And Now A Shameless Post Of Nothing But Photos Of My Kid

Use the force, Mira

(holding daddy’s homemade lightsaber)
Couch nap

Top tooth


First tooth: 4 months old
Second tooth: 4 months, 1 week old
…and now third tooth: 8 months, 2 weeks – why so long between teeth?

Attack of the killer baby

So serious


It has recently occurred to me that Mira has yet to acquire a title, other than Mira (short for Miranda, for those who are new readers). Cordy was declared “Amazon Warrior Princess” long ago, and it still holds true. I’m wondering what title will be bestowed on Mira? “Eater of Worlds”? “World’s Most Serious Baby”? “Carpet Fuzz Connoisseur”?



Happy Endings Aren’t A Guarantee

Working on the postpartum floor of a local hospital for nursing school isn’t quite the rainbows and sunshine you’d expect it to be. For every new mom who is thrilled to hold her baby, overcome with emotions at those first little sighs or those tiny fingernails, there seem to be an equal number of those who, for one reason or another, aren’t glad to be in their situation.

I’ve already seen a few moms who had no connection to their new babies. One mom, having just given birth to her ninth child, was completely uninterested in holding the baby, and asked us to keep her in the nursery as much as possible. She was already overwhelmed with the children she had at home, and said she wasn’t looking forward to the additional burden on her time. At the same time, she also would never think of adoption, and declined the doctor’s suggestion of having her tubes tied.

She told me she hoped for no more children, but added that it wasn’t up to her. I’m not sure what that mother-baby relationship has developed into now that they’re home, but I can only hope that the mom is getting some help to manage her workload.

The use of drugs while pregnant is alarming, too. One day we had a standoff between hospital security and a hostile mom. She and her baby had tested positive for cocaine, and the law here requires the baby to be taken into foster care until the mom can prove she’s drug-free. Unfortunately, social services didn’t try to have the baby taken out of her room first. Making up some excuse to have the baby in the nursery before giving her the news would have been a better plan.

So when they informed her that she wouldn’t be able to take her newborn daughter home, she placed herself between them and the bassinet and threatened to hurt anyone who tried to take her baby from her. I’m not sure how it ended, because it was still going on after my shift, but there was a lot of screaming and a lot of threats.

And then there are the women on the postpartum floor who have no babies to take home with them. Those who have lost their babies, left to recover with no bassinet in their room, slowly walking past the nursery with tears in their eyes. I can’t imagine how hard it is to be on a postpartum floor with no child of your own. I can only hold their hands when they cry and help them explore the deep well of grief they are trying to climb out of.

I’ll admit that I love my clinical this quarter, and I’m glad that I was placed at one of the “inner-city” hospitals. These daily occurrences of unwanted or unplanned babies, drug-addicted babies, and babies who didn’t get the chance to live give me a broader view of motherhood. I’m in no place to judge – I haven’t lived many of the struggles each of these women bring with them – but I do appreciate the stories they share with me. It makes the great debates like breast vs. bottle, cosleeping, organic foods, etc. seem somewhat inane in comparison.

(FYI, details of any patients were changed or merged together from more than one patient to protect their privacy and be compliant with HIPAA.)



Sigh

Lesson of the day: Never let your family know about your blog.

Trust me on this one. No matter how much you think they can handle it, no matter how much they say they understand that it’s your inner feelings, no matter how much they beg to know about what you write and say the understand that a blog is your personal truth – not necessarily the factual truth – and that things you say don’t necessarily represent the whole picture.

Avoid it.

That is all.

(Yes, I’ve been dooced in a family way. Just shoot me.)



Haiku Friday: Blogger Baby Boom

2007
was only the start of a
blogging baby boom

Lots of new preggos
Is it catching? Then pass me
my birth control, please.

Apparently 2008 is the year of the baby here in the blog world. Is it a virus, spreading blog to blog? Is it contagious? With each new pregnancy announcement, I start to sweat a little, wondering if a second form of birth control should be added to the regimen. Can’t be too careful, right? I mean, my two girls are adorable, but the thought of a third one right now makes me nauseous.

