Christina, Author at A Mommy Story

Sep 9, 2013

Checking In On My Healthier Living Goals

I realized I haven’t provided any updates on my weight/healthy living goals lately. I’m proud that I’m still mostly soda-free, and hoping to keep it that way. We haven’t bought a 12-pk of soda since March, meaning our home has been soda-free for over six months now!

I’ve had, on average, one or two fountain drink sodas each month, usually when I don’t have any other options I’m happy with, and I had a soda with lunch each day at BlogHer because I needed the cold caffeine. Had our hotel’s refrigerator actually let us put our own drinks into it – rather than making it a pressure-sensitive mini-bar stocked full with no room for our own stuff – I would have made it through the conference with Starbucks Refreshers instead. I still didn’t like the taste of soda as much as I used to, and really don’t like the taste of diet soda anymore.

My weight is holding steady, usually between 161 and 165 pounds. I’m a little bummed that I haven’t been able to get back down to my goal weight that I reached last year, but at the same time, I’m mighty pleased with myself for not having a massive gain, even when I wasn’t closely watching my diet. Which means I’ve maintained this weight for over a year now – and that’s worth repeating – OVER A YEAR NOW! That’s without constantly tracking every calorie or working out regularly, too.

I’m not saying that my current habits are good, though. While I’m trying to eat less processed and artificial foods, I do find myself saying yes to junky food more often than I should. With the holiday season looming in the distance, this is the month to crack down and get those best practices into shape again.

I strongly believe that part of the success in maintaining my weight has been cutting out artificial sweeteners as much as possible. The diet soda was the worst offender, but certainly not the only. I think the diet industry is (possibly on purpose) sabotaging efforts by including artificial sweeteners in so many of their products. There are studies linking artificial sweeteners to increased weight gain, so there’s no reason for many people to continue using them.

We’ve been eliminating artificial sweeteners, high-fructose corn syrup, and cutting back heavily on processed foods. If we can pronounce every ingredient on the label, and say all the ingredients in a single breath, it’s generally a good start.

One food I changed my mind on is yogurt. I used to eat the “light” brands of yogurt all the time – yogurt is healthy food, but lower calorie/fat yogurt is better, right? Not quite. I stopped when I realized they weren’t doing me any favors by substituting artificial sweeteners for sugar. So I eat the full calorie, full fat stuff now.

I especially like greek yogurt (extra protein!), and also yogurt with real fruit in it. I don’t like plain yogurt, but I also don’t like “fruit-flavored” yogurt, either. Give me yogurt with real fruit chunks in it (and not just at the bottom, either!), or blended together in a smoothie.

Yoplait Fruitful is a new favorite of mine – no artificial junk, and 1/3 cup of real fruit blended in each serving. Full disclosure: Yoplait provided me with complimentary samples, but I’ve already purchased plenty more with my own money since then.

Looks good, right? Tastes good, too! And it’s even safe for Cordy to eat, since there’s nothing artificial in it.

Mix a little granola in with it, and that little cup of Yoplait Fruitful fruit and yogurt is a powerful snack or breakfast. They come in five flavors: pineapple, strawberry, peach, blueberry, cherries & red berries (my favorite!) and mango pineapple & orange.

They’re only available in the Midwest at the moment, but should be nationwide in coming months. I found mine at Meijer. You can snag a coupon for Yoplait Fruitful yogurts on the Yoplait site like I did – it’s on the right side of the page where it says “enjoy with a coupon.”

I’ve found these make great single-serve smoothies, too. Empty one container of Fruitful yogurt into the blender, add a scoop of protein powder if you’d like, add four or so ice cubes, and blend. If it’s too thick for you, add a little water or juice when blending.

This has become one of my new favorite mid-morning snacks. It fits in well with my calorie goal for the day and tastes like dessert. Win!

We also recently signed up for a local produce delivery called Green BEAN Ohio. They provide us with a box of fresh fruits and veggies every other week, many of them locally grown, placed right on our doorstep. This has made it easy to get some of our favorite staple items from local growers: red potatoes, green beans, berries, cucumbers, spinach, corn, fresh cilantro, zucchini, and now apples. Having it delivered every other week forces us to use more produce because we don’t want to let it go bad and waste money.

