I’ve noticed a trend lately among friends, family and even complete strangers when they lay eyes on my two little girls together. It usually goes something like this:

Person: (gushing) “Oh, look at Cordy! She’s gorgeous! You know that, right? She could easily be a model. Those curls are so pretty, and her eyes are such a deep blue. She’s really is a beautiful little girl!”

Me: “Thank you! Yes, she is very pretty.”

*Person then turns gaze towards Mira, and then in a less exuberant voice:

Person: “Hi there, Mira! Cute outfit. You look just like your father, you know that? No denying who your daddy is!”

Me: “Um…yeah. She does have some of Aaron’s best features, making her pretty, too.”

That’s it. They tell us how pretty Cordy is, and then totally leave out that part when pointing out Mira’s appearance.

Poor kid. Rarely does anyone tell her she’s pretty. And while I would never emphasize a need for beauty in order to be successful (because I want to be a part of killing the stereotype that women need to focus on beauty), I worry that if this trend continues it might begin to affect her when she’s older and understands.

I’m pretty too, dammit

I know I’d start to feel inadequate if someone close to me was constantly praised for her beauty while I was given a passing remark about a family resemblance. Even with constant self-esteem building, it might be enough to put a dent into an armor of confidence.

And it’s not like Aaron needs a bag on his head to go out in public, either. I’m biased, but others have confirmed for me that he is generally thought to be good-looking. But often any comparison between Aaron and Mira is said without as much…excitement? or as if there’s another message hidden underneath? I can’t be sure. Maybe I’m totally reading into something that is more shallow than I thought.

Either way, if Mira looks like Aaron it’s a good thing. She has his eyes. She sports a lovely olive skin tone that will keep her from burning in the sun, unlike me and Cordy who look out a sunny window and turn pink. It’s possible she’ll have her father’s curls, too. It’s not like she’s sporting his beard, ya know?

Hopefully these specific conversations will fade away as Mira gets older and people are more careful with their words, as we all are with other adults. And despite who is the prettiest, both girls will continue to be valued at home for their personalities and accomplishments. In our house there is no “ugly” sister – just two girls treasured because of who they are in total.

And besides, it’s not like Cordy hasn’t had her share of not-so-pretty days:

Not too far off from this, is it?