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May 23, 2012

Brought To You By The Letter D (for Depressing)

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No one likes to read bad news, and I don’t really like writing about depressing things. But my little family has had our fair share of setbacks over the past few years, and sadly another one popped up recently. I considered not writing about it, although of course it then wouldn’t leave my brain to let me write about anything else. So here it is, and I’m only letting myself feel down about it in this one post and nothing more. If I get mopey in a future post, feel free to tell me to snap out of it.

Aaron got the bad news last week that his company is cutting him loose at the end of this month. He was told that it has nothing to do with his work, and everything to do with the president of the company choosing to run on a cash system – so if there’s a lull in contracts, like at the moment, he lets people go so he doesn’t run a debt. It’s a small company that depends on government contracts, and even though they recently won several contracts that should be coming soon, the money hasn’t arrived for them yet.

Aside from the head of the company, the VP’s and the project managers and everyone else he works with would rather he not leave. He’s the only writer they have, and his leaving means that the documentation for their projects – including an enormous user guide needed for a government agency software project due soon – will fall to, uh, someone else. Probably a project manager who isn’t exactly the best fit for something like that and would rather not do it and won’t do as well at it.

But despite objections from everyone else, the company president is focused on cutting expenses, even if it means cutting out staff who are vital to the development of the project. Not the wisest move in my eyes, but what do I know about business?

There is still talk of having Aaron stay as a contractor, with varying hours available to him, but that hasn’t been confirmed yet. Either way, we know that his steady income and all of our health benefits are out the door on May 31. He’s already updated his resume and has started networking. We know from experience that job hunting is rarely a short endeavor.

He’s angry, of course. Angry that he’s done everything right, has gone above-and-beyond for the company and has been praised over and over for his efforts, and gets rewarded by being laid off. It’s no wonder that loyalty towards a company by employees has been steadily declining – when treated like that, how can you do anything but constantly wonder when your employer will decide you’re not worth it? Too often now, an employee is just a set of skills to be used and discarded, and not a real person with a life and family and a relationship with the company. Mutual respect is gone.

I’m upset that we’re losing our health insurance again and hoping it will only be a short lapse. Why this country should continue to tie a family’s health insurance to their employment is beyond me. When people worked at the same company for 30 years, it made some sense for health insurance to be something shared between employer and employee as a benefit.

Now it’s just a cruel joke – if you work for the right company, you can get great insurance. Switch employers and it’s a gamble if your insurance could be worse in coverage and/or cost more. Your health didn’t change, and your need for certain coverage didn’t change, but because your job changed, your benefits and the amount you pay can drastically change. Lose your job with no ability to pay COBRA, and you have no coverage at all. What kind of a screwed up system is this? Why should a person’s job with a specific company dictate what kind of health care they can receive?

Not to get too political with this, but how is this a stable system for supporting the health of the country? A single payer system would be far more stable. Even if you don’t agree with a single-payer system, then it’s time to stop including health insurance as part of employment compensation plans entirely, raise the take-home pay for everyone and cap premiums from the profit-heavy insurance companies.

Stepping down from my soapbox now and returning to us: it’s obvious we’re scared and angry and frustrated, but we’ll be OK. I have a job at the moment that I love, so we do have some income. Aaron will qualify for unemployment if needed and has a lot of people trying to help him find another position.

It sucks to take a big step back financially (again), but money is just money. We may not be able to do or buy as much, but it can’t take away our family, our friends, or our determination to succeed.

And moments like this piss me off enough to push us to succeed, just to spite those who set us back. The best revenge is success.

Filed Under: Aaron, daily life, fate laughing at me, money, politics, rant, the J-O-B ·


May 15, 2012

Setting Up A Token System

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In the past week I’ve described the token system we use for chores and good behavior for the kids to three different people, so I thought why not share it with everyone? We don’t give an allowance weekly at this point because neither of our girls have a strong enough grasp of money, and because many of the things they want aren’t things at all but privileges that have little to no cost to us.

We reward Cordy and Mira for good behavior and for helping around the house with doubloons. The idea was originally given to us by one of Cordy’s therapists, suggesting a token system can work well for kids with high-functioning autism, as they can see a concrete reward for tasks they accomplish and then use those tokens to “purchase” the perks they want.

