As I’ve mentioned before, Cosmo is the first dog I’ve ever had. I’ve had cats as far back as I could remember, but dogs were foreign to me. I’d play with them at friends’ houses and beg my mom for one, but the responsibilities that came with a dog were too much and she always said no.

So when we adopted Cosmo a year and a half ago, I did a lot of reading up on caring for a dog. I read books, articles, blogs – anything that would give me insight into how to be a good dog owner.

Thankfully, Cosmo came to us with his basic training already completed. And since then, he’s been a fantastic new member of the family, learning our routines and a few new commands we’ve taught him.

But, there’s one important aspect of owning a dog that was not made clear enough, and today I’m suffering for it.

I remember reading that dogs have the intelligence of a two year old human. Which is why they can be taught to understand certain words used for commands. Most of what they hear is the Charlie Brown teacher’s wah-wah-wah-wah-wah speech, but in the middle of it, they pick out the words they’ve been taught: wah-Cosmo-wah-wah-walk?

So it didn’t occur to me that a dog might decide to learn words important to him, even if you hadn’t taught him those specific words.

Big mistake.

Yesterday morning, I called Cosmo’s doggie daycare to see if I could bring him in that day or the next. He loves going to doggie daycare. With Cosmo not far from me, my end of the conversation went something like this, “Hi, do you have any openings for daycare today? No? OK, are there any daycare spots for tomorrow? Oh, OK, that’s fine. We’ll see you next week then, thanks.”

As I ended the call, I was suddenly aware of a four-legged family member staring at me with rapt attention and a wagging tail. Surely he couldn’t tell what I was saying, could he?

I mean, when we say to him in that happy, bouncy tone of voice, “Hey Cosmo, wanna go to daycare and play with your friends?” he was getting excited from the tone of voice and not specific words, right? We could just have easily said with the same tone of voice, “Hey Cosmo, wanna go to the vet for a teeth cleaning?” and he’d react the same way.

I stood up from the couch, and Cosmo practically bounced to the front door, wagging his tail and looking to his leash. He couldn’t have heard “daycare” and comprehended the meaning. “No, puppy,” I said, “We’re not going anywhere.”

Cosmo paced back and forth in the living room for awhile, whining and occasionally staring me down with pleading eyes. I tried to distract him by playing fetch with one of his toys until he was exhausted, and eventually took him for a walk. He liked the walk, but as we approached the house again he stopped and touched his nose to the back of the car, hoping I’d let him in so he could go see his doggie buddies.

He didn’t let me forget it the whole day. Like a two year old, he pouted and sulked in the afternoon.

I just wanted to play with my friends…

Cosmo totally understood what I said on the phone, with no inflection in my voice and not directing it towards him. It was morning, he heard the word “daycare” and was convinced that he was going to spend the day at doggie daycare. When I didn’t follow through on those expectations, he was heartbroken.

The Dog Whisperer did NOT cover this part of living with a dog.

For the record? Cats do not cause this much drama. Cats never listen to a damn word I say and it works out for all of us.

So I’ve learned my lesson. I have to be careful with any words used in front of Cosmo. If I need to call about daycare in the morning, I’ll have to go upstairs, out of earshot. (Strangely, when I call them in the late afternoon, he doesn’t care. The dog can understand English and tell time!)

No one warned me that dogs spontaneously learn English, even when you’re not trying to teach it to them. Having kids was a good warm-up for having a dog – when we have to say certain words around him now, we can spell them out like we used to do when the kids were younger. “Did you buy the d-o-g his t-r-e-a-t-s today?” Unless dogs can learn to spell, too?

I’m still catching hell for yesterday, too. This is what’s beside me right now as I write this post:

You said daycare yesterday, I heard you say it. I wanna go.

Watch what you say in front of your canine pals, folks. They’re listening.