It wasn’t until adulthood that I fully understood the stress of the holidays. As a kid it was easy – make Christmas lists asking for My Little Ponies and Castle Grayskull (I knew no gender boundaries), write Santa, craft some sentimental salt dough gift for my mom at school, try to be good, leave out cookies on Christmas Eve and open presents on Christmas Day.
I miss the old days sometimes. Especially my Castle Grayskull.
Now I have to clean the house to prepare for the onslaught of family on Christmas Day, shop for gifts, try to meet the wishes of a child who asks for such crazy things as “a yellow present and a bird present!”, wrap them, put up decorations, send out holiday cards, prepare outfits for the girls, and on and on.
But the most stressful part of Christmas for me has to be when I’m asked, “So, what do you want for Christmas?” Ummm…I don’t know.
It’s not that hard for family. I can always rattle off some gift card options like Target to buy practical household stuff. Aaron, however, is the harder one. Because while I can’t think of a single thing I really want as a gift, I still want him to get me something better than Legend on DVD. True story – that was my birthday gift several years ago. I should have read that as a sign that things weren’t going well between us at that time, because while I like Legend, I wasn’t mourning the fact that it was missing from my DVD collection.
The fault is almost entirely mine. I’m tough to shop for. Sure, I can look through catalog after catalog and point to several things that I like, but if asked if I want one of those items as a gift, I shrug and say, “Eh, I don’t like it that much.” Stuff is great, but there are few things that I really really want.
And although I try not to, I have high expectations. I want something sentimental – something to make me melt into a puddle of goo and think to myself It’s perfect! He really knows me! (Especially considering how tough things have been between us this year.) Jewelry doesn’t work unless there’s a specific meaning behind it. Electronics, while always fun gifts, don’t feel very special. And I want something special.
Clearly I watch too many romantic comedies.
I don’t mind the holidays until I’m asked what I want. Then I become depressed and wish we could jump to January 1 and bypass the whole holiday gift thing. Giving gifts is fun. Receiving gifts is a little more stressful. Don’t ask me what I want. I couldn’t begin to give the right answer.
Besides, the real answer is I don’t want to tell someone what to get me. I want to be surprised with the perfect gift. Screwed up, isn’t it? It’s no wonder we’re in therapy.
I would also point out that normally Aaron is tough to shop for, too. Wait – that’s not quite right. He’s AMAZINGLY EASY to shop for, in the sense that he has several things he wants. But a video game or horror movie aren’t very special, are they? Well, maybe a good classic Universal horror film might be special for him.
This year, however, his laptop decided that a monitor really isn’t necessary now that the warranty has expired, and so most of his Christmas budget (and any monetary gifts he gets from others) will be going into a new laptop. He can then continue working without stealing my poor laptop, which can barely keep up with the demands I put on it.
So now Aaron is counting the days until Christmas, looking at me each day in frustration and asking “What do you WANT? You’re impossible to shop for!”
Sorry, dear. Wish I had an answer for you. Is it January 1 yet?
Help me out, ladies – what do YOU want for Christmas, Hanukkah, Solstice, etc.?
I told Doug I wanted him to pay for my photography class as my Christmas present. It starts in March, and he said he’d consider that my birthday present (my b-day is in March)….so now he’s making me pick something else….oh the horror….I can’t think of anything else right now. I have six days or so….right? 🙂
Here’s hoping we both think of something.
I think what you are feeling is completley normal. I find it so ealy to think of dozens of things to buy for my husband, things that are well thought out and meaningful that it does kind of annoy me when he asks what I want. I think to myself…we have been married for 14 years, if you can’t find SOMETHING out there that you know I would like, that I would probably not buy for myself, then where have you been for the past 14 years?
I think men are missing that gene that enables them to pick out special gifts. Although apparently its not limited to men. My mom bought me an iron for my birthday once.
Yellow present+bird present=Big Bird present! ^_~
It’s a relief to hear that someone else feels the same way. I don’t want to have to tell my husband what I want, either. But I realized a couple years ago, after recieving J Lo perfume (I wish I were kidding!) that it’s probably never going to happen. I’m still a little bitter, though. Can you let me know what your therapist says about this???
i would love to have a big girl camera…but alas, i cannot afford it. *sigh*
I just give my husband a list of things to shop for, and for the most part they are pretty practical things. I recognize that he’s just not a gift givy-person, that’s just not his love language. A good book to see what I’m talking about it by someone Chapman, I cant remember, but go to amazon and search love languages and it will come up. Basically, people have different ways that they show love – some give gifts, some will perform specific tasks, some express themselves with physical touch, some show it more through time spent. I used to get so upset when I’d spend months planning special gifts for my husband, only to have him give me a book I already had a copy of. He didn’t mean to be inconsiderate, he just doesn’t express his love that way. So once I wised up, it became much easier and more enjoyable for both of us to show our love for each other.
On my list this year were several kitchen items (cast iron dutch oven, anyone?), a list of books, a black cardigan sweater (and I was specific about type, brand, closure, and size), and speakers for my iPod. A gift cert to my hair salon is always a given on the list, and I usually get it. It’s all good.
I just expect the husband to KNOW…because I talk all year-round about the things I like. Of course he never remembers. They ask because they’re afraid we’ll be disappointed.
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I’m the worst when it comes to shopping for husbands.
For you, though, I have one word.
Etsy.
So many great, special, unique items. I want so many things off that site for no reason other than I like them.
LOL. I’m still laughing about yellow present and bird present. I bet Aunt Dot would have been able to get a yellow present and bird present! She gave the best gifts.
I’ve always “hinted” to my husband how much I like turquoise and silver jewelry, but the hint hasn’t yet hit him. We don’t really exchange much anyway. All the money goes to the kids.
There is really, really, really nothing I want! Other than things that are not purchase-able such as “household peace” and “longer naps.” Also, my daughter has been saying that kind of present stuff too (pink present! striped present!) and I figured out that she’s talking about the wrapping paper. Which saved significant hassle. Have a great Christmas!
I’m so the non-romantic and we’re way concerned about money. So my list is rather humble: Scrabble (but the top-of-the-line lazy-Susan type) and “sexy” long underwear. I’ll get that and then the gushing card he writes me each year. And that’s cool with me. I hope you get something that means a lot to you, whether you know you want it or not.
I’m a big fan of functional presents; the number one thing I really need, but won’t get this year, are hooded sweatshirts, but such is life.
Men are mostly clueless when it comes to gift giving, it seems. Would you maybe enjoy a day at the spa (or even a few hours)? He could stay home with the kids while you get a massage and a pedicure?
My mom always asks for a clean house… that has yet to happen.
I’m the same way. I dread the queestion. Plus, I wish Husband will come up with something cool on his own. There is something just so boring about getting exactly what I tell him to buy me.
Last month for my birthday he told me that since I wanted a particular pair of boots, why don’t I just go buy them and that will “count” as my present? Not even a gift certificate for that store – just “go get ’em because you want them.”
It has hard to know what I want to unwrap Christmas morning. Not that I don’t want a lot of things, but nothing really makes me feel like it is so wonderful that it justifies spending money in this economy.
But then on the other hand, I feel left out when others get gifts if all I got is some sort of practical gift that we need anyway. I’d like a little luxury, but don’t want to feel guilt about it, either.
I asked for XM Radio and then when I found out it was going to cost more to install than the system AND subscription I wanted I decided to tell H no. So now? Um… yeah, it’s hard.
I opened his trunk the other day and poof! all my gifts. SIgh… I’m getting perfume and the ‘9-5’ DVD. Yes, I asked for that.