Christina, Author at A Mommy Story

Jan 22, 2013

Faking It

Last summer we signed Mira up for gymnastics after she expressed an interest in finding an activity for herself. Mira had tried ballet before that, but we decided she just wasn’t right for ballet. No matter how hard the instructor tried to calm the kid down, it all moved too slowly for her. We hoped gymnastics, with the ability to jump, tumble, and flip, might be more her style.

One week into it, Cordy decided she wanted to be a part of it, too. We never thought Cordy would like gymnastics, but she really wanted to join in. We signed her up as well in the hopes that she might gain some confidence and improve her coordination.

Since then, Mira continues to love gymnastics and while not even close to the most coordinated kid in her class, she’s making progress. Mira insists she’ll be in the Olympics someday. Considering she’s an entire head taller than every other kid in the class of five year olds and trips over air, I doubt it, but I’m thrilled she has goals and works hard at improving.

Cordy, though, is not making any progress and instead is showing signs of being uninterested. She insists she likes going, but once there she’s usually too distracted by what the other classes are doing and then doesn’t want to try anything new or push herself outside of her comfort zone. Her teacher has been incredibly kind and patient with her, but I can tell even she is getting discouraged with Cordy’s unwillingness to put any confidence in herself.

She enjoys gymnastics and comes out with a smile on her face, but she’s made practically no progress with her skills and is becoming more and more distracted during class. We haven’t told Cordy yet, but this is her last session of gymnastics and we’ll encourage her to try another activity she might like more.

Last week, both girls appeared happy to go to gymnastics. After dinner, they put on their leotards and were all ready to go. Once there, they went to the benches to wait for their class to start, but then Cordy looked around for a minute and then went to the bathroom. Several minutes later, she came out frowning and sat back on the bench, clutching her stomach and looking miserable as she looked at me.

I waved Cordy to come talk to me, and she said she felt sick. I put my hand on her forehead (classic mom first move for a sick kid, right?) and she wasn’t warm. “My stomach really hurts, mom. I feel like I’m going to be sick,” she continued.

“Can you get through gymnastics?” I asked.

She sighed and clutched her stomach again. “I don’t know. I don’t think I can tonight because I don’t feel good.”

Her class was gathering to begin, so I had to make a quick judgement call. She was completely fine before we got there, but this is also my child who is honest to a fault at times. Her fear of missing out on something she’s supposed to do and disappointing a teacher generally pushes her to keep going even when she shouldn’t. Maybe she really was sick?

I texted Aaron, who was on his way from work, and let him know that Cordy was sick and needed to go home as soon as he got there. Cordy then came to sit in the parents’ waiting area with me. She walked there hunched over, looking miserable, but as soon as we reached the bleachers, she perked up as she climbed to the top row.

“Wow, mommy, these are fun! Look how high I can sit!”

I frowned. “I thought you didn’t feel good? Maybe you could join your class if you’re feeling better.”

Her eyes widened, and then her bright mood disappeared again. “Oh! Oh, I really don’t feel good. I just thought these seats were interesting.” She resumed crossing her arms over her stomach again.

Mira and her class were soon in front of us starting their first activities. And within minutes, Cordy was once again distracted. “Look, mommy, there’s Mira! Let’s wave to Mira!”

Again I asked, “Cordy, I thought you were sick?”

“Um, I can still cheer for my sister even when I’m sick, right?”

“Not with that much energy,” I responded.

She continued to go back and forth between looking ill and being distracted by something until Aaron got there. I realized by then that she had faked the whole thing. She wasn’t sick at all, she just didn’t want to do gymnastics that night. It’s the first time Cordy has ever lied about being sick to get out of doing something, and I totally fell for it. What’s worse – she had a good idea that I’d fall for it or she wouldn’t have done it.

In some ways, I’m proud of her for faking it. It’s often believed that kids on the autism spectrum have a hard time with lying, or can’t do it at all. She’s made up creative stories about why something didn’t get done before, or used the convenient “I forgot” excuse a few times (which in her case is often true), but she’s never out-and-out lied about being sick to avoid a task, complete with acting the part. True, she wasn’t very good at continuing the act, but she managed to keep it up long enough to fool me. So really, this is Cordy portraying very typical kid behavior, which is progress for her.

