Adventures in Gardening

Three weeks ago, my friend Judith offered me a few seedlings from her vast garden beginnings. She has the touch with green things that I could only dream of having. She offered me several varieties, but I only took a small collection of cilantro, cucumbers, and peppers.

Oh, I wanted more – I have grand dreams of a big garden, providing my family with fresh vegetables, all grown by me. I did it one year, and while the yield was disappointing and I did kill, well…many of the plants, I felt like I learned a lot from the experience and knew I could probably do a lot better the next time.

But I also know that I can’t even keep my grass growing.

Still, trying again seemed like a good idea. So I brought home the little cups of seedlings, planning to give them all the love I could until any threat of frost had passed and they were ready to be placed in a well-tended bed of fresh soil and fertilizer.

It was warm that first week, so I set them outside during the day, placing them on our patio table to soak up some sunlight.

Mistake #1: I didn’t plan for him.

who, me?

Cosmo, the dog who never climbs or jumps, apparently has quite a taste for herbs and veggies and can use magic to extend his reach to the patio table. On day one, I glanced out the back door and saw him chomping down on a plastic cup. I raced outside to take it away from him, but it was too late – he’d already eaten the tiny sweet pepper plant entirely.

I moved the cups closer to the center of the patio table, far away from his reach. Later that day, after letting him out in the backyard again, I walked past the door and saw him with another cup between his paws. This plant had not been fully eaten, but sadly it’s injuries were more than it could handle and it passed away two days later.

Realizing I had a cow for a dog, I brought the others back inside and placed them on a table next to the kitchen window. I blamed Cosmo for the two early deaths, but I was committed to saving the others. It can’t be that hard to keep plants alive, right?

Mistake #2: turns out, watering a plant is harder than it looks.

Too little OR too much water will kill plants. They’re like Goldilocks – everything has to be just right. The cucumbers quickly gave up and opted for a quick reincarnation in some better person’s garden. One cilantro plant also curled up and died.

However, despite all that, I STILL have three cilantro plants and one sweet pepper seedling that made it through the early days. And on Sunday they were given their reward: they were moved to a planter.

moving day

I even gave them potting soil that states it helps prevent damage from under- or over-watering. It’s like the soil people knew I wanted to garden again this year. I’m still waiting on the Plants for Dummies line of gardening products. (Dummies brand, feel free to use me as your spokesperson. Or at least give me credit for the idea.)

The larger garden may still happen this summer, although I’ll likely have to build fencing around it until we can train the dog to not eat the garden. But for now my four little survivors are hanging out in a single planter that will remain in our front yard, safe from Cosmo the bovine-canine. Now they only have to endure me.

I never would have guessed that raising plants is harder than raising children. It’s a good thing my kids weren’t born green.



Geeky Pursuits

It’s no secret that we’re a family of geeks. Aaron and I met many years ago when performing at the Ohio Renaissance Festival. At our wedding, the music we used for the entrance to our reception was the Throne Room music from Star Wars. Aaron still reads comics. A lot. We love Doctor Who and several other sci-fi dramas. Our daughters have dressed up as superheroes more than once and can recognize many of the great figures in nerddom.

You get the point.

Lately, my darling husband has developed a new hobby: superhero costuming. As in, he is making costumes so he can dress up like superheroes at sci-fi or comic conventions. 

 this is him as Spiderman
featured on MTV’s website from C2E2 this past weekend (he’s the Batman on the left)
posing with a kid as Superman

I said we were a geeky family, folks. You’re suddenly viewing us in a WHOLE new light now, aren’t you?

When I say hobby, what I really mean is obsession. For the past six months, this subject has consumed him more than any other. He’s spent much of his free time on costuming websites, message boards, and now Facebook groups. His Facebook friends have grown dramatically, and suddenly his friends list contains more strangers to me than people I know. He’s even working to form a local chapter of a non-profit group that sends out members dressed as superheros to visit sick kids in hospitals, participate in charity events, etc.

There are some upsides. His costumes look very good, and it’s motivated him to work out more to look good in them, too. Spandex is unforgiving. He gets lots of praise and attention for the costumes, which I’m sure is a self-esteem boost. Choosing to do charity events to bring a smile to sick kids makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and love him even more for his generous heart.

So what in the world am I getting at in this post?

As geeky as we are as a family, this costuming thing is driving me nuts.

I fully supported him when he started it. He’s always been a comic fan, so it was a natural extension of his interests. But as it developed into an obsession, well, I’ve felt left behind. As he sits on the couch each night, his eyes are glued to message board and his costuming Facebook groups. His Facebook page is almost entirely about costuming now.

