It seems I’m wasting my 15 minutes of fame on sound bites for Parents and Parenting magazines. In the fall a quote of mine was used in an article about soothing a fussy baby. And now?

*Ahem* Could you all pull out your February 2006 Parenting magazines (mine came in the mail yesterday) and turn to page 37?

OK, it’s nothing all that exciting. Several months ago, they asked for people to e-mail them with the products they couldn’t live without. I sent in a long list of items, but it seems this one stood out to them. It was a good product for us. The Baby’s Bliss gripe water did help soothe Cordy’s tummy, which in turn led to less crying jags. I wouldn’t call it my #1 must-have, but it was a life-saver at times.

The quote isn’t exactly mine – it’s a mish-mash of things I said in the e-mail, in follow up e-mails when asked for more information, and in the phone call I received to verify that I was, in fact, a real person. But hey, close enough.

I’m not totally thrilled with the pic either, but they needed me to send them a headshot quickly, and that was all I had at the time. I would have preferred something a little more stylish, instead of the “just woke up and barely brushed my hair” look.

So a few more minutes of fame is gone for me, but at least I got a picture this time! Maybe next time I’ll get an entire article?

Sometimes, it seems that from the moment a child is born, that child is seeking out doom. A friend of ours has a theory that life is so wonderful and cozy and warm in the womb, that when children are born into the bright, cold, loud and big world, they immediately want to do anything they can to end their life. They actively seek out doom.

Aaron and I laughed at this theory, until two weeks after Cordelia was born, when she had her first attempt at seeking doom. Aaron had taken her upstairs and put her on the bed so he could change his clothing. He only took his hand off of her for a couple of seconds – just long enough to take off his sweater. But during that short amount of time, Cordy mustered up all her strength, noticed where the edge of the bed was, and somehow rolled off the bed – *thump* – landing head first, of course. She had shown no signs of rolling before this, and she wouldn’t roll over again until she was 4 months old. But during this one moment, she took her chance. We then understood the theory. We also got our first real taste of parenting guilt.

Since that time, she’s remained an adventurer who constantly looks for the most dangerous thing in the room and heads straight for it. We’ve had to banish any pens and pencils to high places due to her joy in carrying them around, just waiting for the right moment to poke an eye out.

I’ve performed the mommy dive several times, throwing myself in harm’s way, to keep her from bashing her head into something sharp. She’s pulled a stack of folding chairs down onto her. And she’s fallen off the bed so many times now, we’re practically used to it.

I have removed nearly everything sharp and pointy from the living room. The computer and the TV stand are gated off, and we’re looking for a bottom-heavy end table to replace our tray tables which tip far too easily. The only piece of furniture in the living room that is remotely dangerous is the bench just inside the door, which has sharp corners on the wood frame. Which means, of course, that it was the next attempt at doom.

It was Monday evening. We had just finished watching King Kong, and picked Cordy up from grandpa’s house, where she was watching the Fiesta Bowl with him. When we got home, we started to take her coat off. After her coat was off, she stood there between us for a moment as we took our coats off and hung them up.

And then it happened – she fell forward. She didn’t seem to trip; just tumbled forward. Aaron was right in front of her, but in another amazing move, she missed Aaron’s leg entirely, twisting her body around to put it on a direct course for the edge of the bench.

She hit the bench, but not like any normal person would hit the bench. She bounced from the first impact, and hit it again, this time on the other side of her head before falling to the ground. She was quiet for the first few seconds, as Aaron and I experienced that feeling of dread and panic that only a parent can feel. Then the screaming started.

I quickly turned on the light while Aaron picked her up, and we examined her head. Aaron noticed the large red bump and scrape on her forehead, while I noticed the indentation in her head just into the hairline, on the other side of her head. It was at that point that we realized she had somehow managed to injure herself in two totally different parts of her head in just one fall.

Lucky for us, she didn’t give herself a concussion, and the wounds were minor. The scratch is still visible on her head, although amazingly the bruising around it is mostly gone.

The spot in her hairline doesn’t look bad at all, but that’s because the skin that was peeled partially off is still covering the red, irritated area. Little harm done, although I’m sure she had a massive headache that night.

She’s still seeking doom, I tell you.

Watching the Fiesta Bowl together.

So this morning I was in my usual routine of checking my e-mail. I delete the junk mail first, read the personal e-mails next, then read those that are weekly newsletters. Reading today’s BabyCenter newsletter, my jaw dropped to my knees and I thought I would have to wash my eyes out with bleach to erase what I saw. What could be so horrible?

This list of “truly inspired” baby names. It’s a list of real – yes, real – names that people who use BabyCenter named their kids this past year.

Some of the winners include: God’Iss, X’Zavier, Legolas, Banana (I guess they were upset Apple was taken), Zurich, Tigger, Google, and Ce’Qwoia. And those aren’t the worst, people. Read the article link to see the entire damned list.

The article actually says:

Revamp a classic name with a little punctuational flair. We dig these very creative apostrophe-enhanced spellings from 2005.

They dig them? Are they crazy?

I don’t understand this new trend with adding apostrophes to names. I rolled my eyes when C’s and K’s were interchanged, and laughed only a little with the rush of girls with names starting with “Mc” (as a person of Irish decent, I have to inform you that the prefix “Mac” or “Mc” means “son of”). When names started appearing with Y’s in places they shouldn’t be (like Iryland, Madyson, or Jennyfyr), I only made fun of them in quiet with friends.

