You are here: Home / Archives for clearly insane
Aug 3, 2009

How NOT To Look Good in Pictures

By ·

Looking over all the photos from BlogHer 09, I’m realizing that I should have spent more time at the Nikon party talking to Carson Kressley and less time downing those Nikon Ikon drinks. I’m a walking advertisement for what not to do when the camera is aimed your way.

Allow me to share my lessons learned from this year’s set of photos.

1. Don’t get caught with your mouth full of cheeseburger.

Photo courtesy of Amelia Sprout

In this case, the hat can be considered fashionable. But chipmunk cheeks full of tasty cheeseburger goodness mid-chew? Not flattering.

2. Self-portraits rarely look good unless you’ve got insanely long monkey arms.

And when you’re with someone with perfect teeth? You’ve got no chance of looking good.

3. Remember that you’re not always the star.

Photo courtesy of Suebob

Sure, I may have thought I was hot stuff, but that red stapler? Totally upstaged me in this shot. I should have remembered which of us was more popular. I am merely a backdrop for that lovely red stapler.

4. Just because the other person in the photo is shorter than you doesn’t mean you should slouch to meet her in stature.


Yeah, um, bad lighting and a half-squat to meet Mrs. Potato Head’s height equal me looking nearly as round as her. I should have stood tall and made her stretch to meet me. Surely she’s got taller legs stored in her back, right?

5. When shifting to take a photo with a friend, make sure your outfit turns with you.

Photo courtesy of MommyBits

Yep, if you look close, that’s a whole lot of my bra exposed there. Sigh.

They weren’t all bad, though. I did manage to not embarrass myself in a few photos:

Photo courtesy of Karianna

Photo courtesy of Stimey

Is it possible to love a profile photo of yourself? This is the only one I’ve ever liked.

—-
I did a write-up on my BlogHer 09 clothing and my travel to Chicago over at Mommy’s Must Haves. There’s even a photo of me flashing my undergarments (on purpose!) over there!

And I was recently a guest poster at Diets in Review – check out my advice for losing the baby weight, and also see my tips on running a 5K!

Filed Under: BlogHer09, clearly insane, me me me ·


May 19, 2009

Reply Hazy, Shuffle Again

By ·

Am I the only person who uses her iPod as a Magic 8 Ball far too often?

Think about it: thousands of songs with meaningful titles loaded onto that little device. And a great shuffle feature.

How often have you pressed shuffle and had a song come on that you really, really needed to hear? Or one that so perfectly fit your mood, it’s like it was hand selected for you? Same principle, just applied a little more directly.

More than once I’ve had it with me while on my way to some important function, or been driving while anxious about some topic or another. Think about a question, hit the Shuffle button, and all is revealed:

Will Aaron get over this fight?

Shuffle – Won’t Go Home Without You (Maroon 5)

Whew.
—

Will these kids stop fighting with each other today, or should I abandon them in a cornfield? (Hush, you know I’d never do something like that!)

Shuffle – Keep Holding On (Avril Lavigne)

They should be happy it didn’t play Thnks Fr Th Mmrs (Fall Out Boy).
—

How should I spend the evening?

Shuffle – Drink the Night Away (Gaelic Storm)

I knew I loved you, iPod!
—

Will I get this job?

Shuffle – Pray (Once On This Island, musical)

Hmmm…is that good or bad?
—

Please, please, please let me pass this exam!

Shuffle – Boulevard of Broken Dreams (Green Day)

Oh shit.
—

It doesn’t always work out so smoothly. Today I asked if the car would keep running, and it replied with Legal Assassin from the movie Repo! The Genetic Opera. Um…is someone going to assassinate my car? WTF does that mean?

These are the times when interpretation must come into play. No simple “Reply hazy, try again” answers here. That means I often skip to the next song until I get something that matches up with the question at hand a little better. In the question of my car, I got to Daughtry’s Breakdown, then decided that I probably shouldn’t have asked to begin with.

OK, maybe I am a little crazy to look to my iPod for advice. Like a Magic 8 Ball, it’s all random chance, even if my old Magic 8 Ball did have a scary-high percentage of accuracy.
—
iPod, will my readers flee after reading this?

Shuffle – The Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room – WHA? Hmmm, try again?

Shuffle again – Sympathy-Tenderness (Jekyll & Hyde the musical)

Oh, I hope you’re right…

Filed Under: clearly insane, me me me, pop culture, random ·


Mar 2, 2009

Pushing My Spanx to the Limit

By ·

I stepped on the scale for the first time in months, and the number made me wonder if gnomes were secretly feeding me lard while I slept. How did I gain ten pounds?

As you know, in January I tried the Jillian Michaels: 30-Day Shred DVD, and the first attempt left me so crumpled and sore that I couldn’t even roll over in bed without wincing for nearly a week. I seriously wondered if only insane people did this workout, because me? I’m no good at it.

It took over a week before I attempted the DVD again. But I did eventually dig out the disc from behind the TV (where I threw it while cursing Jillian Michaels’ name) and gave it another go. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel so bad afterward. I was sore the next day, but it wasn’t the same kind of crippling soreness I had before. Maybe I can do this after all?

Seeing the number on the scale now motivates me even more to jump back on that water- and vegetable-filled wagon. After all, I don’t want to pop a seam in my Spanx at BlogHer this year.

(Oh yeah, if you didn’t already know – I’m now registered for BlogHer 09!)

To aid in motivation, I’m bringing back Hot by BlogHer, but it’s going to be BIGGER! and BETTER! with group challenges and its own blog and maybe giveaways. Expect to see more info on it by next week, and start thinking of what you want to look like by July.

Also, since I’m already doing “the shred” once a week, it makes sense for me to join in with Kristen’s Shredheads group. They’re doing the 30 Day Shred for all of March. While I’m only going to be a part-timer, I’m still all about sharing in the support and motivation.

Here is the data that I need to provide to be a shredhead:

Code Name: Spanx Mama

Before pictures: I value my readers too much to post my before photos here. Springing that visual on you without proper warning would surely lead to mass unsubscribing. But if you really want to see, look here and here. (Remember, I warned you!)

Tag Line: Hot by Blogher, baby!

Weight: Here’s what the scale said last night.


Remember the camera adds a few pounds. In this case, it really does add two – I was holding the camera while weighing in.

Goal: Increase my endurance, have more muscle definition, lose weight, and look great in a cocktail dress at BlogHer.

Diet Plan: Less intake, better intake. I’m already eating between 1600-2000 calories a day, and trying to cut back on high fat and high sugar foods and substitute more veggies and lean proteins.

Personal Rules: No freaking out if I eat a big meal, no defeatest attitude, substitute more water in place of diet soda.

Shred Plan: I’m a part-timer, doing it once a week on Level 1 at the moment. I might bump it up to twice a week soon. I’m already doing a different 30 min. workout four times a week also.

You can join up at Kristen’s site, I’ll Stop the World and Shred With You. And if you’re interested in Hot by BlogHer, check back here next week!

Filed Under: clearly insane, me me me, pop culture · Tagged:


Jan 16, 2009

Haiku Friday: Cold & Crazy

By ·
Haiku Friday
Welcome to winter!
Ten below zero tonight
without the windchill

No school for Cordy
The air is too cold. But me?
Of course I have school.

So I will put on
my paper thin scrubs to sit
with crazy people.

Oh, how I wish my clinical would be canceled in the morning. But even bitter cold can’t prevent me from spending 10 hours in a psychiatric ward. My clinical for nursing school this quarter is psych/rehab, so the first half of the quarter I’m working in an institution with patients who will probably never leave due to their serious mental illnesses.

I do find it interesting to learn more about the different types of mental illness, but 10 hours is a long time to spend there. By the end of the day, I have to do a mental status check on myself to make sure I’m not going crazy as well.

To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:

1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What’s a haiku, you ask? Click here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky below with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your main blog URL). DON’T sign unless you have a haiku this week. If you need help with this, please let me know.

3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button at the top.

REMEMBER: Do not post your link unless you have a haiku this week! I will delete any links without haiku!

Filed Under: clearly insane, me me me, school ·


Jan 14, 2009

30 Day Torture, Hidden Behind the Label of Fitness

By ·

First off, thank you for coming out of lurkdom for my last post! I learned a lot from your comments, including I had no idea there were so many readers without children. I hope my blog is proving to be a good form of birth control for you – were I 22 and reading this, I’d be putting my ovaries on ice for several years.

Yesterday I had planned out a post about getting back into shape again, following the New Year’s herd and all, but was interrupted from this task due to the very thing I was going to write about.

You may have noticed a new obsession with several bloggers: 30 Day Shred is the fitness regimen that apparently half of the world has adopted. I don’t know if it’s because we’ve all watched The Biggest Loser and thought, “If these 300 lb contestants can survive a workout designed by Jillian Michaels, I should be fine!” or if Jillian Michaels is a manipulative psychic, mentally projecting her DVD into our heads as the perfect get-fit tool. Either way, I took a flying leap onto that bandwagon and bought the DVD.

I did my research first. Or, rather, I asked others what they thought, with opinions ranging from, “It’s pure hell, but it works,” to “You’ll never feel so good bitching out your TV.” Hmmm…sounds like fun, right?

The last time I tried a new workout DVD, I had less than stellar results. So of course I once again set myself up for failure with another difficult workout by one of the hardest trainers available. This time I dragged Aaron along for the torture fun.

It sounds like a simple system: 3 minutes of strength training, followed by 2 minutes of cardio and 1 minute of ab work. Repeat x3. Only 20 minutes total. Anyone can hold out for those small amounts of time, right?

Sure, but not when those first 3 minutes are composed of alternating 45 second intervals of push-ups and squats. I had no idea 45 seconds could take so long! And after that going directly into alternating jumping jacks and butt-kicks. There was no time for a breath, no water break, no mercy.

At several points one of us would mutter “This is impossible!” and while we considered turning it off, we kept going until the end, then collapsed on the floor from our jelly legs and arms. (Did I mention that’s just Level 1? There are 3 levels.)

And that’s how I spent the rest of the day – with Gumby arms and legs, unable to even walk up stairs without holding tight to the handrail to prevent me from sliding back down the stairs when my legs gave out.

I knew today was going to hurt. Right now I am a rigid, slow-moving shadow of my usual self. When I sit or stand up, I groan louder than an arthritic 80-year old. Everything hurts.

I keep telling myself that this is a good hurt, though – I have tested my body, and it has given me a full report of its deficiencies, which can be summarized as: if you ever do that again I will slow your metabolism to a crawl, change your digestion to send you running to the bathroom at inopportune times, force debilitating migranes on you, and put your entire immune system on strike to punish you for putting me through that.

Eh, I think my body’s bluffing. It’s been through worse – like the years I did Irish dance regularly. It can protest all it wants, but I’m not quitting. I am taking it easy today, choosing Wii Fit over 30 Day Shred, because the Wii Fit’s insults don’t hurt as much as my thighs do right now. But tomorrow it’ll be time to scream obscenities at Jillian Michaels while doing bicycle crunches.

Is anyone else using a DVD or Wii Fit to help with getting fit? If so, what are you using, and do you like it? I’m wondering if others are finding it as hard to get in shape.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Filed Under: clearly insane, me me me ·