When he’s working on a new costume, he’s consumed with wanting to get it done and anything that gets in the way leaves him grumpy and irritable. And then there are the women who are really into costuming, too, who get a little too touchy, close or clingy with him at conventions. I try not to get jealous, however I’d be lying if I didn’t admit it puts a stress on our relationship.

But there’s also this: he wants me to join in and dress up with him.

Many years ago, I used to design and make costumes. I used much of my graduation money from college to purchase a very fancy computerized sewing machine that can do everything except make you coffee and sew the damn thing for you. I made renaissance costumes for friends and for myself. I was good enough that people even bough some from me. At one time I was working on a Master’s degree in costume design.

(Another surprise for you? Yeah, this onion has LOTS of layers. It’s like you never knew me, right? And hey, I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up!)

After having kids, though, sewing dropped off the radar. It was a hobby I no longer had time for and since we no longer performed at the renaissance festival, there wasn’t a need to make new costumes. Work and a screaming, colicky baby who turned into a grumpy, tantrum-prone toddler kept me away from scissors, needles and thread. Probably good to keep me away from pointy things, considering my mood at the time.

I haven’t used that fancy sewing machine in six years. So when Aaron asked me to help in making his costumes, I resisted due to forgetting many skills. Also: I’m busy. Work, kids, getting this house decluttered – when do I have time for sewing?

But asking me to dress up, too? I’m just not sure what to do. I know he really, really wants me to do it. He thinks it would be a fun hobby to do together (he’d love to get the kids dressed up, too) and continually suggests characters I could become. He’s even enlisted the help of his Facebook friends to brainstorm ideas for me of characters I’ve never even heard of.

I feel pressured, though. I’m not nearly as into this idea as him, and I’m already annoyed at how much time (and money) he sinks into it. As it is, we have so many other things that need to get done first that I don’t have time to think about hobbies. And I don’t want to spend all of my free time going to conventions in costumes – I want us to do a lot of different activities as a family. Maybe even see the sunshine once in awhile. I also am a little more shy and don’t necessarily like everyone looking at me.

We’ve discussed the issue already, and Aaron concedes he’s been a little obsessed and needs to cut back on his hobby. It can’t take up all of his spare time, and beyond hobbies there are still a lot more responsibilities we need to devote more time to as well. He’s agreed to cut back and try to give more focus to the home and other family activities.

But he’d still like me to join him when he does dress up. I don’t know what to do at this point. My irrational mind worries that if I don’t meet him halfway and participate that he’ll continue down that path without me and eventually we’ll be two people with drastically different interests who have nothing in common. (Can I follow an idea to the dramatic, extreme end or what?)

I’m not against the idea…I’m just not excited about it, probably because I already resent how much time and energy this hobby has absorbed. I’m not going to ask him to stop entirely, either – that’s just silly, and I do support the charity work he wants to do with it. There just needs to be balance. And boundaries.

I don’t know if participating only to support my husband and his interests would possibly lead to having a lot of fun in the process, or if my lack of passion would only make me resent it?

They don’t cover these kinds of issues in the imaginary marriage handbook. If your spouse has a hobby he’s passionate about and wants you to get involved so you can share it together, do you go along with it even if you’re not as interested? What do you think?



Nothing Says Vacation Like Hard Labor

The end of spring break is in sight, but oh it’s been a rough week. While we did get out of the house one day, I couldn’t sacrifice more of my work schedule for further outings. Besides, my odds for losing a child had already proven to be high, so I didn’t want to risk it again.

So by Wednesday at exactly 8:32am, the rounds of “I’m bored!” started, along with constant chatter directed at me while I was trying to focus on the computer. I offered them snacks, games, and whatever movies we owned or Netflix had online that they wanted to watch if they would just let me have a little time without needing me. And they took me up on all of them, and then still continued to express their boredom.

By 10am, I was desperate. So (with suggestions from others) I invented a new game: clean the house! Some families go to a beach for spring break; we do hard labor.

Amazingly, the kids seemed excited by it.

Both Cordy and Mira have chores they’re expected to do, but the tasks are limited. Turn off your bedroom lights, put your clothing away, clear your dishes off the table, let the dog out, etc. But neither have really participated in routine cleaning around the house.

I wrote up a quick list of what they could do with limited supervision from me. It was a surprisingly short list. Ah well, even 30 minutes would be a help for me.

And then? I put them to work.

