There are so many things that I like about my new job. I mean, I get to assist in bringing new babies into this world! I get to pass on wisdom and knowledge about caring for a tiny human being to new parents! I have the chance to hold a laboring woman’s hand and tell her that yes, she is capable of performing this incredible act of human endurance and strength.
But it’s not all sunshine and soft baby butts, either.
I can list several things that aren’t so pleasant about my job, too. Like the incessant charting of nearly every detail that we must perform, thanks to our litigious society. Or performing vaginal exams to check for cervical dilation – which is actually kind of exciting, until you think about the fact that you spend your day with your hand in other women’s vaginas.
There is one particular part of my job that I truly dislike, however. Actually, it’s not so much an aspect of my job as it is a type of patient. I’d like to tell you all that this type of patient is rare, but in my two months on the job I’ve already seen this type of patient appear at our doors several times.
(And for those who don’t know, for the sake of privacy and HIPPA, I won’t ever be telling detailed stories about individual patients. Any stories I share will be vague enough to remove all identifying information, or will likely be several stories combined into one sample patient.)
The patient type I am talking about is the woman who wants us to admit her and deliver her baby right away for no other reason than she’s sick of being pregnant. And she’s not even full-term yet.
I’ve seen women at 32 weeks declare that all they need from us is a little pitocin so they can get this baby out. When you try to explain to this patient that her baby is still too small to be born, and would likely face a number of problems if born now, you’re dismissed and told that “My sister had a baby at 32 weeks and he’s fine!”
No amount of education gets through to some of them. They’re tired of being pregnant and want that baby out now, even though the pregnancy has no complications and there are no reasons to induce. Their own comfort is considered more important than the health and well-being of the baby they’re carrying.
It takes a lot to make me really angry, but this patient type often does stir up at least some small fury from deep within. I try to talk to them. I make every effort to explain why feeling “as big as a whale” is not a justification for a preterm birth. I remind them of the possibility of a stay in the NICU if their baby is born too young. I’m stunned by how often they brush all of the facts aside because, “I’m sooooo tiiiiirrred!”
I know too many people who had a premature birth forced upon them, some with good outcomes, some with tragic outcomes. My own mother still makes yearly visits to the grave of the daughter she lost at 32 weeks, born too soon 34 years ago. Does she wish she could have kept that baby in her a little longer? Hell yes.
Now, I remember I had my own share of complaining about the third trimester of pregnancy. Those of you who were reading when I was pregnant with Mira will remember that I was pretty fed up with being pregnant. But in no way did I ever consider the possibility of wanting to be induced just to get it over with sooner. Babies come out when they want to come out. And Mira waited until a full week after my due date to make her appearance. My doctor was impressed with my patience. Honestly, I was a little impressed, too.
Cordy was a scheduled c-section at 38 weeks because she was breech, and I’m still beating myself up over letting the doctor schedule it so early. I remember how angry she was, how even though she was a term baby, she wasn’t ready to come out yet. She wasn’t ready to feed, making all efforts at breastfeeding incredibly frustrating for both of us.
Despite my exasperation with patients who come to us hoping to hear the magic word “induction” because they’re tired of being pregnant, I still give them the same care I would any other patient. In fact, they often get even more of my attention, because I want to make sure they understand the seriousness of premature birth, and that just because we have the technology to grant them an early birth and provide support to a premature baby doesn’t mean we should use it if we don’t need to.
So we hook her up to the monitor, we check for any sign of contractions, check for good fetal movement and heart rate, check for any evidence of her water breaking, and if there’s nothing to be concerned about, send her home. This patient is never happy with that outcome, and the nurses are often called bitches quietly (or not-so-quietly) as they walk out the door. Like we’re trying to make them miserable for our own amusement.
I can handle that, though. Being called a bitch to keep that baby cookin’ just a little longer is fine with me. Because no matter the patient that walks in, my goal, and the goal of any nurse in my unit is the same: a healthy mom and baby.
I think you’re my favorite nurse ever.
You know that preterm labor is a hot button issue with me, especially when mothers want to induce far too early. I fought so hard to keep my children in and healthy. It was miserable and, at times, threatened my own health. But I did it. So they can, too!
I write this as my SIL’s niece (one year age difference due to a surprise baby and a generation overlap) is sitting in a hospital where they are attempting to regulate her blood pressure and monitor both mother and yet unborn baby. She’s only 34 weeks and was rushed to a hospital with a NICU (PA) today. I’ve been on edge all day. They’re trying to make it to Saturday (35 weeks) but Mom’s health keeps wavering. I know she’d give anything for this all to go away and have a healthy, full term pregnancy.
Ah, sorry. You know this gets me gabbing. 🙂 Keep on keeping on, Favorite Nurse!
You. Are. Awesome. Keep it up, because over your wonderful career, it will be many more of the moms who will LOVE you for that dedication!
Um, before I got pregnant, I KNEW that I’d be uncomfortable. Few and far between are the pregnant women who experience no back pain, no heartburn, no swollen ankles, and no difficulty breathing because a 7 pound, 11 ounce baby has decided to head butt mommy’s kidneys and kick mommy’s lungs all at the same time. But, before I got pregnant, I also knew that the back pain, heartburn, swollen ankles, and general third trimester discomfort would go away, and, God willing, I would be left with a happy, healthy baby in my arms. So, I have to agree with the other moms – you are awesome, and hopefully someday these women will be thankful that you were a voice of wisdom and reason when they needed it most!
I had some of the same experiences in my L&D preceptorship. Some women just don’t get it. C-section is a major surgical intervention, it should be last resort, not for mom’s convenience or the OB MDs convenience (I have also see that one too many times!)Our bodies were made to carry a baby approx 40 weeks and give birth. Also some think 40 is this magical #. Truth is baby is ready when it is ready be it 38, 39, 40 or even 42 weeks. Keep on with your advocating, it’s worth it!
Having the Baby after delivering a stillborn son at 29 weeks and a miscarriage the year after at 10 weeks, I had to listen to a few of these PITAE (Pain-In-The-Ass Entitled) moms-to-be while I waited for my NSTs or other tests. I can remember sitting there, biting my tongue, wanting to jump out of my chair and slap them and scream “Your comfort is more important than your baby’s life?!? Do you realize how F’ng lucky you are to be having a healthy baby at all?!?
Somehow I know that these are the same parents who will someday have their screaming 4-year-old running around a nice restaurant at 10:00 at night because it’s all about them.
I bet they park in handicapped spots and don’t hold the doors for little old ladies, too!
((hugs)) that is crazy! I can’t’ believe some women.
I’m glad that there are nurses like you out there.
I’m the patient on the other side of the fence. I will fight like crazy to keep this baby in me a little longer.
I’ve had a NICU baby, it’s horrible. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Too bad you can’t show those moms what a NICU looks like, the looks on the other parents faces as they hope that their baby will pull through just that hour.
sigh….
oh my goodness. that is simply shocking. you are awesome–your kindness and patience with these self centered women. I feel sorry for the baby about to be born and for our society that produces such entitled people.
i just wanted you to know what a chord your post struck for me. this past tuesday, we celebrated a birthday in our family… we actually celebrated three of them. Our triplets, Sam, Jack, and Kirby (girl) turned two. We threw them a low-key party that centered around an elmo-adorned cookie cake and genuine gratitude, taking pause during that happy day to reflect back on what a difficult pregnancy it was.
Caroline, at thirty-eight years old and a slight five feet two inches and (a pre-pregnancy weight of) one hundred ten pounds, knew from word go that it would be tough. So did I. So while neither of us were surprised when she was checked into the hospital at week twenty-seven, tears of fear and anxiety were shed nonetheless. at only two pounds apiece, neither of our three embryos could be expected to fare well in the outside world.
