Did you know there’s this little college football game in Columbus this weekend? OK, maybe if you’re from Canada or the UK, you might not know. But I think most of the US is aware of the famous OSU-Michigan rivalry, and this year it is even more heated due to the #1 and #2 rankings of the teams.

Oh yes, I know there’s a game this weekend. After all, I live in Columbus. And should I not know, there are plenty of signs in this city to clue me in:

– Beer is running in short supply at grocery and convenience stores. Same goes for meat and cheese party trays, mixed nuts, chips and dip.

– The radio stations are running nothing but songs about the big game. Although I have to admit, Saving Jane did a new cover of Hang On Sloopy, and it rocks.

– At my organic chemistry lab today, it was hard to miss that everyone in the class was dressed in either scarlet or grey. Thank goodness I wore a plain grey sweatshirt today, or I really would have felt out of place.

– Down the street, one house has got a jump on setting up the Christmas lights, only for now they have used the lights to spell out “Go Bucks” on the roof.

– Tailgating started late last night if you are a student. If you’re not a student, or didn’t take the day off work, the festivities began shortly after 5pm today.

– My stepfather, a crazed sports fan, had trouble sleeping last night, and will likely not sleep at all tonight before going to the game tomorrow. (To be fair, he has an anxiety disorder, and exciting events like this really set him off.)

– While walking through the grocery tonight, I witnessed many shoppers wearing football jerseys, several with their faces painted, and one girl with bright red streaks painted in her hair.

– Also while at the grocery, I witnessed a woman wearing a Michigan pullover be booed by a group of other shoppers.

– There are currently more OSU flags flying on flagpoles and on cars than there are American flags.

– Apparently there is no other news to report other than the game. Even those who were standing in line for days, waiting for a Playstation 3, don’t matter to reporters. Yesterday on the news, a reporter was out at a Best Buy talking to the people in line. Her question to the gamer geeks: Were they going to watch the big game?

So yeah, it’s hard to miss the fact that the OSU-Michigan football game is tomorrow. Those who live in Columbus know the rules of the day: unless you have tickets to the game, or want to be a part of the action, avoid the campus area and High Street at all costs. Also avoid 315 and 71 just before and after the game. If you are going near campus, and value your car, don’t park it on High Street or any street with a frat house.

And whether OSU wins or loses (and we do hope for a win), you can be certain that mayhem will break out. Oh yes, dumpsters and hapless couches will burn in the streets.

For those of you watching the game from a different city, enjoy the game! As for me, we’re dropping Cordy off at my aunt’s football party, and then Aaron and I are catching a movie with friends, knowing the theatre will be empty during the game. We can watch the game on Tivo later in the evening, safe in our house while the campus area goes crazy.

Go Bucks!

Thank you all for the virtual kick in the pants after my last post. I think I had hit a new low in self-loathing, but you all helped me put it in perspective. Pregnancy is a tough gig, and I don’t know how women who have many children do it. Being pregnant with this one has only made me more certain that this will be our last.

(And I hope that all of you who are considering baby #2 weren’t completely swayed against the idea by that post. Seriously, you could have an easy-breezy second pregnancy and no problems at all. You never know.)

I think I also had some kind of bug earlier this week, too. I wasn’t full-out sick, but it was enough to run me down even more than I was before, leaving me in a zombie-like state for several days. Each day I felt a little better, so there’s a good chance that I’m finally getting over it. Although this is a reminder to myself to go get a flu shot. Must get that done soon.

Your words of encouragement really helped me feel better. Before, I felt like no other pregnant woman complained as much as me, but then after reading your comments, I didn’t feel so alone anymore, knowing others have felt the same way, and it’s OK to admit it’s tough. It’s always better to know you’re not the only one.

My next doctor’s appt. is in two weeks, and I will probably start the conversation again about depression. We discussed it at my first appt., and my doctor told me to be aware of my feelings and let her know if I was starting to feel depressed again. While pregnant with Cordy, I was hit with a major bout of depression early in the second trimester. It came out of nowhere, and even though I was so ecstatic about being pregnant, I couldn’t shake off that dark cloud hanging over my head. When my doctor had suggested I was depressed then, I remember feeling so confused. Pregnancy is supposed to be a happy time, right? Depression wasn’t supposed to hit until post-partum, right?

