Announcer1: Welcome to MNT Wrestling**! We’re LIVE in Columbus, OH tonight, and this promises to be an exciting show, folks!

Announcer2: That’s right, JR, tonight’s main event is sure to be one for the record books. It’s a repeat match-up between Mommy Dearest and her arch rival, the Toddler Tornado.

A1: They’ve met in the ring several times over the past year. You may remember, King, Mommy Dearest was the undisputed champion for most of that year.

A2: Yes, JR, but these past few months have seen the Toddler Tornado back in the gym, working harder than ever to take down Mommy Dearest and claim the MNT Wrestling World Title. Will she be able to take down Mommy Dearest, who clearly has her beat in height and weight?

A1: Mommy Dearest may have her beat in the numbers, but remember, this is a diaper match. Numbers don’t matter much in this type of match if you have the speed and agility to outwit your opponent. I think she’s got a trick or two up her sleeve tonight, King. Let’s watch.

Ring Announcer: The following event is a diaper match. The winner of this match will be determined as follows: Mommy Dearest will be declared the victor if she secures a new diaper on Toddler Tornado. Should Toddler Tornado escape before the new diaper is secure, she will be awarded the win.

First up is the champion, weighing in at *cough*hack*cough* pounds, the mom with the smarts, Mommy Dearest! *cheers*

And her opponent, weighing in at 28 pounds 12 ounces, the kid with a kick, it’s the Toddler Tornado! *cheers*

*DING DING DING*

A2: And Mommy Dearest starts out with a sneak attack! She comes up from behind and scoops up Toddler Tornado! What a move!

A1: Much better than her old tactic of announcing her actions.

A2: That’s for sure. But the Toddler Tornado is retaliating with a shriek and squirming. It seems Mommy Dearest has the lock on her, though.

A1: And Mommy Dearest has now put Toddler Tornado on her back! This may be over before it even starts!

A2: The pants are off, and Toddler Tornado has to realize that if she doesn’t make her move soon, she’s a goner. Now the old diaper is off!

A1: But Toddler Tornado is up! She’s resisting the hold with all her might, her upper body up and attempting to roll away from Mommy Dearest!

A2: Yes, JR, Mommy Dearest made a critical mistake. She let up on her grip in order to reach for the baby wipes, allowing Toddler Tornado the chance to use her Rolling Thunder hold break.

A1: Now the two competitors are locked in a struggle for control! Mommy Dearest is attempting to pin Toddler Tornado, but this small competitor is resisting. Look at that passion!

A2: Is the Toddler laughing at Mommy Dearest? What a slap in the face!

A1: Mommy Dearest has positioned the new diaper now, but can she get it on Toddler Tornado?

A2: The Toddler Tornado looks like she’s giving up! Mommy Dearest is drawing in closer now.

A1: Oh! My! Gawd! It was a fakeout! Toddler Tornado is now using her signature Flailing Legs move! Mommy Dearest can’t get a hand near her! What a slobberknocker of a fight!

A2: Look at those legs go! But you’ve got to give Mommy Dearest credit – she’s taken several kicks to the legs and stomach, but keeps going!

A1: Uh-oh, Toddler Tornado seems to be tiring out. The Flailing Legs move took too much out of her, and now Mommy Dearest has her pinned in the Double Leg Lock! The diaper is on! It’s all over! It’s all over!

*DING DING DING*

A2: Tune in tomorrow for a handicap match with Toddler Tornado versus tag team partners Mommy Dearest and Big Bad Voodoo Daddy!

** MNT = Mothers ‘n Toddlers Wrestling

I was double teamed and tagged by both Sandra and Emily for this little meme. Had it been one, I might have been able to fight it off, but two tags? I can’t resist.

So, I shall join the crowd and present to you six weird facts/things/habits about myself, then suck six more people into the game. Sing it with me – this is the meme that nev-er ends, it just goes on and on my friends…

Six Things To Use Against Me Someday:

1. I’m more than a little obsessed with death. Not in a “want to die” kind of way – I just find the whole process interesting. Had I really discovered who I really was earlier in life, I probably would have gone into forensic science.

2. I am a life-long nail-picker. My nails are short, ragged, and ugly, and always have been. While some people bite their nails, I pick at them and peel them away. It’s a nervous habit that I’ve tried to break (it was even one of my resolutions this year), but I have yet to succeed for more than a month. Sometimes I don’t even realize I’m doing it.

3. I can’t whistle. Not at all. I’ve tried and tried, but I can’t get a single steady note out. Put your lips together and blow? Yeah, right, not for me. I am whistle deficient.

4. For genetics geeks: in high school biology class, we learned that everyone has unattached or attached earlobes. One or the other. (I don’t remember which one is dominant and which is a recessive gene.) While learning who had what trait in class, we discovered that I am a freak of nature, for I have one attached earlobe, and one unattached earlobe. That didn’t help with my teenage awkwardness. At all.

