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Jul 26, 2010

Single Parents, I Salute You

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I don’t know how you do it.

Seriously.

You all deserve a medal. Or a hug. Or a national holiday in your honor, with guaranteed babysitting for the day so you can lounge poolside and have a margarita without worrying if your kid is too close to the edge of the pool.

I’m just finishing up a six day solo-parenting gig and I’m exhausted. (Aaron was in California at San Diego Comic-Con, where ironically the weather was much cooler than the melt-your-face-off heat wave we had in Ohio.) I love my children dearly, but nothing tests your love for your children quite like 6 days alone with them.

Actually, it wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t on a nocturnal schedule due to my job, and my children weren’t on a beat-the-rooster-to-the-punch schedule. This equated to mommy dragging her tired self downstairs before the sun was up, making them breakfast, turning on the TV, and then collapsing on the couch while promising extra gummy snacks at lunch to whichever child could be the quietest for the next couple of hours. You might be surprised how many “who can be the quietest” game rewards you can think up when you’re half-delirious from sleep deprivation.

I was raised by a single mom, so you’d think I’d have some tricks on how to do it solo. Growing up, my mom worked 40+ hours a week, cooked meals, cleaned our house, paid bills, mowed the lawn, helped me with my school homework, went grocery shopping, attended my school events, and yet somehow still had time to sit on the couch with me and watch TV in the evenings. I’m convinced she’s secretly a cyborg who doesn’t require sleep.

Yet six days proved me to be nothing like her. I was short with my girls more than once. OK, more than once each day. Maybe even each hour, depending on the time of day. At times I felt like they were trying to make me lose my temper. The house did not stay clean. The laundry did not get done until Cordy ran out of shorts to wear. Paper plates became my best friends. On the third day, Cordy cried that she missed her daddy when I yelled at her. I didn’t cry about missing him until the fifth day.

But the end is now in sight. And we did have some fun during these six days, too. We made ice cream together. We went shopping for toys and t-shirts at the Disney store in the mall. (Mira then begged to go into Victoria’s Secret when we walked past it – uh-oh.) We sat together in a heap on the couch and read Thomas the Tank Engine stories. We had dinner with grandma one night, where the girls performed the “I love grandma and mommy” dance for us. Cordy drew a picture of us with a heart above us and the words “I love you mom” written below, asking me to display it to work. (I did.) And each night I tucked each of them into bed and kissed them goodnight, reminding them that even though we sometimes get upset with each other, I will always love them no matter what.

It wasn’t so bad. But I’m still glad I don’t have to do it longer than six days. And I’m looking forward to getting my time away at BlogHer next week.

Filed Under: Aaron, being a mom, daily life, domestic zero, memories · Tagged:


Jul 21, 2010

An Early Love of Reading

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Earlier in the summer, I was invited to visit the Columbus Metropolitan Library to learn about their programs, specifically their summer reading club. This was something the girls were only mildly excited about, because going to the library is a semi-regular occurrence for them. But little did they know that was the day the library was kicking off the summer reading program, and there were all sorts of special events going on at the library all day to celebrate.

Now, we don’t just have any old library here in Columbus – we have the TOP library. Columbus Metropolitan Library was named the top library of 2010 by Library Journal, along with several other honors they’ve received before. Our library is awesome – the diversity of their offerings is unmatched.

Cordy and Mira were both excited to sign up for their first summer reading club. Aaron signed up, too – adults are welcome to participate. Cordy already had a library card, but Mira got her first library card that day. (And wouldn’t you know it – it was PINK.) They each received a sheet to track their progress and selected several books to start with.

For the next few weeks, this was how we usually saw Cordy at home:

Yes, it’s a comic book, but there are words, so it counts!

Her nose was buried in a book, trying to earn time to get another box marked off of her sheet. But Mira wasn’t slacking, either – she brought me book after book and begged me to read until my eyes crossed.

And with only half of the summer complete, they have both finished their summer reading club tracking sheets. Aaron took them to the library on Saturday to turn in their tracking forms, and each girl received a library tote bag as her reward. They now use those tote bags to take library books to and from the library.

I’ve been thrilled to see Cordy’s interest in reading develop over the summer. I think she’s a stronger reader now than she was at the end of the school year. She may have trouble with social skills in kindergarten, but at least I feel confident that she’ll do fine with her academics this fall.

There’s still time to get your child enrolled in a summer reading club. Even if you don’t live in Columbus, this is something many libraries do each summer. Even my small hometown library had a summer reading club when I was a kid, although back then I had to give a verbal book report to the children’s librarian to earn my stamp. (You kids these days have it soooooo much easier! *said in my best old person voice*)

And if you have more time for reading that doesn’t involve navigating to Facebook, check out any adult reading club activities your library might have as well.

Locals: should you happen to live in the district of the Columbus Metropolitan Library, be aware that a levy to help fund the library will be on the November ballot this year. This will replace an expiring levy and help fund new services, as well as bringing back Sunday hours to the suburban branches. Don’t forget to vote for this levy!

Full disclosure: I was invited to come to the library as a special guest, and received a very nice presentation about all of the library’s services while my children were entertained by library staff during storytime. I received no compensation, other than the time of the Executive Director and other staff. Our family loves and supports our local library, and encourages you to love and support your local library, too!

Filed Under: Cordy, daily life, growing up, Mira, reviews ·


Jul 13, 2010

Full Circle

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It was almost exactly four years ago that our house was robbed. A man living across the street from us watched our house carefully, finding the one day of the week when no one was home for several hours and then broke our back window and helped himself to everything of value.

The new laptop I had purchased just three days prior – intended for my first BlogHer trip – was gone, along with Aaron’s laptop, our game systems and games, the video camera, and several other small electronics. The videos of Cordy’s first steps and silly moments were on the tapes he took with the camera. My engagement ring – set out to be re-sized – was stolen as well.

None of those items were ever recovered, even though we provided the serial numbers for everything. But thanks to my eye for tiny details, I spied a small drop of blood on the curtain, and it was through that speck of DNA evidence that the thief was caught several months later.

However, even being a repeat offender doesn’t guarantee more than a slap on the wrist, and the thief was released on probation, with a restraining order preventing him from coming near us or our house for 5 years. The final part of his sentence was a requirement that he pay us for our insurance deductible.

We never expected to see the money. Truthfully, I didn’t even care about the money. My sense of security had been shattered and I didn’t even feel safe in my own home. We always take precautions of locking doors and windows, but it wasn’t until then that security systems or other additional precautions to protect our home had even crossed my mind. Replacing the items we lost was costly, but the greater cost to me was in trying to replace any comfort I felt while at home.

As the years have passed, the sharp emotions of that day have dulled. Of course, we keep the house locked up and protected more than ever now, but I’m no longer waking up in a panic in the middle of the night, double-checking locks and systems I know are secure. Most of the items that were stolen were replaced.

But this past week, a letter arrived in the mail from the courts addressed to Aaron. I was completely puzzled, wondering if we had done something wrong, like missed a parking ticket or something like that. Instead, I opened the envelope and found a check for the same amount as our insurance deductible, with a receipt stating it was a restitution payment from the thief!

I never expected to see that money. Holding that check gave me just a little more faith in karma and in the system. It added one tiny bit of closure to an otherwise painful memory, and it just happened to show up during a time when we really need it, too. I only hope that the thief has used this past four years to turn his life around, finding a productive manner of contributing to society instead of shattering windows to take treasured belongings – and peace of mind – from others. Or at the very least, that he no longer lives anywhere near us and never comes into our neighborhood again.

Filed Under: daily life, memories · Tagged:


Jun 28, 2010

Local, Healthy, Yummy

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This year we decided to be wild and crazy and join a CSA. What’s a CSA, you ask? Well, you could click the link that explains it, or I could just tell you that it’s like buying a share of a local farm. You pay your set price for a share of the farm, helping the farm cover operating expenses, and in return you get a share of the harvest from that farm.

Every week we get new and delicious vegetables delivered to our door. I’ll admit – I’m not much of a vegetable expert, and occasionally I find something green in the cooler that I don’t recognize. But most of the time I get excited to peek in the cooler, seeing a vegetable I wouldn’t have ever thought of buying, but something I know I like.

This is what greeted me the first week:

And this week, when I checked to see what the produce fairy had left on my doorstep, I squealed as I spied several ears of sweet corn and a green pepper, along with some lettuce, green onions and spinach.

So far I’m loving our CSA. It’s giving me a reason to eat more vegetables – I’ve had corn two nights in a row now, and will likely have it tonight as well – and we’re helping to support a local farm. We know where our food came from, we know how they grow it, and we can visit the farm any day we want to. And our food doesn’t have to travel long distances to reach us, reducing the amount of energy required to transport it.

If you have a CSA in your area, I highly recommend looking into it. If not, or if you can’t commit to that amount of produce, find a farmer’s market nearby and search for local fruits and vegetables on a per-week basis. I can’t guarantee it’ll make your kids want to eat their vegetables any more than they do now, but it might get them a little more excited about learning about where their food comes from.

Filed Under: daily life, healthy living ·


Apr 26, 2010

You Take The Good, You Take The Bad, You Take Them Both and Then You Have…

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…a lot of suck if you’re us.

(What? You were expecting Facts of Life?)

As usual, things were going far too well to last. I have a new job I love, Aaron really liked his job, and Cordy was on the list for three different schools we liked for kindergaten.

And then we got word early last week that in our school system’s lottery, Cordy didn’t get into any of the schools we wanted for her. None, including her current one. We were disappointed, but we also felt like we still had options. With both of us working, we could consider private school if we had to.

And then Aaron was told in the middle of the week that the volume of work was looking slow for his company, and while they’d love to keep him, there’s just not enough work to go around, and to consider himself laid off as of May 7. He was devastated. Not only about losing a job, but losing a job he really liked, one he planed to stay with for some time to come.

You could argue at this point that we’re cursed. The thought has crossed my mind from time to time. Or you could point out that disappointment is just a learning experience in life. In which case, I think I’ve now got my Bachelors in Life by now, and I’m really OK with not pursuing the PhD.

I was upset by all the bad news last week. It didn’t seem fair – we were making plans to pay off debt and finally get ahead for once. We were prepared to pay for private school to make sure Cordy could get the best education despite her autism. And now our plans have come to a halt again.

I’m not letting myself dwell in disappointment for too long. I don’t have time for that. Aaron will find another job, and hopefully he will enjoy it as much or more than his previous one. I’m a little worried about being without health insurance (again) – my job is a contract, and we had planned that he would get benefits by the end of May. That plan is no longer valid, so we’ll have to look into private plans, because $1700 for COBRA is, well, outrageous.

As for Cordy, I had a little talk with the school district and she will now be allowed to stay at her current school for next year. I had to pull out her IEP and argue on the basis of consistency to make sure her name was on the list, but it worked. (OK, I feel a little guilty at using her special needs to force a spot, but it’s for her good, so why not let it help us for once?)

And the debt we planned to pay off, the home improvements we planned to save for, etc.? It will all happen on a slower timeline now, or in some cases will be put on hold to wait for better times. I won’t dwell on the negative, because that gets us nowhere. Far better to focus my energy on finding new opportunities and plan for the next time the stars align in our favor again.

The facts of our life? Karma seems to enjoy teasing us, but I’ll continue to smile back in response.

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Filed Under: Aaron, Cordy, daily life, fate laughing at me, me me me, school, the J-O-B ·