But on the other hand, I don’t want to celebrate a child who lies, either. When Aaron arrived, I specifically mentioned to him that I was certain she was faking it, and so he took her home to finish her homework and go to bed, since sick children don’t get to do anything fun like watch TV. She wasn’t so happy about that part, and I hope that will keep her from trying it again. He told me she seemed totally fine at home, too, further confirming my suspicions that she was never sick to begin with.

Even if she’s losing interest in gymnastics, I’m not letting her quit until this session is over. Both kids were asked if they wanted to sign up for the winter session and both said they wanted to, so I expect her to finish out what she agreed to. After that, Cordy is free to choose another activity to try.

I only hope she won’t try repeating her “sick day” again this week. I don’t like having to play both mom and talent scout to determine if she really is sick or is trying another performance piece in the hopes of winning the award of getting-out-of-work.

Filed Under: Autism, being a mom, Cordy, growing up, kid logic ·

Jan 16, 2013

Finding Time

By Christina ·

We’ve been trying to find a new routine around here since the start of the year. Aaron is back to full-time at work, which makes all of us happy, but with the new position he has to be in the office every day, with no chance to work from home. Not too big of a deal, except that his office is a loooooong commute and he has different hours. So he’s gone early in the morning and home much later.

This has required me to rearrange my schedule as well. I’m now the one getting the kids onto the school bus, and I’m always the one picking them up from school. Since he gets home so late, it falls on me to do a lot of their homework with them, too. Housework, working out, errands? I get to them when I can, which means not very often. I’m grateful that my job is flexible enough to accommodate working weird hours when needed. That’s one piece to the puzzle that we don’t need to worry about.

I’m not resentful that I’ve had to take on more of the kid responsibility lately, although I’m finding it harder to make everything fit into the hours we have available. And I worry that Aaron doesn’t get as much time with the kids now, possibly an hour to an hour and a half before their usual bedtime. (which includes dinner)

Waking up earlier would probably help me get a better start to the day. But I’m not a morning person at all. In fact, talking to me before I’ve had the chance to fully wake up yet generally goes poorly. I’m convinced that gravity is twice as strong in the early morning, when it takes tremendous effort to drag myself out of bed and get moving. Non-morning people will know precisely what I mean.

On the other hand, Cordy has always preferred to go to bed early. It wasn’t so bad when she was in kindergarten and falling asleep at 6:30pm. She has always set her own early bedtime, and previous attempts to push it back never worked. (Mira is super flexible on bedtime, although she still wakes up early no matter what time she goes to bed.) Cordy springs out of her room wide-eyed and full of energy at 6am. If it wasn’t for the obvious family resemblance, I’d swear she was switched at birth because I have no idea how it’s possible to wake up so…awake.

But now Cordy is in second grade and has more responsibilities and homework. She stays up until 7:30 most nights now, and seems capable of staying up most nights until 8pm. Her homework takes up a portion of the evening – her spelling homework alone can take half an hour to finish. Staying up until 7:30pm is an improvement, but still limits our available time to get anything done when there’s only an hour to an hour and a half of full family time together.

If we try to have the kids stay up later, Aaron gets more time with them, but then Aaron and I have practically no kid-free time together before he falls asleep on the couch and then stumbles upstairs to bed. (He’s up for the day at 4:30am many days.)

I’m sure we’ll figure out a new routine that works, but there may be some rough days ahead while we find what works best. Getting more done would be nice, but I’m more concerned that the kids feel they’re getting enough of our attention – both of us – while I still get a little time with my husband without a child wedging herself between us to tell us all about her favorite Skylander.

And now for the interactive portion of our show: I need your help. I want to know your routine and if it works well for your family. How late do you let your kids stay up? (and ages, please) Do you or your spouse (if you have a spouse or sig. other) only get to see the kids for a very short time in the evenings before bed? If so, how do you/your partner maximize your time so the kids feel like they’re getting enough of your time? Is someone in your family not getting enough of your time? I’d love to hear how others make the parent-working-late situation work for them

Filed Under: daily life, family time · Tagged: advice from readers

Jan 9, 2013

What Happens When Your Furby Becomes Evil

By Christina ·

In the weeks leading up to Christmas, Mira had one toy that kept coming to the top of her list: a Furby. Other items on the list would change, but a pink Furby was always there for anyone who asked, including Santa, who got an earful about how much she really wanted a Furby.

