Three lovely ladies I know are just weeks away from holding new babies in their arms for the second time. So of course you know their friends had to get together for a surprise virtual shower! Forget that nonsense that a second pregnancy doesn’t get a shower – why should having a second child be any different from the first?
OK, well, it is different.
It’s been nearly a year since my second child emerged and taught me that just because two children are from the same genetic stock doesn’t mean they’ll be anything alike. Both were colicky (sorry, you don’t necessarily get an easy one if the first was difficult), but the similarities end there. Cordy would laugh at anything. Mira is dead serious. Cordy was slow learning physical skills. Mira is close to walking and already a master escape artist. As we see Mira’s personality develop, we’re amazed at just how different these two children are.
I’d like to say the second is easier, but well, it is and it isn’t.
I remember those weeks before she was born (especially that week after my due date when all I could think about was when she would arrive), and how I worried about if I was ruining a good thing by having a second baby. I was scared that Cordy would hate me forever, that she would be forever resentful of losing out on some of my attention, that I would never find enough time and love for two children, and that any chance of having a moment to myself would forever be gone.
If you read that and started to hyperventilate, take a deep breath. While I feared all of that, it didn’t turn out that way. Cordy doesn’t hate me, and while it took her a few months to get used to Mira, she now loves her. Just this afternoon, while on the way to the zoo, we heard Cordy in the backseat saying, “Give me your hand, Mira. I want to hold your hand.” They play together, and while Cordy is sometimes a little too rough with Mira, she never tries to intentionally hurt her.
And I do still have time to myself. I’ll admit that time management is even more important, and I don’t have as much free time, but I still get moments to myself. The key is to remember to ask for help. I think Aaron and I get even more date nights now that Mira is here – maybe our families think that we need more time away since we have two kids now? I’m happy to accept the help!
As for finding enough time and love for two children – this is the easiest part. You’ll feel overwhelmed at times, you’ll dislike each of your children occasionally, but you really do have enough love for two. I’m not going to lie – the race for which one I like more changes by the minute, but I can’t imagine life without either of them.
Finally, if someone tells you that going from one to two children is harder than going from none to one, don’t let that scare you. It’s different, but I wouldn’t say harder. Some days they’ll both be crying at the same time, and you will want to grab the keys, leave them in the house, and drive far, far away without looking back. But other days the older one will entertain her little sibling, giving you time to sip a cup of coffee and read a few blogs, and the baby will laugh at some silly thing your toddler did, and suddenly you’ll feel like everything in your life is perfect and the heavens are smiling down on you.
Of course, I’m not quite a year into this new game, meaning I don’t have any insight into the sibling squabbles of the future, so I’ll put it to all of you: any advice for our shower-ees for dealing with two children?
That second to last paragraph sums it all up for me – from grabbing the keys and running to sitting there smiling to myself as Sam makes Robby laugh. It’s an exercise of extremes.
When the kids fight (down the line), make them sit and stare at each other (or hold hands). My mom did the staring thing with my sister and I and we always stopped fighting. My husband’s parents did the holding hands thing.
Other than that, I’m CLUELESS since I’m still at one. But I can give advice on handling a baby and three cats if anyone feels that would be particularly helpful. : )
Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this. I want a 2nd child so badly, but all of these things are constant fears of mine. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone and that there is no need to worry!
I look forward to motherhood after reading some of your stories and your outlook on how crazy life can be. I relate to you very well!
Since my second child was twins, I never had just two in the house (dare to dream!). So for all of you having trepidation over having a second, GO FOR IT! It’s a heck of a lot easier than twins! As for getting along, I’m a big fan of handing out rewards and consequences to everyone as a group. It encourages them to work together and it teaches the kids how their actions affect others.
Yeah, what is the deal with no shower second time around? Even if you have all the stuff you need for the baby, don’t you deserve some stuff for yourself? Haven’t new and improved products been manufactured? Several of my girlfriends are having their second babies these days and I want to get them something. It’s so hard to know what to pick out!
I don’t have any advice, except to say flexibility is vital. My second is due in a few weeks, so your post was such a valuable insight. I’m still hoping that Pippa is as easy as Charlotte was, though! Have a great day!
Thank you for this. Really. I needed to hear all of that, the good and the not so great.
*smooches*
My advice would be that they will survive if every one of their needs are not met within a nanosecond. That was a hard lesson for me.
Seeing siblings interact together is so worth it! For the longest time, no one could make my baby laugh like her big sister. My older one is a bit more high maintenence, but having a baby in the house has forced her to learn to self-entertain more, for which I am very grateful!