But apostrophes? Since when did punctuation become an acceptable addition to names? Are these people plural? Will backslashes and commas be next? Or will it be question marks? I can just see kids walking around named AreYouMyDaddy? and Unique?. Perfect for those parents who like a touch of sarcasm in their children’s names.

I know some people want their children to have unique names. I’ll even admit to it: our daughter’s name, Cordelia, is certainly not one of the usual names. But at least it’s a name with a history. It’s a made-up name, but it was made up over 400 years ago by a guy named Shakespeare, and it was a common name in Victorian times. Even Anne of Green Gables wanted to be named Cordelia.

It was a derivative of “coeur du lion” – the nickname for Richard I of England (the Lionheart). Change it to a feminine form, add in the Elizabethan bad spelling, and you get Cordelia – heart of the lioness. What meaning is there behind the name Banana, other than “an elongated, yellow fruit”.

And for those with little literary background who can’t place the Shakespeare play that Cordelia is in, I will also add: no, she wasn’t named for the character on Buffy, the Vampire Slayer.

But some of these weird names are too far out there. What kind of life are these parents dooming their children to? Do you think there will ever be a President Ce’Qwoia or Chief Justice Buttercup? How can you be taken seriously as a CEO of a business with the name Cookie?

I’ve heard the argument that some kids are named a certain way to prevent them from being one of many “Jennifers” in a class in school. But I already know of teachers who are dealing with 3-4 Madison, Maddison, and Maddysen’s in their class. They’re all pronounced the same; so much for being unique.

If you want to see even more scary names, check out Baby’s Named A Bad, Bad Thing. While I don’t always agree with her assessment of some names, her commentary is certainly amusing.

All I’m saying is please, please give some thought to the future of your children when naming them. Many names may sound cute for a baby, but when they’re older, how will those names serve them in the real world?

It’s two days into the new year, and I finally have some resolutions. They didn’t come to me on New Year’s Eve. That evening was spent in the good company of two couples we get to see far too little of, and I didn’t think planning resolutions was a useful way to spend our time together.

Nevertheless, I did finally think of a few resolutions. Well, not so much resolutions – more like a checklist of things I’d like to accomplish for 2006. Writing them out here will help me to remember what it is I said I’d do, and I will be more likely to hold myself accountable. A few of them are also joint efforts, but I’ve already told Aaron we’re doing them, and he’s on board.

2006 Goals:

** Improve our finances – Living paycheck to paycheck isn’t fun, and this last year has shown us just how good we had it before. While I have no intentions of quitting my part-time job in favor of a full-time job, I do plan to try other ways to add a little extra to our income. EBay has always been good to us, and I might finally get the nerve to write a few articles and submit them to magazines for publishing. Aaron, for his part, will continue looking for a new job. His current job vastly underpays him, and they’ve made it clear that the company could be sold at any minute. When your boss advises employees to start sending out resumes, you know it’s time to move on.

** Pay off credit card debt – There was a time in my life, many years ago, when I had amassed a crazy amount of credit card debt. I was young, foolish, and had expensive taste. About the time I received my lovely college diploma, I also was handed a credit card bill for just over $10,000, and I had no job. It’s amazing how fast it can sneak up on you. After working hard for many years, Aaron and I got our debts paid off (other than student loans, of course), and starting 2005 we were credit debt free. Now we’re back to over $5,000 on the cards. Time to get working on them again.

** Spend more time with our childless friends – Last Friday I got the chance to do dinner and a movie with one of my best friends that I haven’t seen in months. We spent the night gabbing and laughing and had such a good time. I miss that so much. It’s not like we live that far away – she’s just on the other side of town. But sometimes I get so caught up with Cordy and my “mommy life” that I forget about those outside the Parent Club. I want to see more of my friends, even if it means tempting them with dinners or rented movies to come to our house and hang out.

** Lose some more baby weight – OK, I know losing weight is the #1 resolution, and the most likely to fail. But I’m determined. I wasn’t one of those “9 months on, 9 months off” women – apparently my metabolism never got the message on how it’s supposed to go. I lost weight during most of my pregnancy, was at my starting weight when I gave birth, and then gained 20 pounds 4 months later and haven’t been able to banish it yet. I don’t want to be a fat mommy.

** Grow some nails – This one’s petty, but needed. Never in my life have I had pretty nails. My confession: I’ve been a nervous nail biter/peeler since I was about 5. Even for my wedding, when I managed to do other things to my body to make it look just right for that big day, I couldn’t muster the willpower to save my nails and wore gloves instead. Maybe I can finally be proud of my hands, instead of curling my fingers when I see most people.

** Stand my ground when faced with poor customer service – There have been far too many times that I have been treated badly at a restaurant, in a store, or when dealing with customer service on the phone. I’m not talking about getting a hamburger medium well instead of medium rare; I mean more serious things, like being cheated out of $200 in cell phone rebates because we moved. Instead of meekly dealing with their treatment in an effort to not make waves, I will complain when I see the need to complain, and not back down until there is an acceptable resolution.

We’ll see if I can handle this large list of demands I’m placing on myself. But I think it’s gonna be a good year, so hopefully next year at this time I’ll be able to proudly proclaim that I accomplished all of my goals. Or I just won’t say anything and hope that no one remembers reading this post.