5. My first boyfriend is now gay, my second boyfriend is thought to be gay. I’ve had great luck in falling for gay guys. In college I had a gay friend with the same taste in men. We had a pact: when we’d both go for a guy, whichever way he swung, that person got him, and the other would be happy for them. Let’s just say I spent most of those years without a date.

6. I worked at the Ohio Renaissance Festival as a costumed performer for 10 years. Many of the friends I have today I met there, and I met my husband there also. I was a member of the Queen’s Court, meaning my character was in the rich upper-class nobility, which meant I wore a corset under 35 pound velvet, jeweled dresses on 90 degree days. I spoke with a British accent, knew my history of the period in and out, and spent those weekends behaving as a proper 16th century lady. I was also the understudy for Queen Elizabeth.

Yes, I was totally insane, and I loved it. Aaron still performs his stage act (with his partner) for smaller renaissance faires, and has two shows coming up in the next month.

There you have it: weirder than Martha Stewart, but far more normal than Tom Cruise.

And now, to tag six more victims lucky participants.

1. Carrcakes
2. Life with Aveline
3. Mommy Does it All
4. Motherhood Uncensored
5. Queen of Spain
6. Red Stapler

The Rules (aka the Fine Print):
1. Reveal six weird facts/things/habits about yourself and then tag six people

2. Leave a “You’re Tagged!” comment to let the people you have tagged know they have to reveal six things. (Because they obviously are people who don’t read your blog.)

3. Leave me a comment letting me know that you have completed your mission (if you have chosen to accept it!)

Right before Cordelia was born, my mom and I were talking about my childhood. She told me that to this day she still feels guilty for not giving me enough of her time. After the divorce, she was a single mom, with an associates degree in laboratory technology, trying to make a living for herself and her child. She worked long hours and bad shifts (3-11pm), waiting for the day she would have more seniority and could ask for better hours.

Her advice, from one mother to her daughter, was to always take sick time to be with your kids. When I was sick as a child, my mom often called up her mom. My grandmother would come watch me while my mom went to work, because my mom felt that her employer needed her more at the time. “Never think that your work needs you more than your child. Because later you’ll look back and realize they didn’t need you. Your child needed you more. Someone can always replace you at work, but no one can take the place of a mother.” (Incidentally, I should point out that my mom really did make most choices with my best interests in mind. Her guilt is unfounded, because I know she did so much for me.)

She knew my grandmother was never all that happy with coming to stay with me. She thought I was hyperactive (I was a kid) and thought my mom wasn’t strict enough with me. I didn’t like her much because she was so strict and seemed to have a “suck it up” attitude far too strong to force on a young child. There was a large generation gap between us that couldn’t be crossed. But my grandmother was my mom’s only lifeline for these situations, so she called on her. I would be stuck on the couch, eating only chicken soup and drinking 7-up while my grandmother sat across the room and crocheted in silence.

Grandma also resented having to watch me because she felt her days of child-rearing were done. She had raised her three girls well: one became a leader in the business world, another got her PhD and was a professor and chief librarian at a big-name university, and the youngest, well, the youngest continued the family line with a daughter. She saw no need to be involved in my life more than absolutely necessary. Plus, no one in my family is very emotional. Stoic, reserved, cool – all can be used to describe them. Her hands-off approach led to my mom feeling very alone, and me feeling like she was someone I couldn’t relate to at all.

It was no surprise, then, when my mom informed that she planned to be a hands-on grandmother. And oh how she has! She volunteered one of her days off each week to drive 45 min. north to watch Cordy when I’m at work. She is happy to see us any chance she can get. We’ve even been lucky enough to take two working vacations, with my mom staying at our house to watch Cordelia.

It amazes me to see what aspects of our mothers we choose to embrace and which we choose to reject. My mom, while still not nearly as emotional as me, has cast off the stoic nature of generations past. She hugs Cordy, she’s animated in talking to her, and she is genuinely warm to her. Mom doesn’t see it as a burden to help care for Cordy; in truth, mom always wanted more children, and this is her way of getting to live that dream. I don’t yet know all the aspects of my mom that I will incorporate into my parenting, but my devotion to my daughter is sure to be one of them.

It seems the young can affect the older as well. My grandmother, the hands-off, uninterested matriarch, generally travels up with my mom each week to spend the day with Cordy. Yes, she actually wants to come along. She seems to really enjoy spending time with this 3rd generation descendant of hers. Of course, I have to hear a lot of unwanted advice that is closer to the 1701 book than modern parenting styles, but I don’t mind the lectures in exchange for seeing her look so happy when Cordy graces her with a “dance”.

And so we have four generations, three of which are mothers, and all three of those generations have their own parenting styles. I’ll admit I look forward to seeing what Cordy will become: how she will absorb some of our traits, and how she will also discard some of her history in favor of her own ways. I think it will also be exciting to see the changes in all of us as a result of her as well.

