How A Bendy Straw Nearly Made Me Cry

Sometimes in parenting, it’s the small victories that mean the most. Today we had one of those moments:


That’s Cordy, drinking with a straw. For the first time ever.

It was three years ago (she was 15 months) that we were struggling with weaning her off of a bottle while she stubbornly refused to try a sippy cup. I eventually convinced her that she could obtain liquid from a sippy cup, but her condition was that I had to hold it for her.

She held it on her own at 19 months.

For over a year now Operation: Remove Sippy Cup has been in effect, and until today it was an utter failure. She refused to drink anything unless it was in a sippy cup, and it had to be in only one brand of sippy cup, too. A brand which, incidentally, they changed the design for last year, making it impossible to buy any new cups. And she considers the redesign a different type of cup.

I don’t know if you are aware of the life span of a sippy cup, but it doesn’t last forever. Eventually it becomes worn and small bits of black mold try to form in the moist crevices after it’s 2-3 years old. Cordy’s small collection of sippy cups have been washed thousands of times, and bleached more than a few to remove any beginnings of mold. We’ve had to declare three of them complete losses when they were left behind a sofa or in the car for more than a few days and no amount of bleach would remove the mold that started growing. Which leaves us with only 5 sippy cups, and no hope of reinforcements.

So you can see why we’ve been urging her to leave the sippy behind and try something else. At school they’ve convinced her to drink from an open cup, but it has to be the size of a Dixie cup and it can only be at school. Straws have never been an option.

(I should mention at this point that Mira has been drinking from a straw since 9 months old. The resentment of having a younger sib show her up must take a few more years to develop.)

Cordy’s autism plays a small part in this. I know many kids are stubborn – this is a problem that any parent could have. But Cordy has a preternatural fear of change. The slightest shift to her schedule or the objects in her life can ruin any tranquility in our house. We have to gently push her towards change, ever so slightly, trying to maintain the balance between drawing her out beyond her fears and losing her for a time as she retreats inside her own mind.

So how did we manage this feat? The promise of ice cream. Bribes work on any kid. OK, well, bribes never worked for this before now. Hey, I don’t care how it worked.

Of course, tomorrow she may refuse to look at a straw. We’ll see. But for now I’m thrilled.

Maybe potty training will come next?



One Year. 525,600 Moments of Change

Last November (2007), a note was sent home from preschool letting us know about the upcoming school picture day. Cordy had only been in school for a little over a month – placed there after making quite an impact at her developmental evaluation – and was still in the phase where she trusted no one and screamed whenever I dropped her off at school each day.

I knew Cordy didn’t like new experiences. The smallest sensory disturbance would set her off into epic meltdowns. She was fearful of bright lights, loud noises, and strange people. So when they announced picture day, I worried how she might react.

The report from her teacher that day was the story of a struggle. It took over an hour to even coax her into the darkened room with the bright flash. She had split her bottom lip that morning from a post-breakfast meltdown, leaving it slightly swollen and red. Long after the other kids flashed smiles and moved on, her teacher continued to work with her to preserve this moment.

Cordy, as she was at that point in time, was clearly displayed in the picture that resulted:


And now a year later, the new photo displays a different Cordy. A Cordy who has ever so gradually learned to cope with the sensory onslaught around her, tempered her emotions to avoid meltdowns most days, and occasionally does what is asked of her.

She still sees this world as a scary place, but she’s coming out of her own little world, ever so slowly, and reaching out to put trust in others. You can look at her face and see how these small changes over the past year have made a difference.


There’s still much work to do, but the progress so far has been impressive. I truly believe Cordy wants to free herself completely from that barrier surrounding her and keeping her from fully participating in the world around her. And our hands are firmly grasping hers, doing our best to lead her out of the fog and refusing to let go.



Visiting The World Of What Could Have Been

Cordy had her annual check-up with her pediatrician two days ago, and this time it was with the ped that saw her during her entire first year of life. OK, she’s actually a pediatric nurse practitioner, but typing that out every single time will cramp my fingers, so let’s just call her the ped, OK? This particular ped left the practice due to family issues when Cordy was a little over a year old, and just recently came back to work again. I was thrilled to see she was back, so I made sure to schedule Cordy with her.

(I’ll also add how thankful I am that we have a great pediatric group. They’re not covered by the state insurance that the girls now have, but the office worked out a reduced cost visits deal with us so we wouldn’t have to change peds until we have better insurance again.)

Cordy always has a problem with the doctor’s office. But she has matured a little, so I hoped it wouldn’t be as bad this year. When we were called back, things started off very well – she actually took off her shoes and stepped on the scale to get height/weight measurements with only a little prodding. We once again confirmed that she is maintaining her Amazon status: 43 inches tall, 45 pounds. She’s only 5 inches away from riding most adult roller coasters and sitting in the front seat of a car – and she just turned 4!