Caroline was on a mag drip for days, received bi-weekly progesterone shots, as well as Brethine. She even had a port/pump in her thigh that time released Terbutaline (sp?). at some point it became official–Caroline had more meds running through her than a middle-aged lab rat. there’s NOTHING she wouldn’t have done to buy even just one more hour in the womb for those little guys. nothing.
i sat in awe and watched the (absolutely incredible) team of drs and nurses coach my wife through the ordeal, even more awe-struck at the heroic effort Caroline mustered up. she carried them for thirty-six weeks and one day, two of the three weighing over four-and-a-half pounds at birth, and the third nearly three-and-a-half. two years later, our trio are happy, healthy, and well within the norm in every developmental percentile-defined category imaginable, largely due to one woman’s determination and sacrifice. so profound was the impact on our lives that i’m literally teary-eyed while relaying this to you.
so when i read your (very well written) account of women practically begging for induction, you can only imagine the effect it had on me. parenting, when done best, is a selfless act. parenting, when done best, begins long before the birth. parenting, when done best, involves sacrifice. if only everyone felt that way.
my goodness…sorry to ramble, and great post.
My first child was born at 25 weeks. He has dodged 3 million bullets, but still has lingering effects from his extremely early birth.
During his first 2 years whenever I heard a pregnant woman in her 3rd trimester complain about wanting her baby *here now* I would feel a hot rage burning in my chest.
There is a lot of ignorance and insensitivity and misinformation around pregnancy and childbirth. Thank you for trying to correct some of this.
Thank you for this. As someone who knows too many woman where nature decided they should give birth all too soon, and as someone who, with two miscarriages behind her, I want every last precious minute I can get with my baby still in utero. I’m sure my mom would say the same thing about me, as I was born at 30 weeks and 2.5 lbs. Before I was even trying to get pregnant, I’d hear from friends or see on places like Facebook where there were “so ready to have this baby out!” and getting excited for their convenience c-sections and inductions. I know there are places for those, but my gosh, it’s not for convenience sake! And like a previous commenter said, 40 is not the magical number. I don’t understand these women who think pregnancy shouldn’t be uncomfortable and that a backache is sufficient enough reason to take a baby out before it’s ready.
At 37 weeks pregnant, I can relate to being tired of “being pregnant” but I am so terrified of induction (Dawson was induced @ 38 weeks due to my preeclampsia) that I would never voluntarily ask for it. My own doctor says that with induction comes a high risk of other interventions becoming necessary.
This baby is on the rather large side, and the doctor is praying the baby comes “earlier” on his own so that my delivery will be uncomplicated and that induction and c-section are not necessary.
I have a friend who gave birth at 33 weeks and the baby was a little over 3 pounds. He has a list of complications that he still struggles with five years later. In my friend’s case, she was sick of being pregnant, stopped taking her blood pressure medication and developed toxemia causing her to have a c-section because the baby was in distress.
I know she regrets what happened to this very day. The sad part is there is no going back.
I hope more women will listen to your advice and realize that pregnancy averages 40 weeks for a reason.
I understand and agree completely. My first was 2 weeks late. My second was 2 weeks early. So, if I do the math correctly, my first was in the womb for about 1 month longer. That extra month, I believe, has given her so much more health than anyone can imagine. She’s healthy, smart, and has done fabulous since birth. My second has always had problems from the get go. I think it’s that month……
Trust me, I would have kept him in an additional four weeks if I could have. My water broke and contractions started so there was no hope of crossing my legs and keeping him in.
What the hell? I just don’t understand how you could be so ignorant to your baby’s needs and development that you’d want to have it weeks early. Do people not understand there is a REASON that gestation lasts 40 weeks? My friend had twins at 30 weeks. Their hospital bills were over a million dollars. I just can’t imagine even considering inducing early without a medical reason. In fact, I kind of think inducing AT ALL without a medical reason is not the best, but that’s another subject all together. Same thing w/elective c-sections, I don’t understand why you’d have un-neccessary surgery.
Oh, also, you totally are awesome!