A Mommy Story

Looking over all the photos from BlogHer 09, I’m realizing that I should have spent more time at the Nikon party talking to Carson Kressley and less time downing those Nikon Ikon drinks. I’m a walking advertisement for what not to do when the camera is aimed your way.

Allow me to share my lessons learned from this year’s set of photos.

1. Don’t get caught with your mouth full of cheeseburger.

In this case, the hat can be considered fashionable. But chipmunk cheeks full of tasty cheeseburger goodness mid-chew? Not flattering.

2. Self-portraits rarely look good unless you’ve got insanely long monkey arms.

And when you’re with someone with perfect teeth? You’ve got no chance of looking good.

3. Remember that you’re not always the star.

Sure, I may have thought I was hot stuff, but that red stapler? Totally upstaged me in this shot. I should have remembered which of us was more popular. I am merely a backdrop for that lovely red stapler.

4. Just because the other person in the photo is shorter than you doesn’t mean you should slouch to meet her in stature.

Yeah, um, bad lighting and a half-squat to meet Mrs. Potato Head’s height equal me looking nearly as round as her. I should have stood tall and made her stretch to meet me. Surely she’s got taller legs stored in her back, right?

5. When shifting to take a photo with a friend, make sure your outfit turns with you.

Yep, if you look close, that’s a whole lot of my bra exposed there. Sigh.

They weren’t all bad, though. I did manage to not embarrass myself in a few photos: