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Sep 25, 2007

Facebook’s Twisted Priorities

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So it seems that while Facebook spends all its time seeking out and deleting pictures of women breastfeeding, they’re letting far more dangerous activities go unnoticed.

David Wescott already posted about the high number of pro-anorexia groups available on Facebook, and today the New York State Attorney General announced they were investigating Facebook for not better protecting its younger users from sexual predators.

Investigators went undercover, posing as underage members on the social networking site, and found no shortage of porn and adults seeking sex with minors.

Facebook, where are your priorities? You spend all of your energy chasing after breastfeeding moms, yet you let sexual predators run wild on your site. You quibble over the definition of obscene when it comes to an infant sucking on a breast, but hard-core porn can be found with little trouble.

Which is more dangerous: a mom sharing photos of breastfeeding with other moms, or an adult contacting minors to solicit sex? Somehow I think Facebook has a different answer than mine, and that is scary.

(Cross-posted at Moms Speak Up)

Filed Under: big issues, breastfeeding ·


Sep 18, 2007

Dear Bill Maher, Let’s Talk Breasts. And Feeding.

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Thanks to other bloggers, I was able to catch your segment on breastfeeding. Sad to say, I don’t think we’ll be having lunch out together anytime soon. Not that you and I would ever agree on a restaurant, anyway, since the only way you can tolerate breasts and eating in unison is at Hooters.

I understand you don’t have kids, and therefore, don’t understand the importance of breastfeeding. You probably don’t like eating near kids who are loud at the table, either. However, these kids are your future. They will be paying your social security, they will be serving as your nurses as they feed you your Ensure through a straw. So you might want to take some interest in their upbringing.

You, as a celebrity, are in a unique position for people to hear your message. I can rant and rave on my little blog here as much as I like, but I’m probably only reaching 200-300 people at most. You can reach millions. Yet you squandered your chance to educate and inform by choosing to belittle breastfeeding activists and speak out against breastfeeding openly in public.

All research points to breastfeeding being the optimal food for an infant. (Take a moment and read the American Academy of Pediatrics official policy. It’s enlightening.) Millions of years of evolution (you do still believe in evolution, right?) have produced the perfect food for humans during one of their most critical periods of development. Cow milk is for baby cows, dog milk is for baby dogs, and human milk is for baby people. But even though we know this, and all medical associations promote and support breastmilk as the optimal food for infants for their first year of life, only 41.5% of infants in the U.S. are still being breastfed at six months. Less than 12% were breastfed exclusively past six months.

Why is this? Well, one reason is because of asshats like you. Remarks like those you made recently shame women into thinking their breasts are only indecent sexual objects, only to be brought out from under a shirt at home, Mardi Gras, or a good topless bar. You have reinforced the public belief that breasts are only meant for a man’s pleasure. But the primary function of the breast is for milk production.

What exactly do you have a problem with concerning breastfeeding in public? Are you really that concerned with seeing a little bit of tit flesh while you dine? Why are you looking, anyway? It’s pretty easy to tell when a woman is about to breastfeed – why not notice and then make the conscious choice to go back to your own meal and conversation with friends and not dwell on it. Or are you more upset that the baby is getting closer to a breast than you have lately?

Because of people like you, many women feel uncomfortable breastfeeding in public, leading them to bring a bottle if their baby is hungry. That bottle may be pumped milk, but more likely they’ll just grab some of the formula given to them in their promotional diaper bag from the hospital. I’ll bet many moms choose to give up breastfeeding entirely due to the fear they have developed of feeding their child in public. After all, who wants to stay cooped up in their house for a year? Good going there, Bill: take away an infant’s best source of food – providing antibodies, protection against diabetes, obesity, SIDS, and a possible increase in intelligence – all because you can’t control your ability to stop staring at a breast.

Were we to ever have that hypothetical lunch, Bill, there’s a good chance my daughter would need to eat during our time together. I can guarantee you that were you sitting right across the table from me, you’d see less breast than you would by walking across a college quad on a hot day.

You really screwed up, Bill. Now do the right thing, admit you’re wrong, and publicly support a woman’s right to breastfeed in public. I don’t have a soapbox big enough to get the message out, but you do.

Sincerely,
A mom

************

I also wanted to draw everyone’s attention to this documentary I found on YouTube, called Formula for Disaster. It’s put together by UNICEF and discusses the impact that formula marketing has had on the Philippines. In only a short amount of time, breastfeeding rates in the Philippines has dropped to a record low, mainly because of the media push for formula.

Many of these women actually believe that formula will make their kids into geniuses and grow faster, because that’s what the advertising tells them. Health professionals are wined and dined to promote formula, and women are told that their own milk is not good enough. Forget that many of the poorer women can’t afford this stuff, and that water supplies are often questionable.

Who makes this formula? American companies. (Primarily Nestle, the worst offender out there.) They’re raking in huge profits for a product that is of lower quality, using outrageous claims that you wouldn’t see here, but people there believe.

It’s an eye opening documentary that I think everyone needs to see. Here’s part one, and parts two, three, four and five can be viewed on You Tube. It’ll take about 20 minutes total.

And to clarify: as I’ve said before, I’m not against formula. I had to use it with Cordy. There are situations where it is necessary, and there are women who can’t breastfeed. When used properly, it can be lifesaving. But the marketing tactics used by these companies can be underhanded, and not enough support is given to women during the early days of breastfeeding, when it is difficult and painful, and easy to give up.

Filed Under: big issues, breastfeeding, rant ·


Sep 10, 2007

OK, Facebook, Let Me Get This Straight…

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I just want to make sure we’re on the same page here.

According to you, Facebook, pictures like this are OK on a person’s profile:

Both Lil’ Kim, but I can find many others if you’d like.

However, this picture will get your account banned:

Lunchtime, BlogHer 2007

Those are the rules? Are you f’ing kidding me? Can I point out that she’s showing far more breast than I am? The only difference is that she has some titillating flashy object barely covering her nipples, while I have a hungry infant covering mine.

I’m so tired of the argument that breastfeeding is obscene. It’s not obscene – it’s nature’s way of providing nourishment for infant mammals that, until the past 60 years and the push of the formula companies, has been the primary way humans feed their infants. Do you think women in the past hid in their houses to feed their babies? Hell no, there was work to do! They wore their children and nursed on demand. There’s plenty of evidence for nursing clothing throughout history, showing women could still go out in public and feed their babies. (Here’s a replica of a 16th century gown that was often used as a nursing gown – hence the slits on both sides from the shoulder to just past the breast.)

Sadly, we’re a culture focused on sex. Breasts are thought of as sexual objects only, entirely missing the real point of why they’re there. Breasts hanging out with only the nipple covered in a provocative way? That’s fine! Everyone come look! Here little boy, want a poster to hang on your bedroom wall to jack off to? Here you go!

But show a baby on an exposed breast? OMG, HIDE THE KIDS! YOU SLUTTY EXHIBITIONIST! STOP POLLUTING THE PUBLIC WITH YOUR SHAMEFUL MILK-FILLED BREASTS!

It’s insane.

A quick tangent on feeding a baby in public: Before kids, I believed it was OK to breastfeed in public. Babies gotta eat, right? After having kids, I’m now so much more sure of my position on this. I could barely breastfeed Cordy, due to a long chain of events, so I don’t have a problem with the idea of formula. It’s not rat poison – it is the next best thing to breastmilk, and I’m grateful I had it available to me when breastfeeding didn’t work. But breastmilk is the perfect food for a baby, so I was determined to try again for my second child.

With Mira, she wants the breast and nothing else. Breastmilk in a bottle isn’t even acceptable. Should I starve my child, or lock myself away until she’s weaned? Sorry, not going to happen. I will feed her anywhere, at any time, and will defend my right to do so.

You can be sure that if I’m feeding her in public, I won’t be using a blanket. But I also won’t be taking off my shirt, flapping my breast around for all to see while shouting “Look at me! Look at me!”, and squirting breastmilk all over the floor before I feed her. I doubt even 1% of breastfeeding women would do any of that. Most of us just want to feed our child in peace, and I promise our breastmilk will not end up on you. Don’t be grossed out by breastmilk – it’s actually full of antibacterial goodies, and after all, just think of where that glass of cow’s milk you’re drinking came from. And if you find my breasts sexually stimulating while I’m feeding my child (which I don’t know how, since you can’t see that much), then that’s your problem, not mine – you’d probably find an old shoe sexually stimulating, too.

As for pictures of breastfeeding? Facebook, your priorities are clearly in the wrong place. I can find hundreds of barely covered breasts being shown for a sexual purpose amongst your members. Why are those pictures still there, but you are banning women who show pictures of breastfeeding? Did you ever think that promoting breastfeeding on social networking sites might help other women feel more comfortable with breastfeeding their babies? And don’t we all agree that healthier babies are a Good Thing?

Are you a Facebook member? Consider joining the Hey Facebook, breastfeeding is not obscene! group to show support.

Edited to add: Just to clarify, I haven’t been banned from Facebook, but others have because they posted breastfeeding pictures. I’m generally not someone who likes to flaunt my breastfeeding pictures, but because of this, I’m adding my picture to my Facebook account.

Filed Under: big issues ·


Aug 22, 2007

Here’s Your Baby, and Your Domain Name

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In surfing the news this morning, I came across this article. It seems the new “trend” is for parents to purchase their child’s name as a domain name as soon as they’re born. Some parents go so far as checking that the domain is available before deciding on a name for their child.

Is this really a big deal? I’m not sure how I feel about it. I can see wanting to guarantee your child could have their own website in the future without being CaydenSmith47.com (come on, you know David will be a rare name by that point). The article makes a good point that a personal website could work as a digital identity to centralize a person’s social networks, making it easier to manage all of your contacts and having one site for everyone to find you. But who knows if the current set-up of the Internet will be the same in 18 years?

On the other hand, I worry about having a site with my child’s full name. There are predator concerns, especially when first and last name are displayed, and in many cases, a simple WhoIs look up can reveal an address, too. It’s essentially a big “here I am!” for those with less than pure intentions. The counter point is that many of us already have blogs, and use our child’s real first name, so someone could still find us. However, it would still be more difficult to find us when you have to go through the trouble of discovering last names and locations.

For now, I don’t really see the need to have a domain for each of my daughters. They have very unique names (if you include their last names), so I don’t worry about another Cordelia *** or Miranda *** snapping up their domains. Plus, while it’s only a small amount, I don’t want to pay those renewal fees every year for an unused site.

I say unused site because if I did have their domains, I wouldn’t be using them. I don’t like the idea of everyone having access to their full names, pictures, and address. When they’re adults, they’re free to do as they please. There is no such thing as true anonymity on the ‘net, and I know I’m taking some risk in showing their pictures and using their names on this blog, but I don’t share everything in an effort to provide a little security. What people see here is about as much as someone could learn if they were to see us out in public. Especially Cordy’s name, as I tend to yell it over and over as she runs away from me.

For now, buying domains for my children is not a pressing issue, but I can see why some people would want to do it. What do you think? Have you bought your child’s domain name? Would you consider doing it? Why or why not?

PS – Don’t forget to enter my contest to win a BusyBodyBook! Also, I have a new review up at Mommy’s Must Haves – a sunscreen that isn’t sticky or greasy, and perfect for sensitive skin.

Filed Under: big issues, pop culture ·


Aug 3, 2007

But She Really Is Smart

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I was a bundle of nerves this morning, with Cordy’s evaluation looming in the distance of the afternoon. The house needed cleaning, so as to fool our visitor into thinking we’re actually a normal family who has time to keep the house clean and orderly. I spent way too much time picking out the right outfit for Cordy to wear – did I really think her outfit would make a difference?

However, little was accomplished in the morning, mostly because of a certain nine week old who has her second cold (two colds! nine weeks old!) and only wanted to be held by mommy all day long. I started to panic as I sat surrounded by heaps of clutter: DVDs haphazardly strewn around the TV, puzzle pieces perfectly lined up in a row, but blocking the hallway, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse figures stacked carefully in the back of a toy dump truck on some sort of construction sight-seeing tour. Whenever I’d scoop up a small handful of toys, Cordy would follow behind me, pulling out more. She’s good at that.