The idea for using doubloons came from Jake and the Neverland Pirates last fall. Cordy saw it on TV and loved how the pirates collected doubloons for solving problems throughout the show. At the same time, Cordy was obsessed with dressing as a pirate princess for Halloween. Aaron realized that would be the perfect token system, so he bought a big bag of plastic gold coins, grabbed a mug for each kid (from our renaissance festival days) and we started to plan the system.

I think they’re Greek coins instead of pirate doubloons. Eh, they don’t know the difference.

You can make the system as loose or rigid as you like. We’re somewhere in-between. There are daily tasks that they know they earn doubloons for – these are often tasks that they have trouble remembering to do, or are difficult things we want them to master.

For example, Cordy has trouble remembering to turn off her bedroom light each morning. She gets one doubloon for remembering to do it each morning. She also has to take a pill each morning, which she doesn’t like to do, so she gets a doubloon for doing that, too.

When the task can be done without reminder and without the need for a reward, we phase out the doubloon reward and find other routine tasks to reward for. They get doubloons for helping Aaron or I without complaining (like helping us load/unload the dishwasher or take out the recycling) and for assigned chores that they complete.

We also award them doubloons for good behavior. If they’re playing well together, or if they spontaneously do something helpful, they can get bonus doubloons. 

They keep their coins in the mugs and then use them to buy privileges. Some of the privileges they can choose from:

  • Extra 20 min on the computer/iPad – 1 coin
  • A treat of 1 piece of candy – 3 coins
  • Staying up an extra 30 min after normal bedtime – 5 coins
  • Getting fast food for dinner – 5 coins
  • A trip out to the zoo or another fun place (if we didn’t already plan for it & time allowing) – 10 coins

Of course, anything that Aaron or I decide to offer to them doesn’t cost anything. If we plan to go to the zoo one Saturday, they aren’t required to pay. If they want something that isn’t on our list, we can assign a doubloon value to it. Mira once wanted a Happy Napper toy, but she had no money. We set a value of 20 doubloons for it, and she saved her coins until she could cash them in to buy her toy.

We like using this system at the moment because the coins have no actual money value (other than the few dollars it cost to buy the bag of them), so they can use them for non-money privileges like extra computer time or staying up late. Many times these privileges are just as valuable to them as anything they could buy. When they’re older we can move to an allowance instead of tokens, but at this age it works very well.

The system works well because it is flexible and can be adapted for nearly any family. You can set your own guidelines on how tokens are earned and cashed in, and you can adjust the rewards and tasks that earn tokens as a child grows and masters new skills. It’s a fun system that lets kids earn their privileges and gives parents a chance to set non-monetary rewards for good behavior. Win-win.

Filed Under: Cordy, daily life, Mira, money ·


May 11, 2012

We (Don’t) Wear Short Shorts

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Now that the weather is warmer and my children have proven they’ve grown just enough over the winter to no longer fit in last summer’s clothing, it’s time for my annual disgust at clothing for girls. And really, it focuses on just one item: shorts.

I’ll begin by saying my girls are not the dainty flowers who never show a drop of sweat. Oh no, they’re hot, sweaty creatures who come home from summer camp each day with their sweaty hair matted to their heads. So shorts are kind of a necessary item to help keep them cool.

My problem with girls’ shorts is in the length. Nearly all shorts for girls have an inseam somewhere between barely reaching the top of the thigh and indecent. Those that are slightly longer often have leg openings so wide that they might as well be loose mini-skirts, or are skin-tight bike shorts.

 I love the fabric of these Children’s Place shorts, but that inseam is WAY shorter than you might think!

Cordy and Mira are seven and nearly-five. (Mira won’t let me forget her birthday is coming up in a few weeks.) They are not lady-like in any way. When they wear dresses, we must pair them with bike shorts or leggings, and probably will continue doing so until they’re older. Like maybe eighteen.

I don’t want people seeing my children’s underwear. I want them to have shorts of a reasonable length that they can play in comfortably without fear of someone seeing a flash of Disney Princesses or Dora underneath. Is that really so much to ask for?

No. Way.

Apparently it is. In my search for shorts this season, I’ve come across very few options. When I do find “bermuda” shorts (which fit the length requirements, even though some manufacturers apparently go too far and make these nearly capris), they’re often out-of-stock so quickly that I missed out on the sizes we need. I guess I’m not the only parent looking for longer shorts.