Last week I covered the first two chapters of this book. Now let’s look at rules for home and at the table. This makes even the strictest parenting book out there today look soft.

Chapter III: Of Behaviour at Home.

1. Always bow at coming Home; and be immediatly uncovered.
2. Be never covered at home, especially before thy Parents or Strangers.
3. Never sit in the presence of thy Parents without bidding, though no Strangers be present.
4. If thou pass by thy Parents, or by any place where thou seest them, either by themselves, or with Company, bow towards them.
5. If thou be going to speak to thy Parents, and see them engaged in Discourse or Company, draw back, and leave thy business thil afterward; but if thou must speak be sure to whisper.
6. Never speak to thy Parents, without some Title of Respect, viz. Sir, Madam, Forsooth; &c. according to their quality.
7. Approach near thy Parents at no time without a Bow.
8. Dispute not, nor delay to do thy Parents Commands.
9. Go not forth of doors without thy parents leave, and return within the time by them limited.
10. Come not into the room where thy Parents are with strangers unless thou be called, and then decently; and at bidding, go out; or if strangers come in while thou art with them, it is mannerly with a bow to withdraw.

11. Use respectful and courteous, not insulting or domineering carriage or language towards the Servants.
12. Quarrel not, nor contend with thy Brethren or Sisters, but live in Love, Peace and Unity.
13. Grumble not, nor be discontented at any thing, thy Parents appoint, speak or do.
14. Bear with Meekness and Patience, and without murmering or sullenness, thy Parents Reproofs or Corrections, nay, though it should so happen that they be causeless or undeserved.

Chapter IV: Of Behavior at the Table. (this one is long, folks)

1. Come not to the table unwash’d or not comb’d.
2. Sit not down till thou art bidden by thy Parents or Superiors.
3. Be sure thou never sit till Grace be said, and then in thy due place.
4. Offer not to carve for thy self, or to take any thing, though it be what thou ever so much desirest.
5. Ask not for any thing, but tarry till it be offered thee.
6. Find not fault with any thing that is given thee.
7. When thou hast meat given thee, be not the first to begin to eat.
8. Feed thy self with thy two Fingers, and the Thumb of the left hand.
9. Speak not at the Table; if thy Superiors be discoursing, meddle not with the matter.
10. If thou want any thing from the Servants, call to them softly.

11. Eat not too fast, or greedily.
12. Eat not too much, but moderatly.
13. Eat not so slow as to make others wait for thee.
14. Make not a noise with thy tongue, mouth, lips, or breath, either in eating or drinking.
15. Stare not in the face of any one (especially thy Superior) at the Table.
16. Grease not thy Fingers or Napkin, more than necessity requires.
17. Bite not thy bread, but break it, but not with slovenly Fingers, not with the same where-with thou takest up thy meat.
18. Dip not thy Meat in the Sawce.
19. Take not salt with a greazy Knife.
20. Spit not, cough not, nor blow thy Nose at Table if it may be avoided; but if there be necessity, do it aside, and without much noise.

21. Lean not thy Elbow on the Table, or on the back of thy Chair.
22. Stuff not thy mouth so as to fill thy Cheeks; be content with smaller Mouthfuls.
23. Blow not thy Meat, but with Patience wait till it be cool.
24. Sup not Broth at the Table, but eat it with a Spoon.
25. Smell not to thy Meat, nor move it to thy Nose; turn it not the other side upward to view it upon the Plate.
26. Throw not any thing under the Table.
27. Hold not thy Knife upright in thy hand, but lay it down at thy right hand with the Blade upon thy plate or trencher.
28. Spit not forth any thing that is not convenient to be swallowed, as the Stones of Plums, Cherries, or such like; but with thy left hand neatly move them to the side of thy plate or trencher.
29. Fix not thine eyes upon the plate or trencher of another, or upon the meat on the Table.
30. Lift not up thine eyes, nor roll them about, while thou art drinking.

31. Foul not thy Napkin all over, but at one corner only.
32. Bend thy Body a little downwards to thy plate, when thou movest any thing that is sauced, to thy mouth.
33. Look not earnestly on any one that is eating.
34. Foul not the Table-Cloth.
35. Gnaw not Bones at the Table, but clean them with thy knife (unless they be very small ones) and hold them not with a whole hand, but with two fingers.
36. Drink not, nor speak with any thing in thy mouth.
37. Put not a bit into thy mouth, till the former be swallowed.
38. Before and after thou drinkest, wipe thy lips with thy Napkin.
39. Pick not thy Teeth at the Table, unless holding up thy Napkin before thy mouth with thine other Hand.
40. Drink not till thou have quite emptied thy Mouth, nor drink often.

