A Mommy Story

It wasn’t until adulthood that I fully understood the stress of the holidays. As a kid it was easy – make Christmas lists asking for My Little Ponies and Castle Grayskull (I knew no gender boundaries), write Santa, craft some sentimental salt dough gift for my mom at school, try to be good, leave out cookies on Christmas Eve and open presents on Christmas Day.

I miss the old days sometimes. Especially my Castle Grayskull.

Now I have to clean the house to prepare for the onslaught of family on Christmas Day, shop for gifts, try to meet the wishes of a child who asks for such crazy things as “a yellow present and a bird present!”, wrap them, put up decorations, send out holiday cards, prepare outfits for the girls, and on and on.

But the most stressful part of Christmas for me has to be when I’m asked, “So, what do you want for Christmas?” Ummm…I don’t know.

It’s not that hard for family. I can always rattle off some gift card options like Target to buy practical household stuff. Aaron, however, is the harder one. Because while I can’t think of a single thing I really want as a gift, I still want him to get me something better than Legend on DVD. True story – that was my birthday gift several years ago. I should have read that as a sign that things weren’t going well between us at that time, because while I like Legend, I wasn’t mourning the fact that it was missing from my DVD collection.

The fault is almost entirely mine. I’m tough to shop for. Sure, I can look through catalog after catalog and point to several things that I like, but if asked if I want one of those items as a gift, I shrug and say, “Eh, I don’t like it that much.” Stuff is great, but there are few things that I really really want.

And although I try not to, I have high expectations. I want something sentimental – something to make me melt into a puddle of goo and think to myself It’s perfect! He really knows me! (Especially considering how tough things have been between us this year.) Jewelry doesn’t work unless there’s a specific meaning behind it. Electronics, while always fun gifts, don’t feel very special. And I want something special.

Clearly I watch too many romantic comedies.

I don’t mind the holidays until I’m asked what I want. Then I become depressed and wish we could jump to January 1 and bypass the whole holiday gift thing. Giving gifts is fun. Receiving gifts is a little more stressful. Don’t ask me what I want. I couldn’t begin to give the right answer.

Besides, the real answer is I don’t want to tell someone what to get me. I want to be surprised with the perfect gift. Screwed up, isn’t it? It’s no wonder we’re in therapy.

I would also point out that normally Aaron is tough to shop for, too. Wait – that’s not quite right. He’s AMAZINGLY EASY to shop for, in the sense that he has several things he wants. But a video game or horror movie aren’t very special, are they? Well, maybe a good classic Universal horror film might be special for him.

This year, however, his laptop decided that a monitor really isn’t necessary now that the warranty has expired, and so most of his Christmas budget (and any monetary gifts he gets from others) will be going into a new laptop. He can then continue working without stealing my poor laptop, which can barely keep up with the demands I put on it.

So now Aaron is counting the days until Christmas, looking at me each day in frustration and asking “What do you WANT? You’re impossible to shop for!”

Sorry, dear. Wish I had an answer for you. Is it January 1 yet?

Help me out, ladies – what do YOU want for Christmas, Hanukkah, Solstice, etc.?