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Apr 21, 2011

Spring Break is Breaking Me

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I remember when I was in high school and saw a report on the news about the concept of year-round schooling instead of the traditional school year with a long summer break. I was horrified at the idea of having to go to school all year long! I needed that long break from the classroom. Winter break hardly was long enough. Even that one little week of spring break felt like an insult to me.

And now, as a parent with two young children on spring break? Year round school sounds pretty sweet to me. In fact, let’s get rid of spring break, too.

We’re only halfway through spring break and I’m ready to send them back. It doesn’t help that I work an overnight shift, requiring me to either find a babysitter or remain on the couch in a sleepy, hazy fog as I let them destroy the living room and watch far too many episodes of Go, Diego, Go while I try to nap in-between arguments over who gets to sit in the purple chair or who gets to play on the iPad next.

Beyond that, both of my children are creatures of habit who do not like their routines disrupted. Mira isn’t too bad, but Cordy needs her routine. She knows that she has five days of school, followed by two days that are more unstructured. So when Monday arrived and she was on day three of no school routine, she quickly became irritable, hyperactive and whiny. The most exciting thing we did that day was go to the grocery, and even that was a quick trip for fear of child meltdown. The cashier didn’t even card me when I bought wine. He knew.

My mom came over yesterday to spend the day with the girls, and of course the weather was wet and cold, so they stayed in and colored eggs for Easter. If it wasn’t for my earplugs, I probably wouldn’t have had any sleep.

The weather is better today and my mom is coming again (hooray!!) to take them to the zoo. (Double hooray!!) I’m looking forward to sleeping six hours.

Friday, however, will be devoted to my girls. Whatever they want to do, we’ll do. (Within reason, of course.) I feel bad that I’m so tired most of the time and can’t give them the attention they deserve. My mom worked full time, also, and I remember always wanting more time from her than she could give me. When I lose my temper with Cordy or Mira just because I’m tired, I get angry with myself as well because I know that they only want my time. Time is so hard to come by, though.

But I don’t work on Friday night, so I’ll fight the exhaustion to have a fantastic day with my daughters and remember why I love having them around so much.

And then I’ll sign them up for summer camp on Monday.

Filed Under: being a mom, daily life, family time, school ·


Apr 11, 2011

Soccer Mom

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On Saturday, I officially became a soccer mom.

My inauguration was supposed to be the week before, but a brief case of food poisoning kept Cordy from making it to the first practice.

Cordy has been interested in soccer since she was two years old. She’s always loved kicking the ball around the backyard, head down, focused on having her foot make contact with the ball. For all of her lack of coordination, she’s surprisingly good at kicking a ball.

Signing her up for a soccer league is something I’ve been considering for some time, but I’ve been plagued by a lot of doubts every time I get close to doing so. She doesn’t like a lot of loud noises, and she certainly doesn’t like cheering. Coping with losing is not a strong point for her. She’s not very focused on group activities, preferring anything she can do alone instead.

But this year I’ve been getting some positive reports from school that made me think that now was the right time. Her teacher e-mailed me last month and said that Cordy learned to play kickball and was now playing with the other kids at recess. She then e-mailed me another day to let me know Cordy scored a home run kick that day. And then the next e-mail stated that the principal taught Cordy how to pitch the ball for kickball, and she can now pitch for her team! I was honestly shocked that she had become so interested in a group sport.

I still didn’t feel comfortable with signing her up for a soccer group, until I learned about a local soccer league for special-needs kids. The league is for all ages (they separate the kids into age-appropriate groups), and the focus is on simply doing your best and having fun. Each child received their own uniform, and there are lots of volunteers to help guide the kids and keep them motivated.

When I took Cordy to her first practice, she really didn’t want to go. “But mommy, my team will lose!”

“You don’t know that, Cordy. You might win. And either way, you’ll have fun.”

“But I might lose, too. I don’t wanna lose.”

Her anxiety was high when we got to the indoor soccer facility, made even worse by seeing the image of a flaming soccer ball on the outside of the building. (“Why is that soccer ball on fire? Will we get burned in there? I don’t want to catch on fire!”) As I checked her in and got her uniform, she stood off to the side pacing and hopping, looking uneasy.

I took her to the bathroom to change into her uniform, answering questions about what she was going to do and why she had to wear the uniform. I decided to skip the shin guards completely – strapping something tight around her lower legs probably wouldn’t go over well at the moment. Once she was dressed, it was like a switch flipped. “Mama, I look like a real soccer player!”