Truth is, I’m one of those people who is susceptible to depression when under the influence of pregnancy hormones. It sucks, and having to make the decision to go on medication while growing a baby is probably one of the hardest things to do. The risks of antidepressants on a baby in utero are small, but small amounts of the drugs do cross the placenta. I made the decision to do it last time, and I’m not against doing it again this time, although I would prefer to hold off as long as possible.

I can’t tell for sure if depression is slowly sneaking back into my head, but after this week I am more aware of the possibility again, and I plan to keep re-evaluating it.

But I also have an amazing support network, too, which helps a lot. I have a loving husband, a family who understands what I’m going through, friends who care (including bloggy friends who give me a useful combo of loving support and stern advice to pull it together), and a child who always seems to know when I’m feeling down and takes that time to be as goofy as possible.

Today Cordy’s tactic was to tell me knock knock jokes. But not in the normal way, for she doesn’t need participation – she does the entire joke herself, pausing dramatically after each part as if to switch characters in her head, although the punchline always fades away into gibberish.

Knock, knock.
Whoz a there?
Owange
Owange who?
Owange-u gwad a benaheuskfkdaj……

Seriously, who can feel down when your toddler is doing a comedy routine for you?

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Something else that lifts the spirits? A month long, prize-a-day giveaway by a cool blogger! Check out my post on Mommy’s Must Haves for the details.

As of today, I hereby relinquish any claims I had of being a strong woman. I used to think I could take most things. I believed my pain tolerance to be high, and my sleep deprivation tolerance to be moderate. I thought I could handle most anything thrown my way. But I now realize I’m just a wimp.

This pregnancy is kicking my ass.

I don’t remember it being this hard last time. The fatigue is overwhelming, and I can’t quite figure out the right balance to keep my body happy. It could be that I have more going on this time – class, work, a toddler, etc. Last pregnancy, I worked from home, and I was able to follow my body’s lead. I could nap when I wanted, eat when I wanted, etc. I still had a lot of work to do, but I did everything on my own schedule.

With my current schedule, I often am forced to put off eating when I have a lot of appointments close together. I get more sleep than most people, but it is often interrupted several times a night by a certain Siamese cat who chooses to walk around the house yowling for no reason. Seriously, cat, it’s getting old.

And then there’s the issue of the sacroiliac joint pain. These two joints are still wobbly and as a result, cause some intense pain throughout the day. Last week, while grocery shopping, the pain reached an unbearable point as I pushed my cart through the aisles, and I did something I rarely do: I cried in public. I actually leaned on the cart and shed tears in the soup aisle of Kroger’s. A stock boy asked me if I was OK, and I explained everything to him. This poor teen, who probably wasn’t expecting to deal with a crying pregnant woman as part of his duties, took pity on me and fetched the two remaining items from my grocery list, because I couldn’t keep wandering around anymore looking for the ziplock bags and pickles.

I’m still thankful that he helped me, although it left me feeling embarrassed and ashamed of myself, too. Aren’t I supposed to handle anything thrown at me? I recovered from a c-section with little more than a bottle of ibuprofen, refusing the stronger drugs almost entirely and rushing the nurses to let me get out of bed, push past the pain and get moving. But now I’m convinced it was only a fluke, and when I experience labor for the first time with this pregnancy, I worry I won’t be able to cope at all.

There are people going through issues far worse than a little joint pain, nausea, and fatigue – moms raising kids on their own, people with serious, painful, life-threatening diseases – how can I even think I could be resilient like them? Instead, under this little bit of pressure, I crumble and fall to pieces, feeling like each day is a mountain to climb. How can I think I’ll be able to handle two children if I can’t handle a second pregnancy?