But when the nurse led us into the tiny examining room, Cordy’s discomfort with the situation began to get to her. The nurse tried to take her blood pressure, but only got as far as wrapping the cuff around her arm before Cordy started to squirm and beg to take it off. The nurse tried to calm her down, but she only got more upset. At this point, the nurse turned to me and asked rather sharply, “Is there some behavioral issue or condition I should know about?”

I was a little taken aback by the wording, and stuttered out, “Well, yeah…uh…she has autism,” and then quickly added, “but is high-functioning and has made a lot of progress.” Like I needed to justify it or something.

The nurse stepped back and took off the blood pressure cuff. “Ah, well, then I won’t bother with this. Did they take her blood pressure last year?”

“Well, no. They were kind of afraid of her at her appointment last year. But you can see she’s doing much better now.”

The nurse nodded, asked a few more questions and then left. Cordy started to get manic in response to the situation, climbing on the exam table, spinning around to rip the paper, and standing up on the table. The minutes it took for the ped to come in felt like days.

It was great to see this ped again. She is gentle spoken and approaches children slowly with an air of friendliness. I absolutely love how she interacts with children. Cordy didn’t appear threatened as she looked at the ped and said, “Hi doctor, I have a boo-boo on my leg. Can you fix it?” (She has a scratch on her leg.)

As the ped looked through Cordy’s records, she asked us questions about Cordy’s autism, when and where we had evaluations done, and what therapy she currently receives. She paused when she got to Cordy’s growth charts, looking carefully at the head circumference chart and flipping back through various doctors’ notes at the same time.

“Were you aware of how big her head was when she was two?” she asked us. “I mean, her head size was already off the charts at 15 and 18 months, but look here.” She showed us the growth chart, which I already knew by heart. “At two years old, her head size makes a dramatic jump, way off the charts. Did the doctor bring it up at that visit?”

“No.” I replied. The truth is, after this ped left, we saw several different doctors and nurse practitioners after her. It seems like every time I tried to schedule a new appointment for Cordy, I was told that her previous doctor was no longer there, so I’d have to see a new one. I didn’t like the lack of a consistent pediatrician, but most of them seemed nice enough.

“And she wasn’t evaulated until she was nearly three?”

“That’s right. I decided to have her evaluated after Aaron and I became concerned with her behavior.”

She shook her head. “They really dropped the ball on this. If I had seen her head size at two years old, I would have immediately looked into screening for autism and ordered a CT scan to make sure everything was OK. A head circumference that large at that age is always seen as a concern. There is a correlation between larger heads and higher intelligence, but children with autism tend to have larger head sizes – and many have high IQs – and it can be an early indicator that can lead to earlier diagnosis and treatment.”

This bit of news only confirmed what I already knew. I remember Cordy’s well-checks when she was younger, and I remember watching her head circumference continue rising further and further away from that 100th percentile line. I was concerned, and I expressed my concerns, but I was waved off with a laugh and a “big head equals big brains, right?” from the peds at that time. No one seemed concerned, and so I continued to believe that her behavior was a result of inheriting her parents’ stubborn and strong-willed natures. Hindsight is 20/20, of course, but I wish one of her doctors would have noticed or said something.

Cordy resisted for much of the physical exam, as expected. We measured her head circumference again, just to see how much it had changed from her two year measurement. They don’t have growth charts that track head size past three years old, but her measurement was very close to her two year measurement. The ped told us that since it’s been two years without much of a change in circumference, and since Cordy has shown progress at school in her behavior, she wouldn’t recommend a CT scan now. But she added that she’s really disappointed that no one else paid attention to the signs earlier.

I’m thankful that Cordy is a healthy child who rarely gets sick. And Mira is much the same way. They both have the occasional cold or stomach bug, but it doesn’t slow them down much. And I’m glad to have Cordy’s old ped back, and I think Mira will start seeing her too. I couldn’t help but notice at Mira’s 15 month well-check that her head circumference has gone up and is now hovering just under the 100th percentile mark, taunting us with the possibility of jumping over that line at the next visit.

I don’t see any signs of autism in Mira, though, and I hope none will develop. However, she is being evaluated in two weeks for a possible speech delay – at nearly 17 months, she still can’t fully say a single word. She tries hard, but words come out as a strange warped version of what she’s trying to say. The musicality of a word is there, but few of the sounds come close to matching. I probably wouldn’t be concerned if it wasn’t for the fact that I remember Cordy talking up a storm and starting to count at this age. I brought up the issue at her last well-check and her ped recommended an evaluation after hearing my worries.

I guess the lesson from all of this is that even pediatricians are fallible. The best advocate for your child is yourself – you know your child better than anyone else. Ask lots of questions, and don’t be afraid to push an issue. If I had pushed the issue two years ago, it’s possible Cordy could have started therapy sooner and be at a higher level of progress than she currently is.