So when Christmas arrived, she was overjoyed to get a hot pink Furby from Santa. (Cordy got a blue Furby, too.)

Now, there are a few things they don’t tell parents about the Furby. First, it has no off button. At all. The only way to immediately silence it is to take out the batteries, which requires a screwdriver. And you know that right when you want it to shut up is the same time that all screwdrivers in the house go missing.

Otherwise, you have to wait for it to fall asleep, or force it to go to sleep by placing it in a dark, quiet area and ignoring it. Once it’s asleep, you mustn’t move it or bump it at all, or it will wake up again.

The Furby also has no volume control. At all. It’s loud all the time. And most of the time it speaks Furbish, which seems to be some kind of cross between baby talk and pig latin.

Basically, it’s the toy equivalent of a colicky baby.

I did know some of this going into our purchase of this toy. But I did not know about all of the enhancements from the previous 1998 version. The LED eyes are cool and provide the ability for more expression of personality. It has more sensors to detect touch. And it can change personality.

The old Furby would have some change in personality based on how you treated it, but this one goes far beyond that with a multiple personality disorder. It has several very distinct personalities and doesn’t come with the Furby anti-psychotic drugs it desperately needs.

Mira’s Furby started out as the furry hot pink version of a valley girl. A little annoying, but kinda cute. She fed it on demand and used the iPad app to translate what it was saying, and it slowly learned a little English, too. Well, a version of English better suited to the movie Clueless, perhaps.

After the second or third day, it had the first personality shift. I didn’t see it happen, but suddenly it was speaking like a cowboy and mooing at us, with chicks and cows appearing in the LED eyes at times. Mira found that hilarious and I suffered through the noise because she liked this toy so much.

The next day it was back to a valley girl again, and even seemed to name itself Coco. It gave itself a name? It was becoming more sentient with each passing day.

And then, in the middle of Mira trying to teach it to dance, something very bad happened. It started to shake back and forth, it made weird noises, and it’s LED eyes were flashing like strobe lights. I thought it was either having a grand mal seizure or we broke the damn thing.

Furby, mid-panic attack

Then it stopped. All was silent for a moment. And then what was in front of us was a Furby who no longer had the high-pitched girly voice, but instead a deep, growling voice with angry looking eyes.

Coco isn’t here anymore.

Mira’s Furby was suddenly possessed by a new personality who was mean. It growled at her, it snapped at her with an angry voice if she tried to pet it, and it made retching noises when she tried to feed it, as if the iPad foods weren’t good enough for it. Occasionally it showed little flames in its eyes.

WTF happened? Did we feed it after midnight?

It was now a Furby demon. And Mira was scared of it. She backed away with tears in her eyes, her five year old mind unable to comprehend what had happened to her cheery dance pal, saying she wanted her nice Furby back, and she didn’t want to play with it anymore.

So her new electronic pet wasn’t working out as well as she wanted, which means it was now my responsibility to care for. Figures. I felt like I had brought home Chucky from Child’s Play to my daughter.

Sorry for the dark photos – it apparently has a feature that prevents paparazzi from getting good photos of it, too. Little bastard.

So as I sat there, with Damien the Dark Furby glaring at me from across the room, I did what any good mom would do: I googled “How to make a Furby nice again?”

I can assure you I’m NOT alone in this type of google search.

There were a lot of suggestions about different things to try. I gathered up the little ball of hate and tried petting the dumb thing several times. I will hug you and love you until you are sweet again! It growled and yelled at me each time while my dog stared at me in confusion, wondering why I was petting a loud toy instead of him. Yes, Cosmo, you’re smarter than the humans. Still no change from the Furby. I was a little worried it might try to bite me.

Mira was still across the room, asking me to make it nice again, but too afraid to come near it. WHO MAKES A TOY THAT KIDS ARE SCARED OF? What programmer thought that a sociopath personality would be a SUPER FUN for kids? I’d like to drag that person over to our house and let him/her console my five year old and explain the reasoning for this.

Then I remembered Mira really wanted her Furby to sing and like music. Some links suggested music can change the personality. So I put it in front of the iPad, cranked the volume, and subjected the little electronic Lucifer to Owl City followed by ABBA. He growled and hissed at this musical exorcism at first, but slowly started to dance along to the music. You know, that grudging, too-cool-for-school-kid dance where he doesn’t want to admit he likes Mama Mia.