They scrubbed the lower kitchen cabinets:

They took out the recycling. Mira dusted around the TV. They picked up toys and books in their rooms. I even showed Cordy how to mop:

Excuse the blurry photo and messy kitchen.

Surprisingly, the best time-waster chore was asking Mira to take the laundry out of the dryer and put it on my bed. She took one or two items out at a time, so she had to make a lot of trips back and forth. Best. idea. ever.

Cordy did exclaim at one point that she felt like Cinderella, being forced to scrub and mop. She tried to say she felt like a slave, too, but I shut down that direction of thought. For a kid who has very few responsibilities, she has no right to claim we’re treating her like a slave.

Did they do a fantastic job cleaning? Not really. Sure, everything is a little bit cleaner, but the point was to keep them busy and get them interested in helping out more around the house. And I still had to oversee a lot more than I had planned, but hopefully that means I won’t have to oversee as much in the future.

Despite the Cinderella comparisons (which actually just made them sing Cinderella songs while they scrubbed), I think they did enjoy helping out. Mira asked for more to do on Thursday and I had to scramble to think of more chores.

I think I’d still prefer to have a cleaning service if I could ever have it, but I have to admit these two are much cheaper. They work for beans. Jelly beans.



The Real Nutrition Problem For Our Kids

Occasionally when the kids are very helpful, we treat them to a meal out. The other day it was Steak N Shake, a favorite for both Cordy and Mira thanks to the paper hats and 50’s cardboard cars they can build. A favorite for me, too, for their amazing Frisco burger.

I know eating out is often not a healthy option – it’s an occasional treat. But even when they order macaroni and cheese or a grilled cheese sandwich, they often choose a side dish of a fruit or veggie. Cordy is obsessed with salads, so she’ll always choose a salad for her side. And Mira often asks for applesauce.

But this time, the restaurant was very busy and they brought Mira’s applesauce out still sealed in it’s cup. I happened to look at the label before she ate it and couldn’t help but stare at what I saw.

Apples, followed by super-sweet high fructose corn syrup and then even more sugar in the form of corn syrup. What the hell? Has this country forgotten that apples are naturally sweet? They don’t need to be laced with added sweeteners to convince kids to eat them.

If you want to fix the problem with nutrition for our kids, start by returning to real food. Meat that you can recognize as meat – without meat byproducts as filler. Fruit without added sugar. Foods without artificial dyes added to brighten them up. Real whole grains. Real cheese without added fillers. Ketchup made from tomatoes, spices and vinegar with almost nothing else. Fruit snacks that are actually made from fruit and not “fruit-flavored” snacks.

I’m a child of the 80’s. (Well, born in the 70’s but most of what I remember was from the 80’s.) I grew up with some of the most artificial food out there. Popsicles that were nothing more than sugar water and a whole lot of artificial coloring. Doritos with bright orange cheese powder that stained everything. Snack cakes filled with enough saturated fat for an adult’s daily intake. Sugar-filled drinks that matched the bright neon clothing we wore.

Sure, I survived it all, but I can guarantee you it didn’t make me any healthier. If anything, it was a big contributor to my later obesity. I also can’t be sure my diet of artificially created food didn’t shave years off the end of my life, or plant the seeds for later cancers. I guess we’ll have to wait and see the outcome.

We, as a society, know better now. Nutritional science has shown that natural is almost always better than man-made and we’re thankfully seeing the pendulum swing towards a return to real foods.

However, the one area that is lagging behind is food geared towards our youngest and most vulnerable population, especially in the markets of restaurant foods and school lunches. Food marketed towards and produced for kids still contains higher amounts of added sugar (especially in the form of high fructose corn syrup), added fat, processed and artificial ingredients, and gallons of artificial food dyes.

Back to my original question: why does applesauce need added sugar? The answer is it doesn’t, and food manufacturers should be ashamed of themselves for continuing to pump additional calories and ingredients into foods that don’t need it. It’s no wonder some kids would refuse to eat an apple – when your taste buds have been taught to seek out unnaturally sweeter, brighter colored foods, a naturally sweet apple probably doesn’t have as much appeal.

We’re letting our kids down. They deserve better than this. And not just the kids who have parents that can afford the “better” stuff – this needs to change from the top brands all the way down to the bulk products sold to schools and institutions. Walking down the aisles of your grocery store, you shouldn’t have to look hard for the “natural, no added sugar” applesauce – that should be the norm.

