Who Are The Police Protecting?

So, let’s say your house was broken into almost two years ago, in the middle of the afternoon. A lot of stuff was taken, including some sentimental items that could never be replaced. The thief left behind a small amount of DNA, via a blood drop on the curtain that your eagle eye spotted thanks to years of watching forensic crime dramas, and the crime lab said they’d check it out.

Fast-forward five months. The DNA comes back with a match, and the police tell you they have a warrant out for the guy. When you ask for details, they tell you that he used to live nearby, but is no longer at that address. You ask if he lived in the neighborhood, but they refuse to give details, only saying he lived in the area.

The thief is caught, processed, and then because of an overcrowded prison system, given only probation for his crime, despite the fact that this would not be his first time in prison. You feel a little upset that this guy is out in public, but try to reassure yourself by saying that he probably lives nowhere close to you.

Now let’s say that in doing some internet surfing of court records last night, you come upon this guy’s record. (Not only has he robbed you, but since turning 18 has also been arrested three other times for forgery, driving without a license, and another robbery with criminal endangering.) And you find out that he didn’t just live nearby, he lived ACROSS THE STREET. As in, almost directly across the street. And that the residents of the home across the street are his family.

Knowing this new tidbit of information, do you feel that the police should have shared that the criminal lived in spitting distance of your house? Or that while he no longer lived there, his family was still living there, and now knew that you were the ones who helped get their little boy thrown in jail?

To say I’m a little shocked to find out the guy who upended our lives lived right across from us would be an understatement. I don’t understand why we weren’t allowed to know where he lived, and that his family were still living there. Shouldn’t we be told that our every move is still being watched by people close to the perpetrator?

I can now see why those neighbors have never talked to us, and why they still give us unfriendly – bordering on dirty – glares each time we drive past.

We never received a mug shot, so we still don’t know what he looks like. It’s possible that he’s still coming by to visit with his family across the street – lots of 20-something men and women come by that house all the time – and if so, he’s violating his probation order to stay at least 1000 feet away from us. But since we don’t know what he looks like, we can’t tell if any of the young men glancing across the street at us might be him. Creepy, eh?

It sucks when you don’t even feel safe in your own home.



I Wish Some Gifts Came With Receipts

As much as I wanted my girls to not be themselves for Mother’s Day, I have to say that it wasn’t as bad as I expected. My husband – always the bright one – caught on when I said I only wanted a card for Mother’s Day, and nothing more. He recognized that this meant I have no idea what to ask for, so make it good, buddy and took the appropriate action.

Well, sort of. On Saturday he did misinterpret my go buy my gift and enjoy spending some time alone, and hey, maybe you could bring home some ice cream as a message that said go buy my gift quickly and spend the rest of the evening at a gaming store until midnight, because I didn’t want to spend any time at all with you, and oh, I wasn’t serious about asking you to bring me home ice cream or asking you to call if you were going to be late. I can see how that mistake could be made.

The girls, too young to drive themselves to Target to pick out a pretty gift, instead showered me with gifts that were, shall we say, more intangible and less wanted. A quick round-up of the gifts that were bestowed on me this weekend:

From Aaron: Two martini glasses, a cosmo shaker kit, and a box of Choxie dark chocolate truffles. Hmmm…you think he knows me? It was a nice gift, and nearly made up for me going to bed alone the night before.

From Cordy: Blow-out diapers all weekend long. I still haven’t figured out if it was some kind of gastrointestinal virus or a reaction to something she ate on Friday, but either way I didn’t expect to spend the weekend wondering if it was worth the risk of a toxic spill in public to leave the house.

Sick girl

From Mira: Attitude. I can already see this child will somehow be involved in my demise. She’s doing a great job at making me feel like a first-time mother again. This is the age we’re supposed to be setting limits, right? She should get upset when I use a firm, strong NO, right? So why when I give that firm no in my best mean mommy voice, I now get this in return?

Scary (drooly) evil grin

Teaching her new friend Evan all her tricks

Razzing me

Oh yeah, attitude galore. And as soon as I tell her no and pull her away from what I don’t want her to do, she goes right back to it, giving me that impish, scrunchy-face grin as if to say Oh, you’re in for it, lady. Is she my Stewie?

From three random little girls: A pretty carnation. We went out to dinner on Sunday night because I wanted a nice dinner and decided any risk of toxic spill was an acceptable trade-off. The restaurant had been giving carnations out to each mom, but they ran out about twenty minutes before we arrived. No big deal. Sitting across from us was a family who had three girls. They were cute and funny and clearly having a great time together.

Shortly after we ordered, they finished and gathered their things to leave. I saw the youngest (maybe 4 years old?) lean over and whisper something to her mother, and her mother replied, “I think that’s a great idea.” They walked away, and less than a minute later, the manager came to our table and handed me a carnation. He explained that the girls said they were planting a flower garden and didn’t need the flower, so they wanted to give it to me, since I was a mommy and didn’t get a flower. Awwww….

Overall, not a bad day. But maybe my daughters can take a lesson from the little girls in the restaurant and just give me flowers next year?

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Another cool gift I got this weekend was my first monthly delivery of photos from Kinzin. Check out my review of this photo sharing and printing service.



Haiku Friday: A Feminine Topic

“You’ll feel a small pinch”
said the doctor. Liar. More
like a stabbing pain.

But in a flash it
was over. And now I’m not
fertile (for a time)

A temporary
solution before we make
a permanent choice.

Do I want more kids?
I thought no way, but I can’t
commit to that thought

We now have five years
to decide if there will be
more diapers to change

Sorry to any guys reading this today. I’m sure the last thing you want to read about is birth control.

This week I decided to get an IUD. Partially because I’m sick of condoms and never want to take birth control pills ever again. (Can you say psycho mood swings?) Did it hurt? Well, I’ll say it’s amazing how pain from one small area can radiate up your spine and into your teeth.

This wasn’t exactly the plan we had set up before Mira. Originally, after Mira was born, we were going to wait about six months, and then Aaron was meeting up with a doctor to discuss severing certain cords to prevent any more little people. And after Mira was born – after 21 long hours of labor – I was still committed to that plan.

But as we drew closer to our V-Day, doubts started to creep in. Are we sure we never want another baby? Truth is, we’re not 100% sure. Probably 95% sure, but that lingering 5% still nags me every time I see a fresh new baby, all red, wrinkly and squishy. I think Aaron still wishes for a son, too. We’re not in a position (financially or mentally) to have a third child at the moment, but in a year or two our situation may be different.

So nature and her biological drive to procreate have won this battle for now. Our fertility is halted, but not eliminated. We’ve got up to five years to decide if we want another baby before this IUD has to be removed. If we don’t want another baby by five years, then the vasectomy will be a reality.

(And yes, I know the the IUD has the risk of a surprise pregnancy, too.)

To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:

1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What’s a haiku, you ask? Click here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky below or at Jennifer’s blog with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your generic blog URL). DON’T sign unless you have a haiku this week. If you need help with this, contact Jennifer or myself.

3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button at the top.

REMEMBER: Do not post your link unless you have a haiku this week! We will delete any links without haiku!



This Mother’s Day, Just Leave Me Alone

Aaron asked me last week what I wanted for Mother’s Day. I tried to convince him that the Vera Bradley purse I just bought should count for a gift, but he wasn’t having it.

I know, this is the ideal time to beg for that new gadget or gizmo, when I can say, “But look at how much I do – don’t I deserve it?” But honestly, I really don’t need a gift to show appreciation for the hard work I do as a mother.

I could be rewarded just as much by being left alone. I don’t mean I want the kids to disappear for the day, but I would love it if just for one day, I didn’t have to:

– swipe some small object out of Mira’s mouth before she swallows it (where does she find this stuff?)

– yell at Cordy to “Stop hugging your sister like that! Hugging is nice, but knocking her over from the force of your hug is NOT nice!”

– answer the whisper of “Mommy, I’m stinky.”

– pick the couch pillow up off the floor 100 times a day

– yet again remove carpet fuzz from Mira’s hand before she tries to eat it

– deal with the whine of “I’m hungry!” ten minutes after Cordy stuffed herself with a large lunch

– have my mouse pulled away from me yet again by a baby with an electronics fetish

– play the mind-numbingly dull game of crawl up the stairs then demand to go to the bottom and do it again

– spend an hour trying to find “the green buzzy-bee” Cordy has lost and won’t stop talking about, only to realize it was a toy from school and she knew that it was still at school

– erase Mira’s contribution of letters and numbers from my most recent post

– retrieve spoons from the trash after Cordy tries to help me clean up lunch

I normally do all of these without complaint. After all, they’re my girls and they need me. But I can’t say the thought of them not bugging me for a little while is an unwanted dream.

Surely I’m not the only one who wishes her kids would stop doing specific behaviors for just one day. What do you wish your kids would not do just for one day?

***************
This post is part of the Johnson’s Baby Cause blog blast from Parent Bloggers. Johnson’s Baby Cause is working to raise money for several charities that promote the health and well-being of mothers and children around the world.



Did You See The "Mommy Bloggers" On The Today Show?

Yes, with air quotes.

If you haven’t seen the video yet, go watch it before reading further.

So what are my thoughts on it? Well, it was OK. The taped segment with Mir, Kristen and Jill was a good segment, although I felt like something was missing. In talking with Mir and Kristen on Twitter, I learned that the topic of community was brought up more in that interview, but was edited out, along with the sentiment that much of what we blog can be seen as a love letter to our children. It seems that Today wanted to focus more on the financial and moral aspects of being a mommyblogger this time.

Each of these issues has been featured on mainstream media before. Good Morning America spoke with Susan Wagner about making money online, and who can forget the Today Show feature on cocktail playdates. This time, questions seemed to be focused on the effect of corporate America’s new attention towards mom bloggers and issues of privacy in blogging about our children and families.

Mir, Kristen and Jill couldn’t have done a better job with the questions they were given. Kristen’s infamous duck came back to haunt her, but at no point in the interview did any of them look uncomfortable with the discussion.

Following that taped segment, Kathie Lee Gifford then did a live interview with Heather Armstrong (aka Dooce). Again, Heather did a great job with the questions she was given, but I felt the interview was doomed from the start when Kathie Lee said that she didn’t understand computers. Soon it was clear that Heather was being put on the defensive because she writes about personal issues in a forum where anyone can read.

At one point Kathie Lee said, “You seem like a lovely lady….BUT…” and while the “but” was sugar coated, the underlying message was that she disapproved of Heather posting intimate details and pictures of her daughter on the internet. Before Heather had a chance to answer, she was cut off for an introduction to the next segment. (And let’s not even get started on how Kathie Lee talked about her kids on TV on a near daily basis when she was with Regis. How is that different?)

I wondered what the Today Show expected its viewers to take away from this segment. Did they want them all to rush out and start mommy blogs, because clearly there was money to be made from it? Or were they trying to caution moms against exploiting their children and opening them up to stalkers by blogging about them? The messages seemed contradictory to me, not unlike the old dichotomy of “Women should have equal rights! Get out there and work! Oh wait, you’re going to be a mom? How can you abandon your child by working? You should be at home!”

I’m already tired of the privacy concerns thrown at mom bloggers. Do you seriously think that we didn’t consider privacy when we first blogged about our children? Yes, anyone can come by and see pictures of my daughters. But any stranger could also see them (live! and in person!) if we were walking down the street, shopping at the grocery store, visiting an amusement park, etc. Stalkers aren’t exclusive to the internet – they live in communities, too. And it’s not like all of the internet comes past my blog daily. The handful of visitors I get here each week is less than the number of people who would see them if we went to a concert.

As for the issue of future embarrassment over what I write about them, I also have thought about that topic. As the girls get older, I will give them more privacy, and stop the minute they ask me to. I already blog less about Cordy’s daily life than when she was younger. I have limits on what topics I’ll blog about – for example, I’ve said Cordy is not potty trained, but you won’t be reading the finer details of how potty training is going. And really, they’re going to be embarrassed by me for far more relevant reasons when they’re teens – this is minor compared to your average teenage angst topics.

There will always be aspects of my daughters that readers will never know about. Some of it I can’t find words for, and other parts I selfishly hold close. I love sharing my story – and as a result, their stories – with those who come into my blogosphere, but some of their unique characteristics are just for me and those who are close to us to share. No matter how much you read about them, I guarantee you that you would still be surprised about aspects of their personalities were you to meet them in person. The same could be said about me, or most any other blogger, I’d imagine.

While the entire segment wasn’t a train wreck, it still lacked a lot of information. I’m saddened that the entire aspect of community was glossed over. Listen, I doubt there are many moms out there who start blogging because they want to make a ton of money, gain power with corporations, or find new ways to exploit their kids and guarantee future embarrassment. Most of us do it for the community. We seek out other moms who we can identify with, sharing our stories, gaining knowledge from those who have been through what we’re going through, or just providing support for others when they need it.

There aren’t a lot of new moms in my neighborhood. And most people here keep to themselves, so making mom friends isn’t easy. But I can count several moms that I met online as friends. We may not live in the same state, and we may have never met in person, but we have a common experience that ties us together.

I wrote in the comments of another blog yesterday that if I was forced to give up blogging tomorrow – completely quit posting, reading, commenting, everything – I might miss the product promotions and giveaways, and I might miss the little bit of ad revenue I make each month. But not being able to participate in the community, to laugh and cry and commiserate along with friends – friends I made not because we live in the same area, are in the same socioeconomic group, or look similar, but friends I made because of our words alone – would be devastating to me.

You’re all my people. My community. That’s why I keep doing this. And I hope that my daughters will someday read these ramblings and have a new appreciation and understanding of their mother, along with an account of days they can’t remember. The money, the trips? All icing on an already tasty cake. Yummy, but superfluous.

Kathie Lee? You don’t know what you’re missing.

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