’s less of a disruption, and less of a target.

At the moment she has an aide in the classroom with her most of the day, helping to provide redirection when these moments of frustration pop up. And the teacher reassured us that it isn’t all that frequent – other kids are far greater behavior problems than Cordy is. They also report that, even though she doesn’t have any school friends she tells us about, she does play with other kids at recess.

The team had a lot of praise for Cordy, including how sweet she is most of the time, and in turn we asked them to not be soft on her because of that charm. Sounds mean, I know, but if you try to baby-step her through anything she pushes back and resists. She knows that if you’re trying to gradually introduce something, it must be hard and so she doesn’t want to try it. If you shove her into the deep end, though, she flails for a moment, but then usually rises to the challenge as long as you stay consistent.

When asked what our long term goals for Cordy were, I explained that we wanted her to be seen as a child and student first, and autistic last. It’s a part of who she is, but I don’t want it to dominate how her teachers treat her. I want to eventually wean her off of any assistance, although only when it’s clear that she won’t suffer as a result. I want her to be successful in school, whether she’s gifted or not, and always be challenged to go further.

It was interesting to hear Cordy’s special needs teacher talk about Cordy’s talents. She told us how much Cordy reminds her of another kid – a boy labeled as “twice exceptional” for being autistic and academically gifted – and she added that he was now in high school and on track to graduate. She said she could see Cordy going the same route – maybe even going to college?

I understood her meaning behind the story, and know she was trying to be encouraging, but at the same time I was frustrated. Probably graduate? Maybe go to college? Oh, no, no, this kid will graduate and will go to college! I’ve set high goals for her because she’s already shown every determination to do better than what’s expected.

At three years old we were told she may never be mainstreamed. She would always have behavior issues and may need medication to control her. One expert told us to prepare for the possibility that she may never be capable of living alone or caring for herself. The same people who saw her then are stunned to see the young girl she is now, charming, polite and full of energy to discover the world around her. They never expected her to become the bright student she is today. But I always knew she could do it.

Cordy’s IEP is set for another year now. There’s still plenty to work on, but yet again she’s managed to cross several items off of her IEP to-master list. And the new skills for this year are challenging, but as long as her team is supporting her and cheering her on, she’ll succeed.

I feel like a helicopter parent sometimes, and I’m sure her teachers are regretting that they gave me their email addresses, but Aaron and I are her primary advocates. My job is to make sure she’s getting the education she needs, and I take that job pretty seriously. I see the potential in her, and I have to make sure others see it, too.

With the right guidance, there’s nothing she can’t excel in.

Except maybe penmanship.

(But hey, we all have our limitations. Just be glad I’m typing this and not writing it by hand.)



After These Messages

When it comes to family TV time, we usually limit our selections to Nick Jr (Noggin), Disney Junior, Netflix or DVDs. My thinking was that if I’m going to let my kids watch TV, I’d prefer to limit them to TV free of commercials while they were very young.

I never expected them to shun all marketing and I knew that the licensed characters they saw on TV shows would still lead them to want toys with those characters on it. But if it limited their consumerism even a little, I figured it was worth it.

But then we discovered My Little Pony on the Hub network. And now I’m doomed.

Hub has at least two commercial breaks during every show. We try to Tivo episodes and then watch them with the girls, fast forwarding through commercial breaks. Then there are those times when I let the girls watch TV so I can get something else done, and I’m not always there to hit that fast forward button. Meaning they get to see every “Act now for this incredible offer!” promotion.

So, what do my two impressionable young daughters think of commercials?

Mira now chants, “Take me to Party City!” thanks to their Halloween commercial. Children in the commercial repeat that same statement over and over, and she’s now convinced that she needs to go there for her Halloween costume.

Cordy told me she’d make fewer messes with her snacks if I’d buy her a gyro bowl. Never mind the fact that she never makes a mess when eating a snack.

Mira is begging me for an insulated lunch bag that will keep her lunch cold for up to 8 hours. When I remind her that none of her lunch needs to be kept cold, she gets upset and points out that, “Dat mom bwogger on TV wecommended it!” I guess in her mind, all mom bloggers must stick together and use the same products.

Mira also insists that the chocolate milk shown in one commercial would be “healthy” for her. I tried to explain that just because they say it’s “healthier” because it’s a good source of vitamin D and calcium and is free of high fructose corn syrup doesn’t change the fact that it’s still filled with sugar. And that all milk has calcium and vitamin D.

Mira even asked if we could please buy one of those aluminum storage building. You know, because we need a carport or hobby building next to our garage or something. And they’re sooooo shiny.

I won’t even begin to discuss all of the pillow pets, make-your-own stuffed animals, play-doh ice cream factory and other toys they now insist they can’t live without.

Marketing works, folks.

After recovering from the horror of watching my kids mindlessly ask for junk they don’t need just because the TV told them they wanted it, I decided that this was a prime chance to teach them about persuasion and marketing.

I still fast forward through most commercials, but occasionally we watch them together and discuss what the people who made the ad were trying to do. Did they want us to do something or buy something? Why do they say we need it? Do we really need it? Do we already have a similar item that works well for us?

It’s also started a discussion about money, both how we get money and what we do with it. Cordy and Mira still have trouble understanding that we have a finite amount of money to spend, and there are some things we have to spend our money on first (bills) before we can then consider items that aren’t as necessary. Progress is slow in this area, but I think if we keep talking about it with them it’ll sink in.

