Summer Camp, Week 2

After last week’s introduction to camp, I’m happy to say that no one has been ejected from camp. Yet.

On Wednesday morning, I saw Cordy’s after-care teacher and told her that I thought Cordy would do well now that she understood the routine. The teacher, however, was unconvinced and again tried to talk me out of leaving her in after-care. She yet again mentioned that Cordy needed other kids to play with because she was lonely. I assured her that Cordy loves to play by herself.

And then she said, “It’s not right for a child to be that upset. You didn’t see how she was on Monday. I’ve never seen anyone that upset before. I’m amazed they were able to carry her to the room.”

I was unimpressed. “Was she bleeding?” I asked.

“Uh, no.”

“Then she wasn’t that upset,” I explained. “When she’s so out of control that she hits her head on things until she bleeds, then call me. THAT is her ‘really upset’.”

“Well, you’ll be home today, right? I’ll call you to come get her if she has any problems.”

I rolled my eyes. “I hope you’ll try to work out the problems BEFORE calling me.” And with that, I left.

As I expected on Wednesday, after I had a long chat with Cordy about what to expect from the after-care routine, and after the teachers decided they would take her directly inside instead of to the pick-up area, Cordy had a fabulous time. When we went to pick her up, she was sitting quietly in the room with a teacher beside her, drawing picture after picture and describing what she was drawing.

They reported that she had no issues at all that day, and really enjoyed the afternoon. See? I know my kid.

The next morning, I saw the after-care teacher again, smiled sweetly and said, “I hear she had a great day yesterday! I told you it would all work out!”

No smile in return. Instead, she frowned and said, “Well, she didn’t have a fit, but she was clearly bored with no one else to play with.”

Whatever, lady. It must suck to be someone who can never be happy.

I spoke with a friend who works there, and she told me that this particular woman teaches kindergarten and is used to working with kids who have been in the daycare system since they were little. These kids know how the system works and give her few problems. Someone like Cordy doesn’t fit in with her idea of how children work.

On Friday, we had thunderstorms moving through Columbus at drop-off, and so all of the kids had to start the morning inside. Cordy was not happy with the group circle time inside, and Aaron had to stay with her for awhile while she cried from the change in routine and all of the noise caused by the echo in the room. She eventually calmed down and had a good day.

The humorous end to the week? On Friday, there were two children with Cordy in after-care.

And what was she doing?

Sitting quietly by herself, looking at a book.

My warrior princess is going to do just fine at camp, in spite of those who would rather she not be there because she’s different.



Unwanted on 1st Day of Camp – A New Record!

I was hoping for a first day of summer camp that would end with reports of “she did great!” and in some ways it did. But that statement was also followed with “until…”

Cordy’s camp ends at 1:30pm each day, and we arranged it so she stays in after-camp until 3:30 three days a week. She’ll be in all-day Pre-K in the fall, and she needs to start getting used to a longer day. I figured this was a good place to start. This morning I met her after-camp teacher, and after warning her that Cordy would likely be having a rough day today, her response? “Oh, I’ve cared for lots of kids and I’ve seen everything! There’s no kid I can’t handle!”

Today, at 1:45pm, I got the call from Aaron’s aunt. (The preschool director.) At the end of camp, they took Cordy to the front along with the other kids who were leaving at 1:30. She got to watch them leave while she was told she had to remain behind. Today she was the only kid in after-care. Naturally, she had a big meltdown. They were calling to ask me for advice on getting her out of her meltdown. I gave a few tips and hung up, my stomach in knots as I wondered if I’d get another call soon.

Half an hour went by, and I called back to see if she had calmed down. Aaron’s aunt said Cordy and her teacher took a walk to calm her down. I decided at this point to get her early, since it was her first day. When I arrived, they sent someone to find Cordy and her teacher. As they came around the corner, Cordy had a big grin on her face and didn’t seem distressed at the moment.

I hugged Cordy and asked her how her day was. It was then her after-care teacher said, “She is very tired and worn out. Camp is hard on her.” Cordy seemed a little tired, but nothing out of the ordinary to me.

And then the gut punch: “I really think you should pick her up right after camp each day.”

*blink* *blink*

“Well, I can’t do that,” I stammered, “I’ve already paid for her after-care, and I need the time while she’s gone to get things done.”

The teacher was unimpressed. “The camp day is too hard on her. She can’t handle a full day. And she has no other kids to play with.”

I’d like to pause in this conversation to remind everyone: FIRST DAY, PEOPLE!!!

I explained to the teacher that Cordy doesn’t know the routine at the moment, and that once she gets the hang of it she’ll handle transitions better. I also told her Cordy will be in Pre-K in the fall and needs to start transitioning to a full-day program. And I had been told right before they came around the corner that another child would be in after-camp next week.

“Well, we’ll see what happens on Wednesday…” And with that ending, she left.

We’ll see? Or what, she’ll be kicked out of after-camp? Holy hell, it’s only been one day! ONE DAY. Un dia.

Surely other kids act up on the first day of a new program. A child need not be on the spectrum to have a bad day, right? You can’t judge kids by their first day in camp.

I’m completely floored by this teacher’s response to Cordy. Especially since she was the teacher who declared herself some kind of child whisperer that can handle anything. I can’t decide if my mistake was in not telling her enough about what to expect from Cordy, or telling her anything at all and somehow biasing her against Cordy. Was I wrong to mention autism? I feel like we’re being scolded for thinking we could mainstream her. She doesn’t act like a perfect robot child, and so clearly she doesn’t belong here. Send her back to the land of misfit children where she belongs.

And strangely enough, when I spoke with her camp teacher, the report was the complete opposite. Her camp teacher loved her, and said that Cordy had a really good day. She didn’t like circle time singing, preferring to stand away from the group, and she clung to her swim instructor like a barnacle in the pool, but otherwise she had a lot of fun and followed directions. Her teacher was impressed at how she coped with her new schedule.

And that whole talk about being too tired? Cordy did look a little worn out, but she wasn’t sleepy. She didn’t nap the entire day, and was a bundle of energy when we got home.

We’ll see what happens on Wednesday, but I’ll be pissed if I again hear that Cordy should not be in after-camp care. I know my daughter is pretty amazing, and I know she’ll go on to earn many honors, but having the title of “Fastest ejection from a daycare” is an honor I’d rather she not have. Because I then might have to earn the title of “Loudest mother” for shouting HAVE A LITTLE FREAKIN’ PATIENCE! at her teacher. Which is still better than “Mother drinking herself into oblivion” from the stress of it all.



Do They Have A Mommy Relaxation Camp?

‘Cause if they do, I could use one right now.

Today was Cordy’s first day of summer camp. “Typical” kid summer camp. Keep up with the pace summer camp. Do self-care stuff on your own summer camp. And I’m nervous as hell.

Two years ago, right after Mira was born, we put Cordy in a summer camp that was both a help and a disaster. I needed the time without Cordy, but she didn’t handle camp well. She didn’t follow the group. She didn’t participate in activities. She had massive meltdowns in group assembly. She had to be fed because she wouldn’t feed herself. And she wouldn’t drink from a cup, so she often was extremely thirsty at the end of the day. That was when we first heard the words, “It might be a good idea to get her evaluated.”

One year ago, after a year of special needs preschool, we enrolled her in a special needs summer camp program through the school district. That? Also a disaster. Many of the kids in that program had more severe disabilities, and Cordy spent all summer backsliding.

But today she’s being mainstreamed again. I know it is best for her. She needs the challenge. She’s made incredible progress and is ready for this, but I feel like I’m still trying to convince myself of that statement.

I worry the other kids won’t accept her. I know she’ll be hard to deal with during the first week or two – until she learns the routine – and I worry her teachers won’t wait for her to blossom into the happy child and instead write her off as worth their time early on. And what if she doesn’t know to ask to go to the bathroom? Will she have an accident?

I’m overprotective -there’s no hiding that fact. I do try to shield her from some of the ugly in life. I step in when she encounters mean kids probably sooner than I should. Oh, and I gave her teachers a speech about Cordy’s sensitivities and quirks that was so long they probably quit listening after the first few sentences and just nodded and smiled to keep me happy.

We pick her up this afternoon, and I’m hoping for a glowing report. Or at least a “it wasn’t too bad” report. Until then, I’m all nerves.

(And Mira starts summer camp tomorrow, too. Strangely enough, I’m not at all worried about her.)

And if you’re bored and like looking at photos of people in dressing rooms under bad fluorescent lighting, come check out my little fashion show and help me choose clothing for BlogHer!



Another Evaluation Complete, This Time With Less Head Banging

When last we left our stressed-out mommy and her strong-willed, curly-headed child, they were getting ready for an evaluation to determine if spectrum disorders were still on the table for said strong-willed, curly-headed child.

Saturday’s evaluation went well, or at least way, WAY, better than the last time someone tried to evaluate Cordy. We arrived at the small office, and after a quick trip to the potty (over a month without an accident during the day – WOO-HOO!), the evaluator asked if Cordy wanted to pick out a toy to play with while she and I talked at the beginning. Cordy surveyed the dolls and books and shook her head no, but then another cabinet revealed a peg board, and she was immediately happy.

While Cordy took out the pegs and replaced them in order, I gave her history to the evaluator. (And because I hate typing out evaluator each time, let’s just call her Amy because, well, that’s her name.) After reviewing her history, Amy asked Cordy to join her at the table in the room. Cordy refused, and instead became fascinated with some wind chimes hanging in the window. Several different approaches were used to get her to sit at the table, but Cordy said she was too wiggly, too scared of the chair, too tired, and anything else she could think of.

We finally settled her on the couch next to me, and Amy pulled the table over to the couch. I had to take the peg board away from her to gain her attention. Amy started with various types of cognitive testing, and Cordy, when she focused, breezed right through them.

The test that amazed me was a pictogram test. Amy showed Cordy two symbols and asked her to repeat the names of each symbol: “girl” “the.” Next, she turned the page and showed her two more symbols, followed by another page where the symbols were arranged in a sentence. Amy then added two new symbols with each page turn, asking Cordy to read each new sentence without reviewing the old symbols.

She worked her way up to about 15-18 symbols, and Cordy could read most of the symbols without further prompting. The one she missed were consistent, meaning she probably wasn’t paying attention during the introduction for those symbols. Let me put it this way: she was doing better at remembering the symbols than I was. Essentially, she was reading a written language she had just been taught. I was stunned.

After the cognitive tests, Amy gave Cordy a break (with the peg board, of course) while she brought in some toys for a play evaluation. A year and a half ago, this was a disaster because Cordy refused to play with the toys they gave her. This time, before the plastic tubs of toys were opened Cordy spied an old 1980’s Fischer-Price cash register (remember those?) on the shelf in the room and asked to play with it. Amy shrugged her shoulders and said it was fine to play with the cash register.

Cordy immediately went to work figuring out how to put the plastic coins in the slots and push the buttons. Amy watched her for a few minutes, stepping in to help when Cordy asked for help, but otherwise observing how she played with the toy. Eventually, Amy picked up a pencil and asked if she could buy it. Cordy ignored her at first, getting frustrated with a coin stuck in one of the slots.

Amy asked again, this time giving more prompts for social play. Cordy eventually responded, telling her the pencil was “One hundred.” Amy picked up a coin and gave it to Cordy, and she put it in the register. Each time Amy had to initiate the social play and Cordy would follow along, often getting very excited about the game. But without her prompting, Cordy would go back to her own private exploration of the cash register. “Had I not stepped in, would she have continued playing like that?” Amy asked me.

“Most likely.”

“That’s what I thought.”

After an hour and a half, Cordy’s evaluation was over, without any tears, thrashing or head banging. We often had to ask Cordy to sit up on the couch, or pay attention to what was on the table, or stop bouncing, but there were no meltdowns. I can’t even describe my relief.

Amy told me that the questionnaires I filled out would need to be scored along with her evaluation forms, and said I should expect to hear back from her in 3-4 weeks for a meeting to discuss the results.

3-4 weeks sounded like eternity to me, so I asked her if she could give me her initial impressions of Cordy’s behavior. Amy replied that she was certain Cordy would still be considered on the spectrum, and would likely keep the diagnosis given by the school of PDD-NOS. However, she said that based on what she saw, she would probably have Cordy evaluated for Asperger’s when she’s a little older. Having it confirmed that Cordy’s cognitive skills are excellent was good to hear, and Amy was also impressed with her verbal abilities.

Our session ended with Amy telling me that based on Cordy’s history and records, it’s obvious to her that we (her parents and her teachers) have put a lot of effort into helping her, and it shows. She said we were right to get her evaluated and into therapy when we did. Without early intervention, she might not have the skills she has now, and it’s likely her future has been forever changed thanks to that intervention.

Deep exhale now. Knowing that my Amazon warrior princess made it through the evaluation without causing a scene left me so proud of her. I could tell she was starting to burn out by the end of the meeting. More fidgeting, eye contact disappeared, hopping in place, some hand flapping, etc. We left before she completely lost her focus, managing to say goodbye to Amy, and even looking her in the eye briefly after Amy asked Cordy to look at her and say bye again. We left with no one glad to see her go. No bruises, no tear-stained face, no carrying her out.

Now we wait for the official meeting. If/when a diagnosis is given, we’ll be given even more access to services in Columbus. That’s great news for us.

And my little girl. My firstborn. My Cordelia. She frustrates the hell out of me so often, to the point where I want to yell Would you just act normal for once! But in her ginormous blue eyes, I can see her determination and her struggle to understand her world. I can’t fault her for her incessant questioning, her confused tears or her overwhelmed screeches. She wants to be a good girl, and she wants to learn all she can. The extra hurdles she has to jump won’t take her down.

Autism or no autism, she’s an awesome kid, and she’s only going to get better.

We celebrated by going to the zoo the next day, where you can see Cordy was nearly mauled by a giant koala.


Haiku Friday: Nervous

One more day until
Cordy goes for another
evaluation

The school did it first
but now we are seeking a
medical response

Does Cordelia have
autism? Doctors will have
their say Saturday

If yes, more doors will
open for treatment and more
therapies also.

But I know this will
be so hard on her – testing
really bothers her

They will push her to
her limits, and I will do
my best not to cry

We’ve been through these evaluations before, but since they were performed by the school system, they don’t “count” in the long term. I placed her on a waiting list for a medical evaluation over 6 months ago, but due to the high demand for these evaluations now (scary, isn’t it?), there was still no call. Thankfully, her case worker reminded me that they work with providers other than the big hospitals, and worked her magic to get an appointment within a month.

While I know that we’ve done this before, I can’t help but remember that horrible first evaluation, when Cordy thumped her head on the floor over and over, shrieked and screamed so loud that she scared the nurse, and clawed at the door in an attempt to escape. I don’t expect a repeat of that behavior, but she will likely be uncomfortable and may lash out. I hope she’ll show them only as much as she needs to show to make up their minds, without getting too upset or manic.


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