I took her to her assigned field, where several kids were already kicking balls around. Cordy took one look at all the balls and ran right in, eager to kick as many balls as she could.

Soon it was time for practice, and all of the balls except for one were removed from the area. The coach led the kids in some stretches and warmups, which Cordy mostly participated in. Then half the kids put on blue tank tops while the others kept their yellow shirts only to separate them into two teams. The rules were explained, and off they went!

The first goal was made by Cordy’s team. She ran right over to me, shouting, “I won! I scored a goal!” I reminded her that it was only one goal, and there was a lot more of the game to play. (I decided not to point out that she wasn’t the one who scored the goal, either. She wasn’t anywhere near the ball that time.)

The second attempt resulted in a goal for the other team. Cordy again came over to me, this time looking sad, and said, “We lost, mama. I want to go home now.” A little more encouragement, and she was back out with the other kids again. If she planned to do this each time, it was going to be a long, emotionally draining hour.

Cordy did fairly well on the field. She didn’t like to get in close with other kids, and so she wasn’t good at going after the ball. But when the ball happened her way, she often gave it a powerful kick to send it back down to the other end of the field, leaving others on her team to score the goal.

About 40 minutes in, Cordy started begging to go home. She was tired and didn’t want to play anymore because the other team kept scoring. I reminded her that kids who stayed for the full hour got a snack, and that was enough motivation for her to finish out the practice.

While I would have been worried about her behavior in another soccer league, in this group she fit right in. Other kids had meltdowns, didn’t want to go near the ball, kicked it the wrong way, picked it up with their hands, or just sat down on the field and refused to move. And the parents just cheered them on and provided encouragement.

No one though twice if a child had to leave for a few minutes to calm down. Parents were allowed out on the field to help their child if needed. It was a supportive environment filled with love for our kids, ending with all of the parents standing side by side in two lines, putting their arms up to form a “tunnel” for the kids to run through while the parents cheered and told them what a good job they did.

After we got home, Cordy told me that she had fun and wants to go back again next week. I’m hoping this will be a good introduction to group sports, and perhaps if she does well in this league, we can try her in a more competitive league in the future.

Filed Under: Autism, Cordy, daily life ·


Apr 8, 2011

Money Sucks

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I’ve said it several times: I hate money.

I hate that so many people never seem to have enough of it, and that many people who have more than enough of it don’t want to help out that first group.

But I mostly hate trying to manage my own money.

There was a time when money management was easy. That time was the pre-kids golden era. Aaron and I both worked great jobs and so our bank accounts were always fairly healthy. We also had plenty of free time, so I spent a lot of that free time tracking our money in various software programs and spreadsheets. I loved seeing where every penny went. Most bills were scheduled or paid immediately and the credit cards were carefully managed.

Post-kids, though, money management has been a little harder. I don’t have time to keep track of every penny anymore. (I try, though.) The number of bills I have to keep track of has tripled, too, with daycare expenses, pediatrician’s bills, etc. And with various lower paying jobs, layoffs and unemployment we’ve both endured over the past four years, the income hasn’t always been enough to meet needs.

Paying bills and tracking money were fun when there was plenty to play with. I loved seeing the cute bar graphs and pie graphs of where our money went and seeing trends over time. When I had to stare at much smaller numbers that didn’t match up in simple addition and subtraction equations, though, it wasn’t fun anymore. It was completely depressing, actually.

I’m the keeper of the accounts in our house, and I’ve often felt like the big meanie when telling Aaron or the kids that we couldn’t afford some purchase or trip they wanted. It’s not like I was denying only their wants: they didn’t hear me telling myself “no” on a daily basis to things I wanted as well. Wait – forget past tense – I still tell myself “no” on a daily basis. I’ve become so good at it that I’ve been told I’m impossible to shop for, because I don’t want anything. (Soooo not true, but I guess I keep my wants hidden well.)

I can see how money is a top reason for couples to separate. You fight more when you don’t have enough money just from the stress of the situation. Aaron and I have had plenty of arguments about money, and even more that had nothing to do with money on the surface, but were probably caused by our stress over money.

The good news for us is that our financial situation has improved over the past year. While I’m still not finished with our taxes yet (Note to self: seriously? You’re usually done by February 3! Get on it!) I am seeing that we’re in a higher tax bracket in 2010, and I’m OK with that. Yes, I actually wrote I’m OK with paying more taxes. 