I won’t rant about the “evils” of marketing. I know that businesses need to sell their products, and it’s up to their marketing departments to find a way to make the product appealing so that people will want to part with their money. Hell, I have an entire review blog devoted to trying out products of interest, using my real-life experience with an item to help provide an honest testimonial for the product. I sell ad space on my blog. I get it.

But just because I believe there is a place in the world for marketing doesn’t mean I plan to let my children be blind followers of consumerism. If they’re going to see commercials (and as they get older they’ll be exposed to more and more everywhere they go), I want them to think about more than what’s being presented on the surface and consider the truth behind what’s being said. Is that chocolate milk really healthier? Healthier than what? It certainly can’t be as healthy as plain white milk, right?

I think this will be a lesson that continues for some time. I’m glad they didn’t see as much advertising when they were younger, but now is a good time to start explaining how it works. They’re as receptive to the message we’re giving them as they are to the commercials – here’s hoping we can be a little more persuasive than the marketing professionals at least most of the time.

(I can’t say all the time, because let’s face it – marketing works on me, too!)

Full disclosure: Just in case it needs to be said, I do not endorse any of the products listed above, and specifically will NOT be taking Mira to Party City for her costume, but instead plan to visit a locally owned costume shop.



Moments in Time

I generally have mixed feelings about school picture day. We usually have to order the photos in advance, before the photographer even snaps the picture, leaving me wondering if my expensive gamble will result in a kid with one eye half closed or a frown on her face or if I might luck out with a good shot of her. Committing to two 8×10’s, 4 5×7’s, 2 3×5’s and 2 sheets of wallets without seeing the photo first is hard to stomach.

No matter her look, the backgrounds are dull, the “enhancements” are usually worse and every kid has the same head and shoulders pose that has been used since my grandmother was in school.

But.

School photos also serve as an annual snapshot of where my kids are at the moment. You can see so much personality in their eyes, see how much they’ve developed and changed from the year before, and get an idea of what’s going on in those little heads.

Cordy’s first school photo was when she was three and had just started special needs preschool. She had just received an educational diagnosis of autism, and I think the photo says it all.

All of the struggle against her senses, the confusion, and the uncertainty with the world around her was captured in that photo.

And then there’s her first grade photo.

I could write eloquent (or not so eloquent) sentences about the transformation she’s made, but words would only be repetitive. The two photos speak volumes about what has changed without any added explanation from me.

Right now, I’m incredibly grateful to have these school photos to remind me of where she is in this moment.


Pssst…have you voted for Cordy in the Columbus Parent cover contest? I’ve been watching the competition, and there are some other kids getting a LOT of votes at the moment. Do they really have families that big?

C’mon, we can do better than that, right? If you haven’t done it yet, please leave a vote for Cordy!



I Usually Don’t Ask For Much…

I try not to ask a lot of everyone who comes by this blog. I’m happy to share stories and photos and have discussions about deep topics like special needs education and which eighties cartoon to have my daughters watch next.

But today I’m asking for a small favor. Columbus Parent magazine is having a cover photo contest, and the winning child will get to be the cover model for one of the monthly issues. I normally try to avoid anything that involves voting – popularity contests just bring back nightmares of coming in last as a child, and I often feel that those with the most resources generate the most wins. (Although I actually have a pretty stellar resource with this blog and the Internet.)

However, I decided to enter this contest for a few reasons. First, I’ve got a couple of good-looking kids who would both make excellent cover models.

More importantly, this would be an excellent chance to feature a child with autism on the cover of Columbus Parent. Cordy is not only beautiful, but she’s smart and charming and has an incredible story. At three years old we didn’t know what the future would hold for her when the autism label was applied. Would she be able to go to college? Would she even be able to attend a regular classroom?

Everyone who visits here regularly has followed along through her transformation. Today, at seven years old, she spends 90% of her day in a mainstream classroom and about 90% of the time she’s a cheery ball of sunshine as well. She’s reading well beyond her first grade level and has just started working on double-digit addition and subtraction. The school wants to test her for the gifted education program. The latest report from her teachers is that she now runs with packs of other kids on the playground at recess instead of playing by herself, and possibly even has a friend or two.

Cordy’s a success story, and she is a positive example of a child with autism living well beyond her label. She has her difficulties and still struggles with a lot of social issues, but she’s thriving in her environment.

Photo courtesy of Heather Durdil

So…this all leads up to the favor I’m asking of you. Will you please vote for Cordy in the Columbus Parent contest? You don’t have to be a Columbus resident to vote. All you have to do is leave a comment under her photo with the word VOTE in it somewhere. Or just the word “vote” would do, too, if you’re in a rush.

You do have to register for the site to vote. (I’m sorry – I wish they didn’t have that restriction. Check your spam folder if you do register, as the confirmation email seems to go there for many people.)

The voting round is open until October 17, 2011 at noon ET. I can already tell there are some kids in this contest with large families, so we’ll need all the help we can get! The top 5 kids with the highest votes will go on to the finalist round where the magazine will select the winner.

What’s in it for you, you ask? I don’t really know what to offer in return. The privilege of knowing you helped the Amazon warrior princess get the cover of a magazine? A hand written thank you note from her? (Warning: her thank you notes are very short.) A promise from me to post more often? 

Anyway, if you have a moment, please leave a vote for Cordy! And share it with your friends, too!

(And now I swear I won’t ask any more from you for at least another few months.)

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