And I can’t blame anyone but myself for this feeling of helplessness. My husband has been doing as much as possible around the house, taking Cordy in the mornings on weekends to let me sleep, and trying to be sympathetic to my complaints. But I’m sure he’s wondering what happened to the woman who breezed through her first pregnancy. I remember, when he was asked at one point how he was dealing with a crazy pregnant woman for a wife, he told his friend that I had few cravings, few demands, and basically little had changed. I made it look easy the first time around. But this time, add in only a few more responsibilities and one complication of pregnancy, and I’m a mess who gets up each day longing to crawl back in bed again.

So yeah, forget any image you may have had of me as a strong woman. (If you even thought that at all, of course. It’s quite possible you’ve always thought me whiny.) Because the truth is, I’m a wimp. A sissy. A weakling. And I’m certainly no role model to other moms out there, at least not until I can pull myself back together and get past this insane weakness that has taken me over.

It’s a linking kind of day. Check out what a few others have shared with me.

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First up, the serious link. I found this link over at The Home Daily News. If you heard a loud *ka-thunk* sound this morning, that was my jaw hitting the ground so hard I bruised my chin.

I knew that there were small groups of evangelicals having six or more children, but I had no idea that it was an organized movement. To be honest, if someone wants to have as many children as God gives them, that’s their choice. But when they want to ban birth control for everyone, saying that the pill is the equivalent of “murder by prevention” of 3,000 children a day, then I get angry.

They also claim that feminism is what has caused most of the “ills” of society, including divorce, declining birth rates (which I don’t see as a bad thing), abortion, children born out of wedlock, and even homosexuality. They believe in patriarchy, where the husband is the one to control the family, and the wife does her duty to bring forth as many of God’s little soldiers as possible.

While I certainly don’t like their way of life (but support their rights to do as they please, as long as they don’t try to force me to be like them), I also don’t like the ideas put forth by some on the other side. There are those who believe that liberals need to combat this growing trend by having more children of their own. Squeezing out kids as a political statement is not something I’m into. Last I checked, I thought that we had children to love them, not to train them to be political warriors.

Anyway, read the article. At the very least, it’s enlightening.

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OK, after that dark and gloomy article, time for a few palate cleansers. First up, a link sent to me by Karen at Troll Baby. Remember my post on Justin Timberlake’s Sexyback? Well, Karen found this beautiful parody of the song. With all of the moms on antidepressants, this song is perfect for us.

And finally: sick of the TMX Elmo craze? Want him to just go away? Fantasize setting that little red whiny monster on fire sometime? Well, these people were thinking of you. Be sure to watch parts 2 & 3 also.

I never turn down a test, it seems. My OB had recommended an Ultrascreen, a genetic screening that combines an ultrasound with a blood test at 11-12 weeks, and I quickly said I’d like to do it. The test checks for genetic abnormalities, including Down’s Syndrome. No, we have no risk factors to worry about, but some of these require no family link. Plus, it gave me the chance to see the fetus again.

This is a test that has to be performed by a specialist, so I had another appt. set up. Luckily, the nurse was gentle and managed to draw my blood on the first try, although she did have to dig a little for the vein. (I have, quite possibly, the worst veins ever.) Then it was on to the ultrasound.

The tech was very nice, and she even warmed up the ultrasound gel and placed towels down to protect my clothing. It felt like a spa service at that point. Then we got to see the baby. We got some great pictures out of it, because for the purposes of the test, they have to get the fetus into a perfect profile in order to measure the length of the back of the neck.

It’s very early of course, the poor kid looks like it has my nose. As you can see, there’s a very nice profile there, but the nose does look a little, uh, prominent (it’s easier to see in the other pics). The heartbeat was strong at 160 beats per minute. We could make out fingers and toes, too, although right now the legs look more like frog legs than baby legs.

As we’ve noticed before, this kid still seems to be laid back. When we saw Cordy at 11 weeks, she was a hyper little thing, bouncing around all over the place as if she was dancing. This one just hung out, occasionally kicking his/her legs once or twice to push off and then slowly float back down again. The tech and I got a laugh out of that – all I could think of at that point was Squirt, the sea turtle, from Finding Nemo. Putting out a little effort just to ride the wave back down. Dude, how cool.

Everything looked good on the ultrasound, and we’ll have the complete results sometime next week.