A Mommy Story

I’ve said it several times: I hate money.

I hate that so many people never seem to have enough of it, and that many people who have more than enough of it don’t want to help out that first group.

But I mostly hate trying to manage my own money.

There was a time when money management was easy. That time was the pre-kids golden era. Aaron and I both worked great jobs and so our bank accounts were always fairly healthy. We also had plenty of free time, so I spent a lot of that free time tracking our money in various software programs and spreadsheets. I loved seeing where every penny went. Most bills were scheduled or paid immediately and the credit cards were carefully managed.

Post-kids, though, money management has been a little harder. I don’t have time to keep track of every penny anymore. (I try, though.) The number of bills I have to keep track of has tripled, too, with daycare expenses, pediatrician’s bills, etc. And with various lower paying jobs, layoffs and unemployment we’ve both endured over the past four years, the income hasn’t always been enough to meet needs.

Paying bills and tracking money were fun when there was plenty to play with. I loved seeing the cute bar graphs and pie graphs of where our money went and seeing trends over time. When I had to stare at much smaller numbers that didn’t match up in simple addition and subtraction equations, though, it wasn’t fun anymore. It was completely depressing, actually.

I’m the keeper of the accounts in our house, and I’ve often felt like the big meanie when telling Aaron or the kids that we couldn’t afford some purchase or trip they wanted. It’s not like I was denying only their wants: they didn’t hear me telling myself “no” on a daily basis to things I wanted as well. Wait – forget past tense – I still tell myself “no” on a daily basis. I’ve become so good at it that I’ve been told I’m impossible to shop for, because I don’t want anything. (Soooo not true, but I guess I keep my wants hidden well.)

I can see how money is a top reason for couples to separate. You fight more when you don’t have enough money just from the stress of the situation. Aaron and I have had plenty of arguments about money, and even more that had nothing to do with money on the surface, but were probably caused by our stress over money.

The good news for us is that our financial situation has improved over the past year. While I’m still not finished with our taxes yet (Note to self: seriously? You’re usually done by February 3! Get on it!) I am seeing that we’re in a higher tax bracket in 2010, and I’m OK with that. Yes, I actually wrote I’m OK with paying more taxes. 

Our financial situation was so miserable in 2009 that the government paid us back what little we had paid into taxes and gave us a nice chunk extra in addition – sort of a “Wow, we’re sorry your year sucked so much. Here – we’ll pretend you’re a smaller version of General Electric and give you a little boost for all of those deductions.” That’s the first time I’ve ever experienced a net gain on my tax forms.

Paying more into taxes for 2010 is no big deal to me, honestly – we made more money last year, and so we should pay more into the system. After all, it was that system that helped us through our rough period of unemployment, when we relied on unemployment compensation, Medicaid for our children, food assistance and WIC to help our family keep the roof over our heads. Without it and help from our families, we likely would have been yet another foreclosure statistic.

But just because we have more income now doesn’t mean I’m back to looking at our financial situation with a smile. The past few years left a huge, ugly bruise on our finances. Our credit cards were often used as a last-ditch solution when we couldn’t afford gas, food or some unexpected auto or home repair. I went back to school in 2007 and used student loans to get another degree. The mountain of debt only grew higher and higher until we stood in its shadow, hoping it wouldn’t topple on us.

I just paid off our car loan at the end of March – ten months ahead of time, too. I needed to pay it off early because our older car, after nearly 190K miles, is getting closer and closer to its final rest. We will need a new car soon. But the money I was paying to the car loan each month is now shifted to the credit cards, and I hope to have one card paid off in the next few months. I also try to put a little money in savings each paycheck. If we can keep this trend going, we might be able to breathe a little easier every time we find a bill in our mailbox.

*Knocking on wood furiously at this point so no unexpected doom befalls us. You hear me, fate?  I’m knocking loudly with both hands, and I made sure it was real hardwood, not wood laminate! I know how you work.*

I still don’t consider myself the most responsible person when it comes to money, but I’ll add that I definitely get effort points for trying. At this point, I think I’m doing the best I can. Actions that could improve our situation would be having my job move from contract to permanent, and Aaron finding a job that was more permanent. (He’s working on a short-term contract at the moment.) Overall, though, I think we’re moving in the right direction.

What about you? Have your finances suffered from the recession, and if so, how are you coping? Any money management tips you want to share with all of us?