I’m especially excited about having zucchini again. I’ve already made zucchini muffins once, and need to make another batch this week. The kids love taking mini-muffins to school for their lunch dessert, and I don’t feel any guilt over what they’re eating. If you’d like my zucchini muffin recipe, one of the few things I am skilled at making in a kitchen, you can find it in this post.

And finally, we’re getting moving again. Aaron and I signed up for the Color Me Rad 5K in October – we did this one last year and had a lot of fun with it. In June we did a different type of color run, but I still had some restrictions on movement due to the incision on my back, so I walked a lot of it. It was hot, too. No excuses this time – I want to give it my full effort. Locals – want to come run with us?

I’d like to find a workout to do at home, too. I have my treadmill, but I need to find a workout video or series of exercises that are exciting for me again. I can’t do the 30 Day Shred anymore because my knees can’t take the abuse, so it’s time to try out some new routines. Any favorites out there?

So that’s the current plan: eat less artificial junk, eat more fruit and veggies, and get more exercise. I can do that, right? Maybe this will even move the scale back to my goal weight again, too. Although at this point I think I care less about the scale numbers and more about how I feel and look. If I feel good and like the way my clothing fits, that’s really all that matters now.

Anyone else feel like a new season is a time for reflecting on and updating your goals? I’d love to hear any goals others are setting for Fall.

**Thanks to Yoplait for sponsoring this post and introducing me to their Fruitful yogurt!

Filed Under: healthy living ·

Sep 4, 2013

Becoming a Behavior Detective and Advocating for My Daughter at School

By Christina ·

The start of each school year brings anxiety for any parent and child, I think. But when your child has special needs, that anxiety is magnified.

Early on, it wasn’t so difficult. Cordy was in a special needs class for kindergarten because of her autism/ADHD, with limited inclusion time in a traditional kindergarten classroom. Her inclusion time was carefully supervised and we had daily reports on how it was going. We wanted to see her do well and get more inclusion time, but there wasn’t much pressure for her to do well since she’d never been in a typical class before.

After doing well with her inclusion time in kindergarten, first grade was entirely a success. It was her first year being fully mainstreamed. She briefly started her day in the special needs classroom, then spent the remainder of the day in her first grade classroom, with a quick check-in at the end of the day with the special needs teacher. There were a few small bumps along the way — most involving keeping Cordy focused — but none of them were dramatic and through good communication with her teachers, we got past each of them easily.

So when second grade came along, we again prepared for the transition and new experiences coming her way. The teacher knew Cordy from lunchroom duty, and Cordy seemed to like her already. Many of the same kids from her first grade class would be in this class, too, and we assumed second grade was going to be just as smooth as first grade.

Never assume.

The school year started well at first, but we soon were getting reports of problems from the special needs teacher. Cordy was distracted. There were occasional outbursts from her. She was hiding under her desk at times and refused to come out.

Cordy’s aide (who was a shared aide & wasn’t always available) was first called on to calm her down and get her focused with the class again. But soon the teacher couldn’t handle the distraction and would send her out of the class. We worried that her second grade teacher was frustrated with the behavior issues and had written her off as a trouble child.

Then, not even a month into the school year, Cordy laid down on the ground when it was time to line up for recess and refused to go back inside. When the principal asked her to stand up, she stuck out her tongue. This resulted in losing her second recess and spending that time in the behavioral management classroom. For my perfectionist child, this punishment was interpreted by her to mean that she was a failure at everything. She even signed her behavior management paper with the extra words “worst child.”

For a month, I felt like we were losing all of the progress we had made. Cordy was beginning to dread going to school. We had to enforce consequences for bad behavior at school, while trying to determine what had changed and why she was acting out so much. Many evenings I’d cry after putting the kids to bed, feeling helpless, unsure of how to guide my child back from being so lost.