Our financial situation was so miserable in 2009 that the government paid us back what little we had paid into taxes and gave us a nice chunk extra in addition – sort of a “Wow, we’re sorry your year sucked so much. Here – we’ll pretend you’re a smaller version of General Electric and give you a little boost for all of those deductions.” That’s the first time I’ve ever experienced a net gain on my tax forms.

Paying more into taxes for 2010 is no big deal to me, honestly – we made more money last year, and so we should pay more into the system. After all, it was that system that helped us through our rough period of unemployment, when we relied on unemployment compensation, Medicaid for our children, food assistance and WIC to help our family keep the roof over our heads. Without it and help from our families, we likely would have been yet another foreclosure statistic.

But just because we have more income now doesn’t mean I’m back to looking at our financial situation with a smile. The past few years left a huge, ugly bruise on our finances. Our credit cards were often used as a last-ditch solution when we couldn’t afford gas, food or some unexpected auto or home repair. I went back to school in 2007 and used student loans to get another degree. The mountain of debt only grew higher and higher until we stood in its shadow, hoping it wouldn’t topple on us.

I just paid off our car loan at the end of March – ten months ahead of time, too. I needed to pay it off early because our older car, after nearly 190K miles, is getting closer and closer to its final rest. We will need a new car soon. But the money I was paying to the car loan each month is now shifted to the credit cards, and I hope to have one card paid off in the next few months. I also try to put a little money in savings each paycheck. If we can keep this trend going, we might be able to breathe a little easier every time we find a bill in our mailbox.

*Knocking on wood furiously at this point so no unexpected doom befalls us. You hear me, fate?  I’m knocking loudly with both hands, and I made sure it was real hardwood, not wood laminate! I know how you work.*

I still don’t consider myself the most responsible person when it comes to money, but I’ll add that I definitely get effort points for trying. At this point, I think I’m doing the best I can. Actions that could improve our situation would be having my job move from contract to permanent, and Aaron finding a job that was more permanent. (He’s working on a short-term contract at the moment.) Overall, though, I think we’re moving in the right direction.

What about you? Have your finances suffered from the recession, and if so, how are you coping? Any money management tips you want to share with all of us?

Filed Under: daily life, money ·


Mar 31, 2011

Poisoning Kids With Bright & Colorful Foods

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When Cordy was first diagnosed with autism, we looked into everything we could to help her. Therapy was expensive and involved long waiting lists, but in the meantime there were several doctors promoting supplements, medications, and diets that promised anything from a little help to a complete miracle.
I tried to be skeptical, or as skeptical as one can be when first finding out your child has a lifelong neurological condition that you would pay nearly anything to see disappear. I dismissed the big promises as junk science, but one topic kept coming up over and over: food additives.
Eliminating artificial food additives from my daughter’s diet was a simple enough solution to try, I thought. After all, it required buying no supplements or paying for some guide to the secret foods she must eat to behave properly. I just needed to read labels a little more closely, right?

Ha.

I don’t know if you’ve been reading labels lately, but just about EVERYTHING has artificial food dyes in it. Candy, mac and cheese, juices, fruit snacks, crackers, grape jam, cereal, baked goods, applesauce, chips – the list goes on and on. If it’s designed for kids, it’s even more likely to have artificial dyes in it. When I first tried to swap out her regular favorite foods for dye-free foods, it was nearly impossible. Everything had dye in it, even when it didn’t need to. (Why would something WHITE like white cheddar mac and cheese need dye in it?)

