Father’s Day

Before I had a child, Father’s Day was never a big deal to me. My own father and I have a strained relationship, and we have never been close. My parents divorced when I was a baby, and my father, when he did bother to use his visitation rights, never made any effort to begin to understand me. He expected me to be someone I wasn’t, and I resented this man who was practically a stranger to me telling me what to do.

As a child, I wanted a dad around, and was jealous of my friends who had cool dads – dads that were there for them. As a teen, though, I came to terms with my situation, and often felt I didn’t need a dad in my life, since my mom did a great job on her own.

Father’s Day was just another day. No big deal. To my younger self, a dad was simply an extra person in the house – nice to have around, but not really needed.

Fast forward to now. I can’t imagine raising these two girls without Aaron. Watching Cordy run up to her daddy, begging him to tickle her, then squealing in laughter as he does what she asks, gives me such a warm fuzzy feeling. She adores him. He is her personal amusement park: tickle machine, bouncy knee, rocket ship, airplane. When he leaves in the morning for work, she grabs his leg and begs him not to leave.

Mira is too young to show this kind of adoration for her father, but I still think she is fond of him. When he would talk to her in my belly, she would wake up and squirm around. Moments after she was born, as she laid on my chest, Aaron spoke to her. On hearing his voice, her eyes opened wide and she turned to look at him.

Aaron is a great dad, and is an active partner in parenting. He changes diapers, he supervises bath time, he makes dinner, he gets up with Cordy in the mornings (they’re both early risers), he wears Mira in the baby sling, and he gives me a break when possible. If I had to do this job on my own, or with a husband who refused to do his share, I think I would have a breakdown. In addition, he’s been forced to move many of his long-term theatre career plans to the back burner in order to support our family, but rarely complains about it.

And as the girls grow older, I know they will need him even more. While I grew up without an active father and turned out fine (well, I think I turned out OK), I know they will depend on Aaron as much as they depend on me. Aaron can do more physical games than I can, and he has a wealth of knowledge to pass on. Also, dads can answer questions that moms can’t. I wouldn’t know how to answer if asked about boys – I’ve never understood boys, myself.

So yeah, I’m really thankful to have Aaron as the father of our children. I had once thought that a dad wasn’t needed, but it turns out I was wrong: kids don’t need just any dad, they need a good dad.

Happy Father’s Day, dear.



There’s No Such Thing As Cosmic Balance

A good friend just had her baby on June 1. We were amazed when we found out we were both pregnant and due close to the same time. She called the other day to catch up and we compared notes on our new little girls.

Her first born was what we called “the floor model”, meaning he was the child that would make other people say, “Oh, having a baby wouldn’t be bad at all – let’s do it!” (We also called him the “bait and switch” child.) He was, and still is for the most part, the easiest baby in the world. He slept a lot, sat quietly awake, rarely cried, slept through the night, etc. My friend and her husband were actually scared to have another baby, thinking that if they already had an angel of a baby, the next would be a devil.

Cordy, on the other hand, was an unhappy baby that could have scared others away from having children. With reflux, colic, and a general pissed off attitude at the world, she didn’t become pleasant to be with until she was close to four months old. I’m not trying to be mean when I say that – she really was an angry baby. The more independent she became, as she learned to sit up, crawl, and walk, the happier she was.

So of course when my friend and I talked before our second babies were born, we joked that now I would be getting my reward in an easier baby, and she would be getting a demon child this time. Cosmic balance, right?

Talking to her this week, though, it seems our kids missed the memo on how they should act.

“Oh, she’s wonderful!” she told me. “She’s only waking once a night, and she’s usually happy to just sit in her bouncy seat and look around quietly. Sounds like Mira isn’t quite as content.”

She said this as I was trying to shush a screaming baby while talking on the phone. Yes, Mira is not quite the easy baby I was hoping for. Based on the past few nights, I think she may have colic. We’ve had three days in a row now where she has cried non-stop for over three hours. Nothing makes her happy during those times – walking, rocking, the boob, laying on the floor, making promises to buy her pony, etc.

Thankfully she doesn’t have reflux like Cordy did. Her GI problems seem to be focused more on the lower tract, as she may be the gassiest baby ever. I may try cutting out all dairy to see if that’s what is bothering her. The thought of no dairy is depressing, but I know others have cut out even more foods for their kids.

It feels so unfair to have another fussy baby. However, it doesn’t last forever, so we will just have to get through it. Although right now it seems that Mira has some kind of sixth-sense, knowing the exact point I open my laptop computer, and waiting until that point to start crying. That could be hard to work around.



Got Milk?

When Cordy was born, I was determined to breastfeed. My daughter, however, wasn’t so interested in the idea. Our first two days in the hospital were filled with frustration, as I would try to get her to eat and she would resist. She would latch on at first, then realize she wasn’t getting much (it was still colostrum at that point), let go and scream. Repeat every half hour. Even the lactation consultant was no help.