So to all of you pregnant bloggers out there – I love you, I’m excited for you, and I will keep reading (and I want you to come visit me, too), but keep your maternity cooties to yourself, OK?

To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:

1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What’s a haiku, you ask? Click here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky below or at Jennifer’s blog with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your generic blog URL). If you need help with this, contact Jennifer or myself.

3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button above.



Hot by Blogher: Let’s Talk Food

I promised that my Hot by Blogher (button coming soon!) post would only be the first of many, and I’m making good on that.

Today, I’m thinking about food. Fooooooood…yummm. *drool*

Food and I have been BFFs for a long, long time. Possibly codependent lovers, even. When I find good food, it’s hard to stop eating. Food and I sometimes party long past the point when others would call it a night, and then the next morning I do my walk of shame past the fridge, regretting all that I ate as I avoid making eye contact with the pantry.

Have you ever heard someone casually say, “Oh, I forgot to eat today…” Yeah, well, those words have never escaped my lips. I’ve had moments where I’ve been extremely busy – forgetting meetings, dinners with friends, or forgetting my ID when going out – but never ever have I forgotten to eat.

That’s part of the reason I’m at this point today. My love affair with food has reached a toxic level, and in order to be healthier, I need to redefine that relationship.

Here’s my master plan to deal with food: less and more.

What do I mean by less and more? Well, I’ll start by less of this:

Emphasis on less chocolate…

and more of this:

Heaven in a box: chocolate yet only 100 calories.

Less of this:

Neon orange isn’t a food color found in nature.

and more of this:

Still processed, but at least it contains real veggies.

Less of this:

What do you mean ice cream isn’t a side dish?

and more of this:

I’m surprised by how much I love these.

Also more fruits and fresh foods, but I need to go to the grocery, so I don’t have any of those to show you at the moment.

Simple, no? OK, well, it’s a little more complicated than that. I will be making a conscious effort to include lower fat, less processed food in my diet. More veggies and fruit, less junk. And when I do eat junk, I’ll try for junk with less calories or a smaller portion size.

I’m trying to keep my calories down as well, but there is no exact number and no food is off-limits. I’m keeping a rough estimate of how many calories I’m eating each day, with a goal somewhere around 1600-1800. The other rule is that one day a week, I’m free to eat however I want, with no calorie counting at all. I did that on Saturday, and found that after eating well for several days, I couldn’t eat enough to do much damage.

This might sound really lax to many, but from past experience I know that setting strict rules for myself doesn’t work. If it works for you, great – post a list of rules on your fridge and use them to keep yourself accountable. But I’ve tried most of the diets out there – strict calorie counting, Weight Watchers points, no-carb, the soup diet, the food-of-the-week diet, etc. – and always ended up “cheating” at some point and giving up. It never works.

I’m not on a diet. I’m choosing to change my eating habits permanently, with weight loss being a desired side effect. If I want chocolate, I’m going to eat chocolate. I just won’t eat an entire box worth, and I’ll do a mental check to make sure I really want the chocolate (instead of really being bored, or unhappy, or some other non-craving feeling). Cravings are OK, but eating out of boredom is a bad habit I plan to break.

My greatest problem will be portion control, and I’ll be repeating my mantra often: You don’t have to eat it all today…it will still be there tomorrow. There’s no chance of bakeries everywhere running out of cake permanently in the next 24 hours. It’s unlikely that Little Debbie will go under by the end of the week. I will have the chance to eat it again.

So that’s the big plan. Less of the bad stuff, more of the good stuff, and permission to screw up now and then. As I get used to eating more of the good stuff, it should get easier to stick to the plan. I’ve already started the plan, and in one week I’ve lost two pounds. I have no specific weight I want to get to, but two pounds is a great start.

Lots more to come, of course. For those who are playing along, how are you going to change your eating habits?

(PS – Thank you to those who are cheering me on, and those who want to join in. The extra motivation from your support is awesome!)

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