A Mommy Story

It’s that time again: BlogHer. I originally started weight loss blog back in 2009 for the sole purpose of motivating myself to get in better shape to look good at that year’s BlogHer conference. Hot by BlogHer was simply about losing weight so that I could rock a little black dress at the conference cocktail parties.

Then last year I decided that it wasn’t just about looking good at conferences – I really did want to be healthier, too – and so I switched to Losing My Hind, which has more of a year-round, broader focus on weight loss, health and fitness.

Conference season always brings out the vain side of me, though. And so with less than a month to go until I’m hanging with some of my favorite bloggers in San Diego, I’m suddenly feeling more pressure to step it up and stay the hell on track.

Generally I’m a jeans and t-shirt type of gal. No make-up, no accessories. It’s not that I don’t like nicer clothing, make-up and jewelry, because I really do like it. Years of being heavy, along with teased for being different, taught me to draw as little attention to myself as possible. So most of the time I keep to my comfortable and plain uniform of jeans and t-shirt, blending into the background and happy for it.

But for conferences I love playing dress up. I have no idea why, but at blog conferences I feel like I can open up more and show off. Maybe because these people have already seen me vulnerable on my blog? Whatever the reason, a blog conference is an excuse for me to show off. I’ve already purchased one dress for BlogHer, and I’ve got my eye out for more. I’m prepping my feet to wear heels again, and applying sunscreen dutifully to avoid t-shirt tan lines. I’ve got plenty of shapewear to go under my outfits, but I would also prefer to not work that shapewear as hard as I have in the past.

Since attending my first BlogHer back in 2006, I’ve been getting progressively lighter and healthier each year. And each year, a few people will see me and remark on how I look so much smaller than the year before. Yes, I usually make some throw away remark about their foggy memories and then thank them for the compliment, but truthfully? I eat it up. I cherish every single positive comment and wrap myself in those kind words.

I know I am far more than just my outward appearance, but damn it feels nice for people to like the outside as well as the inside. It’s a sad truth that for those with self-esteem issues, it takes several positive comments to make someone believe she’s pretty, yet only one negative to undo it all.

So with the conference approaching quickly, I’m evaluating myself and feel pretty good about this year. I’m 10-15 pounds lighter than last year (depends on the day and the kindness of the scale) and down one size in clothing. I don’t expect to lose more than a few pounds between now and then, so I’m instead focusing on healthy foods and strength training versus dieting.

I can’t make drastic changes in 25 days. (OK, I did make drastic changes like that once, but it wouldn’t be as easy now.) But I am using BlogHer as a little extra motivation to avoid laziness. Choosing between junk food and a more natural snack is easy when you plan to be on display in less than a month. And feeling good about your appearance makes dress shopping a lot more fun!