Now the FDA is turning its attention to food additives this week – specifically food dyes – and I’m carefully following the news to see what conclusions they draw. Since Cordy’s diagnosis, I am now convinced that food dyes play a role in her behavior, and when she avoids them her behavior is much better. She’s like a Jekyll & Hyde depending on if she’s ingested artificial food dyes or not.
Research shows that many children exhibit signs of hyperactivity when they consume artificial food dyes, and limiting the diet to remove these dyes often results in a dramatic improvement in behavior. The proof is enough for the European Union to require warning labels on foods containing artificial food dyes, resulting in fewer foods containing the dyes in European countries.
I’ve done my own experiment. It went something like this: Detox Cordy from all dyes for 5 days. Then give her a candy that has nothing artificial in it. (Plain rock candy sticks are great for this test.) Wait for any behavior change. In this case, no behavior change.
Then the next day, give her candy with food dye in it. (Blue lollipops are her favorite, and also her downfall.) Wait for any behavior change. After eating it, 30-45 minutes later she was a monster: unfocused, quick to tantrum, hyperactive, irritable, unsettled and sometimes feeling tired and ill. These changes can sometimes last 3-5 days from one exposure.
Suddenly it all made sense. I now know why holidays and birthdays were so traumatic in the past (colored icing on cakes and cookies!), why she always acted up more after a lollipop, and why cupcakes made her sick to her stomach.
Artificial colors are poison to my daughter. They alter her behavior, cloud her mind, and leave her unable to cope.
The worst part? They’re in most kid foods, and there’s no need for these dyes. Their only purpose is to make junk food look pretty and colorful so you’ll want to eat more of it. And there are plenty of perfectly good natural dyes that can be used in their place. Just look at the Annie’s brand of fruit snacks – all natural colors, but still bright, and my kids still beg for them.
It is maddening to find dye-free foods for my family. We often have to shop in the organic section of the grocery store to find safe foods, and because they’re in the organic section they cost more.
Teaching Cordy about what she can and can’t eat has been difficult, too. She is old enough now to understand that dyes make her sick. She’s even admitted to us that she feels “bad” (as in sick or unwell) when she eats something full of dyes. She can’t read labels yet, however, so she has to rely on adults to tell her what’s safe and what’s not. (Although she’s getting good at seeing most brightly colored candy and saying, “That will make me sick.”)
But we still have to take away 80% of her Halloween candy and trade it for safe snacks. And it’s hard when even the schools encourage her to eat Skittles as rewards in the classroom, or popsicles on the playground because all of the kids are getting them. They think they’re being fair to her, but they’re only hurting her. Fair is actually NOT giving her the popsicles the other kids are eating, so that she’ll be able to function in the classroom after recess.
I’m tired of food manufacturers saying that artificial food dyes are safe. They’re not. Most are made from coal tar or petroleum. Some have been labeled carcinogens. I don’t need Red #40 in my ice cream to know it’s strawberry – that’s why I have taste buds.
I e-mailed Kraft Foods over a year ago and asked why they needed to add yellow food dye to their famous blue box of mac and cheese when there are safer natural yellow dyes that could be used instead. The response was that the FDA had declared it safe to use, and they have no plans to change their ingredients. It was a beautifully written pat on the head with an underlying tone of, “Well, bless your heart, you poor crunchy nut. We don’t care what you think because kids like neon glow in the dark mac and cheese.”
I hope the FDA won’t bow to the lobbying from the food industry this time and will, at the minimum, require warning labels on any foods containing artificial food dyes. And then maybe Cordy’s favorite mac and cheese will decide it’s time to change their ingredients so she can eat it safely.
Filed Under: Autism, big issues, Cordy, daily life, healthy living ·


Mar 28, 2011

Bad Car-ma

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Our family doesn’t have good luck with cars. It seems as soon as we fix one thing, something else goes wrong.

Aaron took our little sedan to NYC a couple of years ago. I expressed worry that something bad would happen to it, parked in the big city. Sure enough, it came home with a big dent in the side from being parked on the street.

Whenever we take a car in for maintenance, they always find something major costly wrong with it. And then a month after all of the expensive work is performed, the check engine light nearly always comes on.

Our SUV got a chip in the windshield last year. We had the auto glass folks come out and patch it. Then a few months ago, the patch gave out and the windshield cracked all the way across. Hello, new windshield!

Late last year, we had a nail in a tire on the SUV. We took it in to get the nail removed and patched, only to find it was in the sidewall and couldn’t be patched. And oh yeah, two other tires have nails in the sidewall. And the fourth tire had a broken stem valve. So one nail somehow turned into four new tires.

Last week, I tried to drive to work in the sedan, only to hear something thumping. Stopped at a gas station and found one tire flat. I tried to put air in it, but could hear the air hissing back out. I filled it up enough to drive home and switch cars, cursing our continuing bad luck with cars.

This poor little car has 188K miles on it. It’s running on a frayed rubber band at this point. It officially has a Do Not Recesuitate order on it – comfort care only. But I need it to last a little longer until we can save up for a down payment on a new car, so I had to buy two new tires for it.

As I drove the car home after getting two new tires, I pulled into the driveway to see the SUV had a low tire. With a nail in it. Seriously?

And then the same day, while driving on the highway, a small rock jumped from a semi-truck, over the car in front of us, and chipped the new windshield of our SUV.

Maybe we need to move to a city with better public transportation? Because we clearly aren’t meant to have cars.

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Hey, have you been over to my weight loss blog lately? I recently shared a story about planning to wear a bathing suit for our anniversary trip this year. Come read, share what event you’re planning for at the moment, and enter to win a fabulous gift pack!

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Filed Under: daily life, fate laughing at me, money, random ·