Near the end of the second song, the Furby’s eyes flashed and it shook again, and suddenly the pop star personality appeared. This one has a softer voice than the valley girl and likes to sing a lot. Let me repeat: A LOT. And instantly, all Furby offenses had been forgiven by the formerly terrified kindergartener. Mira had been hoping her Furby would sing and ran across the room to scoop up her prized possession now that it was no longer, well, possessed.

Stupid Furby.

Since then it’s slipped back to the dark side once, which then fell to me to fix again. Music does seem to be the trick to force it back to being a “nice” Furby again. Mira loves the pop star personality – hers named itself Boo – which is the least offensive personality as far as Furby personalities go.

Aww, isn’t she sweet with those hearts in her eyes? That’s how she lures you to your DOOM.

Cordy’s Furby hasn’t changed personalities once. It prefers to be a valley girl/comedian hybrid and doesn’t want to change.Which is both annoying and OK, all at the same time. I’d rather deal with devil I know rather than the devil it might become.

Luckily, the hours between Furby playtimes have already stretched into days. I’m hoping they will eventually lose interest with these gremlins before my personality changes.

This has to be my mother’s revenge for the Teddy Ruxpin I adored as a kid, right? Only it’s revenge with 30 years of interest. I’d better start planning for the next generation now.

Or the Furby will enslave our Skylanders to do what it commands with it’s sweet, chipper voice and I’ll be doomed forever.

Filed Under: family time, fate laughing at me, holidays, Mira, pop culture ·

Jan 7, 2013

Snow Days

By Christina ·

This winter has already proven to be far better than last winter. The day after Christmas, the snow started, and kept coming in intervals of every couple of days until the new year, leaving us with a lovely blanket of the white stuff.

With the past few winters being fairly dry and lacking in snow, Mira hasn’t had a lot of experience with it, and Cordy’s experiences are vague at best. Once they saw it on the ground, it didn’t take long before they were asking to go play in it. I bought them snowsuits and new boots and decided that since it was winter break, we’d make the most of our time with the snow.

This was also Cosmo’s first experience with anything more than a dusting of snow. He nervously pawed at the snow at first, but seeing the kids run out into it helped him get over any fear.

About to be knocked over by a dog running full force.

The next day, we decided to take the kids sledding. There’s a local sledding hill that apparently a large percentage of Columbus decided to visit with this new-found snow. During the drive, we created an image of how awesome sledding was for the kids, and how much they would love it.

At the hill, Aaron took them both up the hill to wait in line while I stood near the bottom to meet them when they came down. Mira was the first one down the hill – it’s hard to see, but she’s the one in the middle of the screen after a few seconds on the pink circle sled. Also? You can watch with the sound off so you don’t hear the people beside me yelling to their friends across the hill:

She was a little scared after clipping a few people at the end, but wanted to try one more time. Cordy had a harder crash on her first trip down, colliding with another sled on the way down. She was also shaken and scared to try again, but she also agreed to give it another try.

Parents, a helpful tip: if you must wait for your children at the bottom of the hill, stand to the side or far enough back that you don’t serve as an obstacle for the uncontrolled projectiles coming down the hill. I can’t count the number of adults who served as an abrupt stopping point for random kids, and many of the adults were then upset that the kid crashed into them. If you do choose to stand in their way, pay attention to the hill and move if someone is coming your way.

Mira’s second attempt ended poorly. Two other kids had collided and stopped halfway down the hill. Mira’s round sled hit another little girl just as she stood up, taking her off of her legs again and landing on top of Mira’s head. But Mira kept going, finally ending her rough journey by slamming into a group of adults and a sled they were holding. (No photos of that because I saw the crash coming and put the phone away!)

I was still comforting Mira and wiping away her tears when Aaron got Cordy into position. I tried to wave to Aaron that maybe we needed a break, but I was lost in the crowd and Cordy came down the hill again.

Thanks to all of the snow being packed, she picked up speed quickly. I was trying to run to her to help stop her, as well as yell to a group of people to watch out, but they didn’t move. Cordy hit them but had enough momentum to keep going. I jumped right into another group of people and grabbed Cordy’s coat just as she hit me and bumped the people next to me.

