A Mommy Story

So, um…yeah.

I’ve had several posts about the kids lately, but what about me?

Hmmm…yeah, what about me?

Truth is, I’ve been stumbling through every day, thinking only as far ahead as the next time I get to sleep and generally not much further than that. When times get tough, I tend to retreat inwards and shell-up, and while times aren’t exactly tough at the moment, my turtle senses apparently have been activated.

I can’t write about work. The nature of my work prevents me from sharing much about it, other than to say I really do enjoy it and have talked to some amazing new parents on the phone. I’ve done a lot of reassuring and a lot of educating, and I hope my words will help these parents find confidence in their own abilities to care for their newborns.

Other than work, my life is kind of lacking at the moment. My spare time is spent sleeping and spending a little time with my family while downing Pepsi Max to keep me awake. Aaron is still unemployed, so I also help him job hunt. When I have time to sit down, I’m zoning out to Netflix or knitting or just reading along with conversations on Twitter and Facebook, unable to find anything to add to the conversation.

How did I become so boring? I don’t even find myself interesting at the moment, so why in the world would I expect you to find me so?

I don’t think I’m depressed – I think I’m just short on time and energy. And I know that lack of time and energy affects my friendships, both online and in person. I’ve yet to figure out how to have it all and do it all, and admire those I know that make it look effortless. I can’t even handle working full-time and remembering to feed the kids – how do others manage to work, keep a clean house, take care of kids AND nurture all of the relationships around them?

Blogging is all about making connections, and I’ve started to feel like my limited availablity has strained some of those connections. Honestly, how hard is it to write a damn e-mail to say hi to people now and then? Surely I can do that much, right? I’ll be at BlogHer, though, and I’m determined to renew some of those connections and friendships, even if it means taking the big step of admitting I’m a lousy friend and apologizing for all of the internet silence of late.

Actually, I’m hoping that while at BlogHer I’ll find the real Christina again. I think she got left behind at BlogHer in Chicago last year, and I’m hoping that she’s resourceful enough to find her way to New York City by early August. I’m not expecting to find her at any private parties or swag suites – after all, this blog’s market value has fallen faster than California real estate prices – but I do expect to find her talking and listening and hugging old friends and greeting new ones and learning from others and sharing what little she knows to benefit others and running with women who helped motivate her to be better and simply enjoying the people she’s surrounded by. (Including way more than I have time to even link here.)

If you see the real me at BlogHer, be sure to say hi to her. I guarantee she’ll be more interesting than this poor excuse for a post. And then remind her that despite all of the challenges of work and family, her ability to craft a good story and be a friend to those around her is desperately needed at home.