Our third night in the hospital, the staff checked her blood sugar levels and told me her levels were low. Whether I wanted it or not, she was getting a bottle. The look on her little newborn face when offered the bottle was one of surprise and glee. After all, this was easy! The liquid just flowed into her mouth without any effort! It was at that point, I realized we had lost the battle, as my lazy child decided that the easy way was the way to go.

I continued to fight with breastfeeding for the next four months before giving up entirely. She would make a half-hearted attempt at breastfeeding, and then I would follow up with a bottle of formula or pumped milk afterwards. By the time I was back at work, she was mostly on formula.

With Mira, I hoped things would be different, and in many ways, they are. Thanks to the VBAC, she was able to breastfeed minutes after birth, and I was thrilled that she latched on like a pro. But when we got home, her appetite seemed to be endless, and I couldn’t keep up with her. We had to supplement, an act that gave me flashbacks of Cordy and her lazy eating. However, Mira doesn’t seem to care where it’s coming from, as long as there is food. She has no problem going back and forth between bottle and breast.

But I didn’t want to go down the formula route again. It’s expensive, it stinks, and it’s a pain to prepare. So after consulting with my doula and pediatrician (Mira isn’t gaining weight like she should, so the ped is involved now), I’m now trying to increase my milk supply to satisfy my bottomless pit.

What’s involved in this? Well, my pediatrician suggested beer to help with supply issues. I always thought that to be an old-wives tale, but she said she’s seen it work. OK, I can drink a beer. No problem.

Then there’s the herbal solution. An herb called Fenugreek can help increase supply. This is the herb used to flavor artificial maple syrup. Much like garlic, when you take large amounts of it, it has the not-so-pleasant side-effect of scenting your sweat and urine. Which means that my sweat now smells like maple syrup. And my breath smells like beer. All I need at this point is some cigarette smoke and you could have a truck stop IHOP sensory experience in my presence.

It seems to be working so far. I hope that my supply will catch up to her demand soon, because after dealing with a baby who wanted nothing to do with my breasts, it’s frustrating to see her so eager to breastfeed and worry I don’t have enough for her.



Where Does My Time Go?

Where my time went prior to Mira:

5-7 hours – sleep
2-3 hours – blogging (often combined with watching TV, below)
8 hours – working, or if not working, entertaining Cordy and running errands
1 hour – cleaning or paying bills
1/2 hour – shower, personal care
2 hours – driving
4 hours – watching TV (only 2 of those watching TV that isn’t for Cordy)
1 hour – eating

Where my time goes now:

4-5 hours – sleep (on a good day)
1-2 hours – blogging (on a good day)
1 hour – eating (on a good day)
1/2 hour – shower, personal care (shower every other day)
1-2 hours – playing with Cordy or just giving her attention
1-2 hours – watching TV (blogging or nursing during this time, too)
1-2 hours – doing the “stop fussing, baby” dance around the house while holding Mira
8 hours or more – chained to my chair breastfeeding (not counting the hours she feeds overnight while in bed with us)

You’ll notice very little time in there for things like, oh, housecleaning or bill paying. We’re doing the minimum needed to get by at this point.

It’s amazing how much time goes into a newborn. I used to think I was a busy person before we had Mira. Now I think I had the leisurely life and didn’t realize how easy it was. With one child, the parents are a true tag team: one can be on duty while the other is doing something else. Need a break? Tag the other parent into the ring.

Now we’re in a full two on two battle. The kids don’t take turns with their needs, meaning they often each need something at the same time. Each parent is generally keeping an eye on one child. If I shower, I take Cordy up to our bedroom with us, so she can play there while I shower, keeping the shower curtain open halfway to watch her.

Next week I’ll start learning how to deal with both at the same time on my own, when Aaron goes back to work part time. Hopefully I’ll be able to find a way to manage other than sitting in my chair nursing Mira and throwing Fruity Cheerios on the floor to appease Cordy while she watches Noggin.

This post is part of the Light Iris and Parent Bloggers Network Blog Blast. If you’d like to join in, simply write a post on the topic, “Where does my time go?” before midnight tonight, and e-mail Parent Bloggers to let them know. One blogger will be chosen at random to win a full 2-day conference pass to BlogHer ’07!



Keep Your Marriage Healthy

While we’ve had our bumps along the way, I’d generally say that my marriage is in pretty good shape. Before we were married, an issue forced us into counseling, but through that we learned how to communicate with each other and actually address our issues before they blew up into big problems. Even now, Aaron and I often recommend counseling to friends who confide relationship problems to us. We sincerely believe it can help if both partners are committed to improving their relationship.

But what if you don’t have time to go see a counselor, or what if you’d simply like to do a little preventative maintenance on your relationship? A counselor isn’t always the most practical solution. Which is why eHarmony (yes, the singles site) has created the eHarmony Marriage site.

Click here to read the review…

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