At that point I felt like an awful parent as both kids told us they hated sledding and wanted to go home. We had been there for less than half an hour, and they were now hurting and traumatized by sledding. So much for that awesomely fun experience, eh?

My mom came to the rescue a few days later, suggesting they go to my aunt’s new house and try sledding on the little hills around her house. There were no obstacles, no crowds of people – they could even have their own hills! (Why didn’t we think to do that in the first place?)

It took a lot of coaxing, but they now like sledding again. Cordy won’t try anything larger than a speed bump, but at least she’s willing to try the sled again.

This weekend we all went back to my aunt’s for a little more quality time with the snow, bringing Cosmo with us as well. Squeals of joy and laughter were heard all morning.

I’m so happy to have the snow back this winter.

Filed Under: Cordy, Cosmo, daily life, family time, memories, Mira, snow ·

Jan 1, 2013

New Year’s Eve: Glancing Backward, Leaping Forward To 2013

By Christina ·

Another year is nearly in the history books. Overall? 2012 was fairly good for us. I don’t think I could have dreamed it would go in the direction it did when we started the year, but that sudden turn ended up being a mostly pleasant change of scenery that will hopefully all turn out for the best.

At the beginning of the year, I was hoping beyond hope to become a permanent employee at my job. (I worked overnights as a nurse answering questions for new parents via phone.) That aspiration didn’t come true – instead, my entire shift was eliminated, leaving me without a job – but I didn’t realize at the time that it was a message from the universe saying I needed better. I didn’t realize how exhausted I was from working third shift. I was barely living, missing out on my family’s lives because I was either asleep or in a sleepy haze when they were home.

It was frightening to be unemployed, knowing we needed two incomes to pay our bills, but thankfully it didn’t last long and that “right place at the right time” karmic moment came and I spent only two weeks unemployed. Not only did a job opportunity fall into my lap, it was one that was a delightful fit for me, and has since helped me expand and grow my skills while truly enjoying what I do.

Thanks to my current employment, I’m also living among the daywalkers again, although after several years of third shift, I’m still sluggish in the mornings. I have the opportunity to pick my kids up from school each day, saving them a long, dull bus ride and providing the chance to keep in close contact with Cordy’s team of teachers at school.

Aaron’s job this year was rocky but ended on a high note. In May he was told his job was being eliminated but in a last-minute move they decided to keep him, but only at part-time. He’s been giving full effort to his job, in the hopes of seeing full-time again, and just in the last week or so he got his wish. He’s starting a new full-time position with the company this week, working with the military, and it looks promising for future opportunities.

Mira started kindergarten in 2012 at the same school as Cordy. Having them both in the same school is fantastic. Cordy’s had some troubles along the way, but she’s doing better and we now have new plans in place to help her deal with her anxiety. I love spending more time with them now and learning so much from them.

I had some fantastic opportunities in 2012, too. I worked with Slim-Fast and reached my goal weight, an accomplishment that has taken 20 years to achieve. I walked in my first fashion show at BlogHer, an experience I will never forget. We went on mini-vacations to Cedar Point and Put-in-Bay, where I re-introduced the girls to my passion for roller coasters and water . (And they discovered their love of golf carts.)

And we now have a dog, who is a lovely oaf that is convinced he’s either a 95lb lapdog or my third child.

I also wanted to find ME again in 2012. I didn’t quite meet that goal, but having a stable sleep schedule and getting to be with my family more has helped me make a lot of progress toward that goal.

Back to my original statement. Overall? 2012 was fairly good for us. It’s been a steady climb out of the hellhole that was 2008. It’s truly time to shine now.

And now…2013. This year will be awesome. It just has to be. With a lead-in like 2012, we’re all primed for some amazing things to come our way this year. Not only are careers and kids going well, Aaron and I will be celebrating our tenth wedding anniversary in March 2013, with a big trip planned as part of the celebration.

This blog will be getting a facelift, too. I’m this close to getting it all moved to WordPress (FINALLY!! *insert fireworks and cheers here*) so be ready for a new look very soon. I’m combining three blogs into one, pulling it all back under one space for my own sanity. Which also means I want to be writing more, too. I have a lot of opinions and stories to share, I only need the momentum to get them written down.

So let’s do this, 2013. I’m ready. I’ll bring the effort, you bring the magic.