Target had some great longer shorts last year and I bought as many as I could at the time, even buying a few a size up for Cordy. We’re using the larger size shorts now, but we still need more thanks to a kid who is hard on clothing. They have a new bermuda design this year, but the fabric is even heavier and the waistband is very thick – I bought a couple of them to try, but the fit isn’t nearly as good as the previous ones.

Thick fabric (waist tie isn’t real thank goodness), almost knee length, but otherwise not too bad.

All I’m asking for is a reasonably priced pair of knit shorts with an elastic waist (Cordy can’t work zippers or buttons, and yes, we’re working on it.) with a length that falls somewhere mid-thigh with a straight leg or slightly tapered shape to them.

Maybe it’s time to start shopping in the boys’ section?

Filed Under: Cordy, daily life, growing up, Mira, pop culture ·


May 4, 2012

Multi-tasking: Declutter AND Earn Cash

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At the beginning of March, I had a grand idea to get the house cleaned up, get rid of a bunch of stuff we couldn’t/didn’t use anymore, and make this place feel all the larger for it.

Yeah, so, then I quickly got a new job and found myself busy again. Whoops.

Of course, I’m about as happy as someone could possibly be with my job, so there’s no complaining about work taking me away from my side projects. But I would like to start shifting some of my free time back to those to-do lists I created two months ago.

 The guest room pile o’ stuff that needs sorted and (most of it) removed.

To go along with that idea, this is also the season where money gets tight. Mira’s birthday (and birthday party) is at the end of this month. Aaron, my mother and I all have birthdays in June. And of course summer camp costs are hanging over us, reminding me why we don’t pay for private school during the school year.

So I’m combining tasks to get rid of things and hopefully get a little extra money in the process. I do not have the patience for a garage sale; when we’ve done them in the past, I just got angry at how little people were offering for already freakishly cheap stuff. I’m also not a fan of Craigslist because I get nervous about having people show up at my house if I might be the only one at home.

In Columbus, we have several used clothing and home goods stores that accept gently used products and pay out cash for them. In other cities, consignment stores might be the way to go. I prefer the cash on the spot places because I don’t want to risk the items coming back to my house, and don’t want to wait forever to find out if they sold or not.

I’m fairly experienced at turning some of our old junk into money, so I thought I’d share my strategy for getting a little extra cash in exchange for freeing my house of junk, just in case you ever thought about trying it yourself:

1. Sort the stuff you don’t want. Anything in good condition – free of stains and tears, no missing parts, and no serious signs of wear – goes in one pile. Anything beyond use is immediately thrown away. Everything else gets itemized and boxed up for a donation to Goodwill.

Remember: donations are still money for you, even if it takes awhile. If you keep track of what you donate and get a receipt, you can use it for a deduction on your taxes.

2. Polish up all of those items in your good condition pile. A few minutes of ironing, dusting, and wiping down your items can increase your chances of it being accepted and possibly even increase how much you’re offered for it. Any clothing should be clean, folded and free of lint or pet hair. Anything with accessories or extra parts should have the parts bundled together to keep them from getting lost. Check the requirements for the store you’re going to – some won’t accept items in boxes or bags and request fabric bins or plastic baskets.

3. Drop off your items. At the stores here in Columbus, you can wait in-store or stop back later in the day or the next day to see the results. You’ll probably have to sign an agreement for them to look over your items and free them from any liability should anything happen to your items while they’re looking them over. It’s mostly just a formality – any reputable place will keep your items behind the counter or within eyesight to keep others from picking through your goods.

Depending on how many others have dropped off items before you, there may be a wait to get your stuff evaluated. You’ll likely be given a receipt or some other way to link you to your stuff so there’s no confusion.

4. Get your offer. The stores I’ve gone to will separate the items they’d like to buy in a different basket. They show you the items and give you a total for what they’d like to buy. If you have questions about how much they’re offering for any single item, just ask. If you’re content with the offer, you’ll sign an acceptance form and be given your cash. If you’re at an consignment store, you’ll be shown which items they want to display in the store – you won’t get any money until an item sells.

Note: Don’t expect a lot of money. It’ll be better than a yard sale offering, but probably less than Craigslist. Usually you’ll get anywhere from 1/6 to 1/10 the original price of the item. But you also don’t have to write up an ad for each item, take photos of it, or sit out in your garage in the heat all day while someone asks you if you have change for a $20 so they can buy your Jonas Brothers CD for ten cents.

5. Take the unwanted stuff and immediately get rid of it. There will probably be some things that the store doesn’t want. There are lots of reasons for this – out of season, no demand, they already have five of them etc. Don’t fall into the trap of taking it back home and letting it sit around more – grab a bag or a box, make a list of the items and then drop it off at Goodwill or another charity organization. You didn’t want it in the first place, right? Then why take it back home to clutter up your house again? Get rid of it, get your charity receipt, and plan to add it to your tax deductions next January.

I’ve used this routine several times to get rid of kid clothing that both girls have outgrown. Just last week I dropped off a basket of clothing, a few DVDs the girls no longer watch, and some baby board books to Once Upon A Child (one of the kid resale shops here) and received $51 for it.

I only put an hour of work into cleaning out drawers, sorting and selecting items – not a bad return on my time, and that’s another basket’s worth of stuff out of our house!

In the next week, my goal is to begin cleaning out my closet and getting rid of all of the clothing that no longer fits me. I have several nice dresses, blouses and dress pants that might earn a little money, and I’ll be thankful to have more hangers available for the clothing I DO wear!

Filed Under: daily life, domestic zero, money ·


May 2, 2012

School Lottery: You Have To Play To Win

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Or, like the real lottery, you play and still don’t win.

I’m learning that my kids certainly didn’t get the luck of the Irish when it comes to school lotteries. When Cordy was entering kindergarten, we applied for the school lottery to keep her at the school where she attended pre-K, knowing it wasn’t her home school but was a good fit for her. We were allowed to lottery for up to three schools, and so I picked two others that had a curriculum that might work for her.

That year, she didn’t get any of her three choices. It was only through an IEP loophole that the school principal made it possible for Cordy to stay at her current school, which has overall been a good place for her.

As much as I try to deny it, Mira will be starting kindergarten next year. (WHERE DID THE YEARS GO?) We had the lottery option again, and chose to select three schools for her. One of the choices – and really our top pick – was Cordy’s school. It only made sense to have them both at the same school, so I would no longer have to coordinate two different school arrivals and then wait an entire hour between bus drop offs in the afternoon. One pickup, one drop off = simple.

Just to be safe, we also listed two other schools in the district with excellent reputations. Our assigned home school is OK, but doesn’t have the academic report card and word-of-mouth recommendations that the other schools do. One of the other choices was a school close to Cordy’s, so at least they’d be close to each other if not at the same school.

I convinced myself that this was just a formality and Mira would likely be accepted to Cordy’s school. After all, the district does state that they have sibling preference as some part of the lottery algorithm.

Proving that my daughters should avoid any games of chance in their lives, the letter arrived last month stating that Mira did not get a spot in any of the schools we tried for. She was so far down on the wait list for each school that they’d have to accept two new classes of kindergarteners before she might even be considered. In other words: no chance at all.

I’m disappointed. Having both girls attend the same school was my ideal option. Not only because it’s an excellent school with teachers and administrators I like and respect, but also because it would have been amazingly convenient for me. If I needed to pick them up, they’d be in one location. There would be only one bus schedule to follow.

If Mira attends our assigned school, it means my kids are on opposite ends of Columbus for the school day, making picking both of them up at the end of the school day impossible without cloning myself or developing transporter technology.

But unlike Cordy’s loophole, there really isn’t a loophole for Mira. She’s not already attending Cordy’s school, and she won’t have an IEP. I’ll keep exploring all options, but everything at the moment points to me accepting disappointment. I can’t take Cordy out of her school – the disruption would be very hard on her – but there’s no way to get Mira closer to her short of moving to a house closer to Cordy’s school. (Which we’ve considered, if it wasn’t for that whole housing market crash.)

I’ll attempt to plead with the principal to see if she knows of any way to make it happen. With Cordy it was easy – the principal and all of the staff were enchanted with her, so they wanted her there. Maybe I’ll take Mira with me to talk to her. Then again, considering Mira and her bossy nature, maybe leaving her at home would be best.

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Filed Under: daily life, Mira, school ·