You might think that little Columbus, OH doesn’t have the challenges of the big city. But you’d be wrong. We have our traffic (there’s a reason we nearly named our hockey team the Orange Barrels), we have plenty of crime, and when it comes to early childhood education, we must also rush to find the best programs. (Although most don’t require an interview.)
OK, actually, preschools aren’t that hard to find around here, and in Cordy’s situation, we have a guaranteed preschool for her. But her school follows the district’s calendar, so once June rolls around, we’re on our own to find a good summer program for her.
Summer camp guides are published at the beginning of March, and like many parents of three year olds, I snagged a copy and quickly began circling any program that looked promising. Most are run by private preschools, and are somewhat academic in nature, with a lot of “summer fun” thrown in. After I narrowed it down, I began calling to see if we could get her name on the list for any of these programs. And time after time, I ran into one big problem:
“Is she potty trained?”
Oh, how I hate that question. I always want to respond back with, “Do I ask you about your bathroom habits?”
Cordy isn’t potty trained yet, and shows no signs of planning to master this task anytime soon. We have days when I ask her if she wants to use her potty, and she will. But most other days she responds with, “No thank you, I like my diaper.” And she never has asked to use the potty, either. She watches all of the other kids at school go into the little bathroom stalls and do their business, but she refuses to try.
This isn’t a big deal to me, because I know that eventually she’ll get it. The sensory issues involved with this are tough for her, so while I do encourage her and ask if she wants to use the potty several times a day, I refuse to push the issue and force her.
So finding a summer program has been difficult, because we can never get past that question on the phone. No one wants a three year old who isn’t potty trained, and no one will accept a three year old in their two year old program, where potty training isn’t necessary. (Despite the fact that most are half-day programs, so they wouldn’t need to change a pull-up before I’d be back to get her.)
And then there was this preschool.
One school, who shall remain unnamed but I’ll give you a hint that it is a chain daycare/preschool, asked me that question, and when I said she wasn’t potty trained, they asked, “Well, can you get her trained by summer? Is there any reason she’s resisting potty training?”
“Well,” I began cautiously, “She has some sensory issues…”
I was cut off. “Is she autistic?”
“Yes, but she’s very high functioning. She…”
“I’m sorry, but we don’t have the facilities to deal with an autistic child.”
“Uh, what? What kind of facilities would you need?”
“I’m sorry, we can’t accept an autistic child.”
And just like that, the conversation was over. They didn’t have the facilities for my daughter. What did they think they needed? A locked cage? A padded room? A big plastic bubble to make sure her autism didn’t rub off on the other kids?
Thankfully, Cordy’s teacher told me about a small summer program run by the school district. They can’t take everyone, so we have to apply and hope that they see Cordy’s potential lack of summer instruction as a risk of regression. And we have one other program as a possible backup, in case the school district’s program doesn’t accept her.
But now I must wait for the letter telling me where my preschooler will spend her summer. It’s not quite like the NYC preschool rush, but it’s still a little nerve-wracking.
I hate how they used the word “deal” as if it would be some terrible burden to love and nurture and help a child with special needs. That makes me mad. It’s like you were given the brush off because they aren’t educated about Autism.
I am crossing my fingers in hopes Cordy can attend the small program. Good luck! 🙂
Isn’t this some form of discrimination? Can’t you take action against this school. This seems ridiculously unfair.
Autistism has so many faces, but ignorant people often think only of the low functioning type. As a sister to a “high functioning autistic” I can relate to your story completely. When people who have met my brother hear he is autistic, they can’t believe it. It shows how much eduction still need to be done about. If that preschool is this ignorant, I wouldn’t want my kids there, anyway.
In case you feel like a fight….this document explains why what that preschool said is illegal.
Thanks for the info, Katie. Actually, I have no desire to fight them about it.
I’m glad to know upfront how they feel about special needs kids, and I’d never want to send Cordy somewhere that she wasn’t wanted.
Besides, the two options we have at the moment would be a much better fit for her.
honestly, I am just horrified. Isn’t that, illegal, or shouldn’t it be?
LP is nearly 4 and just finally “completed” (97%) his potty training – the sensory issues really do throw a wrench in the works of trying to get through it in a positive way – but you are right, patience wins the day.
Oh yes, I’ve been there. You’ve got my fingers-crossed and my sympathy.
Here people essentially have to be on a wait-list when they are pregnant to get into a “good” preschool.
When my son was “dismissed” from his preschool we had to wait until the following year before he could get into another school. And so, in some ways it is good that the school outright told you they couldn’t take Cordy.
Still, many many schools will not accept kids who fit outside the cookie-cutter.
In the case of where my son started kindergarten, they actually advertised themselves as a school that could handle a variety of learning styles. THAT was wrong, and I am still shocked at the way they treated my son and his ultimate expulsion. But staying in that school with so much prejudice would have been even more harmful.
Best wishes… Out here there are summer programs specifically for kids who have qualified into traditional school year programs for learning differences / early intervention. Just as you mention, they are designed to prevent summer regression. These are typically written into the IEPs.
Good luck! XOXO.
The way that preschool treated you is horrible. But thank goodness they were upfront about it. It would have been worse to have figured out a few weeks into the experience that your precious daughter wasn’t wanted or valued as an individual while she was there. You have grounds for a fight, but I would question if you would really want her in that type of school.
If the program through your public school is anything like the one here, you should be near the top of the list to get in. I am forgetting if you had Cordy evaluated through the district and if she has an official IEP? If so, the person who took the lead on that should help to make sure that she is included in their Early Childhood Program. (If you want me to clarify any of this, let me know. I’d be happy to lend a somewhat experienced hand. I suspect that you probably know as much about the workings of this as most SPED teachers at this point!)
“They don’t have the facilities” could mean they don’t have the staff. It’s like having a doctor’s office nurse working in the intensive care unit. Special needs children require special education teachers.
Well…look at it this way…at least you didn’t end up being able to put her there. You wouldn’t have wanted her there afterall, would you? I live in Worthington, and not having ever dealt with a situation like this before, I can’t believe how horribly difficult it is for you. Good luck
Oh I can’t believe the nerve of these people. Can not believe it!
Hopefully she’ll get into the school district one when they realize she really needs consistency. Good luck!
That sucks. Really fucking sucks.
And I swear that I’m not just looking for a silver lining when I say truly, that would not have been a good school for her anyway. Go with your gut.
WOW is all i can say … that last place was RUDE and way out of line. Not that you don’t have enough for them to turn around and be a bitch …
I will be thinking of you to get a place in that class
Every time I read a post about how your family is working with Cordy’s autism all I can think is how great it is that she has such amazing parents, who are there for her and looking out for her best interests….and she is way cute too!
Oh come on. My son’s friend’s sister has highly functioning autism. She is 10 and she is mainstreamed in public school. She doesn’t need special facilities to “deal” with her. Is that even legal?
…and by the way, I suggest you DO share the name of the school. If it’s a chain, it may discourage others from patronizing a facility that discriminates and lots of corporations monitor when their name shows up on websites. What that person is doing might not be following their policies.
Sorry for three comments, but also – I wouldn’t WANT to send a child to a place with that attitude. I just don’t think they should get away with it. 🙂
horrid horrid horrid! But they were upfront(even though they were RUDE!)
Good luck on the smaller program!
What so many other people said… and I’m glad that you have other options. Thinking good thoughts for you while you wait!
That does seem ridiculously unfair. But I suppose you wouldn’t want her attending there anyway if that’s the attitude they take towards autistic children.
And believe me, the potty training spectrum is as broad as the ocean. My oldest wasn’t ready until he was 3yrs. 3 months and the comments and the stupid advice and the ridiculousness that I endured for it!
Hang in there and I hope the school program works out for you guys! 🙂
That just pisses me off. GRRRR!
Another avenue you could try is through a local college, they may have summer programs through their education and/or speech/language pathology programs.