41. Frown not, nor murmur if there be any thing at the Table which thy Parents or Strangers with them eat of, while thou thy self hast none given thee.
42. As soon as thou shalt be moderately satisfied, or whensoever thy Parents think meet to bid thee, rise up from the Table, though others thy Superiors sit still.
43. When thou riseth from Table, take away thy Plate, and having made a bow at the side of the Table where thou satest, withdraw, removing also thy Seat.
44. When Thanks are to be returned after eating, return to thy place, and stand reverently till it be done, then with a bow withdraw out of the Room, leaving thy Superiors to themselves, unless thou be bidden to stay.

(This post was so inspired by Kristen’s post about Aidan at Motherhood Uncensored. Nothing like spending the day thinking of hot guys. Thanks for making my day go faster, Kristen!)

Does anyone else out there have a List of 5 with their significant other?

What is this List of 5 you speak of?

The List of 5 is your personal list of celebrities that, if given the chance, you’d have sex with without a second thought. Even though you’re married or partnered, if one of these people happened to be in the same place as you, and they were totally into you, you’d have complete and total permission from your S.O. to stray for just that one night.

The rules are simple. The List of 5 may be anyone that you don’t know. Naturally, celebrities, musicians, and sports stars tend to be the picks. The guy down the street is right out. Your S.O. has to be OK with everyone on the list – no wanting to get down and dirty with KFed (as if) if your S.O. can’t stand him.

The list can also evolve and change as your tastes change. Sure, Billy Joel was a good lookin’ guy when he was younger, but now? Eh, I’ll pass.

My current List of 5? Here’s the guys I was pondering this afternoon, in reverse order:

5. Heath Ledger – Oh yeah, he’s a cutie. I don’t care that he has put on a little sympathetic weight gain from his girlfriend’s pregnancy. He’s still a hottie, and has been ever since I first saw him in a little-known TV series called Roar. Back then the hair was more blonde and he was young and skinny. Just my type at the time.

Since then, he’s evolved and changed quite a bit, and lucky for me, he’s changed right along with my tastes. Yeah, he’s a stay at home dad now, so if you’re feeling bored, Heath, look me up!

4. Cillian Murphy – This guy is fairly new to me. I first saw him in Batman Begins. Dark hair, pale skin, and those eyes. Oh, those eyes! It’s like he can see right through me, right into me.

With the right stare from him, I’d give in and do anything he asked as I melted into a pool at his feet. Slightly creepy goth guys are so cute to me. Sure, go ahead and call me weird, but if I wasn’t ever into slightly goth guys, I probably never would have married my husband.

3. Johnny Depp – Quirky, shy, and such a bad boy. I can’t decide if I love his movies because I find him so good looking or if I find him so good looking because I love his movies. Either way, he’s smack in the middle at #3.

I prefer him when his hair is grown out a bit, and without a mustache. Although even his Jack Sparrow character has some charm to him.

I don’t think Aaron would ever have to worry about me running away with Johnny. He’s just a little too strange at times for me. But a one night stand? Hell yeah!

2. Colin Firth – Mr. Darcy himself is near the top of my list. Again, it’s all in the eyes. His aren’t creepy and piercing like Mr. Murphy’s up there, but more smoldering and wistful. And then there’s that softly curled, gently tousled hair that I want to run my fingers through.

I’m pretty sure he’s one of the major reasons I love Pride & Prejudice so much, and why I will drag anyone who even mentions a passing interest in the story over to watch the entire 6 hour series. Colin taught me what it means to swoon.

And (drumroll please)….my number one pick is:

1. Gerard Butler – Dear GOD, this man is hot! I first fell for him when I happened to pass by the TV series Attila. As I was flipping channels, I saw him, and stopped to marvel. At that point, I watched the entire series. Twice. At least. And not because I’m a history buff.

The funny thing is that people have told me that Gerard Butler as Attila and Aaron share a bit of a resemblance. Both have the very dark brown hair, the beard, the dark skin, and the pale eyes. So maybe Aaron should consider that I’m only lusting after a slightly more famous version of himself?

After Attila, I found out that I had seen this gorgeous man in other movies and just not known it. Reign of Fire. Timeline. Dracula 2000 (shut up, I liked it). Tomb Raider 2 (oh wait, I never saw that one).

And then he was cast in Phantom of the Opera. He’s sexy, has a Scottish accent, and he can sing? Ding ding ding! We have a winner! I love my husband with all of my heart, but if given the opportunity to shack up with Gerard for a night, you’d better believe I will.

OK, I’ve listed my 5. Now it’s your turn. Who’s on your List of 5?

PS – Since I’m sure my husband is reading this post and rolling his eyes, I’ll help him out a little. I’d like to take this opportunity to also mention that I have sucked Aaron into blogging, and invite those of you (or, more likely, your husbands) who like comic books and superheroes to check out Underneath the Mask.