A Mommy Story

Most people don’t usually go to Facebook for intellectual stimulation, but I have such smart friends that I often find myself clicking on stories to learn more. For example, with a title like The 5 Stupidest Habits You Develop Growing Up Poor, I figured there was a good chance this article would either make me laugh or make me examine my own habits carefully. Turns out, it was both.

(Go read the article now. Watch out for some strong language, if you’re sensitive to that. And don’t forget to come back!)

The very first subject in the article is that when you’re poor you develop a taste for poor quality food. Wait…how did I not make that connection? I’m shocked that it never occurred to me that maybe the reason I crave junk so much is because I simply never knew differently as a child. *mind exploding*

I should start by saying that I didn’t grow up extremely poor. I was raised by a single mom who worked endlessly to support me. We never used food stamps, but her small salary and smaller child support payments did result in some lean times in the early years.

My mom shopped for groceries every two weeks, and we rarely had anything fresh in the house, other than fresh bread from the bakery across the street, milk and the occasional bunch of grapes when they were in season. Most food we bought was made to last, so if we didn’t get to it this week, well, there’d be no chance of it spoiling after a week. Or a year. When my mom had enough energy to make a meal after work, it was often a huge pot of spaghetti with jarred sauce (that would serve as several re-heated meals also), or the ever-so-reliable-and-cheap Kraft Mac ‘n Cheese.

It’s true: I do not like homemade mac ‘n cheese. But give me that neon orange boxed stuff and I’ll be back for seconds! Why? It’s not like powdered cheese product is superior in taste and quality to real melted cheese, right? But when it’s the only thing you had growing up, you do expect that flavor to be the “right” flavor.

Nearly everything we ate was frozen, boxed or canned. As I got older and could stay home more at night, she shifted to working nights more often and I became great friends with the microwave. Frozen personal pizzas were an easy, cheap staple. And that leftover spaghetti was an easy microwave re-heat, too. Seems like the only vegetables I ate were in a jar of Preggo sauce, unless you count the corn in the Doritos tortilla chips.

It’s no wonder I got fat – a diet made up of 90% processed junk filled with preservatives, fat and salt is enough to send anyone to the plus-size department! I can’t place blame on my mom – she worked over 40 hours each week, always picking up overtime when she could, and just didn’t have the money, time, or energy to cook from scratch or teach me to cook.

So we relied on cheap processed foods to get by, and as a result my taste buds learned that this was the way food was supposed to look and taste. The more subtle, complex flavors and textures of real food were foreign to me, and so when presented with them I usually turned my nose up. (Yes, I was that stubborn child who ate just stuffing at Thanksgiving meals – and only because it came from a box!)

Learning to eat right in order to lose weight has been an incredible challenge, and I can’t say I’ve won. I have learned to appreciate and enjoy real food, but the desire for junk is a strong one imprinted on my brain from years of Doritos binges and microwave dinners. It’s not something I can rid myself of just by trying new foods and deciding that they do taste good.

Growing up poor did leave me with a stupid habit I want to break, and in some ways I think this habit is even harder than losing weight. Yes, you read that right: even harder. My weight loss is, in many ways, tied to those cravings for salty, fried foods, and if I can’t keep control of that hunger I’ll be right back where I started. I don’t think it’s possible to completely eliminate the habits from childhood, so what’s the solution?

Well, I’m no expert, but this is what I’ve done so far:

1. Try new real foods as often as possible, and make sure they’re prepared well for your first experience. The idea of hummus sounded disgusting to me for a long time, but then we visited a local Mediterranean restaurant where friends told me how amazing their hummus was. So I tried it. And I liked it. Which made me want to try it again.

I’ve since found some really good and really bad hummus elsewhere, but that first taste of high-quality hummus kept me coming back for more. If you’re not sure what the best preparation of a food is, get recommendations from others before trying it. I’ve grown to love green peppers, fresh salads, eggs, Indian and Chinese food, and more all because I had a good first experience with them.

2. Prepare old favorites in new ways. This means making macaroni and cheese with real cheese, steaming fresh green beans instead of opening a can, and peeling and eating an orange instead of pre-packaged orange slices soaked in heavy syrup. It means trying out fresh meats instead of processed lunchmeats, and maybe even seeking out foods grown locally to see what fresh really tastes like. Even substituting low sodium, low fat frozen meals in place of the more processed frozen meals is progress. Trust me, your taste buds will rebel, but keep at it and you’ll develop an appreciation for the new flavors.

3. Don’t go cold turkey on your old favorites. Unless you have superhuman willpower, you will be tempted by your cravings. And for many of us (ahem…me), the longer you deny the craving, the bigger the binge. So incorporate small treats into your week. Grab a fast food hamburger for lunch one day. Eat a frozen pizza now and then. Treat yourself to a bomb pop at the zoo on a hot summer day.

Yes, diet experts will probably tell you this is the wrong approach, but I’m telling you I’ve lost 80 pounds and still enjoy a Krispy Kreme now and again without any shame. If you’re trying to lose weight, you’re already learning moderation thru portion sizes. Well, here’s another lesson in moderation – small portions of “bad” foods can keep you feeling happy and fulfilled without wrecking your overall goals. And if you keep making an effort to change your tastes, you may find you don’t even need those indulgences after awhile.

4. Don’t let your kids start this habit if you can help it. For some of us (raising hand) this is too late. But it doesn’t have to continue. We make an effort to have our kids try new foods now, and they both love fresh fruit. Mira hasn’t had as many bad habits form, and routinely asks for grilled chicken and broccoli. My hope is that we can undo some of the damage and start good habits that will follow them into adulthood.

Even though I grew up with junk, my own mom went right back to healthy eating when our finances improved. She grew up on a farm with fresh, well, everything. (As in, killed the chicken in the afternoon for dinner that night. That’s a little too fresh for me.) She is retired now and uses that extra time to regularly cook fresh foods again, just like she enjoyed as a child. It seems some habits can last a lifetime.

I can’t change how I was raised, but I can create parallel good habits and remind myself that I am more than the experiences of my youth. Each day I have the ability to make new choices to determine the “me” of tomorrow, and it’s up to me whether those choices are based on who I was or who I want to be. I know which one I prefer.