See A Penny, Pick It Up

It seems that the bad luck that has been an unwanted house guest for oh-so-long is tiring of the scenery and packing its bags. I don’t know if it was lots of positive thinking, searching for four-leaf clover, picking up every penny I saw, or throwing said pennies into fountains and making wishes, but things have turned around in the past few days.

At first I thought we would never escape the dark cloud hanging over our heads. On Friday I received a call from one of my freelance gigs (the one that paid the best) and my producer told me I was no longer needed. That was a huge blow, and while I tried to not take it personally since it seems everyone is cutting back, I still took it personally. I’m trying to look at it as one task off my overfilled plate, and therefore a blessing in disguise.

On Sunday we attended the Walk Now for Autism event. Our team raised over $500. The walk had thousands of people there, and it felt nice to be surrounded by those who understood if Cordy started acting out. There was also a resource fair at the event, and I talked to several service providers who we may be contacting soon to get Cordy signed up for further therapy.

When we were approved for additional therapy funding back in May, I was handed a huge list of providers – hundreds of providers – with no additional information about them. Which approach do they use? What are their specialties? I was told I’d have to call everyone on that list and interview each one if I wanted that kind of information. The autism walk gave me the chance to see some of the providers who specialize in autism treatments in person. It was like a mini-interview session, and I found several that I plan to follow up with.

Waiting in line at the bouncy castle

At the starting line of the walk

And then yesterday morning there was a flurry of phone calls, and by 10am Aaron was employed again. He has a 2-3 month contract with a company in Cincinnati, but he will be working from home for most of the project.

The down side is that it’s only a short-term contract, but if he does well the contracting company will hopefully find another position for him. The pay is enough that we’ll go off of all assistance (woo-hoo!), and it looks like we might have enough to buy COBRA insurance for those 2-3 months. Even if the company can’t find him another project, it still buys us more time for him to look for other jobs.

I’m hoping it’ll also help drive away some of our irritation with each other. It’s not that we’re having actual problems per se, but when you’re around your spouse all the time, and you have to carefully examine each expense and interrogate the other as to why we needed another pair of pants for Mira or a ticket to a horror movie marathon, well, you quickly get tired of each other. We’re in each other’s way all day long.

So now he’ll disappear upstairs to work for a few hours a day, and then I’ll take over the office for a few hours when he’s done. And hopefully that will kill some of our irritation. If that doesn’t work, I’m lobbying to bring back Family Double Dare. Dumping green slime on your spouse could be therapeutic.



A Touch of Random Update

Have you visited my reviews blog yet to read about our family’s adventure in making French Toast? There are pictures and video of Cordy participating in her first cooking experiment, already showing more talent than me. Although she did want to drown each piece of bread.

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The car is fixed! When I posted last week about our car troubles, a local reader e-mailed me and offered to send her husband over to look at our car. He discovered the faulty part, and $80 later the car works again. Thanks to his diagnosis it became a problem we could afford to fix instead of something that would have likely been out of our price range when adding in labor and the fee they charge to read the check engine light code.

I’d like to give a big thanks to Karen and Clay for their help. (I’m not sure if Karen wants me to link to her blog or not – but if she does I’ll add the link.) Have I ever mentioned that there are very nice people in Columbus? Well, there are. I got more proof of it this weekend, and had fun meeting a new local mom in the process.

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Cordy didn’t like it when daddy refused to turn the TV on for her the other day. Her response: “Daddy, those aren’t the right words.” That’s her new go-to line whenever we say something she doesn’t like.

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Anyone watching the debate tonight? I’m watching and joining Momocrats for their liveblog?

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After all of my wailing about being poor, there’s a chance Aaron will have a new job tomorrow.

Advantages: he’ll be working with a good friend (she’s the one who encouraged him to apply), the pay is good, there are opportunities for overtime, and he can work from home.

Disadvantages: It’s contract only, so at the end of three months he’s done, unless he can impress them enough to get a second contract.

But it would be enough money to afford COBRA health insurance for a couple of months, pay the bills, and buy presents for the holidays this year. I’m crossing my fingers and hoping this string of bad luck has finally reached its end.

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Now that school is over two weeks into the quarter, I think I’ve figured out a good school-work-life balance again. That means I can get back to reading and commenting on blogs regularly again, so hopefully I’ll catch up on your life soon.

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Remember back in May when I did the Cincinnati Walk Now for Autism? It was a fun (although wet) event, and thanks to a few readers, we raised $345. Well, this Sunday I’m walking in the Columbus Walk Now for Autism and once again accepting donations for the cause.

You can give a tax-deductible donation for my team through the website to help support autism research, advocacy and awareness. Even $5 or $10 helps, so if you have the ability, please consider giving. Those in Columbus are encouraged to come to the event on Sunday morning to show your support. We’ll be there in force with the kids and extended family.

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