My mother showed up at lunchtime, convincing Cordy to join her for lunch in order to give me more time to clean. Finally, the house was at least decent, although still not presentable. Oh well, the evaluator would know we’re cluttered, but at least there’s no grime.

She appeared promptly at 2:30, folder and pen in hand. Cordy had been acting pretty good all day, making me worry that her act might fool the woman into thinking she was a perfectly normal child. Please be your normal self, I thought.

The evaluation ended up being mostly a paperwork session, with a little bit of observation. As soon as Cordy warmed up to the new visitor, she did act more like herself. Shrieking, climbing all over me, melting down because I wouldn’t give her more juice while answering the evaluator’s questions, galloping back and forth the length of the living room, etc. We went over what happened during her screening session, too.

Then the questions started. Of course they’re the standard questions, asked of everyone, but my paranoid mind read other meanings into them.

Does anyone in your family have vision or hearing problems? Can we blame her problems on lousy genetics?

What was her birth like? Did you drop her on her head?

What does she eat? Are you some kind of Britney Spears, stunting her development with soda in sippy cups and candy bars?

What’s your education background? Are you too dumb to raise your kid correctly?

Has she seen a dentist? Surely you can convince your child to sit still for a scary man with sharp instruments, right? No?

How much does she sleep? You really are giving her caffeine, aren’t you?

What does your pediatrician say about her physical development? You do have a doctor, right?

Can she name a friend? Or do you keep her locked up in a dark room by herself?

Has she had all of her vaccinations? Or are you one of those hippie no-vax types?

What does your family do for fun? Be honest – you really do drink soda and watch TV all day long, don’t you?

OK, so I know the evaluator wasn’t trying to say I was a bad parent in any way. They’re standard questions, necessary to get the entire picture of Cordy’s health. But I still worried that a “wrong” answer would hurt us somehow.

The result is she is being referred to the city school district for a full five-part evaluation. In our county, the Help Me Grow program ends at three years old, and the school district picks it up from there. Cordy will be three in September, and the evaluator believes that it would be wasting time to not get her into the school district evaluation as soon as possible.

While she isn’t committing to a diagnosis at this point, she does believe that Cordy has a sensory disorder of some sort, and she thinks it is likely the school district will put together an IEP for her, giving her access to the district’s preschool and free therapy. Hearing that was both crushing and a relief at the same time. No one wants to think that their child is anything but perfect, but at the same time, it’s good to know that there are people out there to help Cordy adjust to the world around her. Still, it’s hard to shake the blame game, wondering what I could have done differently to avoid this.

And all was not bad, either. Again I was told that she is very bright. (I keep coming back to that over and over again. It’s the one thing I can be proud of.) The evaluator made a point of telling me that many times gifted children show sensory integration problems. Since I’m unable to not brag about my child, we showed her pictures of Cordy putting Diet Coke cans in order when she was just over a year old, and she also watched the video of Cordy counting to six (although in that clip she misses the number four) at seventeen months old. She is also amazed at how Cordy sees the world in shapes, looking at normal objects and being excited about triangles, rectangles and circles.

Before she left, the evaluator again assured me that Cordy is bright (see? I keep holding onto those words!), she has a great vocabulary, and she seems happy. The problems lie in transitions, certain self-help skills, and a long list of possible sensory issues. All of these problems are treatable, and don’t involve turning her into someone she’s not. Which is good, because I’m not wanting a good little conformist, but I do want a child who can handle hearing a vacuum cleaner or touching applesauce without turning into a screaming, frenzied beast that I am unable to console. The evaluator asked what we would like to change about Cordy’s behavior. I said I want to be able to spend a day out together and have a truly good day – the type of good day any average parent and child can have – and not just a good day for her.

And in the meantime, we go on with life as normal – drinking watered down juice in sippy cups (not soda), sorting poker chips into piles and then lining them up (why do I bother buying her toys?), and watching TV. (If Yo Gabba Gabba doesn’t launch soon, she may take over my computer to watch the video clips online all day. PR reps, I’d gladly take a DVD of that!) And for now we try to avoid her meltdown triggers, and try to comfort her as best we can through each difficult transition, looking forward to a day when we won’t need to worry about such things.

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Filed Under: big issues, Cordy ·