Change is already happening. Schools are being allowed to opt out of pink slime for their government lunch programs and many parents, now being made aware of the issue, are putting pressure on their local districts to no longer use this processed meat filler. McDonald’s recently changed their Happy Meals to reduce the portion of fries and automatically include apple slices. (And yes, fast food nutrition still has a long way to go, but that’s a great stride forward.)

Companies aren’t going to alter the way they do things without a demand for change, though, and that’s where we come in. It’s our responsibility not to settle for what is being served to our kids. We need to send the message to food manufacturers that we expect better and if they can’t deliver we will take our money to a competitor who will put the health of our children above cheap materials. We need to keep pressuring the government to demand the highest standards for school lunches, which for many poor children are the only chance they have at a complete meal each day.

Our children are a barometer of the health of the nation. What are we seeing? An increase in allergies, obesity, asthma, ADHD, autism, behavioral issues, etc. Of course it’s not all because of food, but I’d guarantee that if kids were raised on a healthier, more natural diet that the severity and incidence of these issues would be far less. My best example of this is Cordy – when kept away from artificial food coloring, she has fewer outbursts and meltdowns and is more “present” in her daily tasks. Add the dyes back in, and it’s like I have a different child.

Look, I’m not trying to take away ice cream, cookies and candy. My own kids would probably stage a revolt against me if I did. I’m just asking that we consider the quality of the ingredients in our food – even the treats – and demand that our food go back to the basics. Ice cream should be milk, cream, eggs, sugar and natural flavoring. Bread should be made with whole grains and not processed, bleached flour.

I don’t want to completely ban artificial ingredients and added sweeteners, but in an ideal world they would be harder to find on menus and grocery shelves than foods without them. There is a place for them, but that place isn’t in nearly every food product we push towards kids.

Read the ingredient labels on your foods. If there’s something on the label that you don’t believe should be in that food, or even if you aren’t sure why it’s there, take five minutes to contact the company and tell them how you feel. Ask them to take high fructose corn syrup out of their applesauce. Ask Kraft to make their mac and cheese without FD&C Yellow #5 and Yellow #6 when the same product they make in Britain is just as brightly colored with paprika and beta carotene.

As for Mira’s applesauce at Steak N Shake? I explained to her what was in it and offered to let her have a container of her natural applesauce back at home instead. She happily chose to wait until we got home for the natural applesauce.



No Answers, More Questions

After all of the drama of last week’s visit to the doctor and the following blood draw to test for allergies, I had hoped to report one satisfying resolution to that arc of Mira’s story.

Unfortunately, life doesn’t seem to resolve mysteries as in novels or neatly storyboarded television shows, with all loose ends tied up and answers revealed.

Waiting for the results, I was focused more on what kind of lifestyle changes we might have to make to accommodate Mira’s allergies than anything else. What if she really was allergic to dairy and we had to go dairy-free? Or what if she had inherited the seasonal allergies of Aaron or I, but even worse, and would need to start allergy shots to bring some relief?

I didn’t hear anything by Friday afternoon, so I called the office and asked about the results. The doctor we spoke with last week wasn’t in the office, so one of the nurse practitioners called me back a little later with the full report.

Of the enormous list of food allergens and environmental allergens that Mira was tested for, she was allergic to…

None of them.

Wait, what?

The blood test showed no measurable allergy to anything in the test. This included about every kind of pollen, mold, and animal that she might encounter in Ohio, as well as all of the common food allergies and cinnamon. However, the nurse practitioner said the test results did show an elevated IgE level, which indicates she’s having a reaction to something, we just don’t know what.

The next step? Not sure yet. I have to get back in touch with the doctor to determine where to go from here. We may be seeing an allergist, or she may want further tests first. Either way, I need to make sure her symptoms aren’t forgotten. Mira’s flare-ups are random and she hasn’t had a vomiting episode/cramping in nearly a month, but we know it’ll happen again. And the eczema on her head is only slowly responding to the steroid treatment.

I’m glad this kid has such an easy-going personality. She was telling her preschool class last week about the blood draw and described it as, “It really hurt, but they weren’t being mean. They were just doing what they needed to help me feel better. They weren’t trying to hurt me.” Mira knows there may be more testing involved, too, and while I’m sure she won’t be as brave in the moment, she still says she’ll be brave and knows we only want to make her feel better.

That’s Mira – the kid rolls with anything life sends her way. Although she’ll make sure to remind you of the story of her bravery at least once a day for the next month, usually with some parts exaggerated for dramatic flair to make her the star/hero of the story. Maybe she needs her own blog – once she learns how to write.

You’d have thought the St. Patrick’s Day parade was in her honor the way she tells the story.
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