And then one day Cordy needed to get something out of her classroom before we left, so I went into the room with her. I stood next to her desk, taking in the entire environment around me, and suddenly it started to make sense. Her desk was the closest to the door, furthest from the teacher. The desk was also right next to the pencil sharpener and the coat racks.

Now imagine that situation as a child who struggles to tune-out all of the sensory input around her. The grinding of a pencil being sharpened. The rustling of coats being pushed aside and unzipping of backpacks to grab forgotten items. Doors shutting, people talking, and footsteps as people shuffle past the open door in the hallway. A fan providing a steady hum to circulate the hot air in the room. General classroom noise of kids whispering to each other, papers being shifted around, chairs creaking, etc. And a teacher attempting to be heard over the noise by raising her voice to make sure everyone hears her.

Becoming a Behavior Detective and Advocating for My Daughter at School

It’s no wonder she was distracted. Cordy has trouble focusing and is easily upset by too much sensory input. She interpreted her teacher’s loud voice as yelling directly at her. The background noises irritated her and triggered anxiety attacks, causing her to hide under her desk or shriek in class. Taking away her recess times only confirmed in her mind that she was a problem who is different from other kids, and deprived her of the physical activity she needed during recess (stimming) to release that anxiety and help her find focus to get through the remainder of her day. Her brain was short-circuiting before she reached midday, keeping her in a constant state of fight-or-flight.

I was convinced at this point that the only way to improve the situation was by changing the situation. I spoke with her special needs teacher and then with the principal about switching her to the other second grade class, explaining my hypothesis that she was acting out based on sensory overload and anxiety. I had gathered all of the evidence, matching up behaviors with probable causes, and was prepared to advocate for my sensitive child until some change was made.

Thankfully, they agreed. They’ve known Cordy since pre-K, so they knew she’s a kid who enjoys school and loves to learn. They could also see the behaviors were not because she was a difficult child, but instead were the symptom of her struggling with a difficult situation. We agreed to move her to the other second grade class immediately.

They also suggested sending her to third grade during reading, reasoning that because she was testing far beyond second grade in her reading ability, more challenging work could keep her engaged so she’s less affected by the sensory environment. The idea of her going to another class for reading made me nervous, but they assured me she would always have her aide for that part of the day to ease the transition. I also asked that she no longer lose recess for behavior issues, but instead lose other privileges, like computer time, so that she could reset herself with time on the playground.

The changes were implemented the next week and the transition was smooth, other than Cordy announcing to her old class, “You’re all too loud, so I’m leaving this class!” Oops.

We saw results on the first day, when my normally moody child came out of the school with a smile on her face and told me, “School was great today! I love my new teacher. He has a quiet, calm voice.” The remainder of the school year wasn’t perfect by any means, but there were no further calls home from school or major disruptions in the class. Changing the situation worked to change the behavior.

Having a daughter with autism/ADHD has changed how I think of education and how I view a child’s behaviors. I’ve learned that a classroom setting is not one-size-fits-all, and that behavior problems in school can be clues to a mismatch between child and classroom. The child who was happy in first grade and now a “behavior problem” in second grade probably isn’t trying to cause trouble. Instead, there’s something bothering her, and finding the source of the behavior can help correct it.

The greatest lesson I learned from last year is to stay involved in your child’s school and be an active part of setting up the right routine and environment for your child. We’ve always kept in touch with the special needs teacher and the principal, and it’s that relationship we’ve had with them that helped us get such quick action. If you see a behavior change in your child at school, consider what the underlying problem could be. In our case, we knew Cordy needed fewer distractions and a change of classroom. Other parents may find insecurity is the cause, either due to bullying or self-doubt over more difficult material.

Since learning to be a behavior detective last year, I’m feeling confident that third grade will be better. We met with the teachers ahead of time to discuss strategies for keeping Cordy’s focus and how to handle her anxiety. They’re aware of what to look for as well as what could be causing her behaviors. If there are problems, they’ll contact us to work on solutions together. We’re a strong team going into this year, and our early planning and communication will hopefully ensure a positive and productive third grade experience.

