A Mommy Story

When I was recently at the dermatologist for my twice-a-year mole check, the assistant asked if I’d noticed any changes with my skin. I told her the few places I thought had changed, and then half-jokingly added, “Oh, and my chin has now become home to several monster pimples.”

She then began asking me several questions about my chin. I continued to not take my pimple issue seriously, telling her how I’ve never in my life had these large, deep (and painful, to be honest) pimples before and I guessed it was probably part of the joy of growing older. You expect the grey hairs and wrinkles, but no one ever tells you about the thinning eyebrows, whiskers on your face and neck, and pimples that also appear in the second half of your thirties. (Sexy, right?)

I never intended my casual mention of my chin acne to result in a full discussion with my dermatologist about hormonal changes in our thirties and how it can result in acne coming back. Wrinkles and acne – so not fair. I fully expected to be told that Clearasil isn’t just for teens, but instead she recommended a prescription cream called Aczone to help ease and hopefully prevent some of the acne breakouts. I’m not a vain person, but I’m also in favor of not having painful breakouts on my chin, so I agreed to try it.

As her assistant handed me the slip of paper on the way out, she also handed me a discount card from the drug company. “Oh, I have insurance,” I told her.

“You’ll probably still need this,” she replied.

She wasn’t kidding. When I went to pick up my prescription, I was told it was $75 – with insurance. For an acne cream? So I handed over the discount card, which took the total cost down to $25. That was far more reasonable. It wasn’t until I looked at how much I saved with insurance that my jaw dropped:

Again, I ask – for an acne cream? Is it made from unicorn tears filtered through a golden, diamond-encrusted sieve? How can an acne cream seriously cost so much?

But wait – it gets better!

Since I’ve never heard of this stuff before, I carefully read through the side effects, cautions and warnings. (As we all should.) A few things caught me by surprise. First, whatever this stuff is, it’s not to be used while pregnant or breastfeeding: “This medicine is found in breast milk. Do not breast-feed while taking this medicine.” No worries there for me, but I’m again wondering what chemicals are in this cream that make it even more toxic than the pesticides on our food?

The side effects were pretty standard: “Side effects may include dryness, oiliness, peeling or redness of the skin.” Wait, I thought this was to make my skin look better? It continued:

Contact your doctor immediately if you experience dark urine; fever, chills, or persistent sore throat; mental or mood changes; numbness, swollen, blistered, or peeling skin; severe stomach pain or vomiting; shortness of breath; sudden back pain; suicidal thoughts or attempts; unusual tiredness or weakness; or yellow or pale skin.

And those weren’t even the allergic reaction symptoms. No, flu-like symptoms, blistered skin, stomach and back pain, mental changes and thoughts of suicide are just things that could happen to you even if you weren’t allergic to this topical cream for acne.

Then there was this warning in the leaflet:

I wasn’t planning on it, but good to know!

Let’s be honest – you know they only put those warnings in there because someone has tried it. I don’t want to know what the thought process was that led to someone trying that.

Folks, if you think you have acne in your vagina, please go see your gynecologist, because I’m pretty sure that’s not acne.

On the upside, this prescription really is magic. When applied to a newly forming red spot on my chin before bed, it’s already less painful and less red the next morning. I don’t know if it’s $600 worth of magic, but I’ll say I’m impressed as long as I don’t develop shortness of breath or suicidal thoughts.