A Mommy Story

As we all shook off our New Year’s Eve sleepiness, I noticed a lot of friends discussing their word of the year. If you haven’t heard about this yet, it basically involves choosing a word that will be your focus for all of 2014. Sort of like a mantra to shape your goals around, only condensed down into a single word.

I really liked this idea, so I decided to try it for myself. Yes, today is January 4, and I’m just now getting around to choosing a word. Not that I haven’t been thinking about it for days. No, I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and have been completely stuck on choosing a word.

I had a list of words, all missing that spark of inspiration I was looking for. At one point, I was looking over my options and realized how insane this was to spend so much time agonizing over a word of the year. I mentally yelled, “ENOUGH!” – and that’s when it hit me.

My word of the year is enough. There are so many ways to interpret this word, and nearly all of them are applicable to my goals for the year.

First, I want to continue the work we’ve done in decluttering the house and reducing what we have. Because we have enough – more than enough, really, and I need to accept that we don’t need anything more. It’s so easy to develop the “wants” when seeing what others have, but will buying more stuff really make me feel better, or will it just contribute to more clutter and distraction? I’d like to be more mindful of my purchases this year, and consider if it’s a necessity, or if I should pass on it because we have enough.

I also want to use the idea of enough to cultivate a greater sense of gratitude. I’m thankful for my husband, for our two healthy daughters, and even for our pets. I’m grateful that our girls are growing up with a lot of extended family around them. We have a nice house, we have good jobs, we have our needs met and the ability to acquire some of what we want. We have enough, and I want to internalize that sentiment deep down so I can truly appreciate all that we have.

At the same time, “enough” can have a more stern interpretation, in the “enough is enough” variety. There are several nuisances that we tolerate because it’s too much time or effort to resolve them. It often takes a lot to push me to take action on these issues, when I should have put my foot down far sooner. There comes a point where you have to stop trying to go around a wall and make the choice to climb over it instead. I need to either change course to combat these irritations directly, or I need to drop them entirely and find alternatives.

I far prefer to live the easier life of following the rules and expecting people to do as they’re supposed to do in their jobs and lives, but I can accept that it isn’t always the case. When that happens, I have to decide that I’ve had enough and take action to change things. I had already started this in the fall with my outrage over the school district, and my feelings towards the district have only intensified. I’m done with bureaucracy and trite statements from those in positions of power that are meant to placate but accomplish nothing. I’ve had enough with the parent almost always being considered the least qualified person in the room to know what’s best for her child’s education. It’s time to advocate for those issues that are nearest and dearest to me.

And finally, I’ve reached a point in my life where I can begin to embrace that I am enough. I don’t need to compare myself to others, wishing I could have their talent, their experience, their looks, because they haven’t been on the same journey that I have, and it’s possible they’ve been through experiences I’m glad I missed out on. Comparing myself to others accomplishes nothing other than making me feel bad about myself, because my inner (high school bitch) critic will never admit to any strengths I possess.

I’m not perfect, or even close to it, I’m quirky, and there are plenty of weak spots I want to strengthen in myself, but I am enough for my family, for my friends, and for my colleagues. And quirky is the new normal.

So here’s to 2014 providing enough for all of us.