Filed Under: Autism, Cordy, school ·

Sep 3, 2013

I Left Reality Behind For Labor Day Weekend

By Christina ·

Some people spend their Labor Day weekends watching football and having cookouts. Aaron and I spent our weekend in Atlanta at DragonCon, surrounded by sci-fi and fantasy geeks, many in costume.

This was our first visit to DragonCon, so we had no idea what to expect. Aaron has wanted to go to this convention for years, and gave up his plans of going to San Diego Comic Con this year to attend this one. His hobby is dressing up like a superhero, most often as a part of a charity group that does appearances at non-profit events for groups like Make-a-Wish and Children’s Hospital. He was excited to finally meet some of people he’s been talking with on costuming forums for the last two years. (Hmmm…meeting people you usually only talk to on the internet – sounds similar to a blog conference!)

DragonCon is a huge event. As in, 60,000 attendees. Really, it’s WAY too big for the spaces they jam it into, which led to massive crowd flow problems.

Just an idea of the lobby crowds in the evening, from 17 floors up. (That wasn’t the most crowded.)

The big draw of the con are the sessions and panels that many attend. There are panels on every possible topic in the genre, from the Science of Star Trek to Gandolf vs. Dumbledore to The Whedonverse for Beginners. Sadly, we didn’t attend any of these panels, mostly because I didn’t feel like waiting in a line for over an hour for a chance to get in to hear the panel. Again, the size of the event is a major problem.

There were a lot of celebrities at the event. I got to meet Peter Davidson, aka the Fifth Doctor. I also met John de Lancie, the actor who played Q on Star Trek: The Next Generation, and more recently was the voice of Discord on the new My Little Pony animated series. My kids loved Discord, and I grew up watching Q on Star Trek, so going to meet him was an obvious choice.

Yay, I met Q! And he’s really a sweet guy, even when dealing with a terrible cold!

Fun story: when I told him I’d like an autograph (these things cost money at events like this), he asked which photo on the table I’d like him to sign. I told him that my first choice would be Q, but we were getting his autograph as a gift for our daughters, so I asked if he could sign the drawing of Discord. He paused, smiled and then said, “How about this: you buy the photo of Q, and I’ll also give you the Discord print as a gift for your girls.” He signed both, addressing the Discord print to the girls with the message of “Read!” Super, super nice guy.

Aaron also met one of his favorite authors, Jim Butcher. And I also had the chance to talk with Peter S. Beagle, the author behind one of my favorite childhood movies, The Last Unicorn. I bought a graphic novel of the story and had him sign it for our girls.

And he’s a geek, too, with his WWBuffyD? shirt.

He appreciated our daughters’ names, immediately knowing they were from Shakespeare, and then told us stories about growing up in New York and going to the theater with his aunt. If there hadn’t been a line of people waiting to meet him, I think he would have shared stories with us for hours. (He told us to come back and talk more later, but he nearly always had a line of people waiting to meet him, so I didn’t get the chance.)

There was also a vendor area at DragonCon, and it was fun to walk through. Most of the items were too pricey for me, or were simply things I wouldn’t spend the money on. I did appreciate seeing a Fourth Doctor bathrobe, though.

…cause the scarf is part of the robe!

But the real story of DragonCon are the costumes. This event is known for the high percentage of attendees who dress up as their favorite characters. There were costumes at all skill levels, from store bought to advanced costumer. Here are a few I took photos of:

It’s Lilo & Stitch!

Minions were very popular this year.

Yes, there was a person in there!

Switched gender costumes were also popular. She had a nice Joker outfit.

Those wings were very impressive.

Of course, Aaron was in costume much of the time, too. Strangely I didn’t take any pictures of him in costume, but I’m sure they’ll be out there soon. His (not-so-) secret goal for this con was to get me to dress up in costume with him. It’s not that I’m adverse to the idea – we met while both working at a renaissance festival, after all – but I don’t have time anymore to make costumes, and generally don’t like many of the costume ideas out there.

Most female superheroes are in spandex bodysuits or show way too much skin. (Or both.) And they have amazingly perfect bodies to go with those outfits. I am not drawn that way. So finding something that I could be comfortable with is a lot harder than it might seem.

And yet, in the vendor area, Aaron found something that fit my requirements and insisted I try it on. Once I tried it on, he was ready to hand over the credit card immediately. I think he liked it.

So this is the costume I wore this weekend – a steampunk version of American Dream (or female Captain America, if you prefer):

I only have this one photo of the costume so far.

It was fun to dress up, even if it has been a LONG time since I’ve worn a corset and had to convince my ribs to embrace the steel cage around them. In a sea of amazing costumes, I didn’t get a lot of notice at DragonCon in this outfit, but I know it made Aaron happy to join him with a hobby he likes so much. And hey, I guess I’m all set for Halloween this year, right?

I’m not saying this is going to be my new hobby, though, cause I’m already long on hobbies and short on time. Not unless someone can invent time travel.

I did find this TARDIS in a hallway, but couldn’t make it work. I think I need a Doctor.

Filed Under: geek paradise, travel ·

Aug 30, 2013

Learning To Be Social

By Christina ·

Back in June, Cordy had to go through a re-evaluation in order to continue receiving county assistance for her therapy. Basically, they wanted her to be tested again to make sure she still had autism and it wasn’t just a fluke when she was four years old. (Hahahaha…the county has such a sense of humor!)

We received the full report a few weeks ago, and it’s taken some time to read through all 13 pages of descriptions of her behaviors and test scores and what they mean. There’s no doubt she still has autism. Her psychologist said she’d be diagnosed with Asperger’s under the old guidelines, but she’s using the new DSM-V so it now falls under the blanket diagnosis “Autism Spectrum Disorder.”

It didn’t bother me to see that her diagnosis remains. We expected that. Cordy has autism, it’s a part of who she is, and while I’d love for the difficulties caused by autism to go away someday, I know it’s going to stick with her. It’s not something that most kids grow out of. I’ll admit that autism can throw a lot of barriers in the way of everyday life, but it’s also true that Cordy wouldn’t be the same quirky, funny, and smart little girl without it. Really, autism is just a name for the unique way her brain works, both good and bad.

What did trouble me, however, was seeing a high occurrence of symptoms of other co-morbid conditions: ADHD (both types), severe anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, manic behavior and depression. At the moment these are all considered to be related to her autism and not separate issues. I can’t help but think, though, how these issues could eventually wreck havoc on her as she gets older. Puberty is hard for any kid to go through, but when you’re different, it has to be so much harder.

She’s at the age now where she should be making friends and wanting to spend time with those friends. But she doesn’t express any interest in hanging out with kids from school. She can name a few kids who are friendly with her, but I haven’t seen these kids seek her out when we’re at school events. Mira has birthday parties surrounded by friends. Cordy can’t think of anyone to invite for hers. Making friends is not a primary goal of going to school, but I had hoped she would be a little more social than she currently is.

During the evaluation, the psychologist told me about a social skills group she runs just for girls. The girls are roughly 8-12 years old, so having an all-girls group is generally beneficial for this age range when gender-specific friendships begin to strengthen. And when boys are yucky and then start to be seen as dreamy. The girls all have different issues (not all have autism) and as a group they learn how to properly interact with others, make friends, and play together in a way that everyone enjoys. Without hesitation I asked if we could get Cordy into the group. It sounded like a perfect fit for her.

This week was her first social skills group meeting. Cordy wasn’t so thrilled of the idea of more therapy, especially when this therapy doesn’t have the big foam pit like she has at OT. The group meets shortly after school, too, when she’s already tired and cranky, and she protested that having to go to this was taking away valuable reading time from her.

When we opened the door to the waiting area , I found a mostly-full room of people. The moms were sitting in the waiting room chairs, while the kids were doing all sorts of things independently. Some were playing with the large wooden cube toy in the middle of the room, some were on electronic devices, and others were hanging close to their moms. There were several boys in the room, too, but it was obvious they were siblings and weren’t staying.

Cordy immediately saw the cube toy and went to play with it. I quietly took a seat, not interrupting all of the conversations going on in the room. All of the other moms were chatting with each other over what they had been doing on their two week break and the back-to-school routine. One handed out a couple of thank you notes for those who had attended her daughter’s birthday party. They all appeared to know each other fairly well; I felt a little like the outsider in the room as I listened to their conversations and tried to blend in to the chair.

Finally, one turned to me and asked, “Your daughter is new to the group, right? Dr. B mentioned there would be a new girl.”

I nodded, nervous about making the right first impression. “Yes, she is. She had a re-eval with Dr. B this summer. Dr. B recommended more social skills practice and thought she’d be perfect for this group.”

The woman smiled and said, “Well, she’ll love this group. They’re all hot messes!” The other moms in the room laughed and nodded in understanding. A wave of relief passed over me and I instantly felt more relaxed.

Yes, she called our daughters hot messes. But that’s the kind of humor that I’ve seen several special needs moms use to get through each day. Sometimes we need to laugh.

I watched Cordy playing by the other kids. She was talking to herself and not engaged with the other girls who were nearly shoulder-to-shoulder with her. Some of the girls were talking to each other, which gave me hope that one day Cordy would see a room of kids and willingly choose to talk to others and make friends.

Soon Dr. B arrived and called all of the girls back. I was hoping that I could get to know some of the moms while the kids were working in their group, but the room quickly cleared out. Only two other moms remained, and one of the remaining ones got up from my side of the room to sit closer to the other woman and talk. I reached for my trusty awkward situation management tool – my iPhone – and pretended I wasn’t listening intently to their conversation, when I really was.

Thankfully, after about five minutes they began slowly working me into their conversation. It felt great to chat with other special needs moms in person. They understood the challenges I have each day. None of us judge for the strange ways we sometimes have to do things to accommodate our sensitive kids, cause they’re doing the same.

I soon realized that one of them had a daughter so similar to Cordy it was frightening. Both have extreme anxiety, same diagnosis, similar sensory issues – and they’re the same age. I truly enjoyed the conversation. Just as Cordy doesn’t have a lot of friends, I also don’t have a lot of other mom friends living within the city.

When Dr. B released the kids, Cordy came out and immediately told me she had a great time. I asked what they did, and she said they introduced themselves to each other, set ground rules for the group, and then played a game together. Cordy also told me she made a friend in the group – who happened to be the girl who seemed to be so similar to Cordy. Interesting. Of course, she couldn’t tell me the other girl’s name or what is was that she liked about her, but hey, it’s a start.

I’ve got my fingers crossed that this group will be fantastic for Cordy, and maybe even me, too. I’m hoping she’ll learn how to play within a group and not get upset if things don’t go her way. It would be amazing if Cordy could have friends that she wanted to see outside of when they happened to be right next to her. And I’m hoping to learn better ways to support her through this, and maybe pick up some new wisdom from the other moms.

Hopeful. Ever hopeful.

I’m grateful that we stumbled into this group. I don’t want to change my daughter into someone else, but instead give her the tools to better interact with this world around her, a world which she won’t ever be able to fully escape. With the right tools and support, this kid will do great things.

Filed Under: Autism, Cordy, daily life · Tagged: girls, social skills

Aug 28, 2013

She’s Ready For Her Close-Up

By Christina ·

Over the weekend we spent a day with some friends at a beautiful house out in the country. We look forward to this get-together every year, and the kids get excited as the day gets closer, wondering what fantastic toys will be waiting for them this time in the giant backyard.

Mira was especially drawn to some of the dress up toys this year. About halfway through the day, she appeared from the house in costume, and remained that way until dark. Several other kids were wearing costume bits and pieces, too, as they took up plastic swords to defend the play castle in the middle of the backyard. Mira had a lot of fun playing “storm the castle” even though she insisted she was a superhero, not an invader.

I went into the backyard to take some photos of the kids playing. Mira was walking away from the castle, taking a moment to enjoy some lemonade. Then she saw me, and realized I was taking